Can someone tell me a joke?

(1) A patient came to see a psychiatrist. Patient: I always thought I was a bird. Doctor: Oh, that's serious. When did it start? Patient: Because I am a bird. (2) A doctor in a mental hospital asked the patient: What would you do if I cut off one of your ears? The patient replied, then I can't hear you. The doctor listened: mm-hmm. This is normal. The doctor asked again, what will happen to you if I cut off your other ear again? The patient replied, then I won't watch it. The doctor began to get nervous: how could it not be seen? The patient replied: because the glasses will fall off. (3) There are two mental patients who escaped from the hospital. They ran and climbed a tree. One of them jumped from the tree and rolled and rolled. Then he looked up and said to the man above, Hey … Why don't you come down …? The person above answered him: no … well … ah … I'm not familiar with it yet … 5) When a mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, the dean called a meeting of the patients in the hospital at the meeting. The dean said: "There are very important leaders coming to visit this afternoon, and everyone should go to the door to meet them." When welcoming, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. When I cough, everyone applauds together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my foot, I must stop completely. I can't make mistakes. If everyone is ready, we can give you meat buns tonight. As long as one person screws up, no one eats steamed buns, remember? "The patients in the audience shouted together:" Remember! "This afternoon, the leadership arrived on time. When he walked into the gate, the welcoming patient was already standing at the door. At this time, with the cough of the hospital dean, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Infected by the warm atmosphere, the visiting leaders smiled and applauded with everyone and entered the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the dean stamped his foot and the applause stopped completely, very neatly. Only this leader is still smiling and clapping, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a patient as strong as Schwarzenegger jumped out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed bread? ! ! ! "6. Mental patient A stole the phone book from the nurse's office and brought it back to the ward. Ask B, "What do you think of the novel I recently finished? "? B looked at it and replied, "Yes, yes. However, just a few more characters. " At this time, the nurse in the mental hospital came in and said, "You put the phone book back for me! (8) Two mental patients, A Jun and B Jun, recovered at the same time. Their attending doctor said to them, "If one of you is ill, the other one will take him to the hospital at once." Suddenly one day, the doctor's phone rang. It turned out to be Mr. A: "Oh, no, Mr. B has been crawling in my toilet since this morning, saying that he is my toilet." "Come on, send him here quickly!" A gentleman was silent for a moment: "So ... I don't have a toilet? In a mental hospital, a mental patient fishes in an empty fish tank every day. One day, a nurse jokingly asked, "How many fish did you catch today?" The mental patient suddenly jumped up and shouted, "What's the matter with you? Can't you see that this is an empty fish tank? "(10) There is a mental hospital, where many insane people live. One day, the dean was there, and in order to see the patient's recovery, he thought of a way. I said to these patients, come here, draw a door on the wall and say, "Today, whoever opens this door can go home. Hearing this, psychopaths flocked around the painted door, and the dean was very disappointed. At this time, he found a patient still sitting in his original position, feeling ok, so he went forward and asked, "Why don't you open the door?" "He looked at the dean, said a words, dean in distress situation after listening to. The patient secretly told the dean, "I have the key here." "(1 1) Mental patients in hospitals often have a good impression on doctors or nurses. One day, a female patient came to see a male doctor ... Female patient: Dr. Lan, do you love me? Dr. Lan pondered for a long time. Dr. Lan: We have a doctor-patient relationship. Because you are ill, I must take good care of you ... (In order not to hurt the patient, Dr. Lan explained for a long time and finally finished. ) Female patient: Dr. Lan, are you saying that you don't love me anymore? Dr. Lan (brooding): Hmm ... Hmm ... Female patient: Nothing ... I love Dr. Chen ... (13) A patient screamed: I am the dean, and you all have to listen to me! ! ! The attending doctor and nurse asked him: Who said that? He replied: God said. At this moment, a patient suddenly jumped out and said, I didn't say that! (14) A patient went to see a doctor for the first time. " Did you consult anyone about your illness before you came here? "The doctor asked." Just ask the owner of the drugstore around the corner, "the patient replied." Doctors hate that people who are not doctors often give medical advice. He made no secret: "What bad idea did that fool give you? """He asked me to come to you." (15) In a mental hospital, a patient is writing a letter. When the nurse saw it, she asked him curiously. Nurse: Who are you going to write to? Patient: Write it to myself! Nurse: Then what do you write? Patient: You are mentally ill! I haven't received it. How did I know (16) that there was a mental derangement? I don't know where I got a pistol. He is walking in a black alley. Suddenly I met a young man. Without saying anything, the psycho pressed him to the ground and pointed a gun at his head! Question: What is 1+ 1=? The young man was frightened! Meditation for a long time ~ trembling answer: equal to 2 ```? That psycho shot him without hesitation! Then I pulled the gun in my arms and said coldly, you know too much.