Requesting 100000000~ A complete list of funny jokes

1. The sausage felt very cold when it was locked in the refrigerator. Then he looked at the other sausage next to him, felt a little comforted, and said: "Look at you, you are frozen like this, your whole body is covered with ice!" ”

Nagen said: “I’m sorry, I’m Popsicle.”

2. The toothpaste girl is always in a hurry, dating the soft-bristled toothbrush brother and the electric toothbrush brother. Falling in love

A new neighbor came today, the toothpaste girl: "Wow, you are so tall and stylish~ What is your name~ Let's go on a date~"

New neighbor Kuku said: "No! I am the comb."

3. The lion and the turtle were about to fight. Before the fight, the turtle said to the lion: "Before the fight, please tie up your hair!"< /p>

The lion said to the turtle again: "Then you have to put down your bag first."

4. On the Amazon River, a crocodile bit a female tourist. The female tourist exclaimed: "There are so many people, why do you only have trouble with me?"

The crocodile said: "There are so many animals, why are you the only one who likes to use crocodile skin bags?"

5. When the ant saw the snail sitting on the turtle's back and walking toward him, he hurriedly said hello, but the snail ignored him. The ant shouted angrily: "As soon as I got a private car, I no longer recognize my old friends."

Another day, the ant flew past the snail on the back of a fly. The snail said hello to it, and the ant Pretend not to see it. Snail muttered: "Isn't it just a private jet? It's dirty and noisy, so what's the big deal!"

6. An actor came back from a performance and said to a friend: "The reaction to this performance Yes, when I performed in the open square, the audience applauded for a long time."

His friend said, "The performance will not be as good next week."

The man replied: "The weather forecast says that the temperature will drop next week, so there will be fewer mosquitoes."

7. There is an illiterate man When I saw a group of people gathered around to read the notice, I bought two sesame seed cakes and ate them while eating. He looked up at the notice and opened and closed his mouth, pretending to be reading something seriously.

An old lady wanted to know what was written on the notice. Seeing that he could read it with enthusiasm, she asked him: "What is that?"

"Shaobing."

The old lady pointed to the wall and said: "I mean the one up there."

"Up there? There are sesame seeds up there."

The old lady pointed to the notice. The word said: "No, I'm asking about the black one!"

"The black one? The black one is mushy!"

8. There was a young man who was particularly stingy with money. I met many girls but failed, and my parents were very worried. On this day, he asked a matchmaker to take him to a girl's house for a blind date.

After looking at each other, the young man did not express his opinion. The matchmaker asked: "How is it? Isn't it right?"

The young man said: "It's just that the mouth is too big and the lips are too thick."< /p>

The matchmaker said: "What's wrong with this?"

"Of course, it's a waste of lipstick to put on makeup."

9. One or two People like to brag very much. One day a man came back from other places and said: I saw a soybean outside who was taller than me.

Another said: I had a millstone at home. One day, I fell off and it took me three days to get back up.

"That's such a big millstone!"

Another: If there is no millstone as big as mine, how can it grind soybeans as big as yours?

10. A man went to consult a marriage expert because he had a bad relationship with his wife. The expert asked him many questions but could not see the problem.

Finally, the expert asked : "Did you see your wife's face during the kiss?"

"Saw it once."

The expert asked: "How was the situation?".

"She looked very angry."

At this time, the expert felt that he had found the answer and said: "This is exactly where your problem lies. Kissing is an emotional exchange between two people. From a psychological perspective From a learning perspective... By the way, under what circumstances did you see her angry face?"

"Oh, she saw it outside the window... ..."

11. An expert from the Institute of Genetics is studying a topic: how to quickly turn yellow plants green. But there has been no progress.

After returning home, his wife saw his frown and asked him: "What's wrong with you?"

The expert sighed and said: "I don't know how to make plants change quickly. Green."

The wife smiled and said: "Well, what did I think? It's not easy to turn green quickly? Just throw it into the stock market. Look at the stocks I bought yesterday. Everything turned green today."

12. A tourist rushed into the country tavern and shouted: "Someone help me, my mother-in-law is stuck in the swamp and her feet are almost submerged. "

"Don't worry if your feet are submerged," a farmer said, "I'll help you drag her out after finishing this glass of wine."

"Thank you very much." The tourist said, "Then I'll have a drink too, and I'll wait for you while I drink."

"Go and save her," the farmer said after finishing the drink, "it may be up to your mother-in-law's knees now." "

"Definitely not," the tourist said. "I forgot to mention just now that she fell headfirst into the swamp."