National joke

The geography teacher asked Xiaoming: What shape is the earth?

Xiao Ming answered: The earth is round.

The teacher asked again: How do you know it is round?

Xiao Ming answered: Let's call it a square. You are a teacher, I don't want to cause an argument about it!

= = The consequences of going your own way = =

A tourist saw a sign on the side of the road that said: This road is closed. Besides, the front looks beautiful, so tourists can't get through if they go on and turn a corner. When I got back to the intersection, I saw on the back of the sign: I didn't listen, I deserved it.

= = The best joke in America = =

Two hunters from New Jersey are hunting in the forest. A man suddenly fell to the ground, rolled his eyes and stopped breathing. Seeing this situation, the companion picked up his mobile phone and called the emergency center. He shouted to the waiter in panic, "My friend is dead! What should I do? " The waiter said gently, "Don't be nervous, don't worry, I'll help you." But you have to convince us that he is really dead. "

There was silence ... and then there was a gunshot. The hunter picked up the phone again and said, "Well, what's next?"

= = British best joke = =

A woman got on the bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said, "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!" " "

The angry woman went to the last row, sat down and said to a man next to her, "This driver just insulted me!" " "The man replied," Go and get even with him at once, and I'll hold this ugly monkey for you! ……"

= = The best joke in Canada = =

The Canadian space agency began to send astronauts into space for the first time, but they soon got a report that astronauts could not write with ballpoint pens in weightlessness. So it took them 10 years,1200 million dollars, and scientists finally invented the ballpoint pen. This pen is suitable for weightlessness, handstand, water, any flat object, MINUS 300 degrees Celsius.

Russians have been using pencils in space.

= = German best joke = =

The general found a soldier's behavior strange: he always picked up a used piece of paper, looked at it, threw it aside and muttered, "No, that's not what I want!" " "The general ordered the psychiatrist to treat the soldiers. After examination, the psychologist wrote: This person has psychological barriers and is not suitable for being a soldier.

The soldier picked up the diagnosis book and said happily, "Yes, this is what I want!" " "

= = Australia's best joke = =

A woman came to the hospital anxiously. "Doctor, show me quickly! When I woke up this morning, I looked in the mirror and was very scared. My hair is erect, my face is wrinkled, my face is pale and my eyes are red. I look like a dead man. What's wrong with me, doctor? "

The doctor examined the patient carefully, and then said, "Well, I can safely tell you that your eyesight is completely fine!" " "

= = Two jokes that English people talk about Scots and Irish people = =

1. An Irishman called the travel company: "How long will it take me to fly to London?" The clerk wanted to see the plane timetable and said to him, "(please wait a minute), sir!" " ""thank you very much! " The Irishman answered with satisfaction and hung up the phone.

2. A Scotsman came home from England. The family asked, "How is London?" The Scotsman replied, "Yes! It's the British. It's weird. When I stayed in a hotel, they knocked on the wall next to me all night like crazy people. " "What were you doing then?" "I didn't do anything! I just played the flute all night! "

= = Waiting for the bus = =

I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I chased and shouted, "master, wait for me, master, wait for me!" ...... "This is a passenger leaning out of the window and saying to me," Wukong, stop chasing, Bajie will camel you! "

= = Difficult to do = =

A girl was sitting in a seat, chewing gum desperately, but her foot reached into the passage next to the desk and was found by the teacher. "Mary!" The teacher shouted at her sternly. "What is it, teacher?" The girl replied. "Take the gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"

= = Death penalty = =

In prison, a condemned man was fidgeting. A kind guard said to him, "Don't be afraid, the current is very strong, and it won't hurt in a blink of an eye." At this time, there was a scream from the execution ground. "What's that noise?" Asked the condemned man trembling. "I don't know." The guard said, go to the execution ground and see what happened. "Nothing, we have to use candles because of the power failure," the guard said casually.

= = Songkran Festival = =

During the Songkran Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless them. Suddenly a man scolded: Shit, who spilled water on me? Others advised that throwing you is a blessing. Don't do that, the curse said. Who threw boiling water at me?

= = Overtime = =

It is common for advertising companies to work overtime. Every six o'clock in the afternoon, many colleagues will call home and inform them that they have to burn the midnight oil and can't go home for dinner. I always feel sour when I listen to it, but once, a colleague who is a father called home, but it made people feel warm and interesting: "Hey, are you a whirlwind?" Tell Superwoman that six million dollar man won't go back to Huaguoshan to eat vegetarian peaches today. Bye. "

= = centipede travel = =

A lonely man bought a centipede as a gift and took it home in a box. Later, he wanted to go for a walk with his new friends, so he knocked on the box and said, "Hey, buddy, shall we go for a walk?" There is no sound in the box. After a while, the man knocked on the box again and said, "Do you want to go out for a walk?" The centipede still didn't answer. He decided to ask for the last time, so he put his face on the box and shouted, "Hey, are you interested in going for a walk?" A faint voice finally came from the box: "I heard it the first time you called me." I am busy putting on my shoes! " "

= = The consulting fee is too high = =

Psychologist: "I've been too impatient and nervous recently, and I need to see a psychiatrist." Friend: "But aren't you the best doctor in your field?" Psychologist: "I know, but my consultation fee is too expensive."

= = West Point Military Academy = =

My father, brother and I went to West Point Military Academy to watch a football match between the Army and Boston University. Before we started, we walked around and met many students in neat uniforms.

Several tourists asked the recruits if they would pretend to be soldiers and let them shoot. "So our son can know what he will get if he comes to West Point to study." A middle-aged couple walked up to a very beautiful female student and asked her if she would like to pose for a photo. They explained, "We want our son to know what he missed when he didn't come to West Point Military Academy."

= = Examination room events = =

Whenever I take an exam, I get 890 points. I play as I please in the examination room, and I win the score twice. Do you really think I did it alone? But seriously! The exam is a mid-term examination room for a group of people. No, this is the final exam. There are 20 seconds before the papers are handed in. McGrady is going to cheat. The dean of the department stood beside him, talking nonsense. It's the headmaster. Anyway, anyway, he passed the note out ... 10 seconds left, and McGrady got the answer! In the last 3 seconds, he needs a fill-in-the-blank question! The answer is coming, and the whole examination room wants to stop him! But he copied it. It's the left hand! Oh, dear, even the teacher was moved to tears. But the newspaper said: I won't ... yes, like that.

1, the reporter asked: Hou Yi, why did you shoot the sun in those days? Hou Yi: Someone paid for it. Reporter: Why leave one? Hou Yi: They only paid nine! Reporter: Why not care about this? Hou Yi: It also paid a price!

2. Reporter: Why did you protect the Tang Priest from learning the scriptures? Wukong: Not just for academic qualifications! Reporter: Is education really that important? Wukong: I am a hooligan who served his sentence at the foot of Wuzhishan, and now I am against the Buddha. Do you think it's important?

An ugly girl has never been married and wants to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. What can't be sold? The kidnapper wanted to send her back, but the ugly girl insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and said to his partner, Go, don't take the bus!

Two robbers pried open the door of the fashion shop and robbed extensively. Suddenly a robber exclaimed, Oh, my God! His partner was frightened, thought someone was coming and asked what was wrong. The robber said, look, this dress is marked with 30 thousand, which is robbery!

The flight attendant advised passengers to fasten their seat belts: those who didn't fasten their seat belts in the last forced landing were bloody. A passenger asked, What about the one with the seat belt? A: Nothing, everyone is sitting well, just like the living.

6. A condemned man was sent to the gallows, and he begged to put the noose around his waist, not around his neck. He said: I am particularly ticklish on my neck. If I put a lasso around my neck, I will laugh to death.

Tomorrow, when you wake up, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a suicide note beside you, which reads: I struggled all night, but I couldn't pierce your face. You are so cheeky, I have no face to live in this world! Lord ~ forgive him! I killed myself.

12. Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit's fierce face and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!