Who knows some jokes?

Slip of the tongue jokes are funny ~ ~ ~ There are many online jokes ~ ~ ~1. Going home at school on weekends, I became addicted to smoking after dinner, and I plan to find an excuse to go out for a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go have a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and gave me a good K.2. After coming out from my mother, I went to find my wife. After seeing my wife, I habitually called out, "Mom!" 3. I found that my bike was flat when I went to work in the morning and wanted my mother to push it outside to refuel. As a result, I said, "Push out my tires." Mom was confused, so I smiled and quickly corrected it. As a result, I said, "Fill my car with gas!" "4. When I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked," Why don't you wear a condom when driving? "5. The last toilet was convenient and there was no paper. He said to his wife, "Bring me the paper-wiping donkey! "6. A girl is lovelorn. I advised her: "Toads with two legs are hard to find, and men with three legs are plentiful! "7. Two people were bickering when suddenly a man next to them said," You are really full and have nothing to do! "8. When my colleague argued with others, he was so anxious that he opened his mouth:" Do you think I grew up eating? "I've always wondered what he grew up eating. 10, I read a post while eating, and read a classic to my wife. She laughed to death, so she said to me, "Read it after dinner, or your brain will be indigestion! "1 1, once asked a nearsighted person how many degrees his eyes were, and he wanted to say 400 degrees, but when he said it, it became 400 watts, and his stomach ached! 12, a leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat! 13. Many teachers were listening to a physical education student's internship class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind was blank, and he abruptly uttered a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "14, a group of students went to their home in the suburbs to play. We bought some watermelons to put in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to take a knife to cut it. I haven't been back for a long time. While wondering, he came over with a cut melon in his hand and said in a panic, I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even harder. It turned out that he had a melon in his hand! 15 There was a teacher surnamed Jiang in high school who looked like (Tang Priest in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out, "Teacher Tang, this question ..." 16, a colleague, one day I was driving on the road and had a flat tire and asked where there was inflation. Colleague said: "The streets are full of abortions! "17, I went to McDonald's to buy sweet barrels, and finally it was my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" "I didn't expect the waiter to say to me loudly; "Two rollers, four dollars!" 18, I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. For a long time, I said, "Take a shower. Are there many men in it?" 19, once I went to dinner, when I checked out, a MM said to my boss, "Husband! Check out! " At that time, the proprietress was nearby ... 20. A teacher played mahjong all night and saw that the blackboard was not wiped. He was furious: "Who will be a farmer today?" Don't clean the whiteboard! "2 1, once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure and suddenly shouted," You have such good skin, why do you still use soothing treasure? "22. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, only a dime (I forgot to say" blank ") is about to be renovated. "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "23. Our teacher stayed to do his homework. If he can't do it, he will copy others'. Then he went to the office to hand in his homework and saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" "24. A gentleman was particularly nervous on the day of driving test. The examiner embarrassed him and asked him to stop at a place with a fire hydrant on the side of the road. This Curtis said nervously, "report the fire hydrant, there is an examiner on the roadside, and no parking is allowed!" ""25. The company keeps a dog named Xiaobai. One day, everyone teased the dog. Colleague A said to the dog with a biscuit, "Xiaobai, only you feed me in the whole office." Three seconds later, the whole office burst into laughter! On the way home, I saw a stall selling turtles, and a small sign was erected next to it to attract business. I only heard the students seriously read to the small blackboard: "Ba -Xi- Xiaocai-Dian!" " Oh, my God ... It's obviously a Brazilian turtle. Once in line for lunch, a male classmate in front turned his head and said, look at my chest hair. Everyone was shocked. Later, I learned that he was going to say, do you think my eyebrows are fierce and I have no appetite? When I was a cashier, a woman once took a pack of sanitary napkins to pay the bill. After checking out, I wanted to say "please take care" and accidentally said "please enjoy your meal"? I'll tell you something, too. In high school, a classmate talked about the situation in the Middle East in a chat and suddenly said: Hussein, the monkey kingdom of Jordan. Suddenly laughed? Once I talked to MM about tears, and she found me. She pointed at my eyes strangely and said, what's the matter? My innocent answer: my eyes fell into the sand. When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. It is estimated that my aunt used to sell fried dough sticks. One of my classmates called another friend, and the other's grandfather answered the phone. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma …" Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up the phone with a bang. Once, my classmate asked me what subject my other classmate was in the hospital. I don't remember clearly. It feels like internal medicine and acupuncture. As a result, I said she was in the guilt department. My classmates always say "goodbye" to my father politely before going out. She came to my house to play and said "Goodbye Dad" to my dad when she left. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! A buddy of mine went on a blind date, and when he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master, Hey, pull two bowls. Lamian Noodles's master said, Do you want to eat? I eat and pull. My buddy quickly said: 1 bowl, you can pull 1 bowl. It is said that everyone in the restaurant laughed at that time ~ ~ When I was at school, the Communist Youth League secretary was particularly speechless. When joining the League, only another girl (a horrible one) and our League branch secretary presided over it, and said without hesitation, "Today is the big day for two students, and all the other students laughed-_-after a semester, this guy presided over another student's joining ceremony and said that XXX students are welcome to join our mysterious organization." ? I remember I went for an outing with my colleagues. Colleagues got married, and then we had a barbecue. My colleague shouted to her husband: Honey, come and peel this onion ~ ~ I don't know if it's too exciting or something ... It turned out to be: Lao Cong ~ ~ You peeled this onion ~ ~ I remember when I was in junior high school, there was a lesson about the Great Northern Wilderness. The pheasant flew into the rice cooker "but when we read it together, I obviously heard the deskmate accidentally spill the beans and read it as" the pheasant flew into the bed with a big stick ". I almost fainted. Before she realized it, she seriously asked me what happened. I remember once telling my colleagues in the office that so-and-so was like a farmer, rustic, silly and lovely. Everyone said yes, like a farmer, suddenly the phone rang, and the colleague who answered the phone actually said, hello, farmer! ~