How to close the relationship between friends? There are four elements.

A: "Why are you drifting away from my friends?"

B: "I haven't been in touch for too long, and time has diluted the relationship."

A: "Is it easier to keep in touch with each other?"

B: "Well ..."

A: "When I was a child, I had a small group of 4-5 people, and I liked to secretly compare who I had a better relationship with."

B: "How?"

A: "By feeling."

These are the problems we may encounter every day.

After learning the four elements of friendship, you will know:

1. Why are you drifting away from your friends?

2. How can we make the relationship between friends better?

3. How to judge the relationship between yourself and your friends?

I. Common goals

What is a common goal?

For example:

You and your friends agreed to badminton doubles on Friday night, vowing to knock down the unbeaten sister flowers;

Go to sing K and practice singing together on Saturday;

Go bungee jumping together in Baiyun Mountain on Sunday;

Make an appointment with friends to run together to lose weight.

These are called common goals.

The more common goals, the more stable the long-term relationship.

With the goal, and then abide by the agreement of the goal, naturally there will be a common experience, which can be understood as the experience of the same time and space.

In addition, you can also have different experiences at the same time, for example, two ordinary college students, one of whom is playing "Poké mon, go away!" ",one is playing in Guangzhou, which happens to be shared by everyone in the circle of friends. Seeing each other, the spark of friendship blooms instantly.

The same space also has different experiences. For example, people who have just met find that everyone is actually a high school alumnus, and then they will unconsciously start a topic around their alma mater.

The more common experiences, the deeper the friendship.

It will be more intuitive to illustrate with three counterexamples.

Counterexample 1:

A friend made an appointment to have dinner together: "Why don't we go to eat sushi this week?"

"Sushi again? Sushi every time, so tired. "

"Then go and eat. Hot and cold. "

"No, I'm angry."

"Then sing K plus buffet."

"Everything in the buffet is not delicious."

"......"

(successive objections)

Counterexample 2:

"It's so annoying recently."

"People are like this, and mortals are mortals. If you don't bother, you're not a person. Relax. "

"......"

(Direct comments)

Counterexample 3:

"I'll come and have dinner with you later?"

"hmm."

"See you at the subway station?"

"Oh."

"......"

(cold face)

If you want to drift away from your friends, it is helpful to suggest using the above methods to communicate.

As for how to increase positive emotions, it mainly depends on listening.

The space is too long, so I will use another article, "Is there a way to listen?" Happy chat only needs a formula to explain, see the next article for details. Before that, avoid making mistakes and you won't step on the pit.

Simply put, the longer we spend together, the deeper our feelings.

For example, if you and Xiao Ming have been in the same class for three years but never said a word, your relationship with A Qiang, who hasn't spoken in the next class for three years, will be gone.

Back to the question at the beginning:

1. Why are you drifting away from your friends?

Because the four elements are somewhat mismatched, we should pay special attention to the third point, "positive emotions". Many good friends are ruined by the third point, such as quarreling, one party always denies the other, and is indifferent.

2. How can we make the relationship better or better?

Just focus on the above four points.

For example, if you want to make friends with a friend and see what he is interested in, if he likes running and you like running, you can start with this topic and then focus on the four elements, so there will be no problem in strategy.

3. How to judge the relationship between yourself and your friends?

The circle of friends can be divided into five levels:

The theory can be Google or Baidu: 150 law.

This law was put forward by Robin Dunbar, an anthropologist at Oxford University in England.

You can divide the four factors into 0- 10, first find a friend as a standard reference, and then stratify the friends around you. You will find that you and Xiao Ming have always been just ordinary friends, but in fact, some parts have not been done enough.

It should be noted that these five levels are fixed, but the people inside are mobile. An casual acquaintance may become your inner core, and the inner core may degenerate into ordinary friends.

Now that we know the four elements of friendship and the five levels of circle of friends, what are the uses of these two theories?

Usage 1: If you want to have a better relationship with someone.

1. According to the four-factor evaluation, see which floor someone is currently in your circle of friends;

2. According to the evaluation results, think about which level you want to upgrade your relationship with someone;

3. Advance the relationship step by step according to the four elements.

Usage 2: If you want to talk to your friends about being dumped.

1. Think about which floor a person who is willing to listen to your heart belongs to;

2. Think about who this floor is (evaluated by four factors);

If you can't think of anything, rank your best friend.

Ps: Some students have lived for more than 20 years, but they may not have a friend who can enter the inner core. Such students should not blame the wrong theory, but reflect on themselves from the first use and build their own good friend layer and inner core layer.

Finally, maybe you will have a question, why should I go to so much trouble to talk to someone and find a good friend? Then I want to ask you, if you are regarded as a good friend by someone you think is an ordinary friend, will you go to the appointment if you are not particularly free?