Let's all tell jokes

1. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, sir! The chief patted a soldier's chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: Sir, I'm a female soldier! 2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed pigs, and the veterinarian said: It seems that artificial breeding is needed. The farmer hesitated for a long time, summoned up his courage and said, yes, I'm afraid it will bite me. Someone farted on the bus. A coquettish woman spat, "bah-bah-bah-". A man said, "What, you spit out your shell after eating fart?"? ! "4. Son: I failed in the arithmetic exam today. Dad: Why? Son: The teacher asked me what 2×3 was, and I said 6. Dad: That's right! Son: The teacher asked me how much is 3x2? Dad: What the fuck's the difference! Son: That's what I said. 5. A village woman wanted to go to the toilet for the first time in the city. She hadn't seen each other for a long time, so she had no choice but to ask the police: Comrade, there is a public toilet ahead. Where is the mother toilet? 6. Freshmen on campus: students who repeat grades are called "international students", those who have money at home are called "rich students", and those who doze off in class are called "poor students". 7. In the church, a little boy was praying: "God! I only have a small wish, please move the capital to new york! " Hearing this, a priest asked the little boy, "Children, why do you pray to move the capital to new york?" The little boy replied, "There is a question asking where the capital is, and I answered new york." 8. In junior high school, a boy wanted to copy a girl's homework, and he secretly rummaged through the girl's schoolbag for fear that others would disagree. As a result, he turned out a sanitary napkin He was surprised and said, Wow! What a big band-aid 9. The tortoise said to the mouse, "I work in a five-star hotel!" " "Nonsense" "Really, they made soup from my bath water just now." 10. On the bus, the pregnant woman standing said to the strange man sitting next to her: Don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man very nervous and said, but the child is not mine! 1 1. After dinner, I smoked on the balcony and enjoyed it. Suddenly I saw a flash in the night sky, and I was excited: a meteor! So I made a wish at once ... I made six or seven wishes, opened my eyes and threw the cigarette out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard a girl's voice downstairs: "Wow! Meteor! Make a wish quickly ... "12. There was a lazy man who refused to do anything. He asked someone to introduce him to the easiest job. Later, someone invited him to see the cemetery, saying that there was no easier job. Two days later, the lazy man came back. He said indignantly, "This job is not easy at all!" "Why?" "Everyone else is lying down, only I am standing." 13. The teacher visited the home and asked the students, "Is your family happy?" The student proudly replied: "Happiness!" Father came over and slapped him in the face. "Boy, who let you change your surname!" "14. A heavy smoker goes to space to experience life. He brought 50 kilograms of cigarettes. A year later, I returned to earth with a yellow face and said indignantly, damn it, I forgot to bring my lighter. 15. An old man walked slowly in the street and saw a child tiptoe to ring the doorbell, but it was still a little short. So the old man went over and said kindly, "Little friend, let me press it for you." With that, the old man rang the doorbell and then let go of the door until he was sure that the people inside could hear his voice. At this time, the child eagerly said to the old man, "Let's run away quickly! ""16. A man stormed into a unit and shouted: Is this the Animal Protection Association? Staff: Yes, who bullied you? 17. A young woman took her child to a restaurant for dinner and lifted her skirt in public to feed her child. A waiter came over and pointed to the notice on the wall and said, I'm sorry, we are forbidden to eat food that is not served in this restaurant. 18. A beautiful stewardess, very beautiful, but she loves to fart and smells terrible. In a flight, the stewardess farted again. In an instant, the whole plane was filled with unpleasant smells. A passenger couldn't stand it, so he asked the stewardess why it smelled so bad. The stewardess was embarrassed, but she was afraid to admit it. Awkward. So the stewardess had a brainwave and replied, "Oh, this is normal, because our plane is flying over the ozone layer." 19. Six-year-old son: "Dad, I want to be an Arctic explorer when I grow up." Dad: "ok, dad supports you." Child: "But I want to start training myself now." Dad: "How to train?" Child: "In order to adapt to the cold life in the Arctic, I have to eat an ice cream every day." 20. Two drunks were walking on the track, and one of them complained, "Why isn't this staircase finished yet?" . The other snorted and said, "Its handrail is still so low." 2 1. My daughter, a first-grade elementary school student, wrote a composition for the first time, entitled "I did housework for the first time", which was to help my mother wash clothes. According to the teacher's request, parents should sign the composition. After reading it, the screenwriter's father wrote a sentence below: The above plot is pure fiction. 22. The emperor has long heard that Li Bai is famous. "Li, I ordered you to write poems to entertain." "Your Majesty, you can write poems and ask the imperial concubine to grind ink for me." "Ha ha, wit is wit, requirements are so unique. Come here, serve steamed bread, and you can feed Li Bai! " 23. Priest: Which one of you happened to have a birthday today? Tom raised his hand happily. Priest: Good. Please blow out these candles after the service! 24. When I went to take a shower, people around me asked me, "How old are you? A dozen? " I was glad and said, "I am 27 years old." She was frightened: "I don't like it!" " Looking me up and down several times, he said, "Your breasts are not well developed, how can they be 27!" " "25. The aunt who sells vegetables downstairs is ill, and her granddaughter helps her sell vegetables. Today, she weighed some young garlic shoots, and the little girl quickly weighed them and handed them to me: ten dollars and thirty cents, thirty cents! I hesitated for a long time with 50 cents ... 26. Four Tang Priests and apprentices arrived in a big city, Wukong Zhai, Friar Sand packed their bags and Bajie walked the horse. In the evening, Pig returned empty-handed, and the Tang Priest asked, "Where is Bai?" Pig said, "I was detained. "Tang's monk asked why? The pig said, "It farted." "You won't be detained for farting, will you?" asked the Tang Priest. "Bajie said: its tail gas exceeds the standard. 27. One day, I quarreled with my family and went out angrily. My three-and-a-half-year-old cousin saw that I was going out and rushed over. He likes playing with me very much, and he mostly asks to follow me when I go out. Brother: "Sister, where are you going?" I said angrily, "I want to die! ""After a few seconds of silence, my brother said weakly, "I'll go too, and I'll see how you died ..." 28. Anonymous called the after-sales service department with a computer failure: "Your computer is so bad that only SB will buy your computer." Customer service reply: "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Please don't criticize yourself like this. We will solve your problem as soon as possible ... "29. Once. The teacher asked us to do the test paper. The teacher said that if it is difficult, you can not do it. The next day. The study Committee put away the test paper, and the teacher vomited blood with anger. None of the boys in the class did it! 30. In the supermarket, I saw a crab with flowers climbing from the freezer of 18.9 yuan to the cabinet of 28.9 yuan. I was in tears. You are so fucking self-motivated! Editor's Note: As the final term approaches, it has always been like this in universities. Everyone does not review before each exam, just waiting for the teacher to give a key explanation. But one year, the school strictly stipulated not to draw the key points. So, in the last class, a teacher said, "Students, the school has regulations that you can't draw the key points." Ok, then, everyone take out your books and let's draw irrelevant points ... "