Monitor joke

The teacher was surprised to see a colleague doodling on the toilet wall and asked, "why did you do such a thing?" 」

Colleague: "Oh, no, I'm correcting my classmates' typos. 」

2. Show us your death

On this day, as usual, the teacher shouted to the noisy class: "Don't-make noise-stop it!" ! ! ! Everybody be quiet.

How about a little? "No one in the class paid attention to him ... The teacher got angry and left; Prepare to complain to the principal.

When the headmaster and teacher came back to the classroom angrily, they were about to start cursing, but to their surprise, they found the classroom very quiet.

Sit quietly ... "What's the matter? ! How did everyone become so excellent? The teacher secretly rejoiced and couldn't believe it! ! )

"What's the matter?" (The audience was silent) "Come on! Monitor, you say! The monitor stood up shyly.

He lowered his head and mumbled, "Old ... teacher, you say ... if one day you walk into the classroom and find the whole class quiet.

Words ... You will die for us! ! ! ! 』

3. About 1+ 1 = 2

Analogy teacher: (recording) 1+ 1 obviously not equal to 3, and obviously not equal to 4, ah, choo, sorry,

Obviously not equal to 5, so the answer must be 3sorry, not 2. Go back and do this problem ten times.

Reading teacher: 1+ 1 What is it? Equal to what? ... we don't know. This question is very difficult! This problem is all the problems.

The hardest part is. If I give you the right answer, you won't understand for three days and nights. What should I do? …

In fact, this question can be completely guessed, believe it or not? First of all, is 1+ 1 bigger or smaller than the three? according to

Common sense 1+ 1 is obviously not too big, so exclude options greater than three and look at the first three options first.

1+ 1 equals one, two or three? Here comes the skill, here comes the skill. According to my method of solving problems

Article 108, article 3, have you read every question before? "When the exclusion method is used to remove most of it.

Extreme option ",which one do we exclude from the remaining three options? Eliminate one and three, and the rest.

The second is the correct answer ... It's that simple, that simple. That's what I do when I do my own problems. If not,

If you understand, recite this question and you will pass.

Teacher: 1+ 1 What is it? Well, there was a movie called oneplusone in Hollywood in the 1950s.

I saw the film in the lecture hall of Peking University. At that time, the final exam was coming, and there were not many people watching it, so I found the best one.

Seats. The one in front of me is a beautiful girl ... that movie is about an Arabian oil.

The story of a tycoon's son falling in love with the daughter of a Guatemalan farmer is like this ... let's get started.

Look at this question. (Take a deep breath) One represents one, three represents three, and four represents four.

Five means five. The correct answer is 2, which means 2. Some students say I speak too fast, which is

I can't help it Please move your wrists to keep up with me before class. Logic teacher: This question is boring.

I'm too lazy to talk about it.

4. It's on fire!

One day, when I was doing an experiment in the laboratory ... I suddenly looked up ... and wondered why there was always smoke coming out of the window?

Let the seniors know! Mama of, immediately ran out of the door ... After a while, the senior came back from the outside, looking helpless ... We

Anxiously asked: What's the matter? As a result, the senior deadpan replied: someone is starting the car! !

5. Very simple

The district captain is from rural Hebei, and he is very simple. In the military academy, all our words and deeds must abide by all rules and regulations.

According to the regulations, the squadron has a notebook to record the non-team members who come to the team. One day, a citizen came to see us.

District captain. So, the guard wrote down manually: on X, X, a common people came to the captain of the second district. In the afternoon,

While the whole squadron was waiting outside the door to go out, a classmate in the ball department accidentally picked up a notebook, which read: X month X day, one hundred.

The girl came to see the captain of the second district ... The captain of our district hasn't shut up for three minutes. Naturally, we ...

6. skydiving

After the first class, the teacher of the skydiving modeling school asked the students if they had any questions. "Every time we jump,

How much is it once? "A student asked," 10 dollars! " Another student seemed a little nervous, stood up and asked:

"What if the parachute doesn't open when jumping?" "Don't worry, if we can't open the parachute, we will put the money in.

Here you go. "The teacher replied.

7. Privatization

At noon today, my friend sat next to me reviewing Social Construction, and suddenly pointed to a page and asked me if China was privately owned.

What does it mean to be a capitalist country? We pondered for a while, but made no progress. We have to look down.

Oh! It turns out that the beginning of the next page is "the vassal of".

8. Start the motorcycle? !

Once in an English class, there was a sound of starting a motorcycle outside. The sound lasted for a long time, which was disturbing.

Steady. At this time, the teacher noticed everyone's irritability, shook his head and said, "China's motorcycle. Hey! " Dissolve the class

Only then did I find out that it was the workers who were logging!

9. Fat pig

A naughty boy nicknamed a girl in his class "Fat Pig". The girl cried and complained to the teacher, who

Promise to criticize and educate that boy. The next day in class, the teacher spoke in class: one of our classmates is too lazy.

If you are polite, just give other students nicknames. You can't call them anything.

10. Welcome

Hey!

Have you ever held a wrong ceremony? ...

There are ...

For example, in order to …

Classmates, students, soldiers ... and so on.

It must be too much. ...

But the funniest thing I have ever seen is ... the postman.

I once came back from a restaurant with my classmates.

So is the student next to me. ...

So for the postman coming towards us,

With the highest respect.

I said ... very good, sir. ...

Suddenly, the students all laughed.

A voice came from behind.

Young ... playing with treasures!

1 1. Sex maniac

In Tainan, I often buy supper at midnight. Once, I went to Shengli Road to buy food at one o'clock in the middle of the night and rode back to my residence.

A strange man riding a motorcycle followed him and said to me:

Miss, may I treat you to a midnight snack? What I have is not food. ) I just laughed.

Miss, come on, make friends! I'm so scared! )

Miss, do I seem to know you? Are you from the Department of Business Administration? 〃 (Wow ~ ~ ~)

In this way, I was followed to the door of my residence and called someone else to see it-a blind pervert!

He doesn't know I'm a man yet. Alas ~ three seconds of silence for him ~ ~ ~

How can ants see?

Speaking of ... the summer after the typhoon.

Inadvertently, many ants who took refuge were stationed in the dormitory.

Xue Jie: Xue Jie is terrible! How terrible! There are ants in my candy …

Junior: Then seal it up a little.

the next day ...

Senior: Senior! How terrible! How terrible! Ants are amazing!

I put the sugar on the cupboard yesterday.

So high! How can ants see? ..............

Primary: ...........