Good communication will help you get more things of your own.

Next, I will share with you some communication methods I have used in my operation and life, hoping to help you.

Let me tell you a story first. About three years ago, I just graduated from college, because my first job at that time was rated as bad at communication by the leaders, and then my second job, that is, the operation of educational courses, required me to face a large number of students, and the pressure was doubled, because I really seldom actively communicate with others in my life, but after work, I had to use the skills I was not good at to get paid.

When I first took office, I was filled with countless questions and even fell into a state of mild panic. I really felt that the leaders at that time were very tolerant of me.

First of all, I don't know how to communicate with students. At first, I was mercilessly criticized by the leader. See your class as a backwater. I think so, because I don't think I have this ability from the bottom of my heart. I am not suitable for giving lectures, being a teacher, operating or communicating with others. At that time, I was troubled by this problem all day, and I firmly believed that my language expression ability was determined by talent. I don't think I have a choice.

At that time, I was like a patient struggling in pain, hoping to survive. But I have one of the biggest characteristics, that is, I don't give up.

I began to repeatedly observe how other people interact with students, and then after thinking, trying, failing, thinking again, and then implementing. Later, I found that touching Chinese textbook-style communication is not a natural king, but is all practiced.

But communicating with people, in fact, many times, there is still not much time to prepare. I always agree with the saying, if you can't think clearly, you can't do it well. In fact, the logic behind it should be thinking. Only when you think clearly can you say it in place, and only when you understand it can you achieve the effect of communication.

Think back. Have you experienced anything strange in your life? For no reason, someone starts to alienate you, and someone who is invited refuses. You will encounter some soft nails, either bright or dark. The most terrible thing is that you don't even realize that all this has happened, but you just vaguely feel that something is wrong.

The reason is actually very simple. I can realize what your problem is and usually don't tell you.

If you have a big heart, you will find fault with others and laugh without saying a word. But knowing that you are unreliable, I can't count on you for important things in the future, and I will alienate you; I don't care about you when my heart is small, but I politely ask others to refuse you. The people below will even try to make you feel small while pretending to be generous.

Similar scenes are actually staged every day and happen to everyone. Like everyone else, I have been constantly learning, summarizing and practicing in language expression, hoping to influence and drive more people and empower more people through my words and deeds.

In this process, we can also get good relations and achieve our goals through effective communication at the lowest possible cost. Next, I will share with you the ten principles of communication that I have summarized.

First, the principle of curiosity

Many times, it is easy for us to speak our minds directly without thinking. The result is not only counterproductive, but also easy to cause disgust. Therefore, the core of this principle is not to speak your mind directly, but to learn to figure out the hidden needs of the other party.

For example, we girls bought a new dress, and our girlfriends came to ask for your advice. In fact, this is not asking for advice, but obviously asking for praise. If you really put forward such suggestions as 00 1, 002,003, it is estimated that all your girlfriends will leave.

For another example, students took the initiative to undertake an activity, but there were some mistakes in the process. Later, they came to you and said, Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't meet expectations and couldn't hand in my paper satisfactorily. What should I say at this time?

If we continue to evaluate this activity with the trainees according to their words, although there is nothing wrong with it, what is the inner appeal of the trainees? He is obviously waiting for you to give him confidence. If we can give good encouragement, provide safe space for making mistakes, and then ask questions to stimulate each other to think and make a comeback, there will be one more person, and the students' operational ability or activity planning ability will also make a big step forward in their own practice. Do you think this is a good thing for both fish and bear's paw?

For another example, we tried to persuade the student to do his homework, but he just didn't want to do it. Just say what you think and say that he can't do this. What do you think is the probability of success?

Wouldn't it be much better if homework could be directly linked to personal growth and better absorption and consolidation of course content? There are many similar examples around us.

Therefore, we should adopt the principle of curiosity, don't express our thoughts directly, try to figure out and discover the hidden needs of the other party, think more about what the real needs behind the other party's words are and what the other party wants, and then communicate this matter effectively in that easy-to-accept wording. Your communication success rate will be greatly improved.

Second, the principle of equality.

Many times, we will have such a mentality, such as not handing in homework. If we know it ourselves, there must be many reasons to excuse ourselves, either because of others or because we have dealt with others' needs temporarily.

Otherwise, it is the environment. It is not convenient to do homework when going out to play, in the car, on the road and so on. Anyway, we just don't look for reasons from ourselves.

And if we know that this matter is put on others, we will feel that this person is not serious and unreliable, and we will never explore whether he does not do his homework because of others or the environment. This is a basic attribution error phenomenon in psychology. People often attribute other people's behavior to internal characteristics such as personality or attitude, while ignoring the importance of their own situation.

We want to achieve an equal communication state, in fact, we need to put both sides on the same plane, so as to obtain a safe atmosphere. Here is a simple and feasible method, which is to distinguish between observation and comment.

Indian philosopher Krishnamurti said that observation without comment is the highest form of human wisdom.

Observation means carefully observing what is happening and clearly stating the observation results. We are used to reacting, judging and analyzing the people and behaviors we see. For example, if someone is 30 minutes late, we usually don't intuitively say that he is half an hour late, but directly say that she is often late and has no sense of time, confusing observation with comment. It is easy for the other party to make a stress reaction immediately after hearing the criticism.

As teaching assistants, we sometimes meet individual students who violate the rules of the group. For example, some students advertise in groups.

At this time, everyone communicates privately, and they must not comment as soon as they come up. Your practice is not appropriate, so it is not good, and so on.

Speaking like this will not only help solve the problem, but will add fuel to the fire and arouse contradictions.

In fact, this problem is like your child breaking a neighbor's vase in life. If the neighbors come up, they will certainly criticize your children for being so naughty. You will be well disciplined in the future. Although you have been indefensible, you will feel uncomfortable. So I planted a bad feeling in my heart, and if my neighbor looks at these things with the greatest trust, he believes that your child is very disciplined and sensible, and will communicate in a more relaxed tone. The baby accidentally knocked over the vase, but it doesn't matter if it hits the child. You can let your child pay attention when you walk in the future. This kind of communication not only states the facts but also cares about the children and gives suggestions, so the parties will feel very face-saving and communicate.

Each of us wants to be valued and understood, so how can we make others feel that you value him and understand him? Here are some suggestions.

00 1 Store your feelings at ordinary times: You can have more people of your own through communication, and the most important thing is that you must establish contact with students first, so that you can become your own person.

This requires us to pay more attention to students' dynamics and understand their recent problems, so that there will be more topics in communication. As we will encounter in every period, some students are pregnant with babies, some students are taking exams, and some students are in the critical period of job-hopping. These are the focus of our usual chat. If you care about what students care about at this stage, students will feel that they have been valued, and there will be topics, which will save the embarrassment of chatting.

In fact, many times, what you call your own people is what you have done for each other, your concern, your understanding, your letting go and your sharing, all of which you can do for each other.

You may say, with so many students, how can I remember his recent state? Can I do a real-time review of memos?

Here, I will teach you a simple and efficient way to change nicknames. For example, if a student says he wants to lose weight, we can give him a note that you want to lose weight, and he wants me to monitor his daily weight loss progress. Such a note can remind me that every time I chat with him, it will give me a little spur.

We can use this method in daily communication, just like if the other party is taking an exam, you can write the month and date of the exam in brackets. This way, every time you chat, you will see your attention in time. With the communication content, you can also think about the key communication time points.

For example, when a small group of students celebrate their birthdays, we can give each other some exclusive blessings, such as a red envelope, a handwritten blessing made by ourselves, a voice blessing and a handwritten letter, which will make you different from others' blessings and make you have a different impression in each other's hearts. Next, what kind of people are the most important? When you think of him, you will feel warm and practical, and you are willing to pay time and energy for him. It must include such people, people who helped you when you were confused and in trouble.

So we can usually pay more attention to whether students have encountered any difficulties, and we can help solve them or give some help. We are willing to spend time for them, and of course they will help me when we need it!

002 repeat keywords: repeat the keywords you hear to the other party, which will make him feel that there is a * * * sound between you. Someone once invented a computer program with very simple functions, such as: Chef, I like to eat hot pot, and the screen will show that you like it. It is these simple repetitions. After a few days, almost all the evaluators thought that the person who knew him best in the world was sitting behind this cold machine.

003 Guide the other party to express their views: When we adjust the atmosphere, we can guide the other party to express specific ideas, or we can guide them to say it with their own inferences, such as what kind of behavior do you think is appropriate? If you agree with the students' answers, we can be sure at once, causing * * * voices, disagreeing and not in a hurry. But I will make a supplement to help him express the negative things from the other side's point of view.

Create new goals: When the opinions and ideas input by the other party are rich enough, it is easy for us to create new goals that satisfy the other party. You can tell students that if there is no trust in the community as a prerequisite, will your advertising effect really be good? If you send it to a circle of friends, and then chat privately to help you like it, on the one hand, the success rate of one-on-one requests is higher, on the other hand, you can increase links. what do you think?

Third, the principle of follow one's inclinations

The so-called "doing what you like" means getting the other person's goodwill and realizing your expectations. Many times, we will trust those people we like or are similar to ourselves, and we are more willing to open our hearts to them.

For example, we often say that when villagers meet each other, their eyes are full of tears, because you have many languages, contexts and even accents. I'll give you a hint: when communicating with people, look for linguistic similarities. For example, when the other person says "Dad", instead of "Mom", he uses "Niang" to express it according to his language, which will increase the tacit understanding and get more favor from the other person.

In communication, people are always willing to be persuaded by the people they like. Smart communicators are good at using this principle to establish contact and make the other person feel at ease in conversation.

I have seen such a joke before. The dung beetle is dating a mosquito, and the pond asks what you do. Mozzie said I was a nurse, and I had an injection. Dung beetles smiled, fate, I am an ancestral old Chinese doctor, pinching pills.

This joke skillfully takes advantage of the similarity of occupations and resolves the embarrassment and strangeness between them. In addition to similar interests and similar situations, it can also quickly narrow the distance between two people, especially when meeting or communicating for the first time. This is the charm of finding similarities.

Fourth, the principle of evil.

This principle is still effective for those who are difficult to convince and can form a strong coercive force. For example, in order to prevent people from spreading the core content of the course at will, it would be very bad if the course materials can't be leaked. Because of human nature, the more you are ordered, the more you want to resist. However, once words are converted into words, if rumors may have a negative impact on your personal brand, everyone will follow them very carefully. This is actually what we conveyed before. Don't directly say what you think, the other person's psychology, and make good use of words that are in the interest of the other person.

Five, the principle of free choice

The so-called free choice means being able to guide each other without leaving a sense of compulsion. I'm sure your friend is no stranger to this. Drinking a cup of milk tea will be normal. Do you want pearls or pudding, madam? After determining the routine, it is also very helpful for our reasonable consumption. So, I don't add pearls or pudding. Thank you very much. I just want to have a good cup of milk tea, okay?

Say one more thing. For example, students can be asked to do their homework at first, and they can choose acceleration packages or Buddha packages for the students in the group.

Therefore, the acceleration package means that the punching and homework in the training camp within 2 1 day should be completed before noon 12. Of course, the last editing time shall prevail. Daily topic, completed before 10: 30 pm. I missed my class and finished it the next day. As for the Buddhism package, it is a compulsory work that must be completed on time within 2 1 day, and it is best to finish it before 6 pm, and the daily topics, lectures, etc. are handled by Buddhism.

Students are likely to choose one of the two.

Of course, this can't determine the final result, but with such an interesting package and such a loving choice, I believe everyone can gain a lot of luck while punching in. The so-called free choice is actually giving the choice to the students themselves. We don't make decisions for anyone, so it is necessary to give them the right to choose.

Sixth, the principle of being recognized.

The key is to make the other person feel important, in short, to give the other person enough face.

Being valued is the deepest desire of human nature. Everyone wants to be recognized by the people around them. If you want others to be nice to you, you should treat others in the same way. There are many ways to make the other person feel important, and remembering the other person's name is one of them.

Napoleon, the god of war, can accurately call out everyone's name every time he meets an officer, and can easily talk about a battle or military transfer they participated in. The subordinates were greatly surprised. They didn't expect Napoleon to know his situation so well. Napoleon always thought that remembering each other's names was not a trivial matter. In order to do this, he made great efforts. To this day, Napoleon's respect and attention to others in this way is still commendable.

Thinking from the other person's perspective and making the other person feel important is the key to solving many interpersonal problems. Similar examples abound in life. For example, if you, as a wife, want your husband to clean the glass, traditional orders will definitely not work. If you put it another way: honey, you are tall and agile, you can certainly clean the window brighter. Please.

Do you think that person at home would be more willing to clean the glass?

Seven, you can't talk about principles.

It can make the other person feel that he is the only one selected, so he is willing to respond. When people hear it, only you are a special person, and they are easily persuaded. If you have to tell the other person that others can't do it, you are chosen. In this case, the effect will be multiplied by adding the nickname of the other party.

For example, in our invitation to the opening ceremony, if you add each other's nicknames and create a context that you must have, then you are not far from success. For example: Dear Li Fang, mini invites you to attend the opening ceremony. If you don't come, it won't be lively, so kiss Li Fang and you must attend. Of course, the examples I give here are relatively simple, so you can compare and analyze them more. I believe you will have better speech skills.

Eight, learn to ask for help, team principle

I don't know if you have read or heard the book The Little Prince.

Among many roses, why does the little prince love this one alone? Because the little prince watered and fertilized the roses, caught caterpillars and improved the glass cover, all these were the energy that the little prince paid on her. Because of these efforts, roses have become different. By the same token, when people get along with each other, we spend a certain amount of time and energy on others, and I believe their status in our hearts will also become different.

We can ask for help, let the other person spend some time and energy to make ourselves different. In class, we can also ask students for a little help. For example, honey, I need a poster now. Do you have time to help me when doing so-and-so activities? Then I want to ask student B for help, and there is a problem in what way. You know that better. Can you help me?

Honey, I don't know how many people can come to the evening event. Can you help me get my familiar friends together? I often ask students for help. For a job that is within his ability or slightly beyond their ability, it is an exercise and emotional strengthening. Why not improve my ability again during the grinding process?

People will be happy to accept even troublesome requests. In team and class operations, although a person can live as a team, it is difficult to achieve the set goals even with superhuman powers, which requires the help of partners.

When asking students to help complete the task, everyone should pay attention to the wording and be soft. I believe everyone doesn't like strong communication. Just like if someone comes to you, just say XXX, you can make a poster today and give it to me before 6 pm. If the relationship is not particularly good, I believe you have been whispering in your heart for a long time. Who are you? You were a conductor for a while. Why should I make you a poster?

Although our students are more active, it is definitely more pleasant to whisper, such as which task to release. It can be said, dear mini, now we need the support of an activity, and I feel that all your posters are very good. See if you have time to do it for me. It would be better if you could give them to me before 6 o'clock. We can take a look at this invitation, first talk about the appeal, express our recognition to the other party and let the other party choose. Say yes or no, not do it. Don't refuse without conditions, and you will leave a good impression in your heart!

Hearing this, the other party will not feel unhappy, but will feel a little happy. This is the application of the principle of teamwork. How about doing it together Because it is human instinct to like to do things with others, even troublesome requirements are easy to convince each other.

Nine, multi-purpose thank you principle

Thank you can make the other person have a vague sense of trust, so it is difficult to refuse easily. The writer Mark Twain once said that I can live a full life for two months with only one compliment. Successful salesmen know the secret of praise. They usually express their compliments to customers, so that customers can get pleasure from flattering words. Finally, they couldn't help buying it. How can I make my praise more real?

Here's a little trick to help you. There is a FFC rule in communication. Let me briefly describe it here. The so-called FFC is feeling, fact and comparison. It is a way of praise that integrates feelings, facts and contrast. Let's look at a simple example.

Your service is excellent, and one feeling emphasized here is your feeling. If we say so, your service is excellent. That's the feeling. Every time there is not much water left in our cup, you take the initiative to replenish it. This is also a fact. Other people will help us only when they ask us for water. This is a contrast. After listening to me, do you feel more specific? Ignore any of these three elements, and your praise will be greatly reduced.

X. Principle of equal treatment

Here I will tell you another personal story. I was busy with my work and life some time ago. One day, a friend of mine sent me a WeChat appointment for dinner, asking my opinion, saying where to eat at night? But because of too much information, I didn't see it and didn't reply in time. Later, she called and said that there was grilled fish near her home. How about we go and have a look? I was really busy at that time and didn't think much, so I replied, grilled fish, I just ate it yesterday. My voice did not fall, and I woke up immediately. It is broken. This sentence is inappropriate. Just when I said it was ok to eat fish, she said forget it. Anyway, you just ate it yesterday, so don't eat it. Later, I repeatedly said that I didn't mean it, and the communication was invalid, so I was unhappy.

Many times, it's no big deal for a friend to be so unhappy. It's just that you didn't notice the needs behind you in time, and then you didn't deal with them in time, which will be more serious for students.

Why am I talking about communicating with big people here, but when I communicate with people close to me, my brain is always in this automatic driving mode, responding to people and things in front of me in the way I am most familiar with and don't need to use my brain. This is actually why we are often the most rude to our closest family.

Fortunately, we can be flexible, correct our mistakes, make up for them with red envelopes through a correct attitude, and invite friends to dinner to appease their emotions. In fact, it is to tell everyone that communication must be treated equally, because it is a continuous thing and needs to be practiced frequently, otherwise you will regret it if you are not careful.

Ok, friends, my sharing today is coming to an end. Let's briefly review. I shared ten points. They are:

First, the principle of curiosity, don't speak your mind directly, learn to figure out the hidden needs of the other party.

Second, the principle of equality, put each other on the same plane.

Third, the principle of doing what you like can not only gain the goodwill of the other party, but also realize your expectations.

Fourth, the principle of evil depends on the formation of a strong coercive force.

Fifth, the principle of free choice can guide each other without leaving a sense of compulsion.

Sixth, the principle of being recognized makes the other party feel that they are really important.

Seventh, you must have principles to make the other person feel the superiority of being selected.

Eighth, learn the principle of asking for help and teamwork, so that the other party has a sense of cooperation.

Ninth, use the principle of gratitude to make the other party have a vague sense of trust.

Tenth, the principle of equal treatment, the closer you are, the less you can perfunctory.

Many people say that people who can communicate are dominant in this era. Indeed, at the end of sharing, I wish our teaching assistants and friends continue to evolve their oral and communication skills, continue to practice, and create an invincible career and life through efficient communication.

I'm mini, and my sharing today is over. Good night, everyone.