The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

There are also hungry people in history. Let's reason with jokes. Let's go and have a look!

1, brother, you are wrong.

It is said that there was a saying in the scientific research of a certain year in the Qing Dynasty called "I don't know what to think". (I thought)

A candidate mistook "ignorance" for "sister" and wrote "I think of my sister", which was touching and beautiful.

The examiner laughed and cried after reading the paper, so he raised his pen and approved five words beside it: Brother, you are wrong.

A word difference, a thousand miles difference, this candidate's knowledge is really not so good.

2. How to climb out of the pit

During the Sui Dynasty, Su Yang and Hou Bai talked nonsense.

Su Yang: Suppose I dug a hole hundreds of feet deep and asked you to jump in, how would you get out?

Hou Bai: I came out with a needle.

Su Yang: Nonsense!

Hou Bai: Really, I stuck a hole in my head with a needle to let the water flow out of my head, and I floated.

Su Yang: What's wrong with you?

Hou Bai: How can you jump into such a deep pit without water in your head?

Haha, I'm afraid this is the earliest version of "brain water"

3. Military parade

Qi Jiguang, a general of the Ming Dynasty, was often scolded by his wife.

The men couldn't stand it any longer, so they gave him an idea and said, "Tomorrow, we will wait for all the soldiers to line up on both sides with weapons. The general asked her to come to the military camp to give lectures and shock her, and her life will be better in the future. "

Qi Jiguang exultation, according to the plan.

The next day, the camp was cold and murderous.

The lady saw this situation and asked sharply, "What do you want to do like this?"

Qi Jiguang knelt on his knees and sat down: "No other meaning, I specially invited my grandmother to the military parade."

Fear of father is filial piety, and fear of wife is love.

4. Wang Yangming's hat

Wang Yangming was sealed and entered the DPRK to give thanks. The silk hanging from the crown he wore covered his ears.

Someone asked him, "Are your ears cold?"

Wang Yangming replied, "Your eyes are hot." .

Not the wind, not the tremor, but your heart.

The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

5. Take care of your beard

Kou Zhun is most proud of his beard.

Once I ate at the same table with Ding Wei, and the rice accidentally fell into my beard.

Ding Wei felt that the opportunity for flattery came: "Let Beizhi stroke your beard!"

Kou Zhun: "You are a political minister, who cares about your boss's beard?"

This person should really learn from the young man above, how to make flattery fresh and refined, so that the subject can benefit endlessly.

6. Puyi ascended the throne

In his autobiography My First Half Life, Puyi wrote about his childhood when he ascended the throne:

My father knelt on one knee under the throne and supported me with both hands, but I struggled to cry: "I won't be here!" " I want to go home! I don't live here! I want to go home! "

My father was sweating with anxiety. The three kneeling and nine knocking of civil and military officials are endless, and my crying is getting louder and louder.

My father had to coax me into saying, "Don't cry, don't cry, it's almost over, it's almost over!" " "

In a word, it was not long before the Qing Dynasty was "finished"!

The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

7. I don't know whose problem it is.

Wang Juxuan of the Qing Dynasty had no children since he married his wife. He decided to marry a concubine and consult with his wife.

The wife doesn't talk.

Under his repeated questioning, his wife said: I don't know whose problem this is, or should I try a man?

As the saying goes: "If you want to be fair, turn it upside down", you really can't look at the problem from one side!

8. Husband

On one occasion, Ji Xiaolan was talking and laughing with his colleagues with bare arms, and suddenly he came out.

It was too late to get dressed at this time, so he hid under the emperor's seat.

I didn't expect Gan Long to sit for a long time, neither walking nor talking.

Ji Xiaolan couldn't stand it, so he asked, "Is the old man gone?"

Ganlong was angry and said, "What does that old man mean?"

Ji Xiaolan calmly replied: "Long life, indomitable spirit is the head, father, mother and son."

Emperor Qianlong was very happy.

Humor is not only the lubricant of life, but also the power to save lives.

The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

9. Dragon and Tiger

Zhang Jixian, a famous Taoist priest in the Northern Song Dynasty, was brilliant since childhood. 12 years old, Song Huizong summoned him.

Huizong asked, "Do you live in Dragon and Tiger Mountain? Have you ever seen a dragon or a tiger? "

Zhang Jixian: "Tigers often haunt the mountains. Today, you can see the dragon's face. "

Song Huizong Da Yue.

It turns out that outsiders know how to "kiss up" to the invisible truth!

10, talk more and talk less.

The king of the Jin Dynasty was nosy and nagged endlessly when asked.

On one occasion, Wang asked Fu Lang: What is the price of handmaiden in the Central Plains?

Fu Lang said: As few as 100,000 words, as many as 1,000 words.

If you talk too much, you lose. People who talk too much are hated everywhere.

1 1, deer and roe

In the Northern Song Dynasty, Wang Kan, the son of Prime Minister Wang Anshi, was very clever at an early age before coming to Gao Zhiyuan.

When Wang Chang was very young, a guest put a roe and a deer in a cage and asked him: What is a deer? What is the return on equity?

Wang Kan doesn't know each other. After watching it for a while, he said, the deer is on the side, and the deer is on the side.

The guests were very impressed.

Talking is the easiest thing and the most difficult thing. Speaking appropriately is a profound art.

The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

Assistant minister is a dog.

When Ji Xiaolan was assistant minister of does, Shangshu and Shi Yu came to see him together.

Chatting, suddenly a dog ran outside. Shangshu suddenly had a plan in his heart and said, hey, do you think it's a wolf or a dog? (Assistant ministers are all dogs)

Knowing that Shangshu was playing a trick on him, Ji Xiaolan said quietly, Look at its tail. It's a wolf with its tail hanging down and a dog standing on it. (Shangshu is a dog)

Yushi laughed: Haha, it turned out to be a vertical dog. (Shangshu is a dog)

At this time, Ji Xiaolan went on to say: Another way to tell is to see what it eats. Wolves don't eat meat, dogs eat meat and shit. (Empire eats shit)

Now even this suggestion is speechless.

Bringing shame on yourself is often more uncomfortable than others taking the initiative to insult.

13, four tones in Chinese

As we all know, there are four tones in ancient Chinese: Ping, Shang, Qu and Ru.

In the Southern Dynasties, Shen Yue first discovered the four tones in Chinese and wrote a monograph "Four Tones Spectrum".

But Liang Wudi always thought he was talking nonsense.

Once, Liang Wudi asked another phonologist, Zhou She, "What are the four tones?"

Zhou She replied: "The sage of the son of heaven is also."

The word "Tian Zi sage" means that the sky is flat, the son is rising, the sage is falling, and philosophy is entering.

By making people feel comfortable to achieve the purpose of education, this is the secret of entertaining!

14, dare not cheat, can't cheat, can't bear to cheat.

Zeng Guofan once chatted with several aides and commented on today's heroes. He said: "Peng Yulin and Li Hongzhang are both great talents, which is beyond my reach. I can promise myself, but I don't live well. "

An adjutant said: "each has his own strengths, Peng Yong is brave, and people dare not bully;" Gong Li is so smart that others can't bully him. "

Zeng Guofan asked, "What do you think of me?"

Everyone bowed their heads in thought, and suddenly a young man in charge of copying came out and said, "Zeng Shuai is kind, and people can't bear to be bullied."

Zeng Guofan proudly said, "I dare not sell myself short."

After the epigenetic excused himself, he once said, "This man is a great talent, so he can't be buried."

Soon, Zeng Guofan was promoted to the governor of Liangjiang and sent the young man to Yangzhou as a salt carrier.

Mr. Zeng claimed to be "not good at flattering" and never escaped this kind of "flattering the invisible man".

The divine reply in history makes you feel deeply in the laughter.

15, this jackal is really sensible.

When Wu Zetian was in power, slaughter was forbidden.

Teacher Lou went to Shaanxi on business, and the cook brought mutton, saying it was killed by a jackal.

Teacher Lou said, well, this jackal is really sensible.

Later, the cook brought the fish up again, saying that it was also killed by a jackal.

Teacher Lou said, you idiot, why didn't you say you were killed by an otter?

This official always has endless excuses for doing things.

16, heaven and earth are houses, and houses are clothes and pants.

Liu Ling is very open-minded and often drinks naked at home.

Laugh at others when they come.

Liu Ling said, I take heaven and earth as my home and home as my underwear. How did you get my underwear?

A pure heart, why stick to the rules? In my opinion, I will laugh at everyone!

17, Brother Zhong

Yu Zhong and Zhong will go to see Xelloss. Yu Zhong was sweating with nervousness, but Zhong Hui was very calm.

Cao Pi asked, "Yu Zhong, why are you sweating so much?"

Yu Zhong said, "Your majesty is mighty, and my ministers are trembling and sweating like rain."

Cao Pi asked Zhong Hui again, "Why don't you sweat?"

Zhong Hui said in the tone of his eldest brother, "Your majesty is mighty in the sky, and I am afraid of sweating."

Xelloss laughed.

People have two mouths and everything they say makes sense.