Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Do you know what happens in mass graves?

Do you know what happens in mass graves?

1.

"My shoes are torn! My hat is torn! What's on my body..."

"Gangzi, you are really amazing. It's time now." , you can still be in the mood to sing. I’m so scared that I’m going to wet my pants.”

The fat man said and gave me a thumbs up.

"Bah!!"

I spat out the grass root in my mouth, "What are you afraid of? How many years have I been guarding this mass grave? Even if If something happened, it was because he was afraid of my grandpa."

I turned around and glanced at Fatty, and the coward was so frightened that his chin was trembling.

This is his first time here, and it is normal to be afraid. But I am different. Our ancestors have been guarding this mass grave since I was a child. I have been dying people since I was a child. Those who roll in the grave are not afraid of anything.

"If you kid is scared, go back quickly. I won't bring you here, but you insist on coming."

"I've already come, what should I do when I go back?"

Although the fat man said he was not afraid, he stopped at his feet. The further he walked, the worse the smell became.

To be honest, we have cleaned up this mass grave so many years ago that we can’t even see the bones of a dead person.

But the smell of corpses never dissipated.

"Here you go, spray it into your nose twice, and you won't be able to smell anything."

The fat man sprayed it twice into his nostrils as I told him, and then he smelled nothing. After a big sneeze, I felt much better.

I looked at him triumphantly, "How do you think? This is something my grandpa researched, isn't it awesome?"

The fat man followed behind me and gave a cooperative hum. .

"I'm telling you, follow me closely. If something comes out and scares you, don't blame me."

I'm telling the truth.

There were countless innocent souls buried in mass graves. Some of them could not let go of their resentment and would become demons.

As for me, I am responsible for subduing these monsters.

When the fat man heard what I said, he hid directly behind me, "Brother, you don't want to scare people like this! Didn't you just say that they are afraid of you when they come out?"

"Yes, but that doesn't mean they will be afraid of you! Just follow me quietly and don't talk too much."

The fat man took his mobile phone and turned up the video mode tremblingly, in the middle of the night It's almost impossible to see anything in the dark, but it can arouse others' interest in watching.

Fatty and I made a promise that if this live broadcast becomes popular, I will be given a large amount of money, so I agreed to do this live broadcast with him.

In today's society, no money means nothing. I am already twenty-five years old. My father passed away early and my mother ran away because of him doing this job. I have nothing on my own, and no woman wants to Marry me and have this money, at least it will make me look less embarrassed.

Don’t talk to me about morals, you are such a fool when it comes to money! ! !

When you have money, what you say is what people say. When you have no money, what you say will be regarded as farts!

"Ouch——!"

A shrill howl of a wolf pierced the sky. The fat man's steps trembled in fright and he almost fell to the ground.

"You coward, get away from me, it really hurts."

I rubbed my blue arm that was held by him, and looked into the distance. Shout loudly.

"Heizi!"

Upon hearing my call, Heizi ran towards me.

This is a dog I raise. Its fur is black and shiny, and its eyes are green. Its appearance fits this mass grave very well.

"So this is your dog."

The fat man breathed a sigh of relief, "Why does Heizi sound like a wolf? It scared me."

I ignored his words and looked straight ahead.

Because just now, a white shadow floated over...

The fat man obviously didn't see it and was still looking at me and my dog. He pushed the phone forward and said He deliberately gave Heizi a close-up shot and muttered: "You are such a majestic dog. No wonder you are not afraid. They say black dogs ward off evil spirits. I guess your Heizi is not afraid of anything, huh... uh... ”

Before the fat man could finish nagging, I reached out and covered his mouth. Damn it, young man, I just want to make some money, why are there so many people blocking my way? What a ghost.

The white shadow that floated past my eyes just now flashed again, and I didn’t even think about it. The fat man's mumbling voice made it difficult for me to hear the sound of the wind around me. I covered his last breath. I closed my eyes, opened my ears, and listened carefully to the subtle sounds in the wind.

The fat man obviously understood that he must have hit something.

My hand covering his mouth clearly felt that the flesh on his face was shaking, and I was not in the mood to laugh at him at this time.

If it were just me, I wouldn't be afraid, but Fatty, if something happens...

I closed my eyes and listened for a long time, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes. At the same time, I let go of the hand covering the fat man. When I let go, the fat man collapsed on the ground, tears bursting out of his eyes, and he opened his mouth tremblingly, but he didn't dare to say anything.

I knelt down beside him, leaned close to his ear, and lowered my voice and said: "You will keep an eye on Heizi for a while. If it retreats, run away quickly. Leave me and Heizi alone. Go to me." Run inside the house where I live. Do you understand? There is a cellar in the house where I sleep. If I run into the cellar, I will hear the big rooster crow three times in the yard tomorrow."

The fat man was frightened. His eyes widened and his plump face kept shaking. He swallowed and said, "What about you? I can't leave you alone. Let's go back to the cellar together..."

I sneered, stood up, straightened my back, and said loudly: "Young man, I grew up here, and I didn't even pee the first time I pee

On the grave, you want me to run away? I’m afraid I didn’t drink enough of your grandfather’s urine!”

2.

Although I yelled loudly, when I spoke My eyes were always staring ahead, and my ears were bent to listen to the sounds in the wind. What the hell am I worried about? Am I afraid of these dead ghosts whose bones are all rotten? !

After hearing what I said, the fat man gritted his molars, stood up, barely pretended to be heroic, patted me on the shoulder and said:

"I can't Let’s go, you take two steps and I will never take one step straight!”

Hehe, this person who is afraid of death and has to find someone to accompany him when he urinates in the dark, suddenly gained courage! ?

I smiled, had a bad idea, and said with a deliberately sinister smile:

"That's what you said, it's so boring to hang or drown." "The bodies are piece by piece, don't run away."

As soon as I finished speaking, the fat man let out a small cry, and his two big glass ball-like eyes were wandering around, for fear of something. Come over and say tremblingly:

"Don't scare me. Didn't we agree to make money through live streaming? If you scare me away, won't you be in vain?"

I thought so, grandma, money can make ghosts push the mill, but moneyless ghosts won’t open the door! ! !

Give it your all!

Heizi followed me, holding his cell phone in his throat and walking behind me. He turned around every step of the way to follow me, for fear of falling behind. Only then did I realize that when he said I would take two steps, he was definitely not just one step away. What does it mean to take a step forward?

I estimate that if I want to hug me like a princess now, the fat man can fly directly onto me.

The further you go into the mass grave, the greater the smell of corpses. Our family has been guarding this place for generations. It is said that the people buried here can develop a prefecture-level city.

In the old days of feudal society, this mass grave existed. I heard that the most people thrown here were maids and servants from wealthy families. In an era when people were not treated as human beings, sometimes even a single person would die. It would be better to die as a beast and make people feel sad.

In fact, I have never gone into the innermost part of the mass grave. When my father was alive, he told me every day that I must not go there, no matter what noise I heard, no matter what time, Even if it's broad daylight or at noon, you can't go in.

I walked to that edge once when I was a child. Children are very curious and have a problem. The more adults don’t let you do something, you have to do it secretly. I took advantage of it. My father didn't pay attention and walked to the edge. Just as he was about to walk in, my father caught up with me out of breath. He took me back by the collar of my clothes and gave me a beating without saying a word.

The beating really made me unable to get off the bed for three days.

Since then, I no longer have that curiosity. Seeing my dad like that really kills me. .

After I led the fat man for a while, he was too tired to walk. He gasped and discussed with me: "Gangzi, let's... let's... rest for a while, we can't anymore. I'm too tired. If you keep walking, you may be able to bury me here."

I looked at his fat body with disdain and said with a smile: "Haha. , bury you? Then I can pull it down. I guess the hole I dug will be twice as big as others. When I die, I will burn it and scatter my ashes. Dust is dust and dirt is dirt. Which direction is better for you? Find a moment to float over."

Even though I said this, I still stopped and planned to rest where I was for a while.

Fatty was already scared, and now he didn’t even dare to talk to me.

I saw how cowardly he looked, but I didn’t continue to laugh at him. I was still slightly worried. After all, the white shadow I saw just now has not moved yet...

Common saying Well said, don't be afraid of thieves stealing, just be afraid of thieves missing you. I always feel like something is staring at me, and my back feels cold.

The fat man stood there, not daring to sit down. There was no dead person under his feet. His feet felt hot even when he was standing, let alone sitting down.

The fat man bent over, put his hands on his knees, and said after a long pause: "Hey, Gangzi, don't they all say that in this industry, you all have a little bit of a life-saving thing in you? You don't have a life-saving thing in you. Let me take a look?"

Where did this guy hear all this nonsense? !

The fat man thought I was asking for Joe, raised his chin, and assured me with a wink: "Just show it to me, I won't tell anyone. Don't you know me? Apart from talking to you, I am a joker, and I am also a cold fat man to others."

Looking at his inquiring attitude, I turned around with a smile, and there was a big tree behind me, which was older than my grandfather. As I untied my sweatpants, I raised my eyebrows at the fat man and said, "Come here, let me show you my baby!!"

Look at my vow, The fat man thought there was something wrapped around my waist. He took two steps closer and glanced at my waist. I smiled evilly and pulled my pants down. I peed in front of a huge tree. , the fat man was so angry that he just stamped his feet.

"Gangzi, you don't do a damn thing, how long has it been, and you still make me happy?"

I solved it leisurely I was in a hurry. After I finished, I rubbed my hands on the tree. While tying my trousers, I said to the fat man: "I'm here to give you a memory. Don't look at this baby all day long. Look at that one." , where do you get so many treasures?

The most precious thing for a man is the two ounces of flesh on your crotch, so protect it... But... I see that you have only one ounce... ”

Before I finished speaking, I suddenly saw the fat man’s expression change. Just now he was so angry that he could only jump on his feet, but now he was so frightened that he was shaking like chaff.

He sat down on the ground, not caring whether it was mud or something else, he grabbed something and swung it behind me, shouting: "Damn it, don't come over here"

3.

I bent down and squatted down. I had rolled forward before. After I stabilized myself, I looked at where I was standing. I was so angry that I almost lost my shoe soles. After beating this fat man to death, I was covered in mud. "You have so much flesh on your face that it blocks your vision, right? Open your dog eyes and take a good look. What is that?!"

I shook off the mud from my body and gave the fat man a kick. When he heard what I said, the fat man stretched his neck forward and looked closer. He was covered in cold sweat.

There is a garbage dump not far from this mass grave, and there are no buildings around it. It is inevitable that garbage will be blown here by the wind. There is a pair of torn pants hanging on the branch of the big tree. The pants were missing one leg and hung on a branch of a tree. When the wind blew, they would dangle.

It was dark, and when it was not blowing, I couldn't see anything at all. A gust of wind just blew up my torn pants.

The fat man had a false alarm, but he was very frightened. He sat on the ground for a long time before he regained his composure, and got up with support on the ground. He threw his cell phone out, and his hands were full of you. The fat man was still frightened. He hummed: "Damn, I was really scared to death just now. I thought I had really hit something."

I was also shocked just now when I saw the fat man's reaction. He thought that he was such an idiot, "Heizi was just lying there, not making a sound. If something happened, Heizi would have screamed, and you would still have to show your teeth and claws. Fortunately, I just peed out. Otherwise, the way you cried and howled just now would have scared me to wet my pants.

To be honest, your screams are scarier than ghosts."

Fatty is real. I was so frightened that I stopped talking. I got up and picked up my phone. I found that the live broadcast on my phone was still going on. The barrage was passing by like crazy, and I couldn't even see the content clearly. Fatty. Yile, moved in front of me, poked me and said: "Look at this popularity"

I glanced at the barrage,

"Ahhhh... so exciting Ah, little brother, please take me there next time."

"I really want to go, little brother's forward roll is so cool..."

"Brother, you have to use your brain. "Hurry up and seize such a good business opportunity. How much money can you make in one night for a thousand yuan per person?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...it's so scary...but I still seem to be watching." "

...

I whispered to the fat man in a place where the screen could not capture: "Are these a bunch of lunatics? Haha, hire a suona team tomorrow and put on the Yang Feng flag. A small advertisement, one thousand yuan per person, we will take you on a night tour of mass graves, guaranteed to be worth your money, and you will not look back until you see the graves of the dead?

The head on the neck is from the back, right? ”

The fat man glared at me: “Speak politely and don’t be so arrogant. This is all RMB, you know? The popularity of my live broadcast room is already in the top five of the website, and I have also entered the gift list.” It’s in the top ten. How much will you get tonight when you get into the top three?”

I shook my head, I really don’t know, “How much is it?”

The fat man stretched out a hand and raised three fingers. I snorted: "Have you never seen three thousand yuan?"

The fat man "tsk" "Have you never seen three thousand yuan?"

I said, "Thirty thousand?!" The deputy looked down on me and said slowly and leisurely: "Three hundred thousand?!" You can earn so much just by crying like a wolf?"

The fat man nodded, "This is just a part of your share. If I can share more than you, the platform will deduct some from you. Think about it for yourself, how much money did my live broadcast room make this night.

This is still a conservative estimate of the top three. If this is the first place, it is not a problem to buy a luxury car in one night.

What's more, there is a female anchor who wears little and looks good. The little girl is here to talk to you. It is said that she got a house in one night. ”

I looked at the fat man in disbelief. How can this industry make so much money?

The fat man proudly raised his phone at me, and we both looked at the barrage again. , the screen was flooded with colorful bullet screens, all of which read:

"Walking around the depths of the mass graves, my sister will paint you up the mountain tonight"

...

The fat man pulled my clothes with some excitement and said eagerly:

"If we go for a walk in the depths tonight, we can buy a house in the city tomorrow. Why are you still guarding these? How about it? How about a walk in the depths? "

I shook my head and said in a cold voice:

"Don't talk about buying a house, even if you buy me a villa, I won't go! You can’t go. This is no joke. The older generation has repeatedly warned me that there is still something inside, so don’t go.

Isn’t it nice to be like this now? Don't be too greedy for cheap."

Fatty is a typical person who is jealous of money. He was just cowardly. But now that he heard that he was given a gift to get to the first place, he suddenly gained courage and kept encouraging me to go inside. Go, but my attitude is very determined.

Before my father died, he was still telling me about this matter. Naturally, it was not a trivial matter. Although I was brave, I did not risk my life.

The fat man had no choice but to give up when he saw that I was unmoved. The original plan was to go inside for a short distance before heading back. The fat man looked at me bitterly, and I was just about to take a shot. He teased him with a joke, and suddenly Heizi screamed wildly. When we both turned around, we saw a white shadow swooping towards us.