A thousand cold jokes

Please take my question

1. A girl got her boyfriend's engagement ring the night before, but none of her classmates noticed it, which made her angry. In the afternoon, when everyone was sitting and chatting, she suddenly stood up and said loudly, "Oh, it's really hot here. I think I'd better take off my ring." 2. The hostess called the maid to the front and asked her, "Are you pregnant?" "Yes!" The maid answered. "luckily, you can say it. aren't you ashamed that you're not married?" The hostess trained again. "Why should I be shy, mistress? Aren't you pregnant yourself?" "But I am pregnant with my husband!" The hostess retorted angrily. "Me too!" The maid agreed happily. 3, a person riding a motorcycle likes to wear clothes backwards, that is, buckle the mouth at the back to keep out the wind. One day, he was driving under the influence of alcohol, overturned and fell headlong on the roadside. The police arrived: Policeman A: What a terrible car accident. Policeman B: Yes, I hit my head in the back. Policeman A: Well, he's still breathing. Let's help him turn his head back. Policeman B: OK ... One, two, push hard, turn around. Policeman A: Well, I'm not breathing ... 4. On a crooked country road, there are often some ghost stories because of frequent car accidents. One night, a taxi driver saw a long-haired shawl on the side of the road, and a woman in white waved to him. Because the driver had never seen a ghost, he boldly stopped to let her get on. On the way, although the driver didn't believe in ghosts, he was also Mao Mao. The driver was shocked and stepped on a brake! I saw that woman's face was covered with blood and her expression was ferocious. The driver's teeth trembled with fear. Suddenly the woman said, "Can you drive? I bowed my head to tie a shoelace, and suddenly I broke my nose when you braked ... "5. A patient went to see a doctor, and the doctor examined him and said with a frown," You are too ill, I'm afraid you won't live long. " Patient: "Please tell me how long I can live?" Doctor: "Ten …" The patient asked anxiously: "Ten what? Ten years and ten months? Ten days? " Doctor: "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five ..." 6. Teacher: "Can you say that some 18th century scientists have the same characteristics?" Student: "Yes, they are all dead." 7. The rhinoceros dung beetle falls in love with a mosquito. When the beetle asks what the mosquito does, the mosquito says, "Nurse, an injection." The tapir patted his thigh: "Fate, I am rubbing pills in the Chinese Medicine Bureau …" 8. An African lived in a hotel. In the middle of the night, there was a fire for unknown reasons. Africans can't care so much when they see it, so they run out naked. When the fireman saw it, he exclaimed, "My God! It' s all burnt, and you can run so fast! " 9. A person wants to study abroad, but he must get the approval of his boss. So he asked the boss for instructions, and the boss gave him a note that read: "Go ahead". The man thought, "Go ahead= go ahead, the boss approved it." So he started packing. A colleague saw him and asked, "What are you doing?" He said, "I'm going to study abroad, and my boss approved it and wrote me' Go ahead'." Colleagues were happy when they saw the article: "Our boss didn't approve it at all! You don't know the English level of our boss, he is talking about it! " 1. The priest said to the farmer who bought his horse and carriage: "This horse can only understand the language of the church. Call" Thank God "and it will run; It didn't stop until it was called "Praise God." The farmer was skeptical. He tried to shout "Thank God", and the horse immediately galloped faster and faster. It was only when a frightened farmer ran to the edge of the cliff that he remembered the password "Praise God" to stop him. Sure enough, the horse stopped. The farmer who survived the accident breathed a sigh of relief: "Thank God ..."

I played for a long time, so please adopt

1 the night before, a girl get boy friend engagement ring, but no one noticed the class * * * ate. make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.\" 2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant? \" \"Yes! \" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy? \" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant? \" \"But I conceive is my hu *** and! \" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too! \" The maid happy to echo. 3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car aident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, o, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing... 4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car aident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold sped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you *** ashed through a sudden brake my nose...\" 5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live? \" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years? Ten months Ten days? \" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\" 6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists mon characteristics? \" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\" 7, rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito is to do what work, the mosquito said: \ "nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\" 8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast! \" 9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \ "Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing? \" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss haven't approved! ! ! ! ! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head! \" 1, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't s.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it s password \"praise god\". Sure enough, The horse speed. Close the farmer grows a sight: \ "Thank God ... \"

I played for a long time, please a thousand cold jokes.

judge: where did you go that day?

defendant: I stayed at home all day.

Judge: Is there anyone who can prove it?

defendant: my son.

Judge: Don't you?