Any new jokes recently?

About 520 Valentine’s Day funny jokes to post on Moments, humorous 520 day monster jokes

1. My husband said to me: “Honey, on 520, I may have to go on a business trip, so I can’t I'll be with you."

I went into the bathroom alone, took out my phone and sent a message on WeChat: "The baby is so pitiful, my husband is on a business trip on May 20th, and there is no one to accompany him."

At this time, my husband opened the bathroom door, took his mobile phone and asked: "Honey, what are you doing?"

I glanced at the mobile phone, and then I was stunned! I immediately hugged my husband and cried, "I can't bear to let you go..."

My husband patted my shoulder and said calmly: "My husband can't let you go either, so I decided not to leave. . ”

Then I cried even harder. . .

2. 520 Rental: Be a light bulb: 50 Take the blame: 500 Answer the phone and lie: 20 Eat with you: 100 Go shopping with you: 2000 Watch the moon with you: 50 Walk on the street with you: 88

Note: Legally operated and based on integrity, we do not provide kissing, hugging, or other services. Negotiate the price depending on your mood when the temperature is below 13 degrees. Small business, no invoices! Make a reservation in advance! While orders are being made! Photo reference, if there are more people, bid, if there are fewer people, bid!

Happy holidays in 2014520! If the price comes out, please send me a private message. If you like it, you can post it.

3. Regarding today's "Confession Day", the biggest difference between Diaosi and Gao Fushuai is: Diaosi can only complete the first two-thirds, but Gao Fushuai can easily complete the last two-thirds.

4. Tomorrow 520, if any 250 dares to show affection in front of me, seal his mouth with 502 and throw him on the 205 National Highway! ! !

A few free jokes, I wish you a happy every day

1. One time I was in a car and I didn’t know who took off my shoes. It smelled really bad. A buddy across from me said, "This smell has entered my heart." I almost suffered internal injuries from laughing so hard. This isn't over yet, he finished. The roommate who was sitting next to me woke up and yelled: "Conductor, did the toilet explode?" The people in the car couldn't hold it anymore...

2. I heard what my mother said, once My mother's aunt came, and there were no sanitary napkins at home. Apart from her, I was the only one at home, so my mother gave me a few dollars and asked me to buy them at a small shop in the village. Poor me, I was only five years old. It was only a few hundred meters away. After the journey, my memory was a bit blurry, so I bought back a pack of MSG...

3. I had nothing to do, so I planned to take a few selfies. I just turned on the beauty camera, and I felt that I was quite beautiful. Compared with those The Internet celebrities on Douyin are not much different, they are fair and clean. Suddenly I didn't know what to think of, so I turned off the beauty camera and took a look at myself. Sure enough, this person was ugly and I couldn't stand it.

4. A kitten and a rabbit have been together since childhood. As time passed, the cat and the rabbit fell in love. The cat talked to its mother, but the cat mother disagreed and felt that there were differences between their races, so it was fruitless. The rabbit also told its mother, but her mother agreed with it. He said, "Different races will definitely give birth to special babies." Then they both named their babies "ME TOO".

5. When I was a child, I planted several flowers at home. In autumn, the leaves have fallen off and are bare. Spring is here, and one day I went to play on the balcony. With sharp eyes, I noticed a small bud growing on one of the flowers. Out of curiosity, I reached out and touched it. It was still soft, and then I ran to tell my brother. My brother took a look and saw that the leaves were actually on another flower. My brother laughed at me for being a "pig bug".

6. One day, while watching TV, a beautiful female host from a certain satellite TV station said with great solemnity: "Long nails will cause skin cancer." It just so happened that there was a nail clipper next to me. For my own Health, after a fierce ideological struggle, I finally made up my mind to cut my nails cleanly. At this time, the beautiful female host said: "...the remarks are false." I looked at my hands and instantly had the thought of dying.