Happy event jokes

1. The hen said to the cock, "Dear, I am pregnant with your child."

The rooster impatiently threw out ten dollars and said, "Take this money to find a reliable supermarket and buy an eggbeater to beat the children."

2, the nose said: ears, look! Two-legged mistress

Ear: You are a dirty lie! Where did I step on both sides?

Nose: I still don't admit it! You said you had reached for your ear spoon, so why did you seduce my little finger?

A couple fell in love under a tree, and suddenly a bird droppings fell on the man's head.

The man shouted to the bird, can't you see there are two people here?

The bird smiled: I saw it, but my shit was only one lump!

There is an earthworm who wants to commit suicide. It found a knife and cut itself in half in the middle. Huh? Why not die?

It still refused to give up, and chopped the cut half into a paste. . .

He was finally arrested for murder. . .

5. "Wealth can't be lewd, poverty can't be moved, and power can't be bent." Tells the story of three tragic men:

Mighty body is not good, can't bend over;

Poor health is even worse, and you can't walk;

Wealth and health are the worst, and you can't do men's things.

6. Xiaoming and Xiaohua went to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiao Ming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look clearly! Come out later, don't say I stole your monkey! "

7. The first time a person sells popsicles in the market, he is embarrassed to sell them. A man next to him was shouting "selling popsicles", so he had to shout "me too."

8. The father said sternly to his daughter's boyfriend, "You only take my daughter to the movies every day, can't you do something else?" The young man was surprised and happy: "You mean you can do other things?"

9. Foreigners who have learned some Mandarin. Say hello to the secretary in the morning. "How are you?" The young lady stared at him. He paused and immediately said to her, "Hello, Mom!" " "

10, two birds saw a hunter aiming at them, and one said, you protect the scene, I'll call the police!

1 1, two drunks are driving a car. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead. " B: "What? Aren't you driving? "

12 a customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop, pointed to the fashion designed by the owner for him and said, "I was standing on the street corner yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth!" "

13. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her be a scarecrow in the corn field to scare crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were scared to send some corn back.

14, Chinese Americans and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. The Americans took an important drink, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, spit it out! Spit out your drink!

15, there is an orangutan in the zoo, which is extremely ugly. One day I went to see it and I threw up. You went to see it, and the gorilla vomited ... I was bored. Why is the difference between people so big?

16, a farmer went to a car sales center and saw him take out 2000 yuan and pat it on the table: "Give me a Santana." The salesman was surprised: "You don't have enough money!" The farmer is puzzled: "Isn't Santana 2000 written outside?" Shop assistant: "oh ... then go out and turn right." That company's Mercedes is only 600! " "

One day, a man came home from work and said to his wife, honey, I have a new secretary. Guess what happened! Her bra is actually red and white, which is the color of my favorite football team. Of course it's no big deal, but it really feels good. "

The next day, when they came home, his wife asked, "How was today?"

The man said, "Great! Not only is her bra red and white, but so is * * *. You know it's no big deal, but I really feel good. "

After returning home on the third day, the husband asked his wife, "Dear, is there anything in your company today?"

She replied, "Nothing special. Just a new boss. His things are two inches longer than yours. Of course, it's no big deal, but I really feel very good. "

18, a gentleman went to test his driver's license. During the oral examination, the examiner asked, "You saw a dog and a man in front of the car. Did you run over the dog or the man?"

Without thinking, the gentleman replied, "Of course, he ran over the dog."

The examiner shook his head and said, "Come back next time."

The gentleman is not convinced: "I don't run over dogs, do I run over people?"

The examiner reprimanded loudly: "You should brake."

19, the class is undergoing vision training.

A clever recruit was called out by the monitor to count the diggers in the distant wilderness. Those people looked small, but the recruits answered without hesitation: 16 soldiers and a sergeant, sir.

Correct, but how did you know there was a sergeant there?

He doesn't work, sir.

20. errands

"Who likes music, take three steps forward!" The monitor gave the order.

Six soldiers came out.

"Good. Now please take this piano to the conference hall on the third floor."

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