Training for employees ~ Need some related joke cases ~ Where can I find them?

Create went to get a haircut. When I went to the barber shop, I saw the sign at the door saying "Closed today". He said, "Smell it, it's probably today!" I went to another barber shop, and there was a sign on the door saying "No business for study today". He said unconvinced: "I don't believe that I can't find a temple with a pig's head today!" After running a few blocks, I finally found a barber shop that is open. Boy, there are so many people waiting for a haircut. It was his turn to wait left and right, and he was cut in line by an acquaintance of the barber. He pointed angrily at the hairdresser and asked, "Why do you treat the same son differently?"

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Shaizi

Grandfather punished Sun Sun for disobedience and suffering in the sun. It's so hot that Sun Sun's face is sweaty, pitiful. My father came back from outside and got angry when he saw this. Without saying anything, he stood in the sun and kept shouting, "You sun my son, I will sun your son."

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carry out

A passer-by took a crooked road from a wheat field. No sooner had he reached the center of the field than he was caught by Create, the owner of the wheat field. "Stop!" Creation ran quickly to the man and shouted, "Do you know whose land this is? Don't you feel bad about stepping on other people's wheat seedlings? " The man pleaded. Boss, I'll be out of the ground in a few more steps. Let me pass this time! "Don't! ""well, then I'll go back! " "Go back? "Create a gaze." Do you want to step on it again ""What do you think I should do? " "What should I do?" Creation squatted down with his back to him and snapped, "Come on! I'll take you out! "The man was really embarrassed:" Good boss, am I wrong? "? How dare you hold it ... "Creation said viciously," Come on! " The man had to climb on his back, and he lifted the man hard and lifted his feet high. Step by step to avoid wheat seedlings and go out. Panting for help, he turned and said, "Hum! Come back next time, it won't be like this. " The man asked, "What should I do next time?" Create lifted the man to the ground, threw him to the ground, wiped the sweat from his head, and said, "Next time you come, you must carry him out in a sedan chair!" "

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Flash train

Create is in a hurry to catch the train. As soon as he entered the station, the train left. He shouted to stop while running, but the train just ignored him and went faster and faster, so that he stamped his foot and swore, "Well, let's talk tomorrow!" " "The next day, he bought a ticket early and sat in the waiting room. He was the first to line up at the station, but he just didn't get on the bus. Seeing the train slowly leaving, he raised his ticket and glanced at the train and said, "Hum! Yesterday, you passed me gently. Today, I can show off to you beautifully. Dare you do it again? "

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Don't suffer

The traveler lost his travel expenses and walked into the courtyard of a tall building. As soon as he entered the room, he bowed before the memorial tablet without saying anything. The shopkeeper Lao Rong hurried to help the guest and was about to ask, when the man pointed to the memorial tablet and said; "That's my brother!" Lao Rong suddenly realized: "So we are relatives." Please sit down at once, prepare wine and rice, and treat the guests well. Before he left, he gave the man a lot of money. After the guests left, Lao Rong's thinking became more and more wrong: my ancestors were his brothers, and our family was his descendants, wasn't it? The more I think about it, the more wrong it is. I jumped out of the gate and chased twenty miles nonstop. I grabbed the man's skirt and pointed at his nose and scolded him: "Hum! Who did you say you were on my tablet? " The man said, "It's my brother!" Old Rong said, "Bah! That's my grandson! "

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Chastity card

Create a chastity card for his mother. On the day of listing, the craftsman said, "Boss, I'm telling you, it's important to hang chastity cards-if your old man is really chastity, the cards will be hung properly;" If her old man's house is fake, it should be hung a little crooked. It is not good for future generations to ignore this point. I think you'd better explain it to your mother first. " Create told his mother what the craftsman said: "You have to tell the truth, this is a major event that will affect future generations! "Her mother thought for a long time and whispered with tears in her eyes; I had a long way to go when your father died. Later, it was really-... You know what? You tell him to hang up first, and I'll move here in a few days.

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Erect a monument

There is a He Lin county in southern Shaanxi and a Qijiazhuang in He Lin county. There is a man named Qi Erzheng in Qijiazhuang. This Qi Erzheng lacks a string in his mind, and he often says and does stupid things. People call him Qi Erleng behind his back. This year's love story, Qi Er is competing to pay homage to his ancestors. Seeing that there are many tombstones in other people's graves, he wants to set up a virtue monument for his ancestors. So he invited Wang Wannian, a senior craftsman from Hedong, to his home. Qi Er is mean and stingy, and he treats Wang Wannian badly. He has little food and little salt, but his family is full of wine, meat, chicken and fish. Wang Wannian was angry, but he wanted to get back at him. Knowing that Qi Er was an idiot, he carved his name in the middle of the stone tablet-"Wang Wannian, the ancestor of Hedong epigraphy", but he taboo carved his master's name in the lower right of the stone tablet-"Qi Er, the unfilial man, recommended himself". After carving, Wang Wannian said, "Please look at the shopkeeper." Qi erzheng didn't understand the composition of the tablet at all, thinking that it would be wrong for a famous teacher to carve a tablet? Then pretend to take a look and nod in praise; "Well, good, very good! Take the silver. " On the day when the monument was erected, the guests were full. Everyone was shocked when they saw it, so they couldn't say anything, so they had to praise it to their faces and laugh behind their backs. Qi Er is happily reciting a crooked poem: the ancestors are highly respected, and today a monument is erected to prove it. From then on, Qi's two struggles will be respected by everyone. Since then, "Qi Er Dou, the monument as evidence" has become a joke, and the population of Qijiazhuang people has spread to four societies and eight villages, which is well known to women and children.

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draw

Lao Rong wanted to draw a picture for his dead father, but the old man left no picture when he was alive. The painter told him to find a similar person to take care of the painting. After looking for it several times at the party, Lao Rong looked at a beggar who looked like his father, so he invited him home, dressed well, ate well, drank well and entertained him well, and agreed to hang money three times a day for the painter to take pictures of him. After painting for more than ten days, it seems to be finished. The beggar asked for money, and Lao Rong changed his face: "You are a beggar, doing nothing every day, just sitting in an round-backed chair. Eat, drink and be merry, and pay! " Said dead said live just don't give. In a rage, he wore the clothes on the portrait, stole a pair of bedding and ran away. On the first day of the first month, Lao Rong and his relatives who came to pay a New Year call bowed down and kowtowed to his father's portrait. After the salute, everyone casually praised: "His old man is really kind-hearted and full of happiness!" Lao Rong pointed to the portrait and scolded, "I get angry when I look at this son of a bitch!" " I waited for him after eating and drinking, but the guy put on all my clothes before he left, which made a good foundation for me. What a heartless thief! "

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Eat milk

Daughter-in-law is nursing her grandson. Grandpa saw that Sun didn't eat well, so he teased Sun and said, "If you don't eat, Grandpa will eat!" " "His son happened to enter the door at this time. Seeing this, he said, "Dad, how can you eat your daughter-in-law's milk at your age? "Dad pointed angrily at his son and said," You have been sucking my wife's milk for so many years, so I can't eat your wife's milk? "

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Famous movies

Accompanied by provincial, prefectural and county leaders, a leader inspected a cement plant. When the factory director saw the head, he said with surprise, "Oh, my God, it's true, it's true, it's true, just like on TV." He ran quickly to his head, quickly took out a business card and handed it in respectfully. The director looked at it and couldn't help laughing. Open your mouth and read the business cards: the State Council, Central Committee of the Communist Youth League, Wanrong County of Shanxi Provincial Party Committee, state-owned individual cement factory, secretary manager and factory director, legal representative Wang, the product quality is too hard.

What is a county magistrate?

On this day, the county magistrate went to a mental hospital to check his work. He suddenly remembered something, picked up the phone of the hospital and informed the staff of the county government. But the hospital switchboard didn't connect him with an outside line, so the county magistrate had to say to the operator, "I am the county magistrate and have important work to talk about." The operator said impatiently, "Are you the county magistrate? Just now, the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of Britain wanted to talk on the phone, but I ignored them. You are the county magistrate, so stay in the ward! "

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Run slowly.

The new county magistrate sat in the car and asked the driver, "Why is there a' rabbit' on your window glass?" When the driver saw it, it turned out to be a sign of exemption from road maintenance fees. The county magistrate regards the word exemption as a rabbit. The driver was embarrassed to say it and joked, "That's because I want the car to run faster." The county magistrate nodded: "Good idea." Go back and tell the secretary; "I saw the public security bureau car running too fast. When I went back, I put a turtle in their car to make them run slower. "

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Divide the pork well; Everyone was given a piece of cake.

After the county government killed a pig and distributed the meat to the cadres, it was prepared to distribute the rest to several leaders. After being divided into several piles, the director asked Xiaorong to write a sign in case the leading driver made a mistake. After a while, the director went to see it, and there was a sign in front of each pile, which read "Wan County" and "Niu County". , he said, "this is no good. If you change the brand, you will be mixed up. Write the main points clearly on the sign. " After work, the leading driver went to get something. As soon as I entered the office, I saw things lined up on the table and there were signs standing, just like in an exhibition, in front of the pig head, there was a sign: Wanxian pig head; There is a sign in the second pile: the hoof of the county magistrate cow; In the third pile stands a sign: the ear of the county magistrate horse; At the end of that pile stood a sign: Xiongxian Launch.

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County magistrate by car

The county magistrate was in a hurry to go to the county for a meeting in the morning. He paged several times, but the driver didn't come, so he parked his car outside. Coincidentally, in the early morning, there was no car, only a tractor came. The county magistrate was afraid of missing the meeting, so he stopped the tractor and sent it to the county government. But the farmer didn't know the county magistrate, refused to sit down and drove away. After a while, the car came and the county magistrate neglected to criticize the driver. Tell him what just happened and let him catch up with the tractor in front. After stopping, the driver told the farmer how rude you were to the county magistrate, and the farmer quickly apologized to the county magistrate. The county magistrate waved his hand: "I don't believe that a county magistrate can't even sit on a tractor!" " So, the county magistrate drove a tractor to the county government for a meeting, and the story immediately spread throughout the county.

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Try to see a doctor yourself.

Wanrong has a tuberculosis hospital with a good reputation, but Director Bai of the Health Bureau just doesn't believe it and insists on sending someone to check it out. After he told his subordinates his plan, nobody wanted to go. Director Bai had to go to tuberculosis hospital by himself, often chatting with patients and using all kinds of things used by patients. After unremitting efforts, I finally got tuberculosis. Under the treatment of this hospital, I quickly recovered my health and believed in the curative effect of this hospital. Medical experiment, director of White, soon spread, and the masses were very moved. One day, as soon as he got to work, he saw several people waiting for him in the office. When asked, they are the deans of several hospitals. They said, "Director Bai, you can't be partial. You have to go to our place and try your best to promote it for us. " Director Bai asked, "What unit are you in?" Everyone scrambled to say: We are a hepatitis hospital ...; We specialize in treating sexually transmitted diseases ...; We are from the Cancer Hospital. ...

Wanrong joke phase 3

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Sit in a soft seat

Chuangchuang went to Beijing to see his son. He bought a hard seat ticket and got on without a seat. After several carriages, he got into the soft-seat carriage, found a seat and sat down, smoking comfortably. After a while, the flight attendant came over and said to him, "No smoking in the car, smoking is fine!" " "Create just paid the fine, and the flight attendant checked his train ticket and said," hard seat ticket for soft seat car, fine! " Create paid the fine and left the soft-seat car. When he arrived in Taiyuan, he called a yellow-faced car. Seeing that the seat was soft, he squatted in front of it. The driver asked him why he didn't sit in his seat and smoke. Create sneered, "You think I don't know that it's a fine to sit in a soft seat with a hard seat ticket. I also know that this is a non-smoking car. You want to remind me of my addiction and punish me, no way! "

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Just fast.

Create is waiting for the bus in Taiyuan. When the bus came, he heard the loudspeaker say, "Please get on at the front door …" Just as Create got on at the front door, he heard the loudspeaker say, "Please don't get off at the back door …" Create got off at the back door again soon, and when he saw the stop sign, he was still there. Create sighed, "this bus is fast, it won't take much time.

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Keep you from suffering

I was sitting in Taiyuan and went to a fellow villager. The meter says 20 yuan. He didn't have his wallet when he felt in his pocket. He only had 19 yuan on him, but the driver insisted that he pay another dollar. Creation said, "Wanrong people have no money, but I don't have it on me. Otherwise, if you return the car for a dollar, I will never let you suffer. "

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Who is the rogue?

When Create got on the bus, there was a young girl in front, carrying a big backpack and wearing a narrow one-step skirt. The steps of the carriage were steep, and the girl couldn't get up, because the one-step skirt got stuck in her thigh several times. The people behind were in a hurry to get on the bus, and they all crowded and shouted. The girl was in a hurry. She reached behind and unbuttoned a one-step skirt, but she still couldn't get up. She untied three in a row, but she still couldn't get up. Create, who followed, was anxious, grabbed the girl's waist and pushed her up, but as soon as the girl got on the bus, she turned around and scolded: "Rogue!" Create looked aggrieved and said, "Rogue? I haven't talked about you yet. You unbuttoned the front of my pants, and you are a hooligan! "

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Steal a mobile phone

Create's son is a manager in Beijing, and Create went to his son. He didn't want to go to the company restaurant to have dinner with the staff, so his son had to have the food and drinks delivered to his office. When the meal was almost finished, the son picked up the phone and said, "Hello, please send two bowls of soup." After drinking the soup, the son picked up the phone and said, "Hey, send some more fruit." It's been like this for several days. Create is going home. His son wants to get him some money. He insisted on not, saying, "I don't want money, I just want one thing." The son asked, "What?" Cheater pointed to the phone: "That's it." Hearing this, the son smiled: "The phone in our hometown is disconnected, so it's no use taking it back." Create ideas for yourself: I am useless if you are useful, so I can't bear to give it to you, right? So the next morning, I secretly unplugged my mobile phone and stuffed it into my bag. As soon as he got home, Create said to his wife, "Great, we don't have to worry about not eating anything anymore!" " Then he took out his phone and said into the microphone, "Hey, bring the dining table in!" " "After a long time, nothing happened. He picked up the receiver and said, "hey, the food is not ready yet. Send some fruit in first!" " "

Comparative guessing problem

Creation met a southerner on the train, claiming to be a college student and looked down on him. The southerner said, "Sitting will do. Shall we play a guessing game? " Create asked, "How did you guess?" The southerner said, "I am a college student, and you are a farmer, not in the same class." Tell you what, if you can't guess my question, you give me a hundred. If you can't guess your question, I'll give you a hundred. " You are a farmer, ask a question first. Creation asked, "What animal has three legs and can fly in the sky?" "The southerner thought for a long time and said," I really can't guess. Let me give you 200. "After paying the money, the southerners were unconvinced and said," What kind of animal do you think this is? "Creation said," I can't guess. Here, I'll give you a hundred. "

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Shanxi

Create was shopping in Beijing when someone asked him where he was from. Creation says, "Wanrong." When Beijingers said they didn't know Wanrong, Create said, "You don't even know Wanrong. This is a county where your newspaper takes care of the concierge. " After returning to his son's home, Create told him about it. The son said, "When you go to a big place in the future, don't say that you are Wanrong, just say that you are from Shanxi." Create and keep it in mind. Go back to Wanrong and change trains in Taiyuan. Someone asked him where he came from. Creation said, "I am from Shanxi!" "

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Excessive urine content

Before creating a trip to Beijing to see his son, the villagers told him that the city was called a toilet, so don't miss it. In Taiyuan, I lived in a guest house, went to the toilet at night and saw the bathroom hanging in the corridor. Create recognized a printer and went in to relieve himself. Unexpectedly, the pool was too high for Create to reach on tiptoe, so he had to go downstairs and find a brick mat to pee in the pool. Back in Wanrong, Create said to everyone, "People in the city just pee too high. As far as my head is concerned, I have to put a brick on it to see it. "

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Telegraph shoes

Create's youngest son went to college in Taiyuan, and his wife asked him to buy a pair of shoes and send them to him. Imagine how many days it will take to send it by parcel post. Hearing that the telegraph was fast, he hung his newly bought shoes on the telephone pole. When I got home, I told my wife, and she said, "I only heard that telegrams send letters, but I didn't hear that telegrams send things." Go and get the shoes back. " By the time they reached the telephone pole, a young man had taken off his new shoes and put them on, leaving only one old shoe in the shoe box. When Create saw it, he clapped his hands and said, "Hey, this telegram is really fast. It only took a bag of effort, and our baby received new shoes and sent them back to us. "

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Earned 200

Create's son Hua 180 yuan bought a suit and sent it to Create, his hometown. Afraid of his father's distress, he wrote that he bought it at a discount and only spent 80 yuan. Soon he received a reply from his father: how to wear an 80-yuan coat? I sold 100 yuan and earned you 20 yuan. You can buy ten more pieces and bring them back quickly. I can earn you 200 yuan.

Wanxian county magistrate jumped into the well.

The county government office bought a turtle for each leader and separated it according to its size. Afraid of getting it wrong, Xiaorong asked Xiaorong to put a note on the back of each turtle with the name of the leader written on it. After all the stickers were finished, I found that the turtle of Tiewan County was missing. Everyone looked into the yard and found that the tortoise had climbed onto the well platform and jumped in. Xiaorong shouted: "Wanxian County Governor jumped into the well!" Several migrant workers who were working in the yard heard this and hurried down to the well. After a while, migrant workers climbed up and said, "I can't find Wanxian, I have become a chinemys reevesii."

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No wonder he hit you.

Xiaorong bought two Jin of tea from the county seat. His wife asked him, "How do you eat this?" Xiaorong said, "Just rinse it with boiling water." The next day, as soon as Xiaorong came home, his wife said to him, "The grass you bought is not delicious, and it smells strange." Xiaorong saw that his wife had boiled two Jin of tea into the pot. Xiaorong slapped her in the face with anger. The wife ran to her mother-in-law and cried. Her mother-in-law took a sip of tea and scolded, "No wonder he hit you. Why didn't you put salt? "

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What to wear next year?

Xiaorong and his wife are watching TV at home. The wife said, "The weather in the city is terrible. It gets hotter every year. " Xiao Rong said, "How do you know?" The wife said, "Look at the girl in the city who showed her arms and legs last year, and she began to show her belly this year. What will they wear next year? "

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Reluctant to pull

Xiaorong and his colleagues clubbed together to go to a seafood restaurant to celebrate the leader's birthday. It cost him 100 yuan, which made him feel bad. The next day, Xiaorong was fidgeting, and his wife asked him, "Are you sick?" Xiaorong said, "No, I just want to go to the bathroom." The wife said, "Then you should go quickly." Xiaorong said, "I ate such expensive food yesterday that I couldn't bear to pull it." I want it to stay in my stomach for a while. "

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I didn't feed you enough.

A friend of Xiaorong's got married. He paid a hundred gifts to attend the wedding reception. It happened that something happened in the company. It was a pity that he didn't go, so he gave the company two pounds of soybeans to watch the door and hired him to go to the party. In the afternoon, as soon as CSI came back, Xiao Rong asked him, "Did you give me dinner?" Csi said, "No, I only ate half." Xiao Rong asked, "Then why aren't you full?" Csi: "Half of the soybeans you gave me are bad, of course, I only give you half a full meal."

More expensive than gasoline.

Director Bai went to Taiyuan for a meeting by car and went shopping with the driver in Wuyi Building. The driver wanted to park his car in the parking lot, but it cost ten yuan and he drove to the vicinity of Wuyi Square in front of the building. Seeing this, the traffic police stopped him and asked, "Do you need any help? Why not continue to turn here? " The driver said, "Parking is more expensive than gas."

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I'm looking for a dog

Create a township government to reflect the problem because of the responsibility field. After listening to the creation, a deputy head of the township said arrogantly, "Do you still need to find me for such a small matter?" Creation said, "I'm not looking for you. Who are you looking for? You are sitting in the position of deputy head of the township. " The township head said, "You should be able to find me sitting in this position, right?" Creation said angrily, "I'm looking for this seat, looking for something to sit on this chair." I'll find the man sitting in this chair. If it is a dog sitting on it, I will go to the dog. "

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Wan'er's works

Wan'er went to work in Hainan, and the boss asked her to work in the office. One morning, the boss called Wan'er in without getting up and said, "Pour the urinal and make me a pot of tea." Wan'er thought I wasn't here to be a servant girl, so she poured urine into the urinal, put a handful of tea in the urinal, made boiled water and took it in. The boss said without looking, "pour me a cup." I took a few sips of tea handed over by Wan'er and frowned and said, "What's the taste of this tea?" Seeing that the urinal on the coffee table was still steaming, I asked, "How do you make tea with the urinal?" Wan Erdao: "Didn't you say to pour the urinal and make a pot of tea?" The next day, the boss asked Wan'er to say, "Pour the urinal-no, don't pour it, make a pot of tea." Wan' er said, "Tea is brewed with urine, and it doesn't pour urine?" The boss was angry for a long time before he said, "You don't have to be responsible for urinating in the future."

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I regret it to death

Xiaowan went to Taiyuan on business and saw the elevator for the first time when he was on business. He saw an old lady in her sixties get into the elevator. After a while, the elevator door opened again and a beautiful girl came out. In the evening, Xiaowan called his wife: "It's nice in the city. It can make people young and beautiful. Hey, I really regret not bringing you this time. "

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sing one's own praises

A Wanrong man and a Pingyao man blew off the cowhide after meeting on the train. Pingyao people said: "Our Pingyao beef is famous all over the country." Wanrong people said: "Our Wanrong cattle are famous all over the world for their lion heads, tiger tails and wooden bowl hooves." Pingyao people said, "My uncle made a Pingyao cow last year. Can you guess how much it weighs? " Hey, two and a half tons, people in Pingyao County ate it all day. Wanrong said, "My uncle raised a cow last year. Do you know how big it is? Stand up like a building, lie down like a building, walk like a building ... "Pingyao people interrupted him:" Is there such a big cow? Don't brag. "Wanrong people said," Without such a big cow, where did your uncle get that piece of beef? "

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Feiyun Tower and Yellow Crane Tower

A Wanrong man and a Wuhan man blew off the cowhide after meeting on the train. Wuhan people said: "The Yellow Crane Tower is the best in the world, reaching the top." Wanrong people said: "We have a non-cloud building in Wanrong, half of which is inserted in the cloud. That year, we almost shot down the high-altitude unmanned reconnaissance plane in the United States. " Wuhan people also said: "Last year, we jumped off the Yellow Crane Tower and landed in 30 minutes!" Wan Rong said: "Last year, we also jumped a man from Feiyun Tower, but the police said he was dead before jumping." Wuhan people asked, "Then how did he die?" Wanrong said, "He starved to death! The building is too high! "

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Wanrong people buy vegetables.

In the vegetable market, there is a sweet-mouthed vegetable seller who is also very affectionate with people. On this day, Xiaowan's wife came to the market, and the vegetable seller shouted at a distance: "Sister-in-law, look how fresh my leeks are. Take a bundle back to give me Song and my nephew Bao jiaozi! " Xiaowan's wife took a bundle of leeks and left. The vegetable seller shouted, "Sister-in-law, I haven't given you any money yet." Xiaowan's wife said, "Your brother will pass by here later. Ask him for it. " The vegetable seller said, "But I don't know my brother." Passers-by all laughed: "You don't even know your brother. Are you kidding? "

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It is illegal to hit people.

A passer-by has diarrhea and can't find the toilet for a while. He happened to see a bungalow by the roadside and ran in for convenience. After he got up, he was seen by several workers who came to build a house. The workers caught him and wanted to fight. At this critical moment, the old man who passed by saw it and shouted angrily, "What are you doing? ! "The worker said," If he wants to urinate in the room, we will hit him. " Old Rong said, "Don't you know it's illegal to hit people? ! "The worker was shocked by the old man and asked," Old comrade, what do you suggest? " Lao Rong said: "In short, hitting people is wrong! He took a shit in the room. Why don't you just let him eat? How can he hit people? "