I need some bad jokes, help me

31. One day, Red Bean Pancake was in a car accident. The last words he said before he died were: "...Ah! So I am the one making bean paste!"

32. Hot In the afternoon, a match head itched, scratched and scratched, and then caught fire.

Remember the match in the afternoon? There was actually something more behind. There was a match and his head felt itchy. After scratching it, his head caught fire. Then he went to the hospital. After the nurse bandaged him, he turned into a cotton swab.

33. It’s hot in summer, so we eat watermelon together in the dormitory.

A girl came and asked: "Can I eat it?"

The answer was: "You can eat the seeds and keep the watermelon."

< p>34. One day, Xiao Ming, who was in kindergarten, ran to his father: "Dad, dad, what rises from the east and sets from the west?" "Well, it's the sun?" "No, no, five words!" Dad thought. I wanted to say: "Daddy Sun?" "No, no, five words! Just those five words!" Dad thought for a long time and couldn't think of anything. . . . At this time, Xiao Ming said: "... Stupid, it's the sun!!!"

35. There was a child who looked like a tomato. One day He was walking and suddenly fell down. . . . Hahahahahahahahahahaha, it’s so funny

36. Once upon a time, there was a horse who entered a bar. He sat at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The waiter said: Your face is so long. ```

End of story

37. Junior sister went shopping and spent a long time shopping at a stall selling rubber bands.

Asked: "Oh, this is very beautiful. Let me give it to you."

Answer: "Why? I don't play with your glass."

< p>38. One day when the national war was in full swing, the guild leader came to the front line of the prairie to boost morale...

The guild leader asked: How is the situation?

The archer of the group reported: Report to the group leader! There is an archer from Baisos next to the tent 20 meters ahead, but his accuracy is terrible. He has shot many times in the past few days, but he has not hit anyone.

After hearing this, the group leader asked: Since we found the enemy’s archer, why not kill him?

Member Archer said: Report to the leader! Okay, do you want them to change it to a more accurate one?

39. Since Isca opened up to the outside world, all countries have rushed to flock to Isca...

Isca: Wow! There are so many people~

Is A: Yes, I saw a lot of war gods and popes...

Is A: What are they doing here?

Iss Yi: Let’s have a meeting.

Ismail: What meeting?

Iss B: They are here to discuss how we should face challenges after joining the WTO.

Ismail:...

40. This is a late night of staying up late to practice...

Warrior: Ah... I’m hungry~

Teammate: Wow! What to do?

Priest: OK~ OK~ I am here! (The priest continues to use the holy words of healing to the warrior)

Soldier: Wow...I...I...I just want to tell you that I am going to the alley entrance to buy a bowl of noodles...

Priest:………………

41. The happiest festival

Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.

Asong: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing I have ever had was Children's Day."

Abo: "After ten years, it will be Youth Day."

< p>A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."

Abo: "In a few decades it will be Old Man's Day."

A Song: "Again After a few decades."

Abo: ".Qingming Festival."

42. A super composition for a fifth-grade primary school girl

Title - - - "Me in thirty years"

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote: "...the weather is good today, I took my child with me We went to Daan Forest Park to play. We drove the Rolls-Royce that my husband bought for me. On my finger was a big diamond ring that he just bought me, and around my neck was a gold chain that he gave me just last month.

I was walking in the park with my lovely child, and people looked at me with envy everywhere. Suddenly, a homeless old lady with a stinky body and mud on her face rushed out on the road. I took a closer look~~~Oh my God! She turned out to be my fifth grade Chinese teacher! ....."

43.

4. A lovelorn man and God

A man went to see God after committing suicide . God asked: “My child, why did you commit suicide? The man said: "I pursued a woman, but she said that I did not have a tall and handsome figure and appearance, so I was rejected." God nodded thoughtfully and said, "That's right. Visual effects are very important in love." Let's do this, I will give you a beautiful shell that is unparalleled in the world, and you can go back and pursue your happiness now. "As God recited the incantation, there was only a "swish" sound, and the man left. A week later, the man committed suicide for the second time and came back, and saw God again. God asked: "My child, why did you commit suicide again? ? The man said painfully: "After I went back, the woman said that although I was very handsome, I didn't understand her at all." I was rejected again. "God nodded understandingly: "Of course. If you don't understand a person, how can you know how to give her happiness? Well, I'll give you superhuman insight and intuition, and you can go back and pursue your happiness. "As God recited the incantation, there was only a "swish" sound, and the man left again. A week later, the man came back again. It was the third time he committed suicide. God was surprised and asked: "My child, why did you Committed suicide again? "The man said in extreme pain: After I went back, although she was very handsome and knew her very well, she said that she had already given her body to another man." God looked at this unfortunate woman with sympathy. The man finally said: "Well, since you like that woman so much, I will let the man die. Then the woman will be yours. Go back!"

As he said this, God remembered He recited the incantation, and when he was halfway through the incantation, he heard a "bang!" sound, and God fell to the ground, dead.

The man said happily: "Now I can finally go back and pursue that beautiful nun!"

44.

5. The Death of Zorro< /p>

One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house for a tryst. The mistress asked Zorro: "What if my husband comes back?" Zorro said: "It's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will be there< /p>

Meet me next. "

The mistress said: If you hear three knocks on the door, it means my husband is back.

Zorro said: I understand.

After a while, it started to rain. Suddenly there were three knocks on the door: "Dong, Dong, Dong". It was too late, but it was too late.

Zorro jumped from the bed, and in a blink of an eye, he had jumped out of the window. When the mistress saw that Zorro had left, she went to open the door.

I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her: "Tell Zorro that it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

p>

45. One day in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit ran from a distance. Seeing all this, he came over and said: Fox, fox, how can you smoke marijuana? It is not good for your health. Yes, look, the air is so fresh. Come on and run with me. The fox thought it was right, so he ran with the little rabbit

While running, they saw the elephant taking heroin. The little rabbit ran over to the elephant and said: Elephant, elephant, you Why do you take drugs? Look at how fresh the air is and come running with me. The elephant was right, just the two of them were running together.

While running, I saw the lion rolling up his sleeves and about to inject heroin. The little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: Lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look at how fresh the air is. Come run with me...

The lion put down the syringe and rushed over, slapping the little rabbit wildly. The elephant tremblingly said to the lion: Why did you hit the little rabbit? He didn’t want me. How good that the door hurts the body!

The lion said: NND, damn rabbit, every time he takes drugs, he wants me to run wildly in the forest with him, damn!

46. I went home on the weekend when I was in school. I got addicted to cigarettes after dinner, so I planned to take an excuse to go for a walk.

When I was changing my shoes at the door, my dad asked me why I was going there. I said, "Go smoke a cigarette!" As a result, my father found a pack of 555 from me and beat me severely.

47. Once I went to my wife after coming out from my mother’s place. When I saw my wife, I habitually shouted: “Mom!”

48. When I went to work in the morning, I found that my bicycle was not there. I was angry, so I wanted to ask my mother to push me outside the door to cheer me up. As a result, I said: "Push my tire out." My mother was confused. I smiled and quickly corrected it, but the result was: "Put some air in my car!"

49. Once I was driving, The female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked: "Why do you drive without a condom?"

50. One time I was in the toilet and ran out of paper. I said to my wife: "Bring me the paper towel!"

51. A girl was heartbroken, and I advised her: "Two-legged toads are hard to find, but there are plenty of three-legged men!" "

52. Two people were arguing, and suddenly someone next to them said: "You are really full and have nothing to do!"

53. Colleagues are arguing with others, and they are anxious. He opened his mouth and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up on.

54. I was reading posts while eating, and reading classics to my wife, which made her laugh so hard, so she said to me: "Read it after you finish eating, otherwise you will suffer from indigestion!"

54. p>

55. Once I asked a short-sighted person what the degree of his eyes was. He wanted to say 400 degrees, but as soon as he said it, it was 400 watts, which made his stomach hurt!

56. Once the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected recess exercises. After the end, the physical education teacher was supposed to announce the "disbandment", but in a moment of urgency, he forgot the words, held it in for a long time, and shouted: "Retreat!"

57. When a student from the Department of Physical Education was taking an internship class, there were many teachers listening to the class. He was so nervous that when he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank for a moment and he suppressed a sentence: "Everyone pay attention, stand at attention! Flash!!"

58. A group of classmates went to play at a classmate’s house in the suburbs. We bought some watermelons and put them in the kitchen. I asked a classmate to get a knife to cut it, and when he came back after a long time, he came back holding a cut melon in his hand and said in panic: I cut the pumpkin. Everyone laughed wildly, but two seconds later, everyone laughed even more. It turned out that he was holding a winter melon in his hand!

59. There was a teacher in high school whose surname was Jiang, who looked exactly like Luo Jiaying (who played Tang Monk in Journey to the West). I went to ask him a question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question..."

60 , I have a colleague. One day I was driving on the road and my tire was flat. I asked where I could get inflated tires. My colleague said: "There are tire abortists everywhere on the street!"