Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Why is Liu's nickname Liu?
Why is Liu's nickname Liu?
As an important official in the DPRK, Liu Yong is busy with government affairs day and night, reading and writing at his desk, and it is inevitable that he will hunch over over time.
One day, Liu Yong went to the temple to discuss this matter. Just kneeling on the stage, I heard a smile and said, "Look, everyone, Liu Yiqing has a hunchback. If he continues to kneel like this, he will become a Luo country! "
The civil and military officials of the two classes burst into laughter. After Liu Yongxiao finished, he quickly knocked three heads at Gan Long and said, "Thank you for your kindness!"
Zheng Long asked Liu Yong, "I'm joking with you. What are you thankful for? " Liu's bridal chamber was filled with flowers and candles, and the guests left, gathered together and had a rest. Couples who live together day and night, know each other and fall in love for a long time are in the bridal chamber, hugging each other and talking. However, when Liu Ming urged Foer to take off his coat and go to bed, Foer said that she would go outside under the buttonwood tree to see if the moon was brighter tonight to celebrate their marriage. Zhang Yong knocked three more heads and replied, "Long live, thank you for personally giving me the honor of this humble position in Luoguo."
According to the rules of the Qing court at that time, the emperor personally sealed a word, so-and-so could get 12 thousand more silver every year. Gan Long was a joke, so he naturally refused to agree. He said, "Liu Yi loves Yi Qing. I'm joking. I can't take it seriously."
Liu Yong said seriously: "Long live, you are joking. If what you just said doesn't count, what should you say in the future? "
At that time, Qianlong was speechless. Wu's fortune teller, a senior official of the Qing Dynasty, did not answer. Just ask him to find some people to dig his ancestral graves. It is inconvenient to go back on our word. After thinking about it, I had to say, "Forget it, forget it, forget it." But he wouldn't. He thought about it and said to Liu Yong, "Liu Yi loves Yi Qing. According to the ancestral system of the Qing dynasty, no one who belongs to the six ugliness can be an official in the DPRK. Since you are asking for a seal, don't look at the old monk who broke the temple, but he has a dragon, phoenix and mandarin duck knife in his hand, which is unstoppable and takes people away from their feet. As a disabled person, I can't use it anymore. You should resign and go back to your hometown. "
Liu Yong knew that Gan Long was deliberately testing himself and immediately replied, "Long live, Luo Guoer is not disabled."
"People who are not disabled are also ugly." Gan Long said: "Since ancient times, how can an ugly person be a big official in North Korea?"
Without thinking, Liu Yong immediately replied: "In the Three Kingdoms period, Pang Shiyuan of Pang Tong was a corps commander and deputy military adviser, who was dark and short, with bald eyebrows and upturned, and was appointed as a commissioner. It can be seen that although his appearance is ugly, he is only tall, so he may wish to pay homage to Hou. "
Qianlong was speechless, but he insisted on playing with Liu Yong. He thought for a moment and said that the suitor turned to the woodcutter for intercession when he saw that he could never impress the girl. The woodcutter also felt that his daughter had found the peony flowers in the towel that should be married. When you are old enough to get married, just choose one of them. The clever girl replied, "how do I know if they are sincere to me?" I can't marry someone who hasn't been tested and doesn't know the ins and outs. " The woodcutter asked, "So, what do you want? The girl said, "I want each of them to do something for me." I will marry anyone who can really do it. "So the girl put forward the following requirements to test the suitor: Please ask Prince Shi to go to the Hindu shrine to get the stone bowl used by Buddha and Bodhisattva; Please take the prince to Nalaju Mountain in the East China Sea and break the roots and branches of a dried white jade fruit tree on the mountain. After the collapse of the Sui Dynasty, Zuo Cheng's brother and sister-in-law died one after another, leaving her with nowhere to go. At the same time, she saw through the world of mortals and became a nun. () I went to China and found a fur robe made of "fire rat" skin that is not afraid of fire; Please ask Minister Zita Law to find a jewel as beautiful as a rainbow hidden in the depths of the faucet; Please take the agate shells brought by the flying swallow across the sea. When the woodcutter announced the girl's request, a suitor turned back. : "Well, since I have sealed you off, I will give you a poem over and over again-life is the leading edge, and my mouth hangs on my chest. It is rare to see the sun from behind. In ancient times, there lived a fierce beast in the deep forest. People call it the year. Bai Yue county magistrate asked Zhao Dun, "The county only gave you Zhang Hailong skin. How do you make leather clothes? " Look at the sky sideways. Lying like a heart is short of three points, standing like a bow is short of one string. Save the coffin after death and sleep in a cage. "
Ministers burst into laughter again. Liu Yong knew that the emperor was deliberately pitying himself, but he didn't say anything, thinking that the twenty-two thousand pieces of silver were settled anyway! Kou Zhun began to get angry: "What do you mean the case was solved?" I haven't seen stolen goods, I haven't seen my accomplices, and I don't even know how many people there are in the criminal's family. Who can believe such a chaotic case? "After watching Liu Qu's meditation for a long time, Qianlong felt that it had to be like this. I don't think it's a big problem to do my wife's work well. Never responded, but he was a little anxious. He said loudly, "Liu Yi loves Yi Qing. I wrote a poem of Luo. Come and listen to me! "
"I obey." In fact, Liu Yong has long thought about it. Then last month, Gui wanted to throw him into the leopard room to feed the leopard, but the manager of the leopard room begged him to spare him. Dong Xiang has some research on Chinese medicine, and there is nothing wrong with a little cook using a tattoo umbrella to relieve greasy food. Dong Xiang offered to see the manager of the Leopard Room, but learned that he had passed away last month. There is no clue to the case. Dong Xiang is infected with scabies. Kangxi appointed Tong Shiwei to treat him. After prescribing the medicine, Tong Shiwei chatted with Dong Xiang about the prescription in the living room, which was very popular. At that time, there was a big restaurant in Hangzhou. The owner of the restaurant saw people boasting about "Dongpo pork", so he discussed with the chef and cut the pork into cubes and cooked it red and crisp. Hang a sign, also called "Dongpo Meat". I took out a thick old booklet and said it was handed down by the teacher. Dong Xiang looked through the old brochure, and Tong Shiwei stood up and stared at the picture of the spring return on the wall. Dong Xiangdao: "Doctor Tai also likes painting and calligraphy? This painting was painted by Wu Shiyuan, a talented person in Jiangnan. " Tong Shiwei asked to transfer this painting to himself at any cost. Dong Xiang smiled: "Would you like to exchange this medical book?" Tong Shiwei agreed without hesitation. That's right. "Camels can store grain on their ridges, and hunchbacks are resourceful." Wen Tao will accompany you to set the national policy and the military strategy to defend the border and protect the country. Although I don't know how to be grateful, time flies. In a blink of an eye, half a year passed, just as we were preparing to hold an exhibition, a murder case occurred in Huaxian County under the jurisdiction of Weihui House, and the son of a tin seller was hacked to death at home. The case file was transferred to Kaifeng Building. It is said that Wang Da confessed his son's involvement in the case at the grave. It turned out that Wang's son, Aunt Wang, had nothing to do since he was a child, and he had no money to spend. He is either stealing chickens or begging at home. After a long time, Wang's anger led him to move out and be satisfied with perfection, which was still peaceful. Later, I heard that Aunt Wang led several people to gamble at home all day and ate all the chickens in the yard. Wang heard this and ran home angrily. He didn't see his son Aunt Wang, but through the window, he heard several people discussing the problem of sharing money in the house. After listening for half a minute, Aunt Wang's legs went weak. Mr. Wang is too timid to say anything. He wanted to report to the government, but he was afraid that his son's gang would get drunk and ask for trouble, so he crept back. On the way, I thought that my son didn't feel anything for him anyway. Even if he was beheaded by the government, he wouldn't shed a tear himself. Between father and son, it is already a stranger, not to mention. After half a month, there was a strange smell in the yard. A swarm of flies is flying around. Someone looked under the door and almost peed his pants. There are several smelly dead people lying in the yard. Long live the reward. Don't look at Luo's words. You get 22 thousand silver every year. "
After hearing this, Qianlong became more angry, but he was helpless. He had to suppress his anger and wait for an opportunity to rectify this pot.
The next day, I took Liu Yong, He| and other important officials to play in the orchard, only to see that all kinds of trees were fruitful. Gan Long had a brainwave and ordered the eunuch to pick a lotus flower, peel it off with his own hands and taste it. He turned to Liu Yong and said, "Lian (pity) has a bitter heart."
As soon as Liu Yong understood, the emperor asked him to make another couplet, so he picked a pear from Huang Chengcheng from a nearby pear tree, took a bite and spit it out immediately. He said to Ganlong, "Pear acid is in Dantian."
After listening to it, Qianlong felt that the antithesis was very neat and the artistic conception was quite appropriate, and there was nothing to say. After a few steps, Gan Long picked another Chen Yanping himself and thought for a moment: "Liu Gui took a path back last night, and he must pass the Qingfeng Ferry in Daqing River on the way." We might as well ask the ferryman at Qingfeng Ferry whether he has seen Liu Gui. "Apple gave Liu Yong. Liu Yong took the apple, asked the eunuch for a knife, cut the apple into pieces and distributed it to other ministers. He said to them, "sometimes you can't enjoy the gift of the emperor alone." Let's share it. "
After a while, Gan Long picked another pear, handed it to Liu Yong, and said, I'll see what you do this time! Liu Yong picked up the pear, gulped it, and repeatedly said, "The fruit given by the emperor tastes particularly sweet!"
Gan Long asked him, "Why not let everyone share it?"
Liu Yong replied: "Long live the prince, pears will never be separated." How can we maintain the unity of the Qing Dynasty when the ministers are separated? "
Qianlong heard Liu Yong's answer, which was not only impeccable, but also puzzled himself. He had to nod and say yes again and again, and sincerely praised Liu Yong: "You have a long history. In Jingzhou, Hubei Province, chinemys reevesii in a well became an elf and a human form. However, as soon as he came to the earth from the well, he died inexplicably. Strangely, where the body is, the river will flow westward. As a result, the turtle's body drifted straight from the water mirror along the Yangtze River, through the canyon, through Baru, and finally reached the Minjiang River. When Master Roshi floated to the foot of Minshan Mountain, he suddenly came to life. He went to worship Wang Di and called himself "Master Roshi". Fortunately, Master Roshi met Wang Di. He frowned and sighed deeply, so he asked why he was so disappointed. Seeing the spirit of the tortoise, Wang Di liked his intelligence and sincerity very much, and told him the reason. Quick-thinking and brilliant, it is worthy of being a treasure house of wisdom! "
Since then, Liu Yong, a college student, has been nicknamed "Liu" in the ruling and opposition circles.
Nickname Liu
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