10000 jokes and jokes

I used to talk, but I thought I was blind.

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

No one who doesn't know him has ever eaten pork.

5. Give your uncle a smile, little girl. If you don't, he will give you a smile.

6. Go your own way and say whatever you want!

7. I am a second-hand scientist

8. Don't leave after the party. I'll treat you to dinner, and whoever goes will pay.

9. "Grandpa, how can I go to America?" "Then who knows ... ask the village chief!"

10. How many stops is Tieling from America?

1 1. White House-freshly brushed pulp.

12. This plane is also diesel.

13. When people do good deeds, they always want ghosts and gods to know. They have done bad things and always want ghosts and gods not to know that we are too embarrassed.

Spend 200 yuan to buy a pig, squeak to drink water, eat beans, throw it over the wall, squeak, and guess what-dead!

14. Animals (people) have discerning eyes.

15. Give you pocket money (lucky money)

16. He can break white shorts into chrysanthemums when he farts.

17. I won't leave you here, but I won't leave you anywhere. I'm going to the railway!

18. Behind every successful man, there is a woman, but I failed because there are two women behind me.

19. If you want to be famous, you should publish a book first and have an accident first.

20. The sincere love story between Simon and Jinlian ~

2 1. If I can't serve my country and the world, whose husband am I?

22. The lyrics version is too bad ... Use nunchakus quickly. Hum, hum, ha, ha ~ ~ That's it ~ You both died here ~ ~

23. er ~ ~ this student is too rare. I, I think you are my michel platini. Come, adoptive father, have a seat, adoptive father.

24. American goddess, this hand holds a torch and this hand holds a book, telling us to study even if there is a power failure.

My sister-in-law married me. She was my sister-in-law at first.

26. Isn't it just cutting some meat? More than 1 kg from the thigh. If you eat well, you can come back and get the meat for the old lady and look at it with trembling hands. Too fat.

27. Mr Fan's daughter was insulted by hooligans. She stood up with a basket and said, I was scared to death. I thought I was robbing eggs.

28. Half a bottle of beer. Let's get drunk. ..

29. Never been defeated by scientists, have you?

30. When I get rich, I'll buy the leader's clothes.

3 1. He is very traditional. He prefers reading to going out to play. There are various versions of Jin Ping Mei in the room.

32. The old man had only one tooth left, and his teeth were blocked when he ate! -Eat lotus root in your mouth

33. They will lose things if they don't pick up things when they go out.

34. Your shameless appearance bears the charm of my youth.

The young man looks like an actor. ...

36. Wild animals in the mountains are smoking, cattle and sheep on the land are fresh on the bottom of the sea, monkeys have bird's nest shark wings, and bear's paw has scallops and deer's tail tips! Throw away your cheeks and open your back teeth. Food is like the flowing water of the Yangtze River, like the wind and clouds, like dumping soil in a box. ...

37. Pancakes and steamed buns are eaten with rice.

38. Last time I drank too much, I used chopsticks as chicken feet and ate one and a half.

39. Lobster, sea crab, haha! I like to eat shells! Waiter, bring him a plate of melon seeds.

40. From today on, I will never eat lobster again.

4 1. There are four plates on the table. Open the first one, ha! Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!

You know my appetite, and I don't like roast duck. I can't eat any more after eating four, so I said, I really can't eat any more. I have to eat it when I get home later.

I can't outrun that BMW after all, so I can only watch it go away in the sunset. It's not that my engine is broken, but that my pedal is broken!

Flight 44.90 1, from Xizhimen to Zhongguancun, fare 5 yuan, please board. How interesting you say this is. The flight attendants will shout when they stand there. Let's go, let's go. There are big seats, there are big seats.

45. The relationship between couples is not necessarily good, and it is not necessarily a couple with a good relationship; Crosstalk masters don't necessarily speak crosstalk, and singers don't necessarily know music.

46. If you poke a noodle in that lock, you can open a bag of instant noodles.

47. Tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high. Anyone who comes over will think: Whose twins are these?

48. I buy 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto! Get up with a dart and drive like a train!

49. Ten years in primary school and twelve years in middle school were rated as the most familiar faces in the whole school. When the new teacher came, he asked me the inside story of the school. ...

50. After taking part in the work, I can earn 300,000 yuan ... I looked at the drawings and built a 40-meter chimney. After the completion, someone came to see me and beat me up. The drawings are upside down. They asked me to dig a well.

5 1. What did you eat? My mother brought me eggs. Give it to me. No ... guess, guess how many. I think so. You give me one. If you want to guess, I'll give you two. Five?

52. Crosstalk is good! Carry forward the truth, goodness and beauty, and make Huoxiang upright.

53. Listening to cross talk shows that you are patriotic. There is a child near our home who can speak seven or eight foreign languages, such as English, Japanese, Korean, Yugoslav, North Slavic and West Slavic ... Can he sit with Eight-Nation Alliance and scold him anyway? Tell him you listen to cross talk. "Don't go! I don't understand! " Ignoring the law, I would have killed him! I can't understand cross talk in foreign languages!

There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

55. This matter is not far from now. If there is an old man at home, you can go back and ask him-during the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period.

56. Help if you have difficulties, and help if you don't create difficulties.

If I hadn't hit you, I would have turned my face ~

57. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes when the rain is too heavy, the whole family takes shelter in the streets.

58.do you care? Did I tell you? I can't do this with you!

59. What's your name again? Don't say that. You said it was a curse.

60. If you want to die, I will bury it.

Thank you for your encouragement!

62. I'm glad that many people came.

63. I am a scientist and an accomplished scientist.

64. Crosstalk pays attention to four lessons: pit, cover, turn and cheat!

65. Would you like to listen? Are you willing to listen or are you willing to listen? Pick it yourself, I will never force it.

66. I am used to getting on the kang at home.

Hello, friends on the third floor! ! ! (hold: there is a third floor here)

68. There are not only charges for colds and coughs these two days ~

69. Many cross talks are made up, but this one is true.

70. Come on, let's go out. Let me show you my tattoo. Have you seen the B club with crayon tattoos?

7 1. Regardless of the law, I will kill him.

72. You don't even like dregs? You forgot your roots! ! !

73. I have been an artist for more than a week ~ ~ ~

74. Six grenades for one dollar. I'll throw you a hundred dollars first!

75. Can you still fire me? This is my business.

Look at your green face. Your father Popeye only eats spinach. ..

77. I want to get married. I don't ask for anything. I just want to be white ~' I came the next day. That hair is called white.

78. Those of us born in 1980s ... 1880.

79. Jin Yong called to feed him with PHS? Hey! Shit!

80. Tomb-Sweeping Day, speaking of Qingming, those widows. . . . . .

8 1. Looking at the symphony, I am embarrassed that his father stood up: this grandson hasn't sawed yet. .....

I never do outdoor work. I am synonymous with chastity and virtue. I follow the chastity memorial arch everywhere I go.

83. There is no lobster two feet long in any stupid restaurant. Go and give me a red sesame cake.

Gorky taught us: "Don't do this."

85. He doesn't even know his own community, but he also considers whether there are aliens in the world!

86. I bought a bottle of mineral water and took a sip-fake! ""How fake? It's watered!

87. They all came to see you. Really? You are serious. Listen.

88. It rained twice this week, the first three days and the last four days.

89. As soon as the door opened, two little nurses came down. Ah, the thief is beautiful, seven 1 m, with big eyes, small cherry mouth and a waist one nanometer wide, just like a retired stewardess. Look! ! !

90. How can a woman decide for herself? Just don't send photos online, (referring to Yu Qian) Yu Guanxi!

9 1. Looks like a car accident scene!

92. I have an army. I call them little brothers, they call me big brothers, and my chief of staff is pheasant!

93. Would you like to be my next 1 ex-girlfriend?

94. I have driven three miles, which is so exciting.

95. At most, you are the naked replacement for male number nine. ...

96. My watch is very expensive. The original price is 350,000 yuan, and the discount is 420%. ....

97. At that time, I was 400 points short of going to Peking University.

98. Love to hear, don't listen, don't listen to death!

99. What do you want, sir? Stop asking and fry this!

100. Some people want to cut, others don't.

10 1. That's it. After education, you are a rogue! ! !

102. Thank you for your silent encouragement.

103. If I don't harm others, I will contribute to society.

104. You can shoot for five minutes.

105. I will kill you. Never been beaten by a gangster.

106. A face of protective hair

107. Teacher, just follow the old lady.

108. I was stupid and simple at that time! Blame him .....

109. It's a pleasure to have friends from afar ~

1 10. The dancers are looking for steel pipes.

1 1 1. Just when I was uncomfortable, I saw my girlfriend with her boyfriend.

1 12.xx's father ......

1 13. If I were a bitch, I would fall in love with myself.

1 14. There is no road in the world. There are many people walking, and it is useless to have a road.

1 15. The only difference between me and Superman is that I wear underwear.

1 16. It's not good to crowd people. You explain this problem to me and shut up.

1 17. Listen to crosstalk 20, shout thirteen thousand, and then add money with a smile.

1 18. Bargaining earns more than fighting, doesn't it?

1 19. Do you have any chicken? Attendant: "shh! I am. "

120. Look down on everything and you will be very happy. You lose your job here, and others lose their virginity. Your daughter-in-law doesn't want you and she doesn't want me.

12 1. I envy you! Envy what? You know me so young? !

122. There is a child who has been close to his master since childhood. His master is full of bad water. One day, I taught my child to say, "Son, when you go home and see someone's family, don't say anything else, just say to him," I know the truth! "I believe that the child learned is good for you. As soon as I came home and saw his mother, I stepped forward and said, I know the truth. His mother turned pale and quickly took out fifty dollars to the child and told him, "Baby, don't tell your father. Mom gave fifty dollars to take the flowers away. "I saw his father again soon, and he said, I know the truth! Without saying anything, his father took out 200 yuan and put it in the child's hand. He also told the children: Don't tell mom! The child thinks he is rich now. Found a way to get rich. Everyone who saw it said that I knew the truth. As a result, one day I saw the messenger from the front post office come to their house, and the child came forward and said, I know the truth. Hearing this, the messenger cried and said, "Good son, daddy hugs you! "!

123. "What is the secret of your success?" "It is nothing more than using the world where others drink coffee to drink beer."

124. I scolded him angrily: I'll get out of here. (anxious mouth is not neat)

125. Hello, my name is Degang Guo. Guess my name?

126. Confucius said: good cabbage is arched by pigs.

127. My fence is very big, 20 miles on one side, and the four sides are the same length, a big rectangle.

128. I stopped the woman who robbed on the road. I didn't know it was a laid-off worker until I asked. The more I talk about it, the more pathetic it becomes. Finally, I gave her five dollars.

129. Lie down where you fell.

130. I am not afraid of difficulties. There is no word "difficulty" in my dictionary. . . . . I don't have a dictionary. . . There are no words in my dictionary.

13 1. I don't have a pot, but I'll stew you.

132. I am so happy that my teeth are almost broken!

133. How did you break the lock of the prison? Corn steamed bread

134. There is an English name, Erbaldy.

135. George H.W. Bush had a secretary named Wang Fugui.

136. I don't bully people, and I can't bully people. Those who scold me always turn off the lights, put them on the bed, close the curtains, sit in front of the computer, type two lines and eat three quick-acting ones. I'm not an artist, and I can't revitalize crosstalk, which is the common cause of crosstalk all over the world. At most, it's just a vibration, or the phone is on the table.

137. The sky is falling, and Wu Dalang lives with people to make money!

138. Recruit hooligans in the streets.

139. Eat steak medium-rare, across the board ~ poof ~ blood spilled all over your face ~ cut blood vessels.

140. Please respect yourself, sir! We only sell ourselves, not artists!

14 1. Deyun was once hard to get a ticket, and the audience lined up to buy tickets under the guidance of the conductor.

142. Rogues know martial arts, and no one can stop them. Scientists know martial arts at home, and hooligans can't stop them.

143. Thank God for the braised pork. When I opened my eyes, who brought it to me?

144. Say another one. What are you talking about? Say something practical.

145. I don't often read the law online (I don't know who I am hurting).

146. A dung truck passed by their house and had to go out to taste salty water.

147. Two news, one good news and one bad news. Which do you want to listen to first? Not good. The bad news is: we are lost! Can only eat cow dung! "What's the good news?" The good news is: more cow dung!

148. Who doesn't know that Yu Qian has never eaten pork?

149. It takes a lot of effort to say cross talk. I am sweating here. Look at others, you won't sweat, but they are raising them.

150. Kara is a dog. I wrote it. I am going to write another one. Yu Qian is a pig.

15 1. Clap if you don't speak well. Look how fine the weather is today. No one applauded.

152. We all drove back to Beijing. Mr. Yu is taller than us. He watched us drive, watched us, and rode back by bike.

153. All right! This plane, like Dafa, has a rocking glass! ..... sitting on a big hat, Li Xia didn't give the newspaper ... Tianjin didn't make a big hat, but they all went to the United States ... and flew to the United States for half a year, adding more than 40,000 oil.

154. I want to commit suicide and plan to jump off a building. I have studied this kind of jump. The second floor is different from the twentieth floor. The second floor is "pa" and "ah", and the twentieth floor is "ah ~ ~ ~" and "pa".

155. On this day, I came to the railway station with prejudice, and all the tickets were sold out. Beth walked up to a policeman and asked, "Do you know where the ticket scalper is?" When the policeman heard the music, he said, "I'm still looking!" " "Agree 1| Comment 2011-8-1618:11jlytiger | Level 5.

A foreign friend, in his fifties, loves China because he likes China's food and poetry.

The foreign old man talked about poetry while eating delicious food, saying that he admired a patriotic poet in modern China in Confucius' hometown. When I said that I had never heard of this man, the foreigner improvised a poet's poem in Chinese:

Mount Tai in the distance,

Show a dark figure;

A heavy foundation,

Support shallow high-level;

If one day,

Someone turned Gan Kun upside down;

An ancient tradition,

Will encounter ground fissures and landslides.

This was translated into Chinese by himself after he saw English poems. He said that this is not the original text, but the meaning should be similar. Later, he also said that this poem contains profound meaning (foreigners really can't understand the implication of China people, they are so straightforward, and they also said that it has profound meaning), expressing his patriotic feelings of overthrowing the old system and building a new country.

I am embarrassed to say again that I have never heard of this poem. The foreign old man told me some anecdotes about the poet. For example, he lives a bohemian life and has an affair with many women, but he respects women very much. When he found out that one of his concubines was having an affair with his subordinates, he not only refused to chase money, but also let them go (more than Chu Zhuangwang's farewell banquets). He also said that he attached great importance to filial piety. When he was a child, his mother abandoned him and remarried. When he became a big official, he not only didn't hate his mother, but also deliberately found her and took her and her stepfather to his side to support himself. He also said that he used to be a senior official in charge of several provinces, but he knew nothing about the military. He was defeated in the civil war and later assassinated.

Supposedly, with the above conditions, it should not be difficult to find out who this person is, but I still haven't found this person and this poem. Until one day I saw this poem by Zhang Zongchang:

Looking at Mount Tai from a distance,

Fine on the top and thick on the bottom.

If Mount Tai is turned upside down,

The lower head is thin and the upper head is thick.