I want a joke that can make a very depressed person laugh.

It is said that the four masters and disciples were walking on the road to learn the scriptures. The walking time was too long. Human technology has developed rapidly. There are mobile phone base stations everywhere in China. One day

they came to one. At the inn, I saw the banner "China Mobile Shenzhou Card, learn lessons and play at the same time". I couldn't resist the temptation, so I sold the Zijinbo and bought a mobile phone per person.

While walking, Zhu Bajie sent text messages to Gao Laozhuang’s wife, and at the same time flirted with Spider Spirit and Centipede Spirit.

Sun Wukong’s hometown is too far away from the mainland, and a base station has not yet been installed, so Monkey Sun, the monkey in Huaguo Mountain, cannot contact him, and he is very angry.

Tang Seng usually doesn’t have anyone to beat, he just keeps doing accounting on his mobile phone, three steamed buns, two pickles...

Tang Seng is more meticulous, walking while walking He uses his mobile phone to take pictures of the scenery, and then publishes his travel notes on the Internet, earning royalties at the same time. He is not even halfway through the journey.

He is already a well-known travel writer...

One day Walking to a small demon cave, the monster came out to rob him. Sun Wukong didn't rush, he didn't even bother to lift the stick, he just called 110, and the policeman arrested the monster. . .

As soon as the three goblins in Shituo Cave showed up, Sun Wukong dialed Tathagata's phone, "Tathagata? Your birds, lions, and elephants have all run out, hurry up

Take them in, or I'll sue you for animal cruelty!"

Tang Seng called Tathagata every day and kept talking about the difficulties on the road. Tathagata was very annoyed and told his subordinates, "Hurry up. Collect your goblins

and tell Monk Tang to leave quickly, otherwise he will bore me to death with his complaints every day."

When we arrived at Wuzhuang Temple, Immortal Zhenyuan took over. When the ginseng fruit was served, Zhu Bajie was very careful this time. He took out his mobile phone and looked over the ginseng fruit. The immortal was surprised

and asked him what he was looking at. Bajie said, "Look for the anti-counterfeiting label and make a fake identification call." "Yeah!"

The four of them stayed at a widow's house. They were sleeping soundly in the middle of the night when their cell phones rang, and a voice rang out in unison - "Can I ask for a baby?

Sister?" Sun Wukong said impatiently, "Mother Lishan, Nanhai Bodhisattva, stop pretending, we won't be fooled, I know your mobile phone number."

The white-bone spirit turned into a beautiful woman. , carrying a basket full of food, trying to seduce the four masters and disciples into being fooled. Tang Seng, who had been silent all this time, suddenly laughed, pointed at the woman and said, "She is a goblin!" Sun Wukong asked curiously, "Why does Master also have piercing eyes?" Tang Monk proudly held up the mobile phone in his hand and said,

"The camera of my mobile phone has infrared perspective function. Five thousand taels of silver are not in vain, hehe."

Zhu Bajie peeked at the spider spirit in Pansi Cave taking a bath, and was entangled in silk by the fairy. Bajie, who has always been a coward, dismissed it, turned on his phone, and played the ringtone of the insect repellent

. Amidst the bursts of ultrasonic oscillations, the spider spirit's eight claws twitched and they all rolled their eyes. Bajie came out of the web and said, "Boy, do you still think you are Spider-Man?"

The four of them arrived at Tongtian River and saw that the river was wide. When they stayed at Old Man Chen's house, Old Man Chen complained that the monster in the river wanted to eat their children. Sun Wukong was furious and called the China Office for Combating Trafficking in Women and Children. After a long time, the monster Just died... The four of them crossed the river on a huge old turtle. The old turtle had no other request. He just wanted to know when he would get a human body. Zhu Bajie likes to play these gossips. Damn it, I turned on my phone

, found a fortune-telling program, entered Lao Turtle’s birthday and horoscope, calculated it and said, “Eight hundred and fifty years from now, just wait.

”

Tang Monk suspected that Sun Wukong was using his cell phone to speak ill of him with Tathagata, so he drove Sun Wukong away. Holding his cell phone, he was envious and wanted to buy one. Sun Wukong laughed at him and said, "There is no signal in the water. What's the point of buying it?" "After saying that, he took out the golden hoop

stick from his ear, threw it back to the Dragon King, and said, "Since Lao Sun has a mobile phone, he no longer needs this thing. I'll give it back to you!" "

The ringtone of Tang Monk's cell phone is a passage from "The Jackfruit Sutra", and the alarm clock is the sound of the morning bell in his temple; the ringtone of Sun Wukong's cell phone is "Men should strive for self-improvement"

, and the alarm clock It is the call of a lark in Huaguo Mountain in those days; the ringtone of Zhu Bajie’s mobile phone is relatively vulgar “The Moon Represents My Heart”, and the alarm clock shouts “

Eat! ! "; the ringtone on Sha Seng's phone is just an ordinary ringtone, and there is no alarm clock at all - the other three people's alarm clocks have rung, do you still need to set it?

Xiaoxin : Hi! Beauty, take off your glasses!

Xiaoxin: Miss, do you like green peppers?

Xiaoxin: I hate eating green peppers and carrots. What about you? ?

Xiaoxin: Sister, are you wearing a high-cut swimsuit?

Woman: Children, what are you doing?

Xiaoxin: Are you playing with Yu? Hide and seek.

Woman (locking Xiaoxin on the balcony): Just stay here!

Xiaoxin: Mom, Mom, I don’t dare to forgive me anymore! .

Female: How are the rice balls I made?

Xiaoxin: How can I get married if my skills are so poor?

Female: … …

Xiaoxin: But you are a very good person, so you should have a chance.

《》Wonderful Quotes Xiaoxin VS Teacher

Teacher: Xiaoxin, draw a picture. You have to imagine it, try closing your eyes

Xiaoxin: Oh!

Teacher: That’s right, what did you see?

Xiaoxin: It’s dark!

Teacher: Xiaoxin, what is this (clay)?

Xiaoxin: What a fox. Teacher: A fox is just a fox, why is it a fart fox?

Xiaoxin: Because I pinched it according to my own buttocks

Teacher Jiyong: "Xiaoxin, you are beautiful. Your work is so good. Tomorrow the school will send you to participate in a city-wide competition. "

Xiaoxin: "No"

Teacher Yoshinaga: "Why? "

Xiaoxin: "My dad did the work, he has to go to work tomorrow"

Teacher Yoshinaga: "Xiaoxin, why did you steal your classmate's eraser? When you do this kind of thing, don't you think about your parents? ”

Xiaoxin: “I just did it after thinking about it.” This way you don’t have to spend your parents’ money.”

Teacher Yoshinaga: “Xiaoxin, please make a sentence using the word ‘difficult’”

Xiaoxin: “I was in a dilemma during the exam”

Teacher Yoshinaga: “Is it because you can’t answer the question, which puts you in a dilemma? ”

Xiaoxin: “No, it’s because the students on the left and right have different answers, which puts me in a dilemma.”

Teacher Jiyong: “Xiaoxin, your problem is that you use the wrong words. Now in the test I am asking you to use an idiom to describe Teacher Jiyong who is very happy."

Xiaoxin: "With a smile on his face"

Teacher Jiyong: "Xiaoxin, you have done well in your homework recently"

Xiaoxin: “This is all due to the police’s crackdown on pornography”

Teacher Yoshinaga: “What does the crackdown on pornography have to do with homework? "

Xiaoxin: "My dad has nowhere to go at night, so he has to watch me do my homework at home."

Teacher Yoshinaga: "What does a tadpole become when it grows up? "

Xiaoxin: "Pan.

Teacher Yoshinaga: "Now in the "First Aid Class", first do mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration, and if you do it repeatedly, what will happen?" "

Xiaoxin: "Someone will sue you for sexual harassment."

Teacher Yoshinaga: "Now in the "First Aid" class, someone is injured. What is the first step? ”

Xiaoxin: “I know, ask him if he wants organ donation?” ”

Teacher Yoshinaga: “Second sexual characteristics will appear in boys and girls when they reach puberty, and girls’ flat chests will swell, just like...”

Xiaoxin: “ Like double airbags"

Xiaoxin: "Teacher Yoshinaga, I need to go to the toilet"

Teacher Yoshinaga: "No, it's class time now. Why didn't you go after class just now? "

Xiaoxin: "The time after class is so precious, what a pity it is to use it to go to the toilet! "

""Excellent Quotes Xiaoxin VS Sister

Xiao Kui: "Brother, what if a bad boy blackmails us? "

Xiaoxin: "Run for him to chase"

Xiaokui: "Can you beat them? ”

Xiaoxin: “I just need to outrun you”

Meiyu: “Don’t be alone when you go to and from school, so as not to be blackmailed by bad teenagers”

Xiaoxin: "But none of my classmates want to go with me."

Mei surprised: "Why?

Xiao Kui: "They are afraid of being blackmailed by their brother"

Xiao Xin: "Sister, why are you working so hard?" "

Sister: "It's not all because of you"

Xiaoxin: "Me?

Sister: "Yes, there must be someone in our family who has a future!" ”

Mei Jing: “My parents have something to do tonight and they won’t be back until very late”

Xiao Xin: “Then I will be very tired!” "

Beautiful surprise: "Why? ”

Xiaoxin: “I’m very tired from watching TV”

Sister: “Brother, you are the cleanest person I have ever seen”

Xiao Xin: "It's an award, how did you tell? ”

Sister: “No matter what, you push it all the way”

《》Wonderful Quotations Xiaoxin VS Others

Xiaoxin VS Guang Zhi

Guangzhi: "Look at how touching the story of Twenty-Four Filial Piety is, can you do it?

Xiaoxin: "At least I can do one thing, sell myself to bury my father"

Guangzhi: "What?" Xiaoxin, you are looking at photos of naked women! Do you do such a thing at such a young age? explain! Where did these photos come from? ”

Xiaoxin: “I took it from your drawer”

Xiaoxin VS Kazama

Xiaoxin: Your painting lacks a little emotion

Kazama: How...

Xiaoxin: Look at me——

(Write your name "Shinnosuke" on the painting)

Xiaoxin: That’s fine.

Kazama: It’s wrong for you to dance like this.

Xiaoxin: Don’t worship me.

Kazama: I didn’t!

Xiaoxin: Don’t be embarrassed.

Fengjian: Me neither!

Xiaoxin VS Xiaomao

Xiao Mao: "My mother has a master's degree and my father has a doctorate. "

Xiaoxin: "What's so great!

Xiao Mao: "Who are your parents?" ”

Xiaoxin: “My father is a man and my mother is a woman. "

Xiaoxin VS Fish Shop Owner

Xiaoxin: "Is there any soy sauce for sale?

Fish shop owner: "No." "

Xiaoxin: "Do you have mustard for sale?

Fish shop owner: "No." ”

Xiaoxin: “How dare you open a store when you don’t have anything. ”

Xiaoxin VS Politician

Politician: Children, what do you like?

Child A: I like to eat.

Child B: I like my parents.

Xiaoxin: I like girls in bikinis.

Guangzhi: Wife, I’m back

Xiaoxin: Dad, you’re back. By the way, what is private money?

Guang Zhi: What, private money? Wife, what’s going on?

Xiaoxin: Team leader, let’s take a peek at the women’s bath!

Dean: No. !Peeping into the women's bath is a despicable act!

Xiaoxin: Calling me despicable is such an award, hehehe~~~~~~~~~~~~~(blushing)

Dean: (fainted) Hey, despicable is not a compliment, it describes a person with a very bad personality, so you can’t peek~~~~~~~~

Xiao Xin: Okay! Let’s go watch it openly!

(Xiaoxin and Meiya go to watch a movie)

Meiya: Xiaoxin, do you want to pee first?

Xiaoxin: No!

(The movie is about to start)

Xiaoxin: I want to poop.

Meiya: Why not just now?

Xiaoxin: I didn’t want to just now.

(Toilet door)

Xiaoxin: Mom, you’re welcome, come together.

Meiya: Come in quickly.

Xiaoxin: But what if that uncle who is peeing wants to kidnap me?

(Mei Yao is on fire)

Xiaoxin: When the time comes, you won’t be able to pay the ransom? !

Xiaoxin: That’s it.

Meiya: Let’s go quickly.

Xiaoxin: Just pee again.

Xiaoxin: Let me say a few words on behalf of my mother who is not breathing.

Mom: It should be hopeless.

I took the bus this morning and witnessed with my own eyes a wretched man taking out a girl’s mimi, sweat!

I took the No. 53 bus to work this morning. There were really many people on the bus. I finally stood still and looked around. (I have a habit of getting familiar with a new environment first. Surrounding situation, in case something unexpected happens) I suddenly found that there was a man and a woman in a row of seats; at this moment, the man touched the woman’s breasts. I often see reports about bus perverts, who knew today Fortunately, I met her once. I saw the woman's expression as if nothing was wrong. I was very depressed. Looking at the people around me, a few people were staring, while others were After taking one look, he turned away, as if nothing happened. Indeed, the world is sad, and even the person involved did not resist!

I thought at the time that the two knew each other and might be a couple. In fact, when I thought about it later, I realized that they couldn’t be a couple or a couple based on their age. The woman was only in her 20s at most.

After a few stops in the car, suddenly, the man’s hand actually pulled the woman’s clothes open, revealing the white MIMI. Wow, I was a little excited at the time. It was indeed a beautiful MIMI. Before I could recover, do you know what happened? The man actually put his mouth up and sucked hard. . . . .

At this moment, no one stood up and said a word, including myself. . . .

After arriving at the company, I told several colleagues about this matter, because I also felt that what I did was wrong at the time. My colleagues were extremely angry after hearing this, although they are not usually gentlemen. In the end, Xiao Zhang asked me: "How old is that man? When the brothers outside see him, they will kill him..."

"According to my estimation, the man is no more than 10 months old. ."