What exactly is affinity? Can someone explain it in detail? Better give an example.

Always smile, don't speak ill of others and don't lose your temper. Affinity is not innate, but a person's heartfelt love for everything. A man with a heart can always see his affinity.

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Everyone participates in communication, but the quality of communication is different: some people are resourceful, flexible and popular; Some people are stretched and constrained everywhere, which makes interpersonal relationships tense. The reason is that there must be various factors affecting normal communication in the latter person.

First, narcissism. ?

Generally speaking, people are not satisfied with their wealth, but they appreciate their cleverness very easily. Self-appreciation is often due to overconfidence in one's intelligence. There are two forms of expression: one is to rely on talent, be proud of things, and show that the language is sharp, and people who are not as good as themselves in some aspects are either dismissive or abusive; What's more, we should measure people's shortcomings with our own strengths and set off people's clumsiness with our own cleverness. Another kind of narcissism, although it doesn't pay attention to exposing itself, is indifferent to other people's behaviors and hobbies, which shows that it disdains to talk about topics that the communication partner cares about. ?

Treat people like this, people will avoid you and make you feel isolated in the crowd. Lin Daiyu in A Dream of Red Mansions is a typical example of narcissism. Although she is the niece of Jiafu in Jiafu, she has never been treated sincerely by Jiafu from the grandmother to the maid, and she really loves her because of her high self-esteem, arrogant attitude, sharp words and modesty. On the contrary, although Xue Baochai is not as close as Lin Daiyu and Jia Fu, she is never narcissistic, but versatile. She can respect the elders who are close to Jia family. She is easy-going, modest and not mean to others. Therefore, she was loved by Grandmother Jia and taken a fancy to by Lady Wang, and even the maids praised her. Finally, she became Jia's mistress. I think there are many factors, but Xue Baochai's lack of narcissism is one of the important reasons for her popularity. ?

Second, look down on yourself. ?

Self-contempt and self-humiliation is a psychological reflection opposite to narcissism. When interacting with people, there is no charming gesture, but there is a feeling of fear of embarrassment. This kind of person always thinks that this is not good, and that is not good. Lack of self-determination, often watching others blink. See the boss, bow and scrape; When interacting with colleagues, I am always afraid of being laughed at by others; Touching the neighborhood and always paying attention; When I am with friends, I always say that I am not as good as others. Psychologically speaking, inferiority complex is at work. Because of inferiority, I have no confidence in myself; Without self-confidence, they show contempt for themselves; If you despise yourself, your behavior will be timid, your expression will be dim and your language will be dull. From its heart, people who are self-contemptuous often want to win people's sympathy with their own actions. However, contrary to expectations, people will think you are too cheap to associate with you. Inferiority and bring disgrace to oneself generally occur in weak little people. Because of my position, I am always afraid that others will look down on me. In fact, the more you have this mentality, the more people look down on you. If this self-contempt becomes morbid, it will not only fail to improve interpersonal relationships, but even bring misfortune to itself. The protagonist in Chekhov's novel The Death of a Small Civil Servant is a small civil servant. He sneezed at the theater and spat at the front-line general. He felt that he had made a big mistake, so he apologized in the theater and went to the general's house again and again to show that he didn't mean it. Finally angered the general and kicked him out. The loud noise scared him to death. This civil servant is a typical example of self-contempt. ?

Third, the adaptability is poor. ?

You can often see such people in your life. They can be personable in front of acquaintances and talk about Kan Kan, but when they see strangers, they lose their heads and are incoherent. Being a host can be free and generous, but being a guest is often rude; At home, the unit can behave properly, but in public, it blushes and beats; I can readily accept the life customs that conform to my spleen and stomach, but refuse to accept things that are different from my habits. The performance of this kind of person is caused by poor adaptability. ?

Poor adaptability, the superficial reason is cowardice, and the deep reason is psychological imperfection. They always feel that there is no danger in interacting with equal people and familiar people, so they have no psychological burden, so they can be happy; However, if you associate with people who are better than yourself and strangers, your psychology will be unnatural, and you will feel that your language is poor, and the consequences will be unpredictable. Of course, it will be awkward before dating. ?

Poor adaptability has little effect on the existing social circle, but it is difficult to expand the scope of communication. People with poor adaptability mostly "hide in the small building to form a unity" in their communication activities, and it is difficult to know that "there is more beauty outside the castle peak building outside the mountain". ?

Fourth, lack of humor. ?

As a person, be serious, but always pay a face of "heroic sacrifice". If you lack a sense of humor in communication, it will affect the quality of communication.

Humor can sometimes achieve communicative effects that solemnity can't. There is a joke: a person is caught wrong and has no sense of guilt. Seeing that the man was joking, the doorman teased him and said, "If you say something that can make me laugh, I'll let you go." The man blurted out a word "fart". The doorman asked inexplicably, "How do you say this?" The man said absently, "It's up to you, it's up to you!" The guard listened, smiled and let the man go. ?

Among the four factors that affect the smooth progress of communication activities, narcissism and inferiority are psychological problems; Poor adaptability is mainly due to psychological factors, but more is the lack of training in communicative activities; Lack of humor is a problem of attitude towards communicative activities. Generally speaking, the factors that affect communication activities are mainly psychological reasons. Therefore, only by constantly adjusting one's communicative psychology, not being narcissistic, not being self-contemptuous, being able to adapt to various communicative environments, and participating in communication with a humorous and philosophical attitude, can communication activities be carried out normally and succeed.