Please tell me some funny and hilarious jokes. I want them to be funny.

1 When I was a child, the TV series "Hunter" and "Rogue Tycoon" were shown. An old woman in the yard said: "Tonight we will play "Hunter". . . . . .

2 A colleague I didn’t know well was chatting with me, and the content of the conversation was extremely boring. He kept talking about what was going on with his girlfriend, what was going on

I was speechless. ,,After he talked for a long time, he looked at me,,,,it may mean that he said so much, I should express my position,,,,

For a moment, I really didn’t know what to say. ,, he blurted out and asked: Is your girlfriend a girl?

I was so cold for a long time!!!!

3 When the teacher was talking about the ancient Babylonian civilization in junior high school, he mentioned The Sumerians, the history teacher said excitedly that "there are also Shuermei people in the Mesopotamia", and half of them laughed on the spot

4 Let's buy pot helmets to eat together, and a certain man comes forward: Boss, come here Two helmets!

(If you have good teeth, you will have a good appetite, and it will taste good when you eat it...)

5 There was a classmate named Huang Jiajian in high school

One day in class When I entered the classroom and saw his seat was empty, I asked: Yi, where is the Huang family?

The whole class laughed and called him the Huang family bitch from now on.

6 In the past, when the exam teacher handed out papers, the girl behind took an extra paper and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it." Then the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine." "The whole class was shocked~~~

7 I worked in the factory two years ago. One day I went to the branch factory with my master (who was actually 1 year older than me) to do some work. The material clerk was in his forties. The eldest sister who counted was named Dong. After finishing the work, my master was very polite and wanted to say: Sister Dong, let’s go. But the result was: “I understand.”

8 ~Another time , I went to buy breakfast, and when I was queuing up, I found that the usually stern boss was also queuing up, so I was very nervous. After saying hello, I mustered up the courage to say to the chef: "Master, please give me a cup of steamed buns and two breasts!" ~

~~~~Whew~~ This is the first time in two years that I heard my boss laugh so loudly~~~Depressing~~~

9 My friend’s child is half a year old. I called to care about it and exchanged a few words. Finally, a sentence came: Is your child taking human milk or your milk?

10 One evening, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning"...

11 In the evening, a roommate came into the house and announced loudly: "Today I will watch the midnight version of The Ring!"

12 I went to buy watermelons that day and heard someone asking the melon seller: "What's your watermelon?" Is there any skin?

13 A farmer was drying wheat in the yard, and a few chickens came to peck at it. The farmer swept and scratched, and the chickens scratched again and again. Unable to bear it, he yelled: "You bad things, I scratch, you sweep Sweep, I'll scratch, you sweep."

14 One day when I was going shopping, I found an Internet cafe in front of me. I rushed in and shouted to the network administrator: Where is the toilet in your hut?

15 When I was buying food in the canteen, I saw the tofu skin that I had longed for. I excitedly told the waiter that I would like some potato skins, which shocked everyone around me.

16 Because On a business trip, I had to go to the Bank of China to repair equipment. After getting into a taxi from the hotel, I said to the female driver: "Go to the Bank of China and find a hardware store to buy a knife." Oh! At that time, I meant to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I said it wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said aggrievedly: "Brother, I have to get off work. You can take another taxi." I was very angry at that time and said viciously: "Why are you parking your car at the hotel when you get off work!?" The female driver looked at me and said, "Brother, after buying the knife, I don't want the car money. You can find another car." "It's dizzy!" ! ! Only then did I realize that I had made a mistake, so I quickly explained for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel I can’t help the female driver.

17 The politics teacher once said during a lecture: "Let me give you an example." Then he felt it was wrong and said again: "Let me give you an example."

18 Remember "Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty" 》Inside

Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions and brought new iron-making materials

He made a good sword, and Liu Che brought it to Li Guang

Li Guang Keep repeating:

Your Majesty, the sword is good (cheap), Your Majesty, the sword is good (cheap)...

Speechless...

19 It’s really good The donkey is the heart, liver and lungs

20 When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked the translator: Who is this man?

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless

21 The last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesperson: "Bring me a bag of potato chips, but they said they don't have any." I said, what kind of store doesn’t even have potato chips? After that, I turned around and left. . .

During the 22nd mid-term exam, the girl behind me had a pants-shaped pencil case on the table. When I turned around, the pencil case fell off. I said, "MM, your pants have fallen off."

23 I remember meeting a dog on the road, and the girl next to me shouted in surprise: Yeah, there’s no dog in that tail! !

23 Too much sunbathing

24 I remember when I was a kid, I went to buy the round plastic bullets in the toy gun. I said directly to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of round plastic bullets. )bullet!

25 A classmate explained to me how to make a certain inquiry phone number.

I wanted to ask if the person who answered the phone was a real person or a voice, but the answer came: "Is the person who answered the phone alive or dead?"

26 Carrying a lot of things GG and I were looking for a place to store our bags at the train station.

When a patrol police came, gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely: "How can I get to the bag burial place?"

27 During the politics class, the political issues between China and Japan were mentioned, and they were talking nonsense. Speaking of Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurai all had caesarean sections before they died~~~"

28 Once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard answered the phone with a voice. Very sweet MM, she told me his extension number. I didn’t know whether the person named Wang I was looking for was a boy or a girl, so I asked by the way, “Is he a male or a female?”

29 When I was in college, a classmate of mine had just bought a mobile phone and applied for a mobile card. He called the 1860 man desk to ask, and he was excited: Could you please tell me about your local transportation business. . . , from the hands-free, we actually heard the operator lady saying politely: Our local moving service. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter

30 During the eleventh day of my junior year, my classmate went to work in a fish mall. The guest took the picked fish, and my classmate pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him gently:

"Go over there, someone will kill you..."

31 Yesterday, someone wanted to introduce me to a girlfriend. I originally wanted to ask "Is it beautiful?" but ended up saying "Is it cheap?" Sweat yourself to death!

32 The teacher told us: "Be careful when riding in the car during the spring outing. Don't throw your head and arms out all the time..."

33 My husband is very thin. One time I said in a hurry. "Husband, you look as skinny as a pig!"

34 One day I went to the famous Daqiao Road Food Store in Tianjin to buy food. I have to buy wife cakes almost every time! As a result, that day, I saw a new type of cake that was slightly smaller in size. It looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked the salesperson: "Is this a little wife cake?"

Everyone in the audience rolled their eyes.

35 My cousin’s family runs a kindergarten. Once she was in an emergency and asked me to help her take care of the children for an hour, play games and tell stories.

The first time I faced more than a dozen children, I was so nervous that my tongue was tied: "Children, today my aunt will tell you a story about "Aladdin" (Aladdin and the Magic Lamp)..."

36 Concave out

Protruded in...

37 Original text of the broadcast: Two gangsters injured my 110 police officer and then fled

The announcer read: Two The gangsters injured one hundred and ten police officers and fled

(The reincarnation of Huang Feihong!)

38 When I was in high school, I was in the same class as my younger brother, and he sat right behind me

One night our geography teacher asked us:

Which of you is the sister? Who is the younger brother?

I was stunned at that time

39 After buying some cold skin and returning to the dormitory, I wandered around to other dormitories and came back to find that my roommate was eating my cold skin.

When they saw me coming back, one of them said to me: Why did you come back? The cold skin is getting cold!

40 I wanted to drink soda that day, so I hurried a few steps towards the cold drink stand to ask for a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry: "Boss, let me have a bottle of soda." The boss... …………

41 Just now a colleague was reading the newspaper and asked, “How many did the Chinese team win yesterday?”

China is only one, and Singapore can’t come out no matter what. Negative number

42 There used to be a game called "Red Dead Redemption" on the Famicom, and Europeans usually called it "Red Dead Redemption"

43 There was a commentator: Breakout Asia, break out of the world!

44 Once, my husband and I had an argument, and he scolded me: "Pig!" I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig..." After scolding me, I really felt like a pig.

45 One of our colleagues said a classic saying to the examiner when he went to take the driving license test:

Report the instrument, the examiner is normal~~~~~~

46 I remember one time, I went to KFC with a girl. While we were waiting in line, I heard her mumbling something: a chicken drumstick burger, a pair of chicken wings..., and finally it was her turn, and she burst out laughing as soon as she started talking. Attracting everyone, she wanted to say, "Miss, let's have a chicken drumstick burger," but when she said it, she actually said, "Little legs, let's have a hamburger."

47 College classmates were gathering in Forest Park, and everyone was ready when the time came. After dinner, two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The squad leader wanted to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they had been chatting about international affairs, the squad leader stood up and shouted: "I want the beer to come from Iraq~~~"

We all poured it down, and the two boys went crazy. . . .

My 48-year-old girl told me about KFC’s new “bone-and-flesh” (skewers with crispy bones) and asked me to take her to eat it. It was extremely hot in Beijing in those days, and I felt groggy. When I got to the restaurant, I To the smiling KFC lady: Please give me two "bloody" pieces, thank you! .............

I am so ashamed -_-!

49 I am always very busy at work. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and hurriedly went to buy flowers. My wife was cooking at home and waiting for me. She called me and asked me when I would be home. I lied to my wife and said, It still took a long time. When I heard that she hung up the phone not very happily, I thought to myself, I’ll give you a surprise... I bought flowers, hurriedly bought chocolates, and hurriedly went to take a taxi. I couldn’t get a taxi for a long time, and finally found a taxi. When I got home, I hurried upstairs, opened the door quietly, and saw my wife in the kitchen. I felt warm in my heart. I jumped over, held up the flowers, and said to my wife tremblingly and affectionately...

...Merry Christmas! ! ! ! ! !