Wonderful crosstalk lines

Author: Liang Zuo Jiang Kun

Comrade A ××× (B), let me ask you a question.

B what's the problem?

Have you ever fallen?

Do you mean work or life?

A still has no work and life, but she doesn't pay attention to the usual aisle, "beep!" Dogs eat shit, chew mud with their mouths and fall headlong!

B: Hey! Where did you fall so hard?

A I fell even worse than this, not to mention falling out of some international standards, at least falling into the world's advanced ranks.

B just hung up?

First of all, this place is dead!

Where is b?

Lion Tiger Mountain in Beijing Zoo. On Sunday, I went there alone to watch tigers play. I don't know who is wicked, so I pushed forward and booed: "The tiger is out of the mountain!" " "My God!" He squeezed me off the fence!

Oh, did you break it?

It doesn't matter where A fell, the key is to drop this place, it ... this is not a place for people to stay!

Oh, I fell into the tiger hole!

I looked up and saw a tiger lying not far away, which changed my voice: "Ouch … Mom …!" " "

Why does B call a mother tiger?

One can't even scream at grandma! It's all over. I 1 m 65, 100 kilograms, just the lunch meat of the tiger. That's good. I left it with the zoo.

B, do something!

Did you find a way? My head is big! It's nice to sneak a look at the tiger.

Tiger B didn't find you?

A flirtatious look is communicating with me!

B is staring at you!

A tiger is staring at me, and there are many heroes in my mind.

B hey!

A: I think, young people in our new era, when so many people fall in the jaws of death, we can't lose face to young people! In the past, how about going to the theater to watch Song Wu Da Hu?

B ok!

A: Hello? That's a fake! Today, my buddy really practiced here! Really, it will open your eyes!

B want to shoot a tiger? You're really great.

A: What?

That's a good idea.

A is thinking about it, and your legs should stand up!

B is scared soft!

Soft armor is on the one hand, and I have considered it on the other.

What are you thinking about?

You know there is an Animal Protection Act, right? Whoever kills the tiger will be sentenced to two years' imprisonment.

He has a strong sense of law.

Who did you say ordered this? It's illegal to fight tigers with me, and tigers eat me for free?

B that's to protect wild animals.

A: You protect women and children. Why do you protect wild animals?

B that should be protected, too.

A I'm thinking about it here, but it's a mess. The man shouted, "Someone has fallen into the tiger hole. Somebody please!" This cheered me up: "Hang in there, man!" "I said," What? Hold on! Here and there! Can I wait? It's easy for you to talk standing up. Come down and stand by with me. "

Aren't people worried about you?

A can't be so messy! An old man said, "son, you have to have a guy who fights tigers." Come on, throw my cane to you! " "A sister-in-law shouted at me," elder brother, do you want a knife? I have a fruit knife here! "

B Look at these two weapons!

A, the idea is to throw bricks into it and let me climb up; Having said that, throw a cigarette and let me smoke it first to cheer up. An old lady was kind enough to wipe away tears and yell at me, "Here's a pen for you, son. Write something down first, and I'll tell you adults! "

B Well, I'll ask you for a will.

Listen to this mess! No one came out to division. It seems that everything needs leadership, even organizing a temporary team to save people from danger! No one is the team leader, you choose me!

B will that be in time?

A: Can I throw crutches and fruit knives?

This thing almost killed a tiger.

Tigers are lazy. Why should I poke the tiger with the old man's stick?

That must have angered the tiger.

Let's start with the old man above. What are your eyes? Look at the place where you threw this crutch, it's being thrown behind the tiger's ass! Once I've had enough, I'll pull the tiger's tail again!

B don't move!

None of them dared to move. I thought about it, but I still answered the old lady's sentence. Me, leave a message!

b？ Really want to leave a will?

I am a big boy, too.

B young man.

A diviner said that I was 28 years old, which was a catastrophe this year. I was very happy after my birthday the other day!

The second disaster escaped!

When I think about it today, maybe people calculate it according to the lunar calendar.

B gets it, yin is wrong.

A It's called the first day of hiding, not the fifteenth day. Actually, it's all my mother's fault.

What happened to your mother?

A: You see, my mother gave birth to me as the boss. It looks quite high under the platform. Measured with a tape measure, it is 1.65 meters.

B 1.65 meters, not bad!

A: You can make do with me, but none of the girls I date can make do with me, saying that I am a second-class disabled person and no one wants me. Do you think I can come here alone to watch tigers play on Sunday as long as I have a date?

B Then why not?

A: Tell the guy you're dating, who doesn't go to work at your mother-in-law's house on Sunday?

B is that right?

A This Sunday, Xiao Er across the hall got up early and made a small kitchen for her mother-in-law. You're welcome. Since they started dating, my mother-in-law has stopped hiring a nanny!

B-ho, would you like to be a nanny?

It doesn't matter if the nanny is tired, there is no danger to her life! Besides, after work, they fell in love. Love and going to the park. Does anyone go to the zoo? What is the park like? Liu Xia, before the flowers, hug your neck and kiss your mouth. It is delicious. What's the smell of the zoo? You can smell it. It stinks. Just wash it, and it will affect your mood wherever you kiss!

B fell into the tiger hole with you because there was no date?

A it doesn't matter if you don't have a date. You should grow taller. If I were a tall man, I could see everything clearly. Why should I push forward? This time, I can even see the tiger's beard!

You have a rare opportunity.

Fight for you once?

B no!

As soon as A said she was leaving, she blamed my mother. We don't want to recruit old people. Stop it!

B Then leave a few words for the work unit.

What does A say? Leader, teacher, I went out to play on weekends and didn't notice that the tiger ate it ... Do you think it's ridiculous?

B actual situation.

A blames me for being lazy, disorganized and undisciplined, and underestimates the serious consequences of tigers eating me, because I have never died since I was a child. ...

b？ No one alive has ever died!

A is dead! This time, let's have a good talk with the leaders! I told him that the pension is up to you! Work-related injuries do not count. At most, they fall into "natural death". I don't think I can approve anything. ...

B can't ratify either.

The memorial service was as ambiguous as I said.

B why?

The eulogy can't be written! Comrade Xx, study hard, work hard and unite with comrades. Unfortunately, the tiger has passed ... "

B's ridiculous.

A At this time, everything on it is in a mess! Hold your horses, young man. This tiger is honest. Let's do something! The man said, "Hey, someone found the city zoo for you!" " "A young man had an idea:" Let's shout slogans to scare the tiger away. Come on, one, two, three, shoot the tiger! "One, two, three, fight the tiger!"

B-ho, is this useful?

A scared me to death! "Stop shouting, stop shouting! You are going to wake the tiger! 12345, shooting tigers in the mountains. Tigers don't eat people, they only eat Truman! "

B Well, I even remembered the children's songs.

A (rushing to shout): "Hi! Above! Shouting slogans doesn't work, tigers don't understand! Hi! Above! You really have the spirit of learning from Lei Feng. Come down! "

B did you come down?

Forget it, I came down first anyway!

B: So if you let people down, you don't have to feed the tiger?

A Even if you feed the tiger, you will die a fair death, which is more important than Mount Tai. How happy your family will be when you put it in the newspaper and put a big black box on the big photo!

B Are you still happy?

What do you mean I'm dead? It's a meaningless sacrifice for me. It's as light as a feather!

Even if you die, you can still be in the newspaper.

There are at most two sentences in the newspaper: "A young worker accidentally fell into the tiger's mouth and died. The relevant departments remind tourists to pay attention to safety. " Look, it doesn't even have a name. It's a negative example!

B do you still want to be positive?

A what's wrong?

You've thought about it for a long time, but it's useless!

Don't be busy, wait for me to discuss it with the tiger!

B What are you still discussing with the tiger?

"Tiger, tiger, open your eyes and look at me. I am thin and meatless! " If you want to eat people, XXX (the second place) who says cross talk is quite fat! "

Why did you pull me?

Tiger, tiger, if you don't bite me, I promise I won't bite you either! "

B that's true!

"Tiger, as long as you have a heart and don't eat me today, you can let your buddy get through this. I, I must live well. Don't say four modernizations, I'll do all eight! Don't be late in the morning, don't leave early at night, and listen to the leader; Filial piety to parents and taking care of siblings at home; When you go out, you should obey the traffic rules and don't spit everywhere! "

B this is a real mess!

A don't look at the mess, you may not even remember it at this time.

B You should try to get out now!

That's easy for you to say. What is this place? This is the place to raise tigers! Tigers can't get out. Can I go out? The fence is more than five meters high and there is no kick at all. How was it designed at the beginning? Still uneasy about an elevator! "ah! Above, do something quickly! Looking for the administrator, what? Does the administrator have a Sunday off? He has a rest, but the tiger doesn't! Call the police if it involves you, no matter 1 10, 1 19, Fei Jing, fire alarm will do! What? Looking for a long time, there is no phone nearby? Listen, what kind of communication equipment is this? We can't inform such a small matter. If imperialism suddenly attacks, can we cope? "

B don't worry.

A "Forget it, when you get out of the zoo, find a TV station and ask them to send a film crew to film how the tiger eats me for a while!" "

B Why did you shoot this?

A filmed the live video of tigers eating people and sold it to foreigners for some foreign exchange, which was also a contribution to the "Seventh Five-Year Plan" before his death.

B he's very conscious!

You have been talking for so long. Why doesn't this tiger move? I can still gesture with it when it moves, but it doesn't move and I dare not move! Has this tiger degenerated?

Tiger b can't fall!

A How do you know that?

In order to keep the tiger wild, Zoo B often throws some live chickens and rabbits into the tiger hole for the tiger to eat alive! Especially on Sundays, they have to starve tigers to death. ...

A is broken! Today is Sunday! The tiger hasn't eaten yet, just in time to catch my live food

Let him catch up!

This damn zoo, after I die, I'm not finished with them!

B, let them examine it deeply! It won't happen again!

It won't happen again? So will I forget this time? Laozi's size is a life. After I die, the director of the zoo will check it! The administrator was fired! Deduct the bonus! My funeral expenses are reimbursed by the zoo! Our unit is a loss-making unit, and the secretary will be red-eyed, so a big living person is gone. Wait, our secretary won't knock you 30 thousand to 40 thousand!

Why are you still thinking at this time?

Tell me, what am I doing down there alone? The big tiger looked at me, but I couldn't move. Let's do some "intellectual development"!

B hi! Don't waste your words!

Just as I was thinking, a silvery female voice came into my ears: "Come on, let's untie the belt, twist it into a rope and pull the boy up!" " "

B Hey, that's a good idea!

Hearing this, I was so excited that tears came down! What a great idea! Why don't I remember? I looked up, a shout, more than 30 people are correct belt! Oh, this is really a new flower of "five stresses and four beauties"! I looked at the girl again. The girl is wearing a green skirt and a yellow nepotism. This girl ... this girl is so beautiful!

What time is this, you still have this idea?

No, I mean, at the critical moment, this girl can come forward to rescue a stranger. Does this mean that this girl ... is a little interested in me.

B, your boy is too evil.

No, look at the young men around her. Why doesn't he look at anyone but me?

B nonsense! Who told you to fall? No. Who are you looking at?

Anyway, it is estimated that you can't see the height when you look down. Maybe this is my wedding event. This is called a bright future, and it is said that heroes save the United States. Today, beautiful women save heroes, hehe. ...

B stop laughing! Are you still alive? You just want to fuck someone?

what are you reading? Why don't you have any sympathy? As the saying goes, if a gentleman talks, he won't do it. If I don't talk, I will do it. I'm dying. What do you compare with me?

B, I'm talkative. Let's go, go!

A says it's too late, then it's too soon. I saw a rope twisted by more than 30 belts coming down the wall. I looked up and there were more than 30 people looking down at me in their pants! I can't help feeling sorry for everyone who has saved me so much. This leg hooked the old man's crutch; This hand grabbed the fruit knife of the eldest sister-in-law, which is called: knowing that there are tigers in the mountains, it is biased towards the tiger mountain! There is a red sun in the chest, and men dance in the east wind! Dare to fight the tiger, not the devil for an inch! Grief and indignation turn to turn the tide, and someone else will fight the tiger! When I push, hey! Guess what, I stood up!

Have you been sitting under it?

Nonsense, legs are so soft, still lying down and not sitting?

B, climb up quickly!

As soon as I saw it, the rope was in front of me. I got it. One step, two steps, three steps, four steps. As the saying goes, a dog jumps over a wall and a man is in a hurry. "ah! Hey! Hey! This is called energy! You said that if you want to climb Mount Everest, you must follow a big tiger. Is it possible for a person to climb up?

B, you're just talking nonsense. You're capable.

A Looking back, the tiger just opened one eye. Hey, it's called victory in sight! (Singing) "Ah, goodbye, friends! Ah, goodbye, friend! ..... "Goodbye, tiger! Don't say anything! Tiger, you are hungry! You are lonely enough, and the zoo leaders don't care about you. Don't worry, wait for your buddy to go out and introduce you to a tigress!

B hi!

"Hey! Hey! " A few more steps, it's hard, hey! I'm out.

You're saved!

The crowd was cheering and I was confused.

B I'm really scared this time.

Suddenly, I remembered a key question!

B what's the problem?

Where is the yellow belt?

Nepotism of girl B?

A here it is. I quickly untied it and held it in my hand like Hada. Wow, with her fragrance and warmth, I slipped away and ran to that girl.

What's your hurry?

A I haven't met anyone yet, so I can't help it!

B: Why don't you thank everyone for saving you so much?

I'm shivering here. Can I talk?

Then shake hands with everyone!

A, nobody will shake my hand.

What's the matter?

A is carrying pants!

B hi!