Who will tell a joke?

Lu Su: "Can you really borrow an arrow? Mr. Kong Ming? "

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still worried ..."

Zhuge Liang: "There is no need."

Lu Su: "But don't you think it's getting hotter and hotter in the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "that's a little ... is there anything wrong?"

Lu Su: "Yes, I'm afraid the enemy is shooting rockets ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Ah! ? Amethyst ~ ~ Can you swim ~ ~ I can't ~ ~ "

All soldiers: "thirsty ... thirsty ..."

Cao Cao: "Hold on a little longer! I have been to this place before, and I remember there is a Merlin nearby. Go for a while, and you may arrive ~ ~ "

Soldier: "Oh ~ ~ There are plums to eat ~ ~ ~ Oh ~ ~"

Half an hour later-

Coss: "Master! The expedition found a lot of water! "

Cao Cao: "Ha ha ha ha, did you hear that? Finally have water to drink ~ ~ ~ "

Soldiers: "Don't go ┅ ┅ Be sure to find Plum ..."

A year later-

After a busy day in the field, Cao Cao and his sons took a walk in the sunset with hoes on their shoulders. ...

Cao Cao: "Pierre, really, is dad a loser?"

Cao Pi: "I have told you many times that I don't blame you at all ..."

At the door-

Sima Yi: "The piano is a mess! Kill the city and capture Zhuge Liang alive! "

In the city-

Qin Tong: "I told you not to play that sonorous rose, but I didn't listen ..."

Jian Tong: "No, the teacher is a fan of Yi Lian ..."

Zhuge Liang: "Let's leave you two in the city to die ..."

Zhongjun's big client-

Zhuge Liang (puts on his glasses and opens his name book): "Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..."

Zhuge Liang (holding her glasses and looking at the name book carefully): "Where is Zhang Yimou!"

Person: "..."

Wei Yan: "The strategist ┅ ┅ should be Zhang Yide, right? Is Zhang Yide ┅ ┅ "

Zhuge Liang: "..."

-Zhuge Liang hated Wei Yan all his life and secretly told Ma Dai to assassinate him before he died.

Changbanpo-

Cao Hong: "Look, Prime Minister! That enemy general is back! "

Xiahou: "Today is the seventh time. Isn't he tired?"

Cao Cao: ┅ ┅ Damn it, you will not stop until you kill all my troops! ? "

Zhao Yun, who fought in the army, said, "Zhang Fei, this XXX! Let me stay behind and don't give me a map ~ ~ ~ Where is the long Banqiao ~ ~ ~ "

-Zhao Yun, word dragon, number, one of the five generals of Shu.

Zhou Yu: "Born in ~ ~ He Shengliang ~ ~ Born in ~ ~ He Shengliang ~ ~"

Reader: "Are you kidding ~ ~ ~ As the commander-in-chief of the Soochow Armed Forces, how could he say such a petty thing on his deathbed?" ! "

Luo Guanzhong: "Cheap? ~ ~ ~"

-So, in some lost versions of the Three Kingdoms, Zhou Yu shouted before he died-

"Eighteen years later ~ ~ ~ Lao Tzu is still a hero ~ ~"

Wuzhangyuan-

Jiang Wei: "Teacher, I'm back! Today, I bought three pence a cart of celery and four pence five barrels of rice ... huh? Why are there seven lights on in the room? Lamp oil is very expensive now, and the military grain and oil subsidy does not include kerosene ~ ~ ┅ ┅ what! ? Three days and three nights! Still not going out? You can't live! ? Wow ~ Look at the big one in the middle ~ ~ Take it out quickly. Well, you see, a light is already on ~ ~:)

Oh, by the way, what did you want to say to me just now, teacher? "

The superstar has fallen.

Cao Cao: "Chicken ribs! Chicken ribs! "

Yang Xiu: "Come ~ ~! Please enjoy your meal, Prime Minister. "

Cao Cao: "Push it out and kill it!"

Cao Pi: "Cao Zhi! I'll kill you if you can't write a poem in seven steps! Hey, did you hear that ~ ~ Stop ~ ~ Don't go ~ ~ I'm talking to you, come back ~ ~ "

-When I meet my brother who is spoiled by my father, my brother is usually embarrassed.

The story of diusim: "…" Dong Zhuo: "…"

Lu Bu: "I just want to hear you tell the truth, who do you love more? ? "

The story of diusim: "..."

Dong Zhuo: "..."

Lu Bu: "Answer me!"

Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide whether you like both ~ ~ ~".

Lu bu: "scum ~ ~ ~! ! "

-According to research, the first BL murder case in China history occurred in the late Eastern Han Dynasty. ...

Zhang Fei: "Stop, old thief!"

Yan Yan: "Ring-eyed thief! Dismount and die! "

Police car: "Listen, two thieves ~ ~ ~ You are surrounded ~ ~ ~ Drop your weapons ..."

Sanjiangkou-

Sun Shangxiang: "It's Ding Feng and Xu Sheng's people. My brother must have sent them to kill us! What should I do, husband? "

Liu Bei: "Oh, when I left Jingzhou, the military adviser gave me three tricks, and I have already used two. Now it's time to use the third one, Zilong. Open the prompt! "

Zhao Yun: "Yes. (opens) Oh? There is a blue tights and a red cloak in it? ! "

Liu Bei: "Don't ..."

Zhao Yun: "There is another note ... if you become Superman, you can repel the enemy soldiers." "

-Liu Bei returned to Jingzhou and exiled Zhuge Liang. ...

Liu Bei: "Yun Chang, let me introduce you. This is my great benefactor Liu An. When I was in trouble, he killed his wife and cut meat to feed me. "

Liu An: "Nothing ..."

Guan Yu: "But he obviously raises pigs at home. Why ... "

Liu Bei: "Have you forgotten? I am a Muslim ~ ~ ~ "

Guan Yu: "..."

-Guan Yu Liu Bei cut his robe and broke his righteousness.

Wu Houfu is in Jiangdong-

Liu Bei: "God is above, and the earth is below. If Liu Bei can return to Jingzhou and succeed, one sword and one stone will split in two. "

"Card!" Stone break-

Sun Quan: "Uncle, what are you doing?"

Liu Bei: "Well ┅ ┅ Oh, I just invited a god to do divination. If I can break Cao Xinghan, the sword will cut the stone. Sure enough, hahahaha ~ ~ "

Sun Quan: "Don't pretend to be a grandson with me! Cut down our rockery as if nothing had happened! ? "

Soldier: "Report back to General Guan, he will raise the flag and triumph!" "

Liu Bei: "Brave enough! Oooo oooo ┅ ┅”

Zhang Fei: "There are two sons! Glug ┅ ┅ "

Guan Yu: "Big Brother, I'm back ~ ~ ~"

Liu Bei: "Well, I'm sorry, my third brother and I have finished our lunch." : ; "

Guan Yu: "-_-bb ┅ ┅"

A year later, in front of Hulao Pass-

Marotta: "Master Xiang! A big red face came in and cut off General Hua's head and flew away! "

Dong Zhuo: "Hey! ! How cruel! ? "

Allied camp-

Liu Bei: "Yun Shang has been moving faster and faster recently."

Zhang Fei: "Well, the wine is still warm."

Guan Yu: "Ah, ah, ah, ah ~ ~ plop, plop ~ ~"

Si Mahui: "Ah!"

Liu Bei: "What's the matter, sir?"

"Your monarch's mount seems to be the legendary fierce mahr. If you don't give up, you will suffer in the future. "

Liu Bei: "Thanks for reminding me, but I don't believe in superstition."

After Liu Bei left-

Linzhi: "Dad, did you get the white horse you wanted ~ ~ ~"

Si Mahui: "Don't worry ~ ~"

Zhao Yun: "Is anyone at home? Have you seen my master ┅ ┅ "

Si Mahui: "Huh? General, your mount seems to be the legendary fierce horse "Lu" ...

1. Ghost: God, next time I want to be as white as an angel with wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Then reincarnate as a nurse.

2. A friend sold popsicles in the park for the first time, so he was embarrassed to shout. Then suddenly someone shouted "sell popsicles ~ ~ ~ sell popsicles ~ ~". Hearing this, my friend shouted excitedly, "Me too ~ ~ Me too ~ ~".

Ants and elephants died soon after they got married. While burying the elephant, the ant wept bitterly: "Dear, why did you leave so early?" I will bury you if I don't do anything else in my life! " "

Your boy has a crush on a girl, so you have the courage to ask her what kind of boy she likes.

"Like-minded" girls answered, and even asked several times, it was the same answer.

Frustrated, the boy said, "(Gai 1 Nan 2 Sheng 1 Xie 4 QI4 DAO 4 _ _) Can you tilt your head?"

One day, I was out of breath to catch the last bus. I shouted, Master! Master, wait for me ~

Suddenly the passenger poked his head out of the window and said to me slowly, Wukong, stop chasing.

6. (_ _ _ _ _) One day, there was a question to guess the name of a bird by looking at its legs. A student really couldn't understand it, so he tore up the paper angrily and was ready to leave the examination room. The invigilator was very angry and asked him, "What class are you in? What's your name? " A student lifted his trousers and said, "Guess, guess."

7. After the beautiful Mongolian actress finished her performance, the leader took the stage to receive her. Then her hand asked her if she was cold and warm, and she refused to let go for a long time. She asked kindly, what's your name? The actress replied excitedly, "Maragobi Matsumoto".

8. A man bought a parrot that can only speak two words. One day, when the master was not at home, a ventilator knocked at the door.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

Parrot: Who is it?

A: Gas converter.

……

There is a man lying in front of his master's house. The master wondered, who is this?

Inside the door: gas converter

9. A person saw a pile of things on the road, squatted down and smelled it, said it might be poop, touched it with his hand and licked it in his mouth. It was really poop, but fortunately he didn't step on it! ~

10. The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. A: I feel sand in my shoes, so I shake my shoes with a telephone pole. I shook and shook ... a man thought I was electrocuted, so he grabbed a wooden stick (there was a Renyiwei who gave me two sticks).

1 1. A professor is giving a lecture on the spot: "Don't be afraid of being dirty in scientific research. . . "Then he squatted down, poked the cow dung on the ground with his finger, and then put his finger in his mouth and licked it clean. A classmate quickly said, "I'm not afraid of being dirty." . . "Then I poked the cow dung on the ground with my finger and licked it in my mouth. Professor: "Besides, I should be good at checking. I just poked dung with my middle finger, but I licked my index finger. . . "

12. In a public toilet, Mr. A was constipated and couldn't pull it out for a long time. At this time, another man, Mr. B, rushed in, and just (Jun Chong Jin Lai _ Gang) squatted down and pulled it happily. After listening, Mr. A said, "Dude, I really envy you. You are so happy." Mr. B said, "What is there to envy, pants?"

13. A gentleman was training to ride a bike when a pedestrian came in front of him. A gentleman panicked and shouted, "Stop! Stop! " The pedestrians stopped in a daze. But a gentleman rode so badly that he knocked down a pedestrian. Pedestrians got up and got angry: "You told me to stop! You have a good aim, don't you! "

14. Beautiful sister is 2 years old. One day, I called her mother and the little guy answered the phone. Out of courtesy, I also want to say hello to her. "Honey, where's mom?" "Go to Huaguoshan!" "..." "Honey, what are you doing?" "Aunt, you are so funny. I'm not calling you! "

15. There was an accident on the expressway-the tortoise trampled the cow to death. The police are investigating the cause of the accident and say, snail: How did the tortoise hit you? The lying cow in plaster recalled sadly: I don't remember, he was too fast at that time.

65438+ ! ………………