I need lots of jokes, even just a few sentences

1# Large, medium and small only read the author’s super funny new jokes~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. I’m in a good mood today. Let me tell you a story. The beginning can be It's scary, it's funny in the middle, and it has a tragic ending. Do you want to hear it? I told you, once upon a time there was a ghost who farted and died! ~~~ 2. A young woman coaxed her child to sleep with your grandfather at night. The child did not want to go. The young woman said: If you don’t want to go, I will go. Grandpa said sternly from the side: Educate children to be honest. You can't coax children and old people at the same time. 3. Several little boys pooled together more than ten yuan to buy toys, but they didn’t know what to buy. One of them suggested: Go buy sanitary napkins! Everyone was confused and asked why? The boy said, I don’t know very well, but it was said on TV that with it, you can climb mountains, water ski, play ball, and skate, and be happy and worry-free. 4. The gentle breeze blows, March is full of spring, the grass grows in the south of the Yangtze River, the water in the north of the Yangtze River is warm, the plum blossoms are fragrant outside the mountains, the willow trees are soft, and it is the season for outings and fragrance... Actually, what I want to say is... When will you treat me to dinner? 5. A hen laid a giant egg, and a news reporter came to interview. The hen was shy and silent, so she had to interview the rooster. The rooster rolled up his sleeves. I won’t comment on this matter at the moment. I’ll talk about it later when I catch that ostrich! 6. A man mistakenly swallowed the artificial eye into his mouth, and finally it got stuck in the anus and could not be taken out, so he went to the hospital. After the doctor saw it, he fainted on the spot. When he woke up, he said: I have been looking at the butthole all my life, but I didn’t expect that I would be in the butthole in the end. Take a look... 7. A dog went to start a business in the mountains. The farmer gave it a sickle and the carpenter gave it a hammer. When the dog came to the mountains and met a tiger, he was so frightened that he raised the sickle and hammer. The tiger chuckled. Said: Hey, that guy is still a X member! 8. I miss you! I miss you! I always think about it during the day and at night! I'm still thinking about it while sitting in the toilet! Miss you! Miss you! I just can’t remember you! ……回电告诉我好吗? 9. 从20楼和从2楼掉下来的区别（注意：音响效果不同）20楼：啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊～～～ Snap! Floor 2: Bang! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~ 10. Life motto: The one riding the white horse may not be a prince, he may be Tang Monk; the one with wings may not be an angel, He may be a birdman; he stands taller and pees further; he wears other people's shoes and walks his own path, let them find it! 11. Ridicule: After watching many movies, I finally understand how movies are rated. Ordinary level: good men get the heroine; tutorial level: bad guys get the heroine; restricted level: everyone gets the heroine. 12. Let me tell you a poignant love story. The hero and heroine must abandon their beliefs and endure the ruthless eyes of the world in order to come together. There is only one sentence in the story: Master, just follow me! 13. My wife is the TV and my lover is my mobile phone. I watch TV at home and take my mobile phone with me when I go out. I sell my TV when I go bankrupt and get rich and buy my mobile phone. I watch TV occasionally and play with my mobile phone all day long. The TV is free of charge for life and my mobile phone will be shut down if I owe money. 14. Bajie was hugging Chang'e on the moon to flatter him. Suddenly he saw a man hiding in an iron can flying past. Chang'e exclaimed: Someone is peeking into our privacy! Bajie asked: Was it sent by Gao Laozhuang? Chang'e replied: Fortunately, it's Yang Liwei~~ 15. A squid was caught by a hunter, and he begged him not to roast it. The hunter said okay, then he would ask you a few questions. The squid happily said: That's great. , copy it, copy it! So the hunter roasted it... 16. A man went to the hospital to see a doctor and said that he could not see things in the distance clearly. The doctor took him outside, pointed at the sun and asked what it was. The patient answered the sun, and the doctor said: Do you still want to see it? How far? The village chief was drunk one night. He came home in a daze and accidentally entered the pig pen. He lay down next to the sow and said, "Honey, give me a glass of water!" The pig snorted twice. The village chief said: "If it doesn't fall, it won't fall. Why are you so arrogant!" After saying that, he touched a handful and said, "Damn, I bought a low-quality leather jacket again. It's also double-breasted." \" 18. The dog said to the bear, marry me, you will be happy if you marry me.

The bear said: I won’t marry you. Marrying you will only give birth to bears. I want to marry a cat. Giving birth to pandas would be noble! 19. Have you heard the story of the tortoise and the hare? Do you want to know the story behind the game? Why did the hare lose to the tortoise? In fact, it's very simple. The rabbit was dumbfounded in front of the sign on the tree at the finish line - it read: The tortoise is the one who reaches the finish line first! 20. The sleeping cat was awakened by a knock on the door. When he opened the door, he saw a mouse. The cat was furious: Are you looking for death? The mouse trembled and said: Brother, please get some business, the task is too heavy, we are really desperate! 21. The Henan baby asked the Henan mother: How to make a sentence for ABCDEFG? Henan mother: A, this child B is from the C family? Standing on D with bare feet, EF is not wearing either, and GG is still exposed! Haha 22. I have countless friends on weekdays, but you are the only one I admire. I searched for you thousands of times, but suddenly I looked back and saw you deep in the pig pen, smoking a cigarette and leaning against the tree, with a footcloth wrapped around your head. Wow! Whose little pig is so cool