I haven’t been very happy lately, who has a funny joke?

1: Primary school students’ understanding of the word “milk”

The teacher explained to the children: “milk” means “small”. For example, "suckling pig" means "little pig", and "suckling pigeon" means "little pigeon".

Teacher: Xiao Ming, please make a sentence using the word "breast".

Xiao Ming: My family’s financial situation is not very good and we can only live in a 40-square-meter house.

Teacher: (I feel dizzy)... This one doesn’t work, let’s change it.

Xiao Ming: I have to jump over a cleavage in front of my house every day when I go to school.

Teacher: ...No, try another one.

Xiao Ming: .........Teacher, I can’t think of anything. It makes my nipples burst.

The teacher really fainted. . . . . .

Second, let’s go to the classic one: Bear Hunting

Once upon a time, there was a young man in the mountains. His family was so poor that he couldn’t even eat. He heard that there was a bear hunter in the mountainous area who could kill several bears a year, so he decided to learn the art of hunting bears. When we arrived at the hunter's house, the hunter was a little old man. He said that the skill of hunting bears should not be passed on to others, and asked the young man to go back. The young man begged hard, saying that his family really didn't have enough food to eat. If you don't help me, my family will starve to death. The old hunter saw that the young man was very loyal and said, "Okay, I will accept you as my apprentice as an exception." In this way, the young man became an apprentice and learned skills.

How to kill a bear? The old hunter began to speak. "Actually, hunting bears is very simple. In winter, you go into the mountains. You find a big cave in the mountains, and you just shout into it: Woo~~~~~~~Boo~~~~~~~, this is You will hear the woo~~~~~~~~`Woo~~~~~~~~ from inside. You pick up the gun and hit it inside, and the bear will fall. All you have to do is go in and pull the bear out. "The young man was very happy when he heard it, and asked again: "Why is this?" The old hunter said: "In winter, bears hibernate in caves. When you shout outside, the bear thinks it is your companion outside and shouts too. When it is happy, it will stand up in the cave. If you shoot at this time, you will definitely kill it." When the young man heard it, it made sense! Winter arrived in a blink of an eye, and the young man was ready to hunt bears. On the day he said goodbye to the old hunter, he said to the old hunter: "Master, I am going into the mountains. I will definitely hunt a big bear. I will honor you first when I come back." The old hunter was very happy and said: "Okay, you will definitely succeed, let's go!" Just like that, the young man went into the mountains alone.

In a blink of an eye, spring came, and the young man never returned to the old hunter's house. The old hunter thought: This guy does one thing on the surface but another secretly. He hits the bear and runs away. He is really nothing. It happened that one day, the old hunter saw the young man in the market. He was limping and using a cane. His arm was broken and bandaged. The old hunter became angry when he saw him: "You young man, you have forgotten me after you hit the bear? Who are you!!" Unexpectedly, the young man became even more angry: "You bad old man, what are you teaching me? What's the method? Look, it hurts me so badly." When the old hunter saw it, he felt puzzled and asked: "What happened to the bear hunting method I taught you? Let me know how you beat the bear." The young man began to talk: "In winter, I went into the mountains after I separated from you. I found a big cave, and I shouted into it: "Woo~~~~~~~~~Woo~~~~~~ ~~", and I heard shouting from inside: "Woo~~~~~~~Woo~~~~~~~. "Yes, yes," the old hunter said, "you shoot." The young man said with a frustrated face: "Damn, before I could shoot, a train came out of it." . . . ”

3. Wang Xiaoming

There are different opinions about Xiaoming’s surname. Generally speaking, his surname is Wang, and his name is Wang Xiaoming.

His family lives in the countryside. The toilet at his house is built on the river by the beautiful river. When the whole family has finished using the toilet, the excrement can be washed away naturally by drifting with the current.

One day,

Xiao Ming went to school. The teacher asked Xiao Ming in class: "Xiao Ming, who burned the Epang Palace?"

Xiao Ming: "Old ．．．Teacher．It wasn’t me.

The teacher was so angry that he called Xiao Ming’s father immediately.

Sir, look at your Xiao Ming, he doesn’t even know who burned the Epang Palace! He even said it wasn’t him.

Father: “Teacher, I’m so sorry. Our Xiao Ming is stupid, but he is very honest. "If he said it wasn't him, it wasn't him."

The teacher didn't want to communicate with Xiao Ming's father anymore, so he asked his mother to listen to the phone.

After listening to the teacher's statement, the mother said: "Teacher, I'm so sorry, I'm going to scold Xiao Ming!"

Then the sound of scolding and hitting children was faintly heard.

After a while,

Xiao Ming’s mother returned to the phone: “Teacher, I’m sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Xiao Ming admitted that he burned the Afang Palace. This child, If you don't fight, you won't be able to do anything." ．

When he walked to the toilet, the more he thought about it, the angrier he became, so he kicked the toilet. Unexpectedly, the toilet fell into the river.

Xiao Ming was startled. He looked around and went to school. .

The teacher in class that day happened to tell the story of Washington cutting down the cherry tree, which made Xiao Ming decide to be an honest child.

After returning home, he admitted to his father that he kicked down the toilet He thought he would be praised by his father, but unexpectedly his father slapped him twice.

Xiao Ming choked up and said to his father: "When Washington told the truth, his father forgave him. Why don't you be like Washington's father.

Father said to Xiao Ming earnestly: " "Child..., that's because Washington's father was not in the tree at the time." One day, Xiao Ming climbed up the neighbor's fruit tree to pick fruits. Caught by a neighbor.

Neighbor: "You are a bad boy. You started to be a thief at a young age. You are good at it when you grow up. Come down here and take me to see your father!"

So,

Xiao Ming shouted to another tree: "Dad! Someone is looking for you."

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Xiao Ming and his parents I went to Muzha Zoo and finally stopped in front of the monkey cage and found that the monkeys were nowhere to be seen.

Xiao Ming's mother curiously asked the administrator: "Where did the monkeys go today?"

"They went back to the cave, madam." Management. The member said: "It's the mating season now."

Xiao Ming's mother asked again: "If I throw some peanuts in, will they come out?"

"I I don’t know! This lady.”

The administrator scratched his head and said with a smile: “If it were you, would you come out?”

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After coming out of the zoo, Xiao Ming felt hungry and suddenly wanted to eat scallion pancakes.

After searching for a long time, he didn’t see anyone selling them, so he had to go to Pizza Hut to eat Western-style pancakes. Human scallion pancake - pizza.

At the counter of Pizza Hut, the waiter was asking Xiao Ming, "Kid, would you like to cut your pizza into four slices or eight slices?]

Xiao Ming thought for a moment,

Answer: "Four slices are enough, how can I finish eight slices?"

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After several oolong incidents, Xiao Ming suspected that his IQ was a little low, so he ran to ask his father: "Dad, am I stupid?"

Dad: "Son, you are not stupid at all!"

Xiao Ming: "But, others say I'm stupid!"

Dad: "That's because they don't understand you.

”

Xiao Ming: “But I feel stupid!”

Dad: “You are not stupid at all! You want me to say it several times, you idiot!”

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Xiao Ming has always had little confidence in his IQ.

One day, a doctor came to Xiao Ming's school to find a smart student, so he volunteered for an interview.

The doctor asked Xiao Ming the first question: "Earth Is it round?"

Xiao Ming: "Yes!"

Doctor: "How do you know?"

Xiao Ming: "I look at the globe "Yes!"

"Hmm..." I don't know if this answer is right or wrong.

The doctor asked Xiao Ming a second question: "How big is the universe?" ?

Xiao Ming: "As big as you want!"

"..." The doctor looked defeated and fell into deep thought.

Xiao Ming passed two levels and gradually became more confident: "Doctor, please ask another question..."

"Why do people want to live?" The doctor proposed a religious question Philosophical questions.

Xiao Ming: "Because people are not dead yet!"

As a result, the doctor hit the wall on the spot, and Xiao Ming became a genius who had passed the doctorate. The whole school students lifted Xiao Ming up and walked around the playground. celebrate!

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The year Xiao Mingkuai graduated, he participated in a graduation trip organized by the school. During the trip, they checked into a hotel.

Since there were only a few rooms left, they had to squeeze in.

The bad news is that Xiao Ming heard from the tour guide that these rooms were haunted.

In the middle of the night, Xiao Ming had an urgent need to urinate and was afraid to go to the toilet. Finally, he couldn't hold it in and had to cautiously open the toilet door.

Suddenly a gust of cold wind blew out, which scared Xiao Ming and squirted out his urine. After a while, he rushed back to the quilt.

The next day, Xiao Ming quickly told the tour guide: "I'm telling you, I encountered a ghost when I went to the toilet yesterday..."

He hasn't said anything yet Finished,

The tour guide continued: "Oh! Speaking of going to the toilet, I didn't know that the wicked guy peed in the refrigerator yesterday..."