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On these anchors, malice is like waves. Sweep everything when you come, and leave no trace when you go.

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"When a person decides to be an anchor, he is already mentally prepared." Psychologist Li Songwei told me.

Not long ago, Etika, a famous American game anchor, left his backpack on the Brooklyn Bridge and jumped down. In the past two years, he has been suffering from emotional illness. His death caused an uproar, and people suspected that the tragedy had something to do with his career.

Hesenberg, the "most popular commentator" who has more than 4 million fans on Weibo, also said that there is "zero" probability that bloggers who enjoy huge traffic around them are in a good mood. He believes that "the correlation between high traffic and bad emotions is so strong" and the problem comes down to a kind of "mental overload"-when the small circle of interpersonal communication in the past was forcibly broken by traffic, "people used psychological hardware to deal with interpersonal relationships of hundreds of people to face millions of people".

This time, we should focus on the game anchor. The anchors always show their best in front of the camera, but what kind of life do they live behind the camera? What kind of problems are you facing? How did they solve it?

The first cousin (yesyanbaby) was attacked by a male anchor. At that time, she was angry, anxious and out of control. "I cried in front of the audience in the live broadcast room."

That was when the first cousin was in Yu Dou. At that time, the live broadcast platform was not standardized, and some anchors would attack other anchors for popularity. Later, she looked back and thought, "In fact, it is also the effect of his program, treating me as a cannonball."

She talked about it in a relaxed tone. "I was quite resistant to broadcasting during that time. After all, that rhythm has followed me for a year or two. " She said, "Later, I reflected this problem to the platform, and the male anchor also apologized to me in the live broadcast ... it has been a long time."

"It's only been two years." I said.

"This kind of thing may be forgotten in a month. The' rhythm' thing is very fast-you don't forget it, and the audience forgets it. " She said, "I remember really wanting to give up at that time, but there is no way to mobilize that emotion now." It's hard for me to get back to my mood at that time. Words can't describe it. "

Many anchors will use "rhythm" to summarize the malice they face. This word was first used to describe experienced players leading teammates to attack, but now it is mostly used to refer to some people making inflammatory and controversial remarks, causing ignorant people to follow suit-in the anchor circle, attacks are always aimed at anchors with many fans and certain voice and influence.

The eldest cousin thinks that her present state is relatively stable. Occasionally, she is in a bad mood, and when she sees a bad barrage, she will go back to vent, but she knows it can't be Japanese. "After that, the problem is more serious, and he will always argue with you."

It's useless to fight back, which often only makes the malicious counterattack more fierce. "So I know that it is best not to do this." Compared with quarreling, she is more concerned about whether she can show herself in front of the audience with a better face, "practicing singing skills, practicing talents and improving the level of playing games."

She is no longer the girl who will cry in front of everyone because others are "rhythmic", and her own mentality has long been dull. "If an anchor can't even face these things and can't resolve them, then he is not suitable for this profession."

"Is it the price that this profession must pay?" I asked.

"Can't say it's a price. This is what you need to coexist with when you work in this industry. "

Xia Yike, 28, has been in this line of work for 10 years. Before being an anchor, she was a die-hard fan of Blizzard Games, and made a series of game commentary videos with the theme of Blizzard Games, which made her famous in the circle with her personal interpretation. "The original' capital accumulation' has been completed before, so the transformation to be an anchor is very smooth."

In the ever-changing field of live broadcast platform, countless people pour in and quit every day. Xia Yike's live broadcast career is relatively smooth. Unlike those female anchors who wantonly comment on their looks, Xia Yike never shows her face in the live broadcast, but this does not prevent her fans from affectionately calling her "Queen".

Although he was welcomed by many fans, privately, Xia Yike often felt that he was "in a state of mental health problems".

"It may be related to the work characteristics of the anchor. Our anchor's schedule is very unhealthy. He never sees the sun all the year round and always stays indoors, which is somewhat out of touch with society. " She feels that when these problems pile up together, they will always erupt collectively at some point. In those days when the bad mood came, the only thing she could do was to try her best to protect herself until she felt that she had "quietly walked away".

"acceptable, acceptable." Xia Yike said to me: "Those who can't accept it have already left this industry."

Stress is almost inevitable. Psychologist Li Songwei said that for an anchor with a huge fan base, being scolded may not be a question of personality, appearance or level-it is just a question of probability.

Anchors and traffic owners are like commodities in circulation. "For example, a product with a favorable rate of 95%, a moderate rate of 4% and a defective rate of 1% is already a good product. You won't think that this product can't be taken because of the bad review of 1%, because you know that even if you do it well, someone will give a bad review. "

Are these bad reviews directed at the object itself? "The older generation, after being criticized, will feel that the person being criticized is themselves, so they will reflect on themselves. Their lives are highly dependent on people's evaluation. " Li Songwei said, "But now traffic owners are called stupid. They just think it is part of their normal work. Normal work involves being consumed by some people. " People's malice is just one of the ways to be consumed, which is essentially the same as other consumption methods.

There is a simple reason. The anchors have been doing this for a long time, and they have all thought it over. But in reality, when anchors encounter gossip, they still have to learn to digest it in various ways-anger is digestion, silent acceptance is digestion, and avoiding forgetting is also digestion. Battle-hardened anchors have their own coping styles in order to stay in this industry for a long time.

There is also a big difference between an anchor and an anchor. They enter this industry for different reasons, pursue different goals, meet different people and things, and face different degrees of pressure. There are always problems, and there are usually two ways for them to seek self-consistency: one is to solve the problem, and the other is that although the problem is not completely solved, there are still things they want on this road.

For some anchors, the problem can be solved. For them, things are not that complicated. They play games well, so they broadcast live. About malice, about the future, about the hard work, these problems occasionally appear. They will be unhappy, but they can forget about it and move on.

Xia Yike introduced me to Nostalie, who is also in DouYu. "He said that he likes playing games very much. He is' liver' than me every day and can broadcast for more than ten hours. " Xia Yike told me, "He is called' water friend' ... but people really like this game to play, and he doesn't feel a burden."

"In fact, it is still very tired." No always said to me, "people must be tired, and occasionally their hearts are a little tired."

His sources of pressure are similar to those of most anchors: number of people, running water, content, effective duration, various barrage ... Xia Yike told me that No has almost achieved the status of "storm brother" when he has been playing Hero of the Storm. But later, Blizzard paid no attention to this project, canceled the competition, and Heroes of the Storm also entered a trough. "No always has to be transformed into the anchor of self-propelled chess and console games, but the fans of Storm will definitely scold him-he suffered a lot of cyber violence during that time."

It is not always easy to sum up that matter by "changing the content of a scene". One of the words he repeatedly mentioned was: "Just get used to it." For cyber violence and daily psychological pressure, he is more open: "If you want to do this, you can only bear it. Adjust your mentality, otherwise you can't do it. "

During his four or five years of live broadcast, he almost never got tired of games. "Live broadcast while playing games is equivalent to turning what you like to do into work and making money to support your family. In fact, it is still possible. " Before doing the live broadcast, he used to work in a company responsible for outsourcing 3D modeling, which was not enough for him. "You can't play games at work. This is a kind of conflict. "

There are also long meows that get more happiness in the live broadcast. He is only 20 years old, but he has been broadcasting for four years and is very experienced. "I am quite humorous in the live broadcast. Basically, the whole live broadcast room is laughing from morning till night. " He said to me in high spirits.

This state did not exist at the beginning. "When I used to play League of Legends, I was still a sprayer. I will scold anyone who dares to scold me, but the fans behind me are gradually increasing, and I don't want to bring them negative energy. " Perhaps because of Chang Miao's own age and style, the fans watching his live broadcast are younger, and Chang Miao feels more responsible to them. Not only will he not fight back because of being attacked, but when his fans fight among themselves, he will sincerely apologize to each other for both fans.

The effective duration of his monthly broadcast will exceed the guaranteed duration signed by the platform. "I broadcasted it for 359 days last year." Under such a high-intensity live broadcast, Chang Miao felt that her life was a bit occupied by the live broadcast.

"I feel that I am out of touch with the whole world-not just the social circle. How long has the subway mobile phone been paid? It's been a long time, but I didn't know until six months ago. " Therefore, this year, he also made appropriate adjustments and tilted slightly towards daily life.

On other anchors, this struggle is even more complicated. They may not be able to completely dispel the obvious pressures, such as unprovoked malice, careful speech and depression caused by work, but they have gained more and more important things in the live broadcast, which has become the reason why they must go on.

For Xia Yike, being liked by many people is the original motivation for her to be an anchor.

She is liked by many people. All platforms add up to more than 4 million fans, and the reputation in the circle is loud, and fans are flooding in, but she said, "People will be more and more dissatisfied."

"Our anchor has something called a barrage assistant, which has become my biggest source of stress every day. When I broadcast live, I faced two screens, one of which showed how many people were in the live room in real time. When your number has been falling, that kind of anxiety is indescribable. " Xia Yike said to me, "You should continue to exert yourself to show the effect of the program. You will shout in your heart,' Please don't go, I'm still very interesting!' "

The solution is more interesting, and Xia Yike is familiar with it. "For most of our anchors, how to interact with the audience, how to tell interesting jokes and how to make it interesting has become our instinct."

Xia Yike has many anchor friends, and sometimes they get together. She found that everyone at the party has the same ability to make people laugh at any time and place. "I think people who do a good job in live broadcast must have slowly trained themselves into an interesting soul."

She said easily: "This is a professional skill, nothing difficult."

In Xia Yike's mind, Huang Xudong is the state that she hopes she will reach a certain age. "He is an enlightened man. He knows what to insist on and what not to care about. "

Unlike the anchors who came in when the live broadcast industry was booming, Huang Xudong stayed in this circle for a long time. At first, he became popular as a commentary on StarCraft. After the rise of the live broadcast industry, he naturally became the first anchor.

"I do live broadcasts entirely to make money." Huang Xudong said to me.

Now he has his own brokerage company and signed many anchors. He also knows that these anchors "may feel lonely and depressed" when broadcasting, but Huang Xudong doesn't have such troubles.

Maybe it's because he is not alone. He usually goes on TV with his partner Sun Yifeng. They have worked together for more than ten years. Live broadcast together made him find a "state of being with friends", which he thought eased the boredom in his daily work, and live broadcast was even the happiest moment of his day.

Huang Xudong feels that the biggest problem he faces is that the StarCraft series is becoming less and less popular in China-the popularity is not high, and it is easy to encounter bottlenecks, and the related players and anchors have not gained much income. He is not sure when StarCraft, which he has been broadcasting for so long, will really "cool".

"I wake up every morning and think it should be over." He said to me: "In the end, it means that the big environment is gone." For example, Blizzard no longer plays StarCraft, or there are no players outside, and the live broadcast can't make money. "

But Huang Xudong may not be really worried about the "doomsday". He has built an "industrial chain" with live broadcast. He has his own official WeChat account, his own forums, communities and offline activities-he knows how to protect the audience. When most anchors' income is highly dependent on the platform, and platform sharing is their only source of income, Huang Xudong has constructed a decentralized and stable income structure. The direct income of being an anchor is one part, and business cooperation is another part. Even the realization of Taobao B2C has not fallen behind. "Even if the live broadcast is gone, even if the platform is gone, it is not fatal."

Although the pressure will not disappear by itself, people's ability to resist pressure will become stronger with age and experience. "When I was young, I cared too much. Quarrel with people every day, every day is a big rhythm. Now that I am old, I will ignore it. " Huang Xudong told me, "As long as what you do is worthy of your heart."

The fire wolf seeks self-realization on the live broadcast platform. He is a game media person from traditional paper media. He set up an online media, writing articles and making videos after the wave of layoffs in the paper media a few years ago, until last June, which failed. "To put it bluntly, I had a miserable life, the company closed down and the foreign debt was heavy."

Huya found him at that time and made a very good offer. "With my actual live popularity, this salary is fully recognized." Fire Wolf said, "What they are interested in is not how famous my live broadcast can bring to the platform, but more my influence in the media or being an' opinion leader'."

He began to broadcast live in Huya last August. In the first half of the year, he groped in confusion. Live broadcast is "a little too young" for him, and he has to learn from the beginning from the form of expression to the content operation, but he feels that he has now found the state of being a media person on the live broadcast platform. Not long ago, I continued with Huya for two years.

He defines himself as "a game media person who makes content on the live broadcast platform". From print media to online media to live broadcast, his mentality has changed, but he doesn't think he will compromise on content in order to please the audience. It should be said that it is service. He keeps learning to output in a form that people are more accustomed to at present.

But the effect of "service" is not ideal. "At present, the biggest trouble is still lack of popularity." He said with some sadness, "Sometimes I feel that I played well, but I didn't see many new fans after the broadcast."

After signing the live broadcast platform, he has been trying to adapt to his new life. He tried to find a balance between a large number of inputs and outputs. "It takes at least four or five hours to put it on the live broadcast every day, which will really have some impact on data collection, so I don't play games outside the live broadcast."

He asked himself to "keep abreast of fashion". A year later, he felt that his state was not bad: "The audience asked me to talk about this and that, and I can still get in touch most of the time."

Although he experienced several failures during the transition period and faced great economic and psychological pressure, he still chose to believe in the potential of the live broadcast platform. "I want more people to know that live broadcast can be done well."

Xia Yike also wants to do the content well. As a creator, she cherishes feathers very much. She demands that her works be good and be responsible to the audience.

She used to care about other people's comments. Later, she felt useless, so she still had to stick to herself. "I want to be a self I like first, and then see if this self I like will be liked by others.

She is extremely demanding of herself. "This may be my personal character. Most of my stress comes from myself. Maybe the audience doesn't think that my live broadcast today is not good, but that my live broadcast today is not good and it will be very uncomfortable ... I will be very uncomfortable all day. " She said: "I will ask myself to do better every day than yesterday ... I will never be able to balance and will never be satisfied."

"If you hadn't done this job, would you be better off than you are now?" I asked.

"No, absolutely not." She answered flatly.

Billy Billy anchor Laobai (OldBa 1) didn't think so much. In his view, any kind of life has a price to pay, and the anchor is just one of them.

Laobai fights harder than most anchors. Recently, there was an activity in the live broadcast area. He almost devoted himself to the live broadcast, and every time he returned my message, it was early in the morning. Later, when interviewed, Lao Bai apologized to me: "Because I just finished broadcasting."

Laobai's fans took the initiative to find us and introduced us to this "ordinary boy in a small city in Shandong". Fans told me that Lao Bai started as a bank escort and later became an anchor. He became popular during the live broadcast of the fifth personality, and accumulated more than 600,000 fans in a short time. "At the end of last year, he ranked second in the class gold medal event."

Lao Bai believes that these achievements are hard-earned. "I used to broadcast more on holidays or weekends. Sometimes I broadcast live 12 hours every day, from noon to evening 12. I broadcast it while eating, except for going to the toilet. "

12 hour? "I asked him," isn't that difficult? "

"In fact, it is not just a bank escort. I have also worked on the assembly line for producing parts." Laobai said to me, "At that time, the stop was 12 hours, and the lunch break was 1 hour."

"I've worked for two days and my feet are blistered," he added. "If you say live broadcast is tiring, by comparison, the work I've done before is really tiring and bitter, and I earn very little. I think the live broadcast is not too tired. "

Laobai's fans told me that because Laobai became popular too fast, he played the role of captain in the anchor group competition and was immediately riddled with black materials. Although the black material itself is mostly ridiculous, it is more excessive. "His post bar has become the anchor black material in this circle, which is for the anchors of various platforms."

Lao Bai didn't mention these details at all in the interview. He generally used "cyber violence" to cover up the past. "When I first encountered cyber violence, I couldn't sleep for more than half a month, and then my mentality was flat. I don't care, I sleep. "

"I didn't think of myself as an anchor. It's natural to chat with everyone, but at this time, a barrage will pop up, saying that my emotional intelligence is too low, I can't talk, I can't take care of others ... We are all normal people, and suddenly a bunch of people say that you are not good, but you are obviously not like that. You must feel uncomfortable, but you can't justify it. You can only slowly digest this pressure yourself. "

Lao Bai pushed himself very hard. 12 hours of live broadcast exhausted him physically and mentally. "After the broadcast, I just want to lie in bed and do nothing." But he refused to relax. "I am already a full-time anchor, and I feel that there is no way out."

Among the anchors I contacted, the only one who was really diagnosed with depression in the hospital and took medicine was Zi Ning Jr., the host and anchor of Up. She was a little depressed before, until one day three months ago, she made a video about the cartoon "Love, Death, Robots" and put it on the Internet, and it was recommended by the platform-the video unexpectedly met with many bad comments.

"Maybe because it was sent late, the video is a relatively simple Amway direction-but that website has already laid a lot of in-depth articles about it." Zi Ning Jr. analyzed, "It is also possible that users prefer reading articles and listening to the radio rather than videos. In short, it is not suitable ... but I just want it. "

The video was called "too hot", "too superficial" and "at sixes and sevens", and the abuse was so fierce that even a "boss" in the station came out to help her.

On the same day, she collapsed and cried, asked for leave from the company and went directly to the hospital.

After receiving treatment, Zi Ning Jr. felt much better than before. She learned to lighten her burden. "I used to feel responsible for my words and deeds, but after I got sick, the doctor told me that there was something wrong with the sentence' the greater my ability, the greater my responsibility'." She said, "I think this sentence is nonsense now-everyone is human, and the greater the ability, the greater the ability. Maybe things can be done, but the responsibility cannot be greater, otherwise it will be crushed. "

Due to timely treatment, her condition has been controlled at present. The important lesson she learned from this illness is: "I just need to be myself and be responsible for myself." Now, George W. Zi Ning tries to express himself as an anchor and Up master. "In fact, it is helpful for my personal illness." She made three Vlog about depression, hoping to help more people.

In Li Songwei's view, it is normal that most anchors can finally handle their emotions. "If you look at these from a particularly traditional perspective, you will feel that these people are actually bleeding inside, or defending, or being numb and unable to feel." He told me, "But in fact, if you really contact them every day, you will find that this may not be the case."

Xia Yike once asked: "Why does human malice come so inexplicably?" In fact, it is precisely because these malicious intentions have no reason at all-not for the anchor himself, but just for someone to vent their emotions-so we don't have to care. Malicious doesn't contain any rich connotation. Malicious is pure malice and a kind of "flattening" emotion in contemporary life.

"This viciousness is the tax that the anchors have to pay." Li Songwei said. He believes that if you want to understand this, the anchor can often adjust his mentality.

In Li Songwei's view, after malice was leveled, the depression caused by malice was leveled. "How can the traffic owner be unhappy? They are very happy. " Li Songwei said, "Just as modern people often say that they are depressed or unhappy, this is the normal state of life-who isn't? Right? It is not easy for everyone to live, but sometimes we will say this emotion very touching. "

Li Songwei told me that a traffic owner he knew was once scolded badly for commenting on an article, and was directly scolded by a hot search. When I went to the company the next day, the employees were depressed, but he didn't care at all. Instead, he easily asked the staff: "What are the benefits of hot search for us?"

According to his observation, what he means by psychological preparation is that these anchors will increasingly regard "I" as an object rather than "I" itself-this is a kind of "self-separation".

"How to build your own personal design and how to interact with his fans, in fact, these things have gradually become professional and professional management." Li Songwei said, "The so-called' I' may be the object of professional operation in their hearts and become the so-called artificial person."

This kind of "personal design" does not play a different role from itself as people usually understand, but more like a "state that should exist at work"-"self-separation" allows the anchor to switch freely between the two States.

"For example, I'm very unhappy today, but I'm going to tell jokes to make everyone laugh later, so I'll tell jokes-well, I'm done, and I'll go back and cry. It doesn't matter. " Li Songwei described it this way, "But when I go to work, I want to be honest with the people who give me money, and I want to be honest with my customers. This is the so-called professional mentality. "

"It's a bit ... like alienation?" I said. The most straightforward explanation of the so-called "alienation" is that human beings have materialized themselves into production tools and become a part of the capitalist system. Obeying capitalist logic can bring tangible benefits on the one hand, but there is also the risk of losing themselves on the other.

"I don't think this is alienation." Li Songwei said, "When the older generation looks at the next generation, they always feel alienated. But when you stand by and watch them understand, you won't use the word alienation. You will think that this is an evolution. "

Maybe every anchor is ready for what he will face before he decides to turn on the camera. But even so, they will encounter those moments that make them feel depressed. Not everyone can complete what Li Songwei called "evolution". Even an experienced anchor, it is quite difficult to cut off a certain degree of self from the body and turn it into a product that can be evaluated or even vented, regardless of any malice caused by that "self".

Life goes on. As night falls, people return home after a day's work, and the work of the anchors begins at this time. From 7 pm to early morning, this is their prime time. The anchors sit at their desks, turn on their computers, adjust their cameras and enter their live broadcast rooms. The number of online people is rising bit by bit, and the barrage passes by. They greeted their fans with a smile.

The night waiting for them is still long.