What do you mean by not breaking the contract? The relationship between presupposition and curiosity

Today, I attended the Huang Jing Reading Club "Accompany Children to Meet Beautiful Oneself".

The protagonist is Xiaohua's parents who are separated from their parents because of drug abuse. They always have conflicts with the people around them. They were introduced to Dr. Golden Shield. The doctor didn't ask questions, just played songs in Minnan. Xiaohua began to put on airs when she left home, helping her parents serve food, eating peanuts, punching fists and eating melon seeds with her parents. Let Dr. Huang play his father.

This is a narrative that emphasizes "temperature first, then brightness", and "the opportunity to change is not for change". Without judgment and presupposition, Xiaohua was slowly loosened by music, changed from tourist type to consumption type, entered Xiaohua's life story, established a good consulting relationship with Xiaohua, and provided a warm, safe and comfortable consulting atmosphere.

Narrative to establish a good atmosphere for consultation and interview, we should keep a curious attitude, do not presuppose, do not prompt how to say, play games in music, play the role of father and ask "what do you miss most at home?" The way children expect, curiosity leads children to new stories. In the process of educating children, we think that we have crossed more bridges than children have eaten more salt. We always want to put our experiences in a superior position. Sometimes we think that what you think is what you think? Not being curious, unbiased and neutral will make the other party feel uncomfortable and not be heard, which is the poison that affects good relations.

Curiosity, not presupposing a position, and maintaining a neutral attitude can also enable us to maintain a good boundary, see through in life, and hold back for three seconds to let the truth fly for a while. Whether communicating with children or adults, we should pay attention to: Whose business is this? What does he need? How long will it take?

"Save for a rainy day" can be regarded as a preset, and a preset is not impossible. Let's see what it is, when it is used, and who it is preset with!

Teacher Huang finally shared three aspects:

What do you mean by not breaking the contract? The relationship between presupposition and curiosity

Presupposition is generally to judge others with your own view of right and wrong, and to look at others with colored glasses. When consulting and communicating with children, when the other party has not expressed it, it is not preconceived, judged, presupposed, rushed to give suggestions and answers, and made no assumptions. Empty yourself first, and there will be more space in your heart. Sincerity and curiosity will make the story of the visit take a new turn and better enter the customer's world. Don't pass on your thoughts and expectations to customers, but be curious.

Are the premises all bad? Presupposition is universal and inevitable. The focus is positive, and he has his own position. He usually pays attention to problems, and the exception presupposes that the parties must have exceptions (Chapter 7 of the Yellow Book). Schools that pay attention to uniqueness and successful experience will have preset positions. Don't be hard on yourself when you have a preset. Curiosity can make counseling more

Second, why stay curious? Why not preset it? The purpose is to establish a good relationship! Curiosity and impartiality are more conducive to entering the world of the parties.

How to keep curiosity? Why not preset it?

(1) How to keep curiosity?

1 awe! Awe for customers, awe for humanity. Respect his uniqueness. He has his own life story. He has his reasons. He has his difficulties. He wants to be better. He is trying to do better! If the child has a problem.

2 respect! Accept and respect everything about the parties, cultivate their body and mind, and accompany them for a small step behind them.

3 appreciate! I don't believe that customers only have one problem story. He has a new story.

(2) How to avoid default?

Forbearance: Hold back for three seconds when something happens.

Viewpoint: Who am I? Why express awareness?

How did this idea come about? Steady your restless heart, steady.