The art of language expression

2.1 Sixteen Skills of Language Expression

2.1.1 Wording should vary from person to person

When we interact with others, if we say something If you can bring changes to the other person's soul, the result will also change the previous interpersonal relationship. After hearing this, you may retort: ??"Does everything you talk about have to be good things?" "Does it mean you have to be polite when talking to everyone?" In fact, this kind of thinking is too naive.

The things you say and the way you speak should change depending on the depth of your friendship with the other person. This is also a matter of language skills. Regarding the use of wording, use honorific language when dealing with superiors or people who are not very close to you, and use the language you use to treat children when dealing with children. In other words, if you use the same words and the same tone to speak to any kind of person, won't they think there is something wrong with you? Or maybe when you use honorifics, are you considered a friend? "The other party will say, "To mention such a thing, it's either "Don't say that kind of disrespectful thing. We have been dating for many years and should be considered good friends." This is caused by your inappropriate wording.

Therefore, the correct wording and expression are determined by the psychological closeness of each other. Whenever you talk to anyone in the same way, there is always going to be a conflict somewhere and it is important to sort it out before you talk. People who are frivolous and good at flattering often fail in this. Whether you can correctly measure the relationship between others and yourself depends on everyone's education. This is also the key to why educated people always make people feel like a spring breeze when they speak.

2.1.2 When you talk to someone, you should do what they like.

When you talk to someone, you should do what they like. Only if you can cater to his liking can your words have an effect on his heart. On the contrary, it will naturally not be effective. For example, if the other person is a person with a good reputation, but you don't know him clearly, you prefer to tell him profitable things. Even if the things you talk about are really profitable and 100% sure, he will not be interested in you because he has a good reputation. People are not necessarily lucky. But if you discuss profit with him, you will not be speculative.

I know a rich man. He was originally a profit-loving person. If anyone gave him suggestions on how to get rich, he would welcome them. In his later years, his profit-loving attitude turned into a good reputation. No one knows this psychological change yet. There was a person who had a lot of knowledge about how to make money. He managed to meet with a rich man and took the opportunity to propose his plan to make money. Unexpectedly, the stupid rich man was not interested at all after hearing this. After he finished speaking, he replied calmly, "I don't want to get rich anymore, and I am trying to find a way to spread my wealth." When he heard this, he was surprised and had to retreat in despair. In fact, this result is relatively cheap. Sometimes he will actually treat you as a self-interested villain and look down on you in his heart. It will be extremely difficult for you to get close to him again in the future!

People who are interested in profit look down on fame at all, thinking that fame is something that cannot be used as clothing when they are cold and cannot be used as food when they are hungry. It is foolish and pitiful to bother me to ask for it. If you talk about how to speculate, how to make a fortune, and how to take advantage of opportunities, he is "humbly asking for advice." If you talk to him about how to become famous, he will naturally fall asleep, or talk to you left and right. It's not difficult to tell these two kinds of people. The most difficult thing is people who are different on the surface. On the surface, they have a good reputation, but deep down, they are interested in profit. What would you say to this kind of person? Talking to him about how to build a good reputation is contrary to his heart. He listens to your words and insists on speaking well and very well, but in his heart, he thinks that you are an out-of-place nerd. He shows respect in form but strives to alienate you in reality; Telling him how to make a big profit, although it suits his heart, will expose his mask. His mask is used to deceive the world and steal his reputation. Once exposed by you, it will always be detrimental to him, so he will reprimand you: I think it would tarnish his character by not talking about benefits. In fact, I like your suggestions in my heart. I secretly adopt your ideas, but I leave you far away! There are too many hypocrites like this in the world.

You know his truth. Firstly, you must not reveal his mask. Secondly, you must go straight to his heart.

You told him a great truth, what is public? What is private? Say it loud and clear, and at the same time say a few words that go straight to his heart in an understatement. It means that you don't need to elaborate, it means that both of you understand each other tacitly, and it means that you are very well-behaved and you must do it very neatly. You tell more lies and less truth. , lies are each other’s smokescreen, and truth is the purpose of mutual cooperation. The communication rules you must master: Don’t talk about happy things to frustrated people. On a good day, don't forget the bad days.

2.1.3 Keep the conversation appropriately on topic

There are often conversation situations where it is necessary to get to the point directly. For example, if the other party already knows your purpose of coming, or they have agreed on the content of the conversation, then there is no need to say a lot of digressions. Instead, simply state "stop gossiping and get down to business." This can make the other party's mood tense and energetic. Get together and talk about what you need to talk about between you. In this case, if you say too many off-topic polite words, it will make the other party think that you are delaying time, or even feel resentful, which will affect the smooth progress of the conversation. However, on many occasions, some preparations are required before the conversation gets to the point. Especially when you need to achieve a certain goal through the person you are talking to and you need to persuade the other party. If you suddenly cut the conversation to the point, it will be very difficult. You may be rejected by the other party. In such situations, if you are not eager to turn the conversation to the main topic, but say some relevant digressions, and then introduce the other party to the main topic of the conversation, the result may be completely different.

Of course, it is very difficult to change the conversation from the topic to the topic. Many people like to make a lot of digressions before talking, and then say: Okay, let’s get down to business, I’m not here for anything else today, but for...” or: “I don’t go to the Three Treasures Hall for anything, actually because …” Turning to the topic in this way seems to show the straightforwardness and ease of your conversation, but this will make what you just said completely ineffective, because after you say the last sentence, the other party has already made your conversation in their mind. Divide the content into two parts. This will not only not help the success of your communication, but will also make the other party feel "that's how it is" and subconsciously create resistance. This is no different from a conversation that suddenly gets to the point. .

In addition to relying on the accumulation of experience, you should also pay attention to the following points in the conversation: 1. The content of the conversation has special knowledge. When the other person talks about something, you must really know it, otherwise it will be unattractive and unable to interest the other person.

2. Be able to express your wishes clearly with your tone. Don't make people unpredictable. People who really understand the art of conversation will quickly make their position public.

3. Always maintain a neutral and objective attitude. A person with a neutral attitude can often win more friends.

4. Don’t talk too much, but find ways to get others to talk more. This will not only make your conversation “precisely targeted”, but also make the other person feel respected and bring you closer. Psychological distance. Communication rules you must master: Never assume that others are as smart as you, they may be smarter than you.

2.1.4 Keep the conversation to the point

Short. A good speech can show a witty mind, and "grasp the key points without being sloppy" is a key that must be remembered before speaking. Question. What is unnecessary? In a successful speech, you need to pay attention to unnecessary redundant words. You talk a lot but have no focus and make people confused. Do you have this? What happened? The following is the polite speech that the host made to all the guests after reading the manuscript. "First of all, let me say hello to all of you, gentlemen. I have always hoped to have the opportunity to repay my kindness and express my gratitude. Therefore, I specially invite all gentlemen to attend this reception today. It really makes me feel lucky that you can come here despite your busy schedule, and I would like to express my gratitude here. (Paragraph 1) “It would be impolite to take advantage of today’s opportunity to talk about business, but it’s not my fault, so please accept my apology first.

If you talk too much, you will be irritated, if you say nothing, you will be insulted. If you keep an appropriate silence, others will think you are a philosopher. We must speak in moderation, and we should not talk about things we are not sure about, especially when there are strangers sitting there who have more experience and understanding than us. Because if we talk too much, we will expose ourselves and expose ourselves. weakness and stupidity, and lose an opportunity to gain wisdom and experience. A man who speaks little and well is considered a gentleman.

Therefore, there are two kinds of training that are indispensable in our lives, that is, silence and beautiful and elegant conversation. If we cannot speak tactfully and remain silent at the right time, it is a great shortcoming and a misfortune. We often regret talking too much, so when we don’t have a deep understanding of something, it’s best to remain silent! It is certainly a virtue to speak less, but since people are walking in society, they should speak and cannot stop speaking. Otherwise, it is better to become mute. If you want to speak, how should you speak? This art must be studied. In any place or occasion, it is best to speak less. If you want to speak, say words of emotion from your own experience, words of heartfelt words deep in your soul, words of which you are confident, and words that can inspire others. Say something that can warn people, say something that can educate people, say something that can warm people, say something that can relieve people of their worries. Don’t say things you are not sure you can do, don’t say evil words, don’t say words that hurt feelings, don’t say things that are slanderous, and don’t say vulgar words. When you have to say something, you must pay attention to the content, meaning, wording, voice, and posture of what you say. Whatever the occasion, you should say what. You must know that in order to keep your words valued and not annoying, the only secret is to say the right amount of words, the right words. Saying the right amount of words can make you think quietly and make what you say more exciting and moving. Being a patient listener is an important condition in the art of conversation. Because a person who can sit quietly and listen to other people's opinions must be a thoughtful person with a humble and gentle character. This kind of person may not be noticed at first among the crowd, but later he will be the most respected. . Because he is humble in spirit, he is pleased by everyone; because he is good at thinking, he is believed by everyone.

So, how to be a good listener?

First, focus. When someone is talking to you, you should keep your eyes on them. No matter whether the person speaking to you has a higher or lower status than you, keeping your eyes on them is a necessary thing. Only those who are vain, lack courage or have an arrogant attitude will not do it. Face others squarely. Don't do unnecessary work when someone is talking to you. This is disrespectful. Moreover, when he accidentally asks you something, you will be at a loss because you didn't pay attention to what he said.

Secondly, when listening to other people’s words, it is good to occasionally insert a word of sympathy or two. It is also very necessary to add a question when you don’t fully understand, because doing so is to express your appreciation for their words. Be careful, but don't seize the opportunity to speak and talk endlessly about yourself; you can only continue the conversation unless the other party's words have come to an end and no one has spoken, or you can only do this when you should be allowed to speak.

In addition, no matter what others say, it is best not to correct his mistakes too casually. If this causes the other party's resentment, then you are not a good listener. If you want to make comments or criticisms, you should pay attention to timing and attitude. Don't be too reckless and don't pay attention to methods and methods. Some people often like to talk about something that has been said to you several times. This is the most unforgettable thing buried deep in their hearts. It may be more proud and makes them happy, or more sad and makes them unhappy. Some people will tell a joke many times and still treat it as something new. In this case, as a listener, you need to practice the virtue of patience. You cannot say to him: This is something you He has told me several times that doing so will hurt his dignity. The only thing you should do is to listen patiently. At this time, you should understand in your heart that he is a person with a poor memory. You should sympathize with him, and he When I say it to you, I express my goodwill and trust in you. Then you should accept his kindness with the same sincerity.

But if the speaker talks endlessly, and you have no interest, and you feel that it is not worth your time and energy to entertain him, you should use better methods to make him stop this boring question, but the most important thing is The most important thing is not to hurt his self-esteem. The best way is to subtly lead to other topics. This other topic should preferably be a topic that he is familiar with or likes. The rules of communication you must master: Small principles can be conveyed through feelings; Dali can only be expressed through silence.

2.1.6 Try not to talk nonsense

In daily life, if we pay a little attention, we will find that many people have some problems in their speech. Although these problems are not of decisive significance, if not paid attention to, they will greatly affect the effect of our conversation.

When ordinary people talk, they are often prone to the following problems:

1. Use redundant formulas. Some people like to use too many or unnecessary formulas in their conversations. For example, some people like to add words such as "naturally" or "of course" everywhere; others like to add too many clichés such as "frankly speaking" and "honestly"; Ask others "What do you understand?" or "Did you hear clearly?"; others like to say "Did you say so?" or "What do you think?" and so on. You may not feel this kind of problem yourself at all. The best way to overcome this kind of problem is to ask your friends to remind you all the time.

2. There is noise. Some people talk very well, but there is a lot of meaningless noise mixed in between his words. Their noses are always humming, or their throats seem to be always blocked, and they cough lightly, or they use a long "alas" at the beginning of each sentence, like As if he was afraid that people wouldn't be able to hear him clearly. These problems can be eliminated as long as you are determined.

3. There are too many proverbs. Proverbs are originally humorous and persuasive words, but using too many proverbs often makes others feel glib and sensational, which not only does not help enhance persuasiveness, but makes the listener feel cumbersome. Proverbs can make a conversation lively and powerful only if they are in the right place. When using proverbs, we should use them as appropriately as possible.

4. Abuse of popular words and phrases. Certain popular words and phrases are often used indiscriminately. For example, the word "atom" has been abused, and "atom" is imposed on everything, such as "original from toothbrushes" and "atom dictionary", which is confusing.

5. I particularly like to use one word. Some people do not know whether it is because they are lazy, unwilling to use their brains to find more appropriate words, or for other reasons. They particularly like to use one word or word to express various meanings, regardless of whether the word or word itself has so many meanings. meaning. For example, many people like to use the word "great". Everything became great in his words. "You are so great", "This potted flower is so great", "I had a great lunch today", "This batch of goods sold for a great price", etc., giving others a flashy impression. Therefore, we should remember as many words as possible to make our expressions as accurate and diverse as possible.

6. Too trivial. Many people are annoyingly petty during conversation. For example, telling one's own experience is the easiest way to tell it vividly and excitingly. Many people also like to hear others talk about their personal experiences. However, when many people talk about their own experiences, they blindly describe them in a straightforward manner without prioritizing them. They feel that everything they have experienced has a flavor and it is necessary to talk about it. As a result, the listeners are confused and disorganized. It's boring. When telling experiences or stories, you must be good at focusing on the key points and understand where the listener is interested, and use less dialogue. Be as detailed as possible at important points and explain the rest in one or two sentences.

7. Like to use exaggeration. Exaggeration has an eye-catching effect. However, we cannot use exaggeration too much, otherwise, others will not believe what you say.

On the contrary, if both parties cannot continue the topic, how can they have the next interaction? A person who is good at asking questions always has a better chance of successful communication than others.

2.1.8 Be humorous when you least want to be humorous

If you can talk to anyone for ten consecutive minutes and make the listener interested within these ten minutes, you are the one A very excellent eloquent person, because you have to know that the circle of any person is very wide: maybe an engineer, maybe an artist, maybe a politician, maybe a diplomat, maybe a worker, maybe a student, in short , no matter he is a person of various religions or social status, it is not easy for you to talk to him for ten minutes and make the other person interested. However, no matter whether it is difficult or easy, we have to try to overcome this difficulty. It is common for many people to be speechless and look at each other in silence because they have no understanding of the other person's career. This is very embarrassing and uncomfortable. In fact, if you are willing to put in a little effort, this embarrassing situation can be reduced, and it is not even difficult to become a first-class communicator. "If a worker wants to do his job well, he must first sharpen his tools." Although it is an old saying, it is still applicable today. Therefore, if you want to become a communicator or salesman, you must enrich your knowledge, continuously improve and hone yourself in practice. Of course, a person who has no ink in his chest cannot be expected to be able to speak freely.

Knowledge is a sharp tool. With this sharp tool, everything can be easily solved. Although you cannot conduct exquisite research on all kinds of specialized knowledge, you must have the so-called common sense. With general common sense, if you can use it skillfully, you should be able to have a ten-minute interesting conversation with anyone. There is no problem. Daily newspapers and various famous magazines published every month must be read. This is the lowest level of information, the general local economic situation and its trends, new scientific inventions, new discoveries, the world's situation and concerns Local environmental characteristics, character traits, as well as new works in the art world, fashionable clothing, content of movies and dramas, etc., can all be learned from daily newspapers, magazines and monthly magazines. There is a beauty salon in Kowloon, Hong Kong, and its business is the best in the area. Someone came to ask for advice on the reason for its prosperity. The shop owner said frankly that it was entirely because his beautician was good at chatting with customers at work. But how do you make your staff good at talking? The shop owner said: The lunch box is very convenient. I buy all kinds of newspapers and magazines every month. I stipulate that all employees must read them before starting work every morning. If reading magazines and newspapers is regarded as a daily task, then they will know how to do it. Get the latest talking materials from newspapers and magazines. To the favor of our customers, if you say that you are not happy to read newspapers and magazines, or you say that you do not have the time to read them, then please stop studying the art of speaking. There is no way to find people who don’t even like to read books and newspapers. For those who look at time, we don’t want him to gain anything in any category. The communication rules you must master: When you can't be humorous the most, a little humor can have amazing effects.

2.1.9 Good at attracting the audience

Speech is two-sided, even multi-faceted. When a person stands on the podium and gives a speech, he is the only one speaking. Whether the words he speaks are prepared by himself in advance or are worded by others prepared for him, as long as he understands the skills of speaking, he can put those words into words. If you speak it clearly and vividly, you will have completed the task of the speech. However, to give a good speech, you must not only speak, but also be good at listening. Not only must you speak your own words well, but you must also be good at listening to others. And what you want to say cannot be completely prepared in advance like a speech. It is appropriate to read the Bible literally, but it requires a lot of ability to adapt to circumstances. When you are talking to a person, if you only say a lot of what you have thought of, without understanding the listener's reaction, opinions, and interests, and cannot observe what the other person's opinions are about your words, If you have any doubts and cannot resolve the crux of the other party's problem in time, then you cannot be considered a good interlocutor.

When giving a speech, your thoughts only develop along one line, and you keep talking about your one-sided opinions.

When talking, your thoughts must develop along at least two lines, one is your own, and the other is the listener’s. On the one hand, of course you must have your own position, viewpoint, attitude, and reasoning method; On the other hand, you also need to understand the other party's position, attitude and way of thinking. If you are talking to more than one person, it is impossible for that person to have the same thoughts, hobbies, and speculations. For example: you are contented, happy, and glorious; on the one hand, you can take this opportunity to observe the other person's tone and look, and give yourself a chance to judge. Isn't this the best of both worlds? But now many people always like to speak first, as if by speaking first they can overwhelm the other person, or make the other person feel that they are an extraordinary person. At the same time, there are many people who talk endlessly as soon as they start speaking, thinking that they are good at eloquence. Please note that others have a bad impression of you.

In fact, you have failed. This is not actually a conversation, it is just what you said to others. From now on, you will not be popular with others, and people will only avoid you when they see you. If you are a store clerk and talk endlessly about the beauty of your goods to a customer who comes to the door, the customer will regard your eloquent words and colorful words as nothing more than a business experience at most, and will never Will easily trust you and give money to your pocket. On the other hand, if you give the customer room to speak and give him a chance to criticize the goods, and you become a person who can discuss the goods with each other, your business will be easier to do. But how difficult it is to observe words and emotions! Why do we argue with others? The reason is that each other has different opinions, which is a bad thing for everyone. It is said that one less enemy is better because everyone protects their own self-esteem.