Who can tell me a humorous joke?

First, when I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food to eat. I never throw my booger. " .

Second, the boss and the second child flew, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."

3. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .

4. A rich man wants a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw? "

Six, the boss and the second went to the theater to see the play. When they saw that they were arguing about the plot development halfway, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and swallow fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "

A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still had to go home and bring the cat to buy it.

It's cat food A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Eight, some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man felt that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Sir, do you want more?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I'm like this ... "

And:

The husband formulated the "wife post system standard"

This system is formulated in order to enforce family discipline, maintain family order and standardize correct family life. Details are as follows:

First, a wife must unconditionally love her husband and all family members, resolutely support all her husband's decisions, obey all his commands, and resolutely refuse to fight back, scold or talk back. Three obedience and four virtues must be kept in mind and strictly observed.

Second, when the husband comes home, he must kneel at the door to meet him. Before going to bed every night, be sure to give your husband a pot of hot foot bath water and help him wash his feet, or help his husband and children take a bath and rub their backs. It is forbidden to cut corners. You must wait for your husband and children to go to bed first, carefully massage your husband to sleep (you must unconditionally meet his special needs), and then you must clean up all the hygiene at home before going to bed; You must get up before 6 o'clock every morning, get up early, wait on your husband and children until you go out, and the holidays will not be over; Violation of a penalty, kneeling on the bed for one night to recite three obedience and four virtues.

Third, all monthly income must be paid to the husband in full, and no private money can be hidden; The daily family living expenses are allocated by the husband on a daily basis, and the husband has the right to know and audit the expenses, and shall not overspend for any reason; All the financial expenses in the family are signed and approved by the husband. If there is any violation, according to the seriousness of the case, you can be punished by kneeling on the washboard to recite the three obedience and four virtues and flogging forty.

Four, responsible for the task of picking up children from school, without delay; On holidays, we should do our duty of "escort", that is, accompany our husband to watch the ball game or play mahjong (we can only stand by and wait for instructions), accompany our children to the playground (we are not allowed to take the opportunity to chat with anyone else), and accompany the old woman to do things (we are not allowed to take a nap and be distracted). If there is any violation, according to the seriousness of the case, it can be punished by reprimanding, slapping or kneeling on the bed for three nights to recite three obedience and four virtues.

Five, must contract all the housework and cleaning work in the home, if found unqualified, can punish the scene cleaning for three times, and fined forty and kneeling on the bed for three nights.

6. When family members watch TV, they are responsible for serving tea, pouring water and delivering snacks. They can't grab the remote control with their husbands and children, and they can't talk loudly. If there is any violation, mop the floor three times.

Seven, resolutely can't look at other men except her husband; It is forbidden to talk on the phone, write letters or meet with old lovers; It is forbidden to laugh and tell lies in front of male colleagues, and the clothes you wear when you go out must be checked and approved by your husband and must not be exposed; If there is any violation, depending on the seriousness of the case, the husband will punish him at will.

8. Pretend that you don't know anything about your husband's entertainment outside, and don't ask questions. Treat her husband's little lover as her own sister. It is forbidden to be jealous, which will affect the husband's mood. If there is any violation, he will be flogged forty times or expelled from marriage.

Nine, in any aspect of any family problem, you must unconditionally obey your husband's decision, and it is strictly forbidden to appeal or appeal.

Ten, strictly abide by family secrets, to ensure that the basic content of this system is not leaked.