Tell me the funniest joke! ! @@@。

1. Dung fell in love with mosquitoes. Dung beetles: "What is your occupation?" Mosquito: "What about you, nurse?" Dung beetles smiled: "Fate, peer, I am a Chinese medicine pinch pill."

2. A village head went home drunk and strayed into a pigsty. He lay down beside the sow and said, Wife: Give me a glass of water. The sow snorted. The village chief said, if you don't fall, you won't fall. What are you sprinkling? Feel casually and say: buy leather clothes, or double-breasted ones.

3. The old couple went to take pictures, and the photographer asked, "Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light?" Grandpa said shyly, "I don't care." Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt? "

4. One day, a barber beat a candied haws seller and went to the police station to ask the barber: Why do you sell candied haws? The barber said that I was perming my hair in the house and he shouted "burn it" outside.

5. A man is constipated when he goes to the toilet. Suddenly he saw a man rush in, and it was stormy in an instant. "Dude, I really envy you, so fast." "I envy you, I haven't had time to take off my pants yet!"

6. When a foreigner was traveling in Laiwu, he met an old lady teasing the cat and asked, What are you doing? The old lady replied: ancient cat! Foreigners are frightened, even the old people can speak foreign languages! Give it chocolate, and the old lady thinks it's dried sweet potatoes and says, I have it in Laiwu! Foreigners are dizzy!

7. The butterfly said to the bee, You are so stingy. You pretend to be full of sweet words, but you won't give me a word. The bee said: Hum! Still talking about me, why didn't you text me with two antennas on your head?

8. A young woman took out the garbage, accidentally slipped in the garbage and was about to get up. She was held in her arms by an old rag-picker. The old man said with emotion: people in the city just can't live, and such a good daughter-in-law said no.

9. A big toe suddenly turned green, and the doctor diagnosed it as cancer and removed it. A few days later, his second toe turned green, and then it was removed. Three days later, his soles turned green and he had to be transferred to a big hospital. The final expert consultation diagnosis is: socks fade.

10 A patient asked the doctor before the operating table: Will you be punished if the operation fails? The doctor replied: deduct my January bonus. But don't worry, I just made 4 thousand yuan in stock trading!

1 1 A patient who just woke up after amputation asked: What happened to me? Doctor: You had an accident. Patient: I'm in the hospital? The doctor replied: to be precise, most of you are in the hospital.

12 Xiaoguang works part-time, cutting pork during the day and working in the hospital at night. One night, he pushed a seriously ill old lady into the operating room. The old woman exclaimed, you killed the pig! Where are you pushing me? Help!

13 colleague kidney calculi had to rest at home. My 4-year-old son asked kidney calculi what it was, and he said that a stone came out when he peed. His son said anxiously, Dad, don't touch your feet when you pee!

Dad took a cucumber and wolfed it down. Mom saw it and said to dad, you can't eat cucumber ass! Dad immediately replied: Does it want to shit?

15 A company conducted a telephone survey on pets, and the person who answered the phone was a child. Marketer: Children, do you have any dogs, kittens and birds at home? Child: No, my mother gave birth to me!

16 "Mom, can I wear a bra?" "no!" "But my sister/kloc-wore it when she was 0/3 years old!" "Then can I use sanitary napkins?" "No, you silly son!"

17 The bachelor pony picked up a handkerchief embroidered with A Xiang's phone number. Pony dialed the telephone excitedly: hello! Excuse me, is Miss A Xiang there? For a long time, there came a voice: grandma, your phone!

18 The two brothers are discussing what to look for. The younger brother said: Xiao Yan is the most beautiful, and I want her to be my wife. When the father heard this, he slapped his youngest son. The eldest son said: I told you to argue with dad! useless

Did your wife make a scene last night? Yes, she is angry with dogs. Poor dog! I think I heard your wife even threaten to take the key to the door!

Lena failed in pregnancy, so she went to church to pray. A year later, she gave birth to a son. A friend wanted to try it after learning about it. Lena said, no problem, as long as the young janitor is still here.

2 1 There is a female bear on the mountain, and the hunter wants to catch it. In the first battle, the hunter was defeated by the bear and raped! Take a few days off and fight again, and then get raped! After his recovery, the bear laughed wildly when he saw him. You son of a bitch, are you here to hunt or * *?

An old lady can't read, but she must listen to the weather forecast every day. I asked my family at dinner one day: I have a question. Where is the local area? It rains there almost every day.

When the old farmer went to town to see a doctor, the nurse said to him, go! Blood test, urine test and stool test! After a while, the old farmer came back with a pot of shit and said, daughter, the blood has been swallowed, and the urine has been swallowed. This shit really can't be swallowed!

Two farm children are chatting. A suddenly asked: Does your cow smoke? Are you out of your mind? How can cows smoke? Oh, well, maybe your cowshed is on fire.

There is a long line in front of the toilet. A gentleman: I can't hold it any longer. Can you let me in first? The person in front clenched his fist and squeezed out a sentence through his teeth: damn, you can at least talk!

A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch. A policeman came over and asked, What's the matter? The drunk replied: I don't know, I just arrived!

Two female employees are chatting at lunch. The new chairman is really handsome and well dressed. B: That's right. I'm still dressing quickly.

Patient: As soon as I entered, I heard the nurse say,' Be brave, don't be afraid! Appendectomy is very simple. Doctor: That's right. Patient: But she said it to the doctor who is going to operate on me!

Passenger: Your drivers drive at an amazing speed, but they seldom have accidents. What is the reason? The driver said, sir, that unskilled driver died in a car accident long ago.

A, a former soldier, shouted in her dream every day after returning home: Jane! I can't live without you! The wife asked who Jane was, and A said it was his war horse. A few days later, my wife stuffed A with a letter: Your war horse wrote it for you!

3 1 wife: Remember last February, when you said you were going fishing? Husband: Of course I remember. Why? Wife: A fish called this morning to say that you have become a father!

The defendant promised: If you can only put me in prison for half a year, I will get 1 ten thousand dollars. Later, the defendant got his wish, and the lawyer said while collecting money, this is really tricky. The judge had hoped to be acquitted.

There are five eggs in the refrigerator. The first one said to the second one, Look, the fifth egg has leafy leaves, which is terrible! The second said it to the third three times and four times. As a result, the fifth one heard that Laozi was a kiwi!

Every time a drunk undresses at the door and enters the house, his wife can't help but open the door. One day, drunk again, he undressed at the door as usual and began to knock at the door. The door opened and a voice came out: Next stop, Fuxing Road.

The doctor asked the injured patient how he got hurt. Patient: I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fool thought I was electrocuted, so he grabbed a stick and hit me hard.

A drunk was in a taxi and said to the driver, Peace Hotel, Room 8. Then he started to get clothes, and the driver reminded him that he hadn't arrived in your room yet. When the drunk heard the fire, why didn't you say so earlier? I took off my shoes outside the door.

A turtle ran over a snail and the snail was sent to first aid. After he regained consciousness, the police asked about him. The snail replied, I don't remember. He was too fast. ...

There is a parrot with a smelly mouth. The master taught it civilized language, but the parrot cursed. The owner threw it into the refrigerator angrily. After a few seconds, he heard the parrot shout, I was wrong. Can you tell me what the chicken in it did wrong?

The ant saw the elephant swimming and said, Come on up! The elephant climbed up, and the ant looked at it and said, get down! Elephant Anger: What are you doing? Ant: Nothing. I lost my swimming trunks. Let's see if you are wearing them.

4 1 Noodles are bullied by steamed bread and seek revenge from Huajuan. Hua Juan went to look for steamed bread, but she met bean buns on the way. (This article is from www.yikexun.cn, a little market network) He mistakenly thought it was steamed bread, so he beat it and went back to the noodle restaurant for revenge. Hua Juan said don't worry, the shit is coming out!

Everyone laughs at Xiao Zhang's face like an ass. Xiao Zhang didn't believe it, so he went to the wellhead and took a photo. As a result, the well broke down. Xiao Zhang put his head into the well, and the underground worker shouted, "Boy, if you dare to shit, you will die!" "

Nurse: No! Just now that patient took the medicine we gave her and fainted as soon as she got out of the clinic! Doctor: Come on, turn her over and make her look like she just walked in the door!

One day, the teacher said to Xiaoming, "Xiaoming … Do you have a brother?" Xiao Ming suddenly looked down at his crotch … and then frowned and said to the teacher, "Teacher … I won't kiss!" " "

Aber went to the ATM to change the bank card password. After inserting the card, he heard a voice command: Please enter the password! Aber looked around and no one covered his mouth and whispered, 5678, 5678!

A gentleman went to hold a wedding banquet. During the dinner, the power went out suddenly. A gentleman was worried that others would steal food, so he suggested that everyone clap their hands and sing. Clap your hands at the same time, the electricity suddenly came. As you can see, a gentleman is slapping himself with one hand and slapping himself with the other.