Give me some classic jokes. I'm too nervous. Relax my mood.

A said: Our whole family likes animals very much. My mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits.

B says: what about your father?

A said: I like foxes. 2. I want to jump off a building and go to the ninth floor

I want to catch my breath and go to the eighth floor

I want to struggle to the seventh floor

I want to leave my last words to the sixth floor

I just want to be disabled to the fifth floor

I just want to be hospitalized to the fourth floor

I want to cheat insurance to the third floor

I'm just scary to the second floor

I want to try my courage to go to the first floor

I have nine lives.

English teacher: "If you do not finish your homework, you will be finished." (If you can't finish your homework, you will be finished. )

Math teacher: "Counting doesn't have to be accurate, the most important thing is to be fast and efficient.

math teacher: "The conditions for elevation of 9 degrees are: 1. There are men downstairs, 2. There are beautiful women upstairs, and 3. Beautiful women should wear skirts.

Chinese history teacher: "Don't ask if it's difficult, just think for yourself easily.

pure mathematics teacher: "He is he,you is you,no relation ak!" It doesn't matter if he is him and you are you! )

Economics teacher: "Play a star when you have time and become an elite in the future.

science teacher: "even if the answer is right and the expression is not good, there is no score."

The vice-principal will make a speech at the morning meeting: "Have you had breakfast tomorrow morning? Do you eat bread? However, there is one package that can't be eaten, that is, the top package.

discipline supervisor: "two lines, two lines.

head teacher: "I can't use Powerpoint because I have neither power nor point.

The classmate asked, "Sir, what page are we on? "Sir A:" I think. 4. A couple was caught by a savage and wanted to eat them. Through intercession, the savage decided to let them eat each other's shit and let them go. In order to survive, the couple had to eat each other's shit. On the way back, the woman began to cry. The man asked her why she was crying, and the woman said, "You don't love me." The man said, "No, I don't love you. Why do you want to be so?"

The woman said, "If you loved me, you wouldn't play so much!" 5. A man took a friend to visit his grandmother. When he was talking to his grandmother, his friend began to eat the peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to her grandmother, thank you for the peanuts, and her grandmother responded, Oh! Hmm! Alas! Since I lost all my teeth, I can only suck the chocolate out of them. Old, cough ... 6. Some people like the dish "Spicy vermicelli pot" very much.

once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish had been sold out.

"Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment.

"sir, it's really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied.

The man followed the waiter's directions and saw a decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full.

The man thought that gentlemen wasted delicious food, so he went to the gentleman, pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and asked politely, "Do you want more, sir?"

the gentleman shook his head gracefully.

So the man immediately sat down, picked up a spoon and wolfed it down.

The wind swept away, and after a while, he swallowed half of it. Suddenly, he found a tiny mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its fur. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole.

When he was having a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it? I was just like this ... "7, Poor monkey Nini went to the zoo one day to feed the monkeys ... and threw peanuts to the monkeys ... but one monkey always stuffed peanuts into his ass first ... and then took them out ... Nini felt sick and ran to ask the administrator ... why did that monkey behave in such a strange way? ... The administrator explained: Because someone threw him a big peach last year ... as a result, the seeds of that big peach could not be discharged smoothly from his ass ... and he was killed. So he shouted to the sky, "I'm dead, God help me!" "

I saw a voice coming from the light in the sky: "Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death." So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and slammed it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, and then glared at each other. At this time, there was another voice from the sky: "Now you are really dead. 9. School Booking Office: Tickets are extremely tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment?

I: obey.

after I got the ticket the next day, I was angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get it to Shanxi! ! !

school booking office: didn't you say you would obey the adjustment? 1. Once when the bell rang after class, everyone had to go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell in the middle of the road in a big font ... He thought at that time: No, it's embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the classmates next to him saw that the boy was motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him around ... 11. Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on the road in Russia. One was digging a hole by the road with a shovel, and he dug a hole every three meters. The other worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on and so on ...

The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill the hole as soon as you dug it?"

The Russian worker replied, "We are greening the road. I dig holes, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second person didn't come today. 12. I got up in the morning and saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down, come here and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third floor: the fifth floor speaks the voice of the people. The fourth floor: the fifth floor is really good! Fifth floor: upstairs are all idiots! ! Funny sentences and comments series: Monday, February 3th, sunny

It's really bad that the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and raised them in a water tank and drowned one. I was very sad.

teacher's comment: I'm sad, too. I've lived so big, and I've never met a 3th in February! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown.

1. Topic: While ...

Children wrote: He undressed and put on pants.

Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it?

2. Topic: Among them,

children wrote: One of my left feet was injured.

Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede?

3. topic: one after another

children wrote: after work, dad went home one after another.

teacher's comment: how many dads do you have?

4. Topic: Sadness

Children write: There is a ditch in front of my house that is very sad.

teacher's comment: the teacher is even sadder.

5. Title: Again ... Again ...

Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin.

teacher's comment; Is your mother a deformed diamond?

6. Title: Look

Children write: What are you looking at? I haven't seen it.

Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it.

7. Topic: Prosperity

Children write: Prosperity and glory.

Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series!

8. topic: delicious

children write: delicious fart.

teacher's comment: some things are not edible.

9. Topic: Naive

Children write: It's really hot today.

teacher's comment: you are so naive.

1. Title: Sure enough

Children wrote: Yesterday I ate fruit and then drank cold water.

Teacher's comment: Yes

11. Topic: ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

children write: goodbye, sir!

Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth.

12. Topic: Besides,

Children wrote: A train passed by, besides, besides, besides, the situation

Teacher's comment: I'll forget it when I'm dead. Cold joke series: 1. Q: Is it the most handsome to have a button on the keyboard? A: F4 2, Q: Xiaoming did his summer homework by himself. The next day, he hung up. Why? A: I can't live because of my homework. 3. Q: Uncle McDonald's head, guess a country. A: Myanmar (free of electricity) 4. Q: Which two English letters are the most difficult to teach? A: C, E, because EC is difficult to teach. 5. Q: The football surname is Zhu, and the basketball surname is Lan. What's that surname? A: The surname is Christmas, because it's Christmas again and Christmas again. 6. Q: There are monsters invading the earth. What should we do? A: Sing the March (Superman's theme song lyrics: This March, when played high, the monster will escape ~) 7. Q: Why are there Tokyo, Nanjing and Beijing in this world but there is no Xijing? A: Because the Western Classics gave Tang Sanzang 8. Q: Which haircut product does YUNDI hate the most? A: Meiyuan won the lottery because Meiyuan won the lottery. Q: Amin and Ashan went to rob a bank, but they fled, but the police didn't chase Amin when they pursued the fruit. Why? A: Because of the Himalayas (at least La Ashan).