Characteristics of Management Communication in the Internet Age —— Parent-child Communication in the Internet Age

Family education 20 1 1 12

Half of parents don't communicate with their children.

After the Internet entered people's lives, everything has changed dramatically. Traditional parent-child communication is also very different from the past, whether it is the content of communication or the ways and means of communication. In terms of communication content, parents used to know more than children, but now children think their parents are too ignorant, calling them "proteins"-idiots, idiots, mental derangements, and talking about learning as soon as they communicate. In terms of communication methods, children used to be willing to listen to their parents, but now they disdain to listen to their parents because they think their parents are too verbose, too old-fashioned and too overbearing; In the past, the communication channel was relatively simple, mainly face to face and writing letters. Nowadays, telephones, computers, videos, short messages, instant messaging, blogs and Weibo are much richer than in the past. If parents don't master these methods, they may get farther and farther away from their children.

Therefore, parent-child communication in the Internet age is more difficult and challenging. If parents master the communication secrets of the new era, they will be closer to their children, communicate with their children more smoothly and in more forms. Only in this way can parents be closer to their children's hearts and grow up with them.

As soon as the research report "Defending the Growth of Confused Teenagers in Hunan" was released, it attracted people's attention. The data shows that 46.2% of parents have seriously lost the ability to communicate with their children! After analyzing tens of thousands of help-seeking cases, experts found that children are disgusted or even refuse to communicate with their parents and are unwilling to talk to them; When parents take the initiative to communicate with their children, the children show extreme impatience and even lose their temper. Children always say "you don't understand", "I'm too lazy to talk to you" and "you're so annoying" ...

Parents feel very wronged: we communicate a lot with our children! I chat with my children every day and try to find time to eat and study with them. How can it be said that parents do not communicate with their children? However, children have their own ideas. A middle school student said, "I'm glad that Jay Chou has released a new album. My mother said coldly,' Does this have anything to do with you? Never mind, let's go and read a book. After finishing my homework, I played online for a while. Less than half an hour later, my dad scolded me and said,' How long? How many questions can you do during this time?' Therefore, I feel that parents have little communication with us, and every day is just a simple topic such as eating and sleeping. "

A survey just confirmed the child's words. Fudan University's "Empirical Research on Shanghai Residents' Family Education Investment Behavior and Education Payment Ability" shows that Shanghai parents are very willing to devote themselves to tutoring or attending remedial classes, but the material investment and time and emotion investment are extremely mismatched. 7 1% parents often ask about their children's school life, while 26% parents only ask occasionally. When asked, "What do you care about your children most? ",the order of answers is grades (78. 1%), health (65.5%), relationship with teachers and classmates (52.4%), future (45.9%) and personality (42.4%). It can be seen that parents are far more concerned about their children's grades than other aspects, which naturally leads children to dislike communicating with their parents and even feel that there is no place to tell their troubles. The survey of China Youth Research Center also shows that 2 1.0% of the students have no one to talk about their troubles. How can such quality of parent-child communication receive better family education effect?

In fact, good family communication is very beneficial to children's growth, and active and effective parent-child communication is the premise of family education.

Three obstacles to parent-child communication

The Chongqing Evening News reported that Yao Yao, an 8-year-old girl in the second grade of Binjiang Primary School in Shapingba District, Chongqing, hoped that her father would be ill forever. Just seeing the students' New Year's wishes, Mr. Hu, the class teacher, froze. She thought: Is this father abusing children? Later, I learned that Yao Yao's father was the sales manager of a big company. Because of work, I have to go out to socialize almost every day at the end of the year. Every night before Yao Yao goes to bed, my father is still very busy. When I get up in the morning, my father is sleeping again, and father and daughter rarely meet. Once, my father promised his daughter that if she passed the 100 exam, she would take her to KFC. As a result, my daughter came home with a perfect score paper, and my father 10 didn't come back. Before going to bed, Yao Yao snapped her fingers unhappily and said to her mother, "Dad doesn't love me. I haven't seen him for ten days. "

Later, my father drank his stomach and was rushed to the hospital. In the next few days, my father would take time off to go home after transfusion every day. In those days, Yao Yao ate with her father. After dinner, her father also helped her with her homework and dictation. Sometimes, I will take her to the nearby supermarket to buy snacks. However, the happy days passed quickly, my father's body recovered and a busy day began. Therefore, I have a daughter's "vicious" New Year's resolution!

What blocks the communication channel between parents and children?

1. Didn't realize the value of parent-child communication.

Many parents don't realize the value of parent-child communication in family education. Some parents think that parent-child communication means talking to children, and talking to children means learning and grades. Therefore, parent-child communication has become preaching and nagging, and it has become urging learning and criticizing and correcting mistakes. Such parent-child communication is naturally unacceptable to children.

According to the statistics of the Comparative Research Report on the Rights and Interests of High School Students in China, Japan, Korea and the United States, parents are more concerned about their children's academic performance than their children's physical health, friends and emotional changes. Among them, China high school students think that "my parents are very concerned about my academic performance" is the most. 86.8% of senior high school students in China, 8 1.2% in the United States and 82.8% in South Korea feel that "my parents care about my academic performance", while only 59.438+0% in Japan feel that "my parents care about my academic performance". Moreover, 82. 1% of high school students in China said that their parents are most concerned about their academic performance, ranking first among parents, which is not only higher than their concern for their children's health (79. 1%), but also much higher than their concern for living habits (49.8%), making friends (44.5%) and emotional changes (365438+).

2. No time to communicate

The fast-paced life makes people's footsteps more and more hurried. Success because of busyness and busyness because of success, people gradually find that leisurely communication with their families has become a luxury. A random telephone survey conducted by Life Times and Beijing Zero Index Information Co., Ltd. on 1.425 residents in five major cities of Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Wuhan and Chongqing shows that nearly 1/4 people spend less than two hours with their families every day except sleeping. The higher the educational background, the less communication with family members and the lower the self-satisfaction. Even in these two hours, the communication content is mostly limited to low-level daily greetings and life communication, and emotional and spiritual communication is extremely scarce.

There is no communication time between husband and wife, and there is no communication time between parents and children. A survey shows that 1 1.8% parents have no time to talk to their children every day, 46.3% parents have no time to accompany their children to exercise every day, and 30.6% parents have no time to help their children with their homework. It can be seen that there are still more than 10% parents who have no time to communicate with their children because of their busy work.

3. Lack of communication skills

Some parents have time, but are not in the mood to communicate with their children. Because in their eyes, children are children. Parents' responsibility is to let their children eat and wear warm clothes and have a good material life. Communication is between adults, and they may not understand what they say to their children. Therefore, there are often some misplaced parent-child communication in life.

I don't think children understand what adults say: if children are unhappy, there must be something unhappy. Parents should communicate with their children in time, tell him that their parents can see his unhappiness, tell him that they really want to help him, and let parents and children open a window of communication and talk to each other. If you think that children don't know anything, it is naturally difficult to communicate with them and you won't open your heart to your parents.

I think communication means taking pains to say that communication is a matter for both sides. Parents often seem to be communicating with their children on the surface, but in fact they want to express their ideas. The fundamental purpose is to make children listen to themselves. This kind of unilateral preaching is not communication.

There is nothing to say with children: parents don't know their children, don't know what they are thinking, like and hate, so they lack communication topics. The conversation between parents and children is "learning", and there is a big gap between parents' topics and children's needs, so they will talk to themselves in the opposite direction.

Lack of communication platform: in urban families, parents often spend little time with their children, and the dining table has become the main platform for communication. If parents can create more communication channels, it will be more conducive to parent-child communication. For example, playing sports with children, going out for a walk, watching TV and reading books are all good communication platforms.

Four types of children need parent-child communication more.

In the information age, the Internet has changed people's way of life. Parents are often very worried: children become "baiwenhang", preferring to chat with people online rather than talk to parents! Although chatting online has certain benefits for children, if you are too addicted to the internet, it will really affect both parent-child communication and children's safety and health. It is found that four kinds of children are more likely to indulge in the internet: first, children who live in a cold family atmosphere and lack warm parenting methods; Second, children who adopt immature coping styles such as fantasy and retreat; Third, children with high social anxiety and low social efficiency; Fourth, children with low self-identity. If parents can care more about their children in the family and avoid the above four types of children, it may be more conducive to the communication between children and parents.

☆ Children who lack warm upbringing.

Case: There used to be three children in our family. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old, and I was awarded to my father. After mom left, dad didn't consider many aspects. Sometimes my father says I don't listen, and he gradually develops the habit of hitting me. But the more I fight, the less I listen. Later, I was skinned. In junior high school, how many years have passed? Ten years later, he still hit me. In fact, he only hit me because of some small things at home, sometimes doing housework, washing dishes and breaking bowls, or other things are small things ... he can't see anything, but he just hits it. He may be influenced by my grandfather. My grandfather used to beat him when he was a child, and then it was my turn. After he beat me up, he told me that he believed that "sticks make a dutiful son."

-16-year-old boy, jailed for robbing online games.

Reason:

Children can't feel their parents' care and support at home, and their love needs can't be met, so they feel lonely and seek spiritual support in the network. Moreover, the father's excessive punishment and interference may cause the child's rebellious psychology and make the child turn to the network to vent.

Countermeasures:

1. Parents should learn more about educational theories and methods, especially the art of communication;

2. Create a harmonious family environment and make the home full of music and laughter;

3. Always have activities with children, and it is best for family members to have the same hobbies;

4. Give children free space and let them be the masters of their own lives, but don't interfere with children too much.

☆ Children who lack coping ability in the face of pressure.

Case: In the eyes of my parents, I will always be a bad boy. When I get 95 points, they will ask me why everyone gets 100 points. Running at school every day is too tiring. Just lying down for a while after going home, my mother said, how do you do your homework when you go home? I talked to them about singers, and both of them got angry and said, what does this have to do with you? After that, I stopped talking to them. I chat online. How good the internet is. People always talk to me.

-15 years old, male.

Reason:

When a person faces pressure, he often adopts different methods. Some people actively try to solve problems, while others avoid self-blame. Most people with positive attitude can handle stress well and show healthy psychology and behavior; However, it is difficult for people with negative attitudes to deal with stress. They often turn to the Internet and use it more to relieve stress.

Countermeasures:

1. Raise your child with a normal heart and don't put too much pressure on your child;

2. Determine appropriate growth goals for children;

3. Accept the child's failure and trust the child's ability;

4. When the child encounters difficulties, take the initiative to help the child find a way to solve the problem.

Children who lack social skills

Case: I have no friends in my class, and everyone looks down on me. They think I'm from the countryside and have little knowledge. Once, the teacher asked the students to form a social practice group freely, and no one wanted to join me. I felt particularly humiliated at that time. Later, I was scared, too. I dare not speak or even look up when I see people. When the teacher asked me to speak in class, I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty. One day, I was depressed and went to the internet cafe near my home, only to find that the internet was really good and there was everything on it. I became talkative. I chat with people online and dare to say anything. ...

-16 years old, male.

Reason:

Partner communication is especially important for children's growth. If children are afraid to communicate with others, or lack communication skills, they will flee to the internet, because the internet is very interactive, and people can communicate with others in a virtual and anonymous way, which can help children alleviate their depression to some extent.

Countermeasures:

1. Parents should encourage their children to associate with their peers;

2. Always encourage children to discover their own strengths;

3. Teach children some communication skills with partners;

4. Give children more opportunities to interact with others.

☆ Children with low self-identity

Case: I surf the Internet because I am too fat. I felt very inferior at that time. I feel particularly ugly and embarrassed to meet people. So, I stopped going to school in the second day of junior high school and stayed at home all day. My parents are busy and ignore me, so I play online by myself. Chatting online is great. Nobody laughs at me for being fat. They all think that I am a beautiful girl who is good at dancing. I like chatting with QQ best. There are more than 200 netizens there, and people chat with me almost 24 hours a day. I also met many boyfriends online. I fell in love with them. I got married and divorced.

-15 years old, female.

Reason:

Children entering adolescence have enhanced their self-awareness, and they will constantly think about and examine what kind of person they are. Am I handsome? Smart? Is it beautiful? Is it chic? These questions will make children compare and judge repeatedly, so there will be conflicts between "ideal me" and "realistic me". Children with a big gap between "real me" and "ideal me" have a low degree of self-identity, that is, they don't know enough about themselves. They will think that they are poor in many aspects, so they are easy to feel inferior, afraid to associate with others and escape from society. Such children are more likely to create one or even several "ideal selves" on the Internet, and chat and make friends with their ideal identity, appearance and personality. For them, the Internet has temporarily shortened and eliminated the gap between reality and ideal.

Countermeasures:

1. Always praise the advantages of children;

2. Don't always compare children with others, let children compare with themselves;

3. Let children do what they can, and let children develop self-confidence in success;

4. Help children find their own value and make him feel "I can do it".

Five Skills of Effective Parent-child Communication

Respect is the premise of communication.

Parents often think that children don't understand their own good intentions, and children also think that parents don't understand themselves and only nag. Therefore, communication has become difficult and full of obstacles. The primary reason for this obstacle is that parents lack enough respect for their children. Many parents think that it is for the good of their children, and what they say is also reasonable. Therefore, when parents communicate with their children, they are mostly confident, and the purpose of communication is only to let their children listen to themselves. Therefore, the communication that should be equal has become a blunt command. This disrespect for children makes it difficult for children to feel the love of their parents, so there are obstacles in communication. If parents can treat their children as independent lives and respect their ideas from the perspective of loving their children, it will build a bridge for effective communication.

Respect is not just an idea. When it comes to respect, some parents feel that it is too empty and seems to be an effective way of communication. But in fact, respect is not only the idea of parents educating their children and communicating with them effectively, but also a practical method. Parents can start from the following aspects: (1) Let children choose their own lives; (2) Pay attention to the big and the small, and don't interfere too much in the children's lives in details; (3) Accept your child's failure.

2. Learn to communicate with body language

Scientific research shows that everyone has a desire for physical contact. If it is not satisfied for a long time, the so-called "skin hunger" will appear psychologically, which will cause psychological dissatisfaction, emotional anxiety and even affect physical development. For example, in infancy, parents' touch is a "safety hormone" for children's growth, that is, a factor that makes children feel safe, which can improve the growth speed and quality.

Especially in children's childhood and adolescence, body language can promote the communication between parents and children. Physical contact is not limited to hugging, kissing and touching. Touching a child's hair quickly, touching his shoulders or arms, patting his back and legs, and adding a few words of encouragement are meaningful expressions of love for growing children and an important way for parents to communicate with their children.

3. Observe children's feelings and * * *

Communication is not only expression, but also listening. In parent-child communication, what is more important than "speaking" is listening, feeling and affection with children. For a long time, our parents are too good at "talking" and too anxious to "talk". When children tell stories to their parents, parents often trust their children's feelings too much, not their feelings.

Some parents feel that they should ask their children more questions every day, so they often bombard their children: "Are you happy today?" "Did you do well at school today?" "Were you criticized by the teacher today?" "Where did you go and what did you do?" Parents asking too many questions will also make children feel impatient and think that this is the performance of parents controlling their children. So some children will use non-cooperation to deal with their parents. "Nothing", "nowhere", "not bad" and "average", but these answers often fail to achieve effective communication. In fact, what parents have to do is to listen. When children want to express themselves, parents should stop their work, take their eyes off TV or the Internet, listen to their children patiently and respond well to their words.

4. Learn to praise children

Parents' praise is also the key to open the door to communication, which will encourage children to communicate better with their parents and make parent-child relationship more harmonious. The same is communication, but the result is completely different. The communication of encouragement and praise can bring happiness and confidence to children, while the communication of criticism and blame can bring tension, pressure and confidence to children.

Praise is also learned. The most valuable praise is to praise the child for doing it right, doing it properly and doing it in time. Parents should describe what they see, so that children can feel that their parents' praise is concrete and true.

5. Give children specific guidance

When a child encounters a problem, he needs practical and specific guidance, not general principles or strict requirements. Parents need to put forward specific requirements for what they do, and patiently, comprehensively and scientifically explain to their children what to do and how to do it.