Chongqing rural people get married jokes daquan

1. A person who goes to work the next day after getting married is unhappy in the class. A friend asked him why. The man said,' I used to be a prostitute, and I threw my daughter-in-law 100 yuan after I finished last night.' The friend was relieved and said,' It's nothing if you give her money! Men are annoyed. The problem is that she found me 20 ...'

A boy bought a parrot hanging in a brothel. At this moment, his mother came in from work. The parrot looked at it and shouted,' Wow, the boss's wife has changed!' When my sister came home from work, the parrot saw it and shouted,' Wow! Even the lady has changed! "At this time, the father of the head of the family came back, and the parrot shouted with all his strength this time. How can he be a frequent visitor! .......'

The beauty was taking a bath in the river, and a shrimp accidentally got into her body. The beautiful woman was frightened and went to the hospital urgently. A male doctor checked and said, "It's very troublesome to take it out. Why don't I just mash it into shrimp sauce for you to eat! "

4. A group of women exchange their "X" lives. Single women are colorful and full of sexual interest, while housewives are boring and silent. The housewife asked enviously, "Do you do this every day?" The single woman said, "No." The housewife asked, "Why?" The single woman said, "We have to use your time."

5. Go out with your girlfriend in the middle of the night. On the way, my girlfriend suddenly wanted to take a tuba and didn't want to be on the side of the road. So I cleverly found some waste paper, and then went to the small room of the bank ATM to block the camera and let my girlfriend solve it ... After that, I wrapped the paper ball and took it in my hand, ready to take it away. I walked out of the ATM room 10 step, and suddenly a person jumped out and put it in my hand.

6. The Tang Priest met a banshee in the west, and observed that her chest and buttocks were relatively fat, so she wanted to have sex. When she saw this scene, the banshee exclaimed, Elder! My little girl is afraid of having sex when she menstruates! Hearing this, the Tang Priest folded his hands: Amitabha, I'm here to learn from the scriptures!

7. The beautiful woman is in a hurry, urinating on the side of the road, no paper, and wiping with leaves. The leaves have thorns, and Y-D is very painful. The beauty was unhappy and said, "I can't stand eating meat all day, but also eating vegetables?"

8. A man went to visit his best friend, only to find his best friend's beautiful young wife at home. He lured her to sleep with him with lust and fear in exchange for his willingness to give her 500 yuan. She thought about it, thought it was a good deal and the money was easy, so she really slept with him. After dark, her husband came back from work and asked, "Did Fadi come here today?" "Yes, why do you ask him?" She answered guiltily. "Did he give you 500 yuan?"

9. "what? 500 yuan? " She was in a panic. "hmm!" The husband said, "I lent him 500 yuan last month and promised to pay me back today."

10 Take a walk while surfing the Internet with iPhone4. After a while, the girl lost her voice and exclaimed, What is that? The old man walked proudly with measured steps. I heard the girl say to her boyfriend again: When did Nokia97 come out in widescreen? Blood spilled all the way.

1 1. There is a very loving couple. One day, the wife said to her husband, "Why don't we put 10 yuan in the piggy bank every time we go to after making love? This will not only save money, but also prove how deep our love is in the future."

The husband readily agreed. Finally, one day, when the piggy bank was full, my husband smashed the piggy bank and started counting money. Suddenly, he found three 100 yuan bills. He was furious and asked his wife, "What's the matter? I only play 10 yuan every time. How can there be 100 yuan? " The wife said disdainfully, "You think everyone is as stingy as you."

12. A man went to see his family doctor. He asked, "doctor, I'm getting married, but it's the first time for my girlfriend and me." Can you tell us what to do? The doctor watched the man grow up, and was a little uncomfortable when he heard this question. He looked outside and said, "Look over there, have you seen two dogs in the park?" "See what they are doing? Go home and do it. Two months later, when they met again, the doctor asked: How is sex life? The man replied, "nothing, but it's really cold to do it in the park, and people will peek." "

13. Colleagues went to Inner Mongolia to play and eat milk tea and meat in tents. Some people don't like the taste and want to eat with others. A lady said to the man on the edge: You eat my milk and I eat your eggs!

14. Mr. Wang bought a turtle on a business trip and was not allowed to take it when boarding the plane. He used his quick wits, put the turtle in his crotch and got on the plane. After sitting still, I was afraid that the turtle would suffocate, so I untied the zipper and let the turtle's head come out. The stewardess passed by and kept twisting her head. Mr. Wang said, look, look at what. Never seen it? The stewardess blushed and said, I have seen this thing many times, and it is the first time for a person with long eyes like you to see it!

15. A patient went to see a doctor. The doctor examined him, frowned and said, "You are too ill. I am afraid that you will not live long. "

Patient: "Please tell me, how long can I live?"

Doctor: "Ten ..."

The patient asked anxiously, "Ten what? Ten years and ten months? Ten days? "

Doctor: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five ..."

16. My wife called me today and told me: Honey, your qq has a virus, so I cleaned it for you. I hesitated for a long time, thinking, is qq upgraded, how can it still have this function? I asked her: virus, how to clean it up? The wife replied: Hey, I cleaned it manually. As soon as I logged into my qq today, I found 30 qq female friends missing, and I was in tears. .....

17. In the subway, a man and a woman quarreled. After arriving at the station, female B gets off. She just got off the bus, hesitated, rushed up and slapped her face, then turned and ran. As a result, a group of people rushed up and squeezed B back without getting off. Then A rushed up and kicked B, and B hit back. After that, they began to beat and scold each other. Then after n stops, it didn't stop. At this moment, a strong man suddenly shouted: TMD! I've seen you fight and stand!

18. I met a foreigner that day and asked me, "Do you really have kung fu? Are all China people practitioners? " I said, "Of course, I won't mention internal force and hidden weapons. The deepest part of Kung Fu is acupuncture, which even primary school students in China can learn. " The foreigner shook his head in disbelief, and I immediately practiced a few hands to show him: rubbing Tianxue, squeezing Jingming point, rubbing Sibai point, and scraping eyes by pressing the temple wheel ... The foreigner was shocked on the spot.

19. A newly married couple is planning their lives. The wife said: We will have three children in the future. Husband: Well, two is enough. Wife: Three. Husband: No, just two. Wife: I said three, just three. Husband: I'm going to have my second child ligated. The wife was silent for a while and said, well, I hope you love the third child, too.

20. The sexy physics teacher did an experiment in order to let the students know about the refraction of light. She filled the cup with water and asked, "Suppose I were a ray of sunshine and stuck it in the water, what would the result be?" A student rushed to answer: "The water overflowed!" (connotation. . )

2 1. A man, who happened to meet Xifeng. After a long hesitation, he asked in a low voice, "May I take a photo with you?" Xifeng shouted, "No, I won't sleep with you!" All eyes were on the two men, and the man replied awkwardly. After a while, Xifeng came over and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm studying psychology recently, just to test people's reaction in embarrassing situations." The man shouted, "Thirty dollars? Too expensive! "

22. When the bell rang, the teacher smiled and said to the whole class, "Students who are clamoring for school don't panic, they won't miss class. Please don't chat with people who eat instant noodles. Tell the students playing poker in the back row to be quiet, and don't affect the sleep of the students in the front row. Students who look at the scenery by the window are called students who play basketball on the playground, so that I can arrange my homework. The students on the road remember to inform the students in the Internet cafe about today's homework. " Children's shoes, have a nice holiday!

23. Colleagues told me that now blind date women no longer directly ask the man if he has a house or a car, but ask: How much is the parking fee in your community for a month? I was shocked to hear that. This question is too TM artistic, so I have to accept it!

24. I saw a 13-or 14-year-old child on the roadside, spreading his exercise book in a tree pit and taking a shit. I thought to myself, this child is quite sensible, knowing that he can't defecate casually, and it's easy to pull a piece of paper ... Then he pulled it, just pulled it out, and suddenly there was a strong wind behind him. I saw that the strong wind blew the paper and instantly burned his ass. . I smiled. He shouted ...

25. The old man divided his son's inheritance before his death. He said to his eldest son, "Your daughter-in-law is going to give birth soon. I'll leave you my passbook." He said to his second son, "You are getting married soon. I will leave you the house." Finally, he said to his youngest son, "I don't trust you the most." I don't have a girlfriend yet, so I will leave you the most precious legacy. " The younger son was secretly pleased, and the old man said, "I want to give you the QQ number. There are more than 100 young girls in the friends column.