I want to hear a joke, a funny joke

Girl, give me a smile. If you don’t smile, he will give you a smile.

The only difference between me and Superman is that I wear underwear inside.

You know my appetite, and I don’t like roast duck, so after eating four of them I couldn’t eat any more, so I said:

I really can’t eat it. , I have to eat when I get home later.

There is also a sign here in Paradise: It is strictly forbidden to set up stalls within 400 meters of Paradise!

God is sitting there smoking.

God said, we must entertain you well. After all these years, it’s easy for a cross talker to go to heaven.

A slap can protect my heart hair, and I also have a hairtail tattoo.

In "The Plum in the Golden Ping", when Tang Monk was studying for Buddhist scriptures...

Being unmarried in his thirties, the matchmaking industry in Beijing became a sensation!

He rides on his neck to poop, I push down the dry ones, and wipes the loose ones, but he rides on the neck and gets dysentery!

When you talk about cross talk, you need to learn to talk and sing funny. If you have a stutter, you can't talk about cross talk. , for example, if you tell time, this will happen if you stutter. Now the broadcast is Beijing...Beijing...time...

Time...seven...seven...seven o'clock,*, I'll take a look It's half past eight by the clock

The film and television industry is not easy. Those actresses sleep with directors in order to get into movies. I hate this. There are too few female directors... What should we male actors do? There is a play that I find suitable. The female director is in her thirties. I am 21 this year. God has mercy on me. It is finally my turn. Go find the director, bang on the door, it's over, it won't happen.

Why?

The producer is lying in the house.

(...The contact person took him to find the director of the Spring Festival Gala...)

When I saw it, it was fake!

Why is it fake?

Liar! Not even a beard! No beard!

Does the director have to have a big beard?

The middleman said to me: "Don't talk nonsense, the bearded man has been arrested."

(Guo was the substitute during the Spring Festival Gala rehearsal)

The opportunity came that day .

What opportunity?

When the cross talk of four hundred people started to hit the mountain stream, everyone jumped down. One man's parachute broke. PA! Fortunately, he fell to death. I immediately went to the director, "I'll do it, I'll do it!

" "You're late, the person who pushed him down has already taken his place"

Funny : Go back and live a good life, monogamy, ah! Let the three of us go back and live a good life.

Peng Ke: Huh? Three people?

Quiet: Yes! One, husband, one, wife system, one lady, one wife.

Peng Ke: Oh, such a monogamy?

Hilarious: Guo Degang’s Quotes

If you don’t tell the teacher about the mooncakes in your hand, you don’t respect the teacher and you will be punished without mercy in the past!

Huh? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for more than a week...

There are four dishes on the table. I opened the first one and looked at it, ha! very nice! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar flower

生! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one saw a plate of vinegar!

Have a steak, don’t put the beef, I love onions, put more onions!

When I opened it, it was all money! Treasures of gold and silver, the smallest piece of diamond is half a catty...

"I bought a bottle of mineral water, took a sip and cursed - it's fake!" "Why is it fake? It's watered down!"

I also specialize in buying good cars - Alto! Fifty cars were strung together with wires and drove like trains.

This young man looks like an actor when he covers his face...

Are you willing to listen, willing to listen, or willing to listen? I will never force it!

Thank God for giving me braised food.

This brain kernel is as big as a pine nut. When you open the skull and look at it, you can see that it is a bowl of stew.

The love between Ximen Daguan and Jin Lian'er is very sincere.

If you are willing to die, I will be willing to bury you.

If there are difficulties, we should help. If there are no difficulties, we should help.

The girl turned her head and combed her four hairs.

Don’t throw away these dentures, they are still useful, tie them to a stick and use them as ticklers.

While walking, hey, a question mark appeared in front of him, and Liu Bei jumped "唔楔楞楽楞"", ah, a mushroom appeared and he ate it, Liu

Bei has grown taller. Still walking forward, there is another one, a question mark, a touch, and a flower comes out. After eating the flower, Liu Bei raised his hand and said, "

Dududududu Dudu "Can shoot bullets! That bastard with wings is here...

What's your name?" ah! What name? Don't say it! If you say it, it's just a curse!

My armpits smell of cumin.

His sword is cold, his knife is also cold, his heart is cold, his blood is cold... This grandson is freezing!

The detective appears on the scene. There was a dead body, cut into eight pieces. The captain said: "Qian'er, what do you think of this?" "It must be suicide!"

The sage has taught us: Don't touch the dry food of the owner.

I will also get a plasma TV and ask a friend to save one for me. It's as big as a wall! Big TV, Motorola brand

! ...Looking at no one, the TV made a sound: The TV you are watching is not in the service area!

In 1981, Beijing Evening News, watching the news, the Gang of Four was crushed.

I am a second-hand scientist!

"The first couplet is 'The wind blows the waves on the water', what is the second couplet?" "You are stupid, you don't know how to make a copy and paste it there."

Ping Opera actor She should look younger... This old lady looks like Ultraman after putting on makeup...

"President Bush said to me when he saw me: How can you knead the mud and make it dry? What's going on, you idiot..." "Why does Bush speak like this?" "He hired a tutor from Henan and thought he was learning Mandarin."

I sprayed four pounds of perfume and it smelled like eating sheep shit.

Go your own way and let whoever wants to say it go.

Catch the toad and squeeze out the melatonin.

"I just smoke a little more frequently. Then I watched a health program on TV, which said that smoking is harmful to health and can lead to sudden death. It scared me

. I gritted my teeth and stamped my feet, hit here Start..." "Quicked?" "Don't watch this show anymore."

I am a scientist and I work at the Chinese Academy of Sciences. I'm at the Chinese Academy of Sciences with my scientific equipment all day long. Which floor are you on? 5

Floor. I am very tired from going up and down...

Go to the Olympic Committee Chairman Sachima.

Do you have a knife? I'll stab you to death!

Son: "Dad! I'm hungry!" Dad: "I'm hungry again. Didn't you eat last year?"

It wasn't until I was seventy-five years old that I met a man from Hong Kong A laid-off female worker, the two got married...

It's good to listen to cross talk, and promote truth, goodness and beauty - Huoxiang Zhengqi.

As soon as the car door opened, a golden light came from the car door, and out came Mr. Zhang Wenshun, Mr. Zhang, who was dressed in gold and silver,

This suit was made of gold. , a silver shirt, a diamond-encrusted tie, from top to bottom, and these leather shoes on my feet - made of human skin

! Both hands are covered with rings, one weighs more than seven pounds. Oh, these twelve big rings - six fingers on both hands...

...There is only one quilt at home - as big as a mask. The baby's belly button is covered. Cover it, baby, don't make a belly button.

What should the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do? Oops, don’t you need your own life? Lie down, I'll go out and get you a quilt...I brought two baskets of soil in, poured them on my body, and rounded them with a shovel.

Be careful when you turn over, don't freeze...

...Oh, these two girls have finally settled down, who will bury me? What should I do? I found a pillow and a brick by myself

I used my head as a pillow. There was a broken water tank at the door. I pulled the broken water tank half open and asked me to pull it over and cover it with a quilt...

If you want to eat crabs, take off the steamed buns.

We got up and tied up the thief with a rope. "Say it, kid, accept the beating and accept the punishment." "Say it, accept the beating

How to say it How about admitting the punishment? "I'll stew you if I admit it." "Ah? Then you'll stew me." He was rude to me

! "You think I don't dare to stew you. If our family had a pot, I would have stewed you long ago..."

The only bastard in the world is real, and he is called a turtle

I rushed Entering the public toilet, he looked in the mirror and said, "Guo Degang, you will succeed. I wish you happiness." As soon as I went out, I saw a man walking out in front of me.

Really, a "crosstalk master" once said: "We would rather have an imperfect new than a perfect old." This is confusion.

Ignorant people are fearless. From the end of flirting to the present, so many old gentlemen have refined all the techniques that can make a baggage laugh

in the Chinese language. It's out here. No matter what joke you say, I can find it here for you. You use this method. You use this method. You don't use the ready-made ones. You have to. Forget it, can you do it alone with the wisdom of so many seniors for more than a hundred years? You don't have such great abilities, like a chef cooking. You can invent new dishes, but at least you need to know what a frying spoon is and which is a colander. If you use a spit bucket to stir-fry and call it an innovation, then who the hell would dare to eat it? ? ! ? ...

The eyes are like meatballs, the ears are like dumplings, the nose is like garlic, the hair is like vermicelli, the beard is like kelp

, and the bean skin is lips, broad bean teeth...

How many years have I been a Western medicine doctor!

I love reading books. I have read "Jin Ping Mei" since I was a child. When I grow up, I want to be a scientist.

I went out to do a cross talk show, and went to comfort people in a military unit in Hainan...

Whoever stopped me is my grandson!

Mr. Zhang Wenshun Zhang has been in poor health recently - SARS, AIDS and cancer... Anyway, he is just a mistress...

He has a big mouth, but he has two ears to block it. , otherwise it could reach the back of the head.

Hilarious: Guo Degang’s Quotations

You have never seen my wife, she is beautiful! He is tall, has a big face, heavy eyebrows, big black eyes. She has no beard. If she had a beard, she would look like Zhang Fei.

Took out a gold pen, it was bright and eye-catching, and cold and dazzling.

This aircraft is also diesel powered.

"Excuse me, sir, how to get to the United States?"

"Ask the village chief!"

"He doesn't know Dao'er. From a botanical point of view For example, he didn’t know Dao’er. “

There are more than a thousand pieces of traditional cross talk left by the old man. After our actors’ continuous efforts over the years, we are now here

It has basically been lost...

The white guy in the White House - freshly painted.

There were about twenty people standing at the door of the White House, some men and some women, with their bags ready - reporters! I have to be careful what I say

so that they don’t let them take advantage of me and embarrass the Chinese people. Going downstairs, this group of people came over: "Master, do you want to place an offer?"

"Seller!" What do you think the White House Cultural Affairs Bureau does for food?

There is a rockery inside the White House, with a banner underneath: Family planning is everyone’s responsibility.

Listening to more cross talk shows that you are patriotic.

There is a child in our neighborhood who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, including English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslavian, North Slavic

language, West Slavic... Anyway, he is sitting with the Eight-Power Allied Forces. Let's yell and curse together for half an hour without any serious words.

No problem, just eat pancakes and steamed buns with rice.

What is called a golden bell and what is called iron trousers are all shown.

I will chop you to death with ginger rice!

I follow the teacher's teachings carefully. Whenever I hear your righteous words, my heart surges, and I hope to find an evil force

to kill myself with him.

Your shameless look has the charm of my youth.

One day the master went down the mountain to dance.

He accidentally met the daughter of his childhood confidante. From the moment he met her, the master knew that his career in the world was over

Destined to leave these days when the white clothes come and go like the wind, the old man resolutely put on a wig and returned to secular life at the age of eighty.

If two people are dependent on each other, why should they care about pork and pork?

Tieling is still several stops away from the United States!

The house I live in is riddled with holes. If it rains, I will be killed. It rains lightly outside, and it rains heavily in the house. It rains heavily outside, and sometimes it rains too much.

The whole family went to the street to take shelter from the rain...

You are in good health. You can tell at a glance that you will live until death.

"Let's talk about Mr. Xing's father, Mr. Wang..."

"Stop talking, Mr. Xing!"

"What? What's his surname?" "

"My surname is Xing!"

"Your surname is Xing, and his surname is Xing, how do you think they got together?"

"This is called What words!”

“What a coincidence!”

Now is the long-awaited commercial time.

Don’t you want to drink good tea? Our shoe shop specializes in Yunnan-Guizhou tea...

There was a group cross talk with 140 people on the Spring Festival evening...

Ten years of elementary school and twelve years of middle school, I was named the most familiar person in the school The new teacher came to me to find out the inside story...

When I arrived at the train station, I ran out of tickets. Thanks to my girlfriend, I found a policeman and asked: "Do you know where the ticket seller is?" The policeman

Le Ya: "I'm looking for it too!"

Dear child, I haven't been back for a long time. Our family has moved. I won't tell you where we moved, guess!

It’s getting cold, so I sent you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I unzipped the buttons and put them in my pocket.

There is a very cute puppy named Tibetan Mastiff...

We don’t ask for anything else, but our cross talk must be educational. Why! Acrobatics, fifteen people riding a bicycle

Did you know that you violated traffic rules!