Return the responsibilities of the child to the child and let the child take responsibility for himself

Teacher Li Songwei said: "Cultivating self-responsible children is the ultimate goal of family parenting. If you want to get rid of the troubles caused by your children's problems, you must first distinguish the responsibilities. Only the children can fully bear their own responsibilities. Only when you take the responsibility will you be able to relax and save effort. On the contrary, if you work harder than the child to solve the problem, then you are taking responsibility for the child.”

I saw this sentence today and looked back at Jingyuan. performance. In the first grade of elementary school, she was basically responsible for herself in terms of study, life, and watching TV.

I remember one night during the first semester of first grade, after Jingyuan finished her math homework, I asked her: "Do you want to play with your panties before washing them?" I gave this task to Jingyuan) or should I wash it first and then play?"

"Play for a while first"

"Okay, then you play first, and dad drags it first. "Hey, mom will be back soon."

"Wait a minute, I want to write it down."

"What to write about?" I asked a little confused.

"What should I do first, and then what?"

Oh, I suddenly realized it, and I was secretly happy. What I realized is that before that, I would write down what I wanted Jingyuan to do on paper and remind her to do it. Fortunately, my demonstration of guiding her to make a list and make a plan was effective.

"Well, that's a good idea. Dad will find you a piece of paper and pen."

Then, Jingyuan sat on the edge of the coffee table and started making plans for tonight.

Looking at Jingyuan’s serious look, I felt very happy. I was thinking that this was also a way for her to practice writing Chinese characters and pinyin since she was in school.

After a while, Jingyuan showed me the plan she had written.

1. Put away the books first

2. Fold the clothes

3. Pick up the colored paper

Although there was a little mistake, it was really great to be able to write it down by myself. I gave her positive affirmation and praise in time.

"Well, your writing is really good. It's much better than when Dad was a child. When Dad was your age, he couldn't write."

"Really?"

"Of course it's true!"

Then he smiled happily and took his arrangement into the house and started "working".

I worked very seriously. I not only completed the above tasks as planned, but also swept and mopped the floor, overfulfilling the task.

Seeing this result, I feel very beautiful.

Once is a coincidence, twice is inevitable

Just last Sunday night, Jingyuan also tidied the room, put away books, placed toys, and swept the floor Mopping the floor, wiping the table, and also assigned my mother the task of cleaning up and wiping the dining table.

When Jingyuan was busy working on her own, Bao’s mother kept giving me her thumb, came over and asked me quietly what was going on? To be honest, I was also very confused. I didn't know what I said, but Jingyuan suddenly started doing housework seriously. And the whole process was done meticulously and seriously.

In fact, if you think about it carefully, Jingyuan has grown really great. She has the ability to take responsibility for herself.

1. Watching TV

It is okay to watch TV. After all, it is unrealistic to have no cartoons in childhood, so when Jingyuan was still in the small class of kindergarten, we began to agree to watch TV every day. Watching an episode (within 30 minutes), this agreement has continued, but judging from the child's performance, it is obvious that the temptation of cartoons is greater, and the child's self-control is weak, so I did not say anything more. Within the scope of control, we not only allow her to watch cartoons, but also try to control the time she spends watching cartoons.

This state has lasted for more than a year. When Jingyuan was in the second semester of middle school, she once watched the fifth season of "Super Wings". It had just started to be updated and she had already watched 3 seasons. episode, I just wanted her to stop and watch it next time.

But she insisted on watching it, in order to achieve her own goal, so I said to her: "Jingyuan, Dad knows that you really want to watch it, so do you want to finish watching this episode and watch it tomorrow, or insist on watching one episode today, and then watch it again in the future?" "Never watch it again?"

"Watch another episode"

"Are you sure you will never watch cartoons again?" .

"Yes." She replied without raising her head.

"Okay, just think about it clearly. After watching this episode today, you won't be able to watch it again in the future." I reminded again.

"Yeah"

What surprised me was that she actually did it this time. She didn't watch cartoons for four consecutive days. On the fifth day, I picked her up. When she came home from school, she suddenly said: "Dad, I really want to watch cartoons?"

"Yes, I really want to watch them too. So what did we agree on last time?"

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"I will never watch cartoons again."

"Well, yes."

Then, she ran to her room to read, and I walked to the kitchen and Bao's mother talked about it, and finally we made a decision after discussing it.

I came out and told Jingyuan.

"Jingyuan, when it comes to watching cartoons, you did what you said this time and performed really well, so your parents discussed it and decided to allow you to watch one every day on weekends. A collection of cartoons."

Jingyuan was very happy after hearing this.

Now I basically watch them on weekends. The reason why I say "basic" is because sometimes, she will express her desire to watch cartoons on a certain day of the week.

Is this okay? Of course you can, but the price is that if you watch it today, you won’t be able to watch it on the weekend.

And she did.

2. Study and homework

After I entered elementary school, I was anxious at first. After all, I had heard many stories about parents having to accompany their children to do homework and help them with their homework.

In fact, in the first month or so, I really had trouble with writing and pinyin several times. When I get angry, my child will cry in frustration. Sometimes he will run to his mother and say: Dad is angry.

Later I figured it out. Homework is originally a child’s business, and I should return this responsibility to my children. So I slowly started to withdraw.

Why do you want to understand?

1. It is really difficult for my child to learn writing and pinyin when she just started to learn. I also tried to write according to the teacher's requirements, but found that I couldn't write well, let alone a child. So I take a step back, as long as the child can write first, write correctly first, and then improve the quality of writing.

2. When writing with children, our adults’ expectations and children’s performance often conflict, or are inconsistent in expression, leading to emotions, and children will express fear, grievance, and cry. . It is not conducive to learning and growth. Making mistakes is for better progress.

After I figured it out, I consciously made it clear to Jingyuan that homework was her business, and she would arrange it herself and be responsible for it. Mom and Dad are just helping her at the moment, just like when she was a baby, she needed to be held by her parents. When she started to walk and run, we wanted to hold her, but she wouldn't let us hold her.

In this way, we slowly delegated power, and she became more and more responsible for herself.

Thinking about it now, I only read her math textbook once. Chinese was because dictation would be used more, but we were not involved in learning, previewing, and reviewing the textbook content. It was all She does it herself.

At this point, you may be curious, how did she do it?

The reason is that Jingyuan learned about 1,500 words through reading before going to school. The more she read, the better her understanding became.

This is all I can think of.

As for the results, judging from the test results, I am very satisfied.

In addition, she can also be responsible for her actions when buying things, such as snacks, toys, etc.

So, in general, Jingyuan can now take responsibility for his actions. This came earlier than I expected.