In a bad mood, who tells a few jokes?

1, Xiaohei went shopping. When he met his second uncle, he opened his mouth and shouted, "Buy two dishes for my uncle!" " People in the street almost laughed, but his second uncle added, "Look how old you are, you can't even tell anyone!" " ! "

2, quarreling with classmates, anxious, so angry: "Do you think I have eaten too much! ? "What do you eat? )

3, originally wanted to say: "I am made of iron!" The result said, "I'm working while the iron is hot!" " "I thought I was wrong, so I corrected it and said," I'm striking the iron! " "

4. My mother went shopping, took a fancy to a pair of shoes in the shoe cupboard and blurted out, "How much are these shoes?"

After playing wildly in summer, I was sweating profusely. My brother bought me a popsicle. I took a big bite and shouted, "Wow, you're burning me to death!" "

6. A popsicle seller: "Buy popsicles! Hot! "

7. Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here". But this time I want to say "he is out". It turned out to be "his ... is gone"

8. The PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution" after a leader checked the exercises between classes. But when the PE teacher was nervous, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!" " "

9. I watch TV with my parents. I was going to say that the day after tomorrow is my birthday. As a result, a woman said "Let's get married" to a man on TV, and I blurted out "Mom, I will get married the day after tomorrow!" (I was in high school at that time)

10, when we were young, a friend came to play with us and said, "Let's play with old chickens and catch young eagles!"

1 1. I ate slowly and was hungry in a rice noodle shop one day. Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table! The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "The whole store was silent for three seconds, and then laughter broke out under the table ... shame. ...

12, I once went to buy mutton kebabs. I held out four fingers and said to my boss, "Three kebabs". The boss got "how much?" I held out three more fingers and said "four" ...

13, our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called, I was driving, and when I was nervous, I said, "Premier Zhou ..."

14, my name is Zhu, the computer room of the management unit. Someone once called my mobile phone: "Sir Chicken, are you in the pigsty?" I was yelling at that guy.

15, my parents quarreled, and my father said angrily, "I'll go out!" " ! !

16, playing basketball in high school. After getting the ball, A selflessly passed it to B, and B scored easily. After a while, B got the ball and A shouted to pass it to him. B throw the ball yourself. As a result, A shouted angrily: I was really blind just now ... The audience was dizzy with laughter.

17, I am impressed that the monitor of primary and secondary schools is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ..... class be quiet.

18, a colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

19, cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots: "Go, cut the carrots into diced meat!" " "

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate. I wanted to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, "Two thousand years ago. . . "What's more, the examiner sighed and said," Confucius' student. "

2 1, drinking with leaders and others, raised his glass and said loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......

22. Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

23. A friend of mine has just watched The Legend of the Condor Heroes, and he is very interested in "fighting the dog to win the battle" and often plays jokes on others. One day, as usual, he. Kicked a man and shouted "kick the dog's leg!" " Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, "Dog kicks!" " "

24. Once I went to the market to buy vegetables for dinner, a Korean friend bought lettuce from 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

"I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair." The peddler was speechless for a long time and replied-"I don't want your hair."

One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother didn't move for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said, "Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "