In urgent need of a lot of bad jokes

A: "A rooster and a hen, type three words

B: "………………? ”

A: “Two chickens. ”

A: “Five words for a rooster and a hen”

B: “………………? ”

A: “It’s still two chickens!” ! ”

A: “A rooster and a hen make 7 words!” ! ! ”

B: “………………! ! ! "[/ft]

A: "Idiot! Still two chickens! ! ! ”

One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying, crying, crying... and the result... sprouted

One day, four retired old people played mahjong together.

After playing a few rounds, an old man wanted to go to the toilet during the intermission.

< p>The other three started chatting...

When an old man talked about his son Junming, he couldn't help but said:

"Our family's Junming Ah... I'm in the jewelry business

I didn't know why I went crazy a while ago,

I actually gave a big diamond ring to his friend

I really can't stand him Ah..."

Another old man said not to be outdone:

"My Jianguo...

I am a manager in a car company. It was the same for a while,

I didn’t know what to do, so I gave a Cadillac to his friend!

You say defeat is never a loss! "

The third old man also spoke:

"My incompetent son Zhixiong!

I am engaged in real estate, and now the economy is in recession.

A while ago he actually gave a house to his friend!

I really don’t understand what he is thinking..."

The three old men farted for a long time, and the fourth old man came back after going to the toilet.

He said: "What are you talking about?"

"Talk about our son...

By the way, how is your son Jiaming doing lately?"

< p>One of the old men asked.

The fourth old man took a deep breath... and said:

"Oh...that perverted Jia Ming in my family...

Forget it, he turned out to be gay, ugh...,

But a while ago, through some shitty luck, someone gave him a diamond ring, and someone else gave him a Cadillac. Someone also gave him a house!

Don’t you think it’s strange...”

The wolf cub naturally likes to eat vegetarian food. The wolf parents are very worried about this, but Nothing can be done.

One day, they saw the little wolf chasing a rabbit frantically. The two wolves were overjoyed, thinking that the little wolf had returned to its wild nature.

Unexpectedly, the wolf cub stepped forward and grabbed the rabbit and said: "Brother, hand over the carrot to me!"

One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a drive.< /p>

The car was almost out of gas, and there happened to be a gas station nearby. As she was driving past, a sudden gust of wind blew her boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'm going to pick up the hat, you help me."

As soon as her boyfriend ran away not far away, he heard Xiao Mei shouted behind him:

"Come on! Come on!"

One day, Xiao Ming saw a huge bird in the sky

and said ,Wow!

What a big bird~

Late at night, Teacher Wang finished correcting the last test paper and turned on the radio tiredly, wanting to listen to music and relax. The DJ's voice came from the radio: "The whole class of class This year), they have gained valuable opportunities to practice..." Upon hearing this, Teacher Wang's eyes became moist, and a comforting smile appeared on his exhausted face. DJ continued: "...Now let us listen to this song together, "You Will Not Have Good Results" by Li Huimin..."

Xiaojun wrote: "I have a father in my family. There are three of us, my mother and I. As soon as we go out every morning, the three of us go our separate ways, and then return to the same place in the evening.

My father is an architect, gesticulating on the construction site every day; my mother is a salesperson, and she is in the store every day; I am a student, and I am stunned in the classroom every day. The three members of my family are all in harmony, and the family is harmonious. However, when my grades were not good, my father would also fight with the same roommate and beat me mercilessly until I fell to the ground. My mother stood by and watched, never doing anything for what was right."

… After doing homework for a long time, I turned on the radio and a gentle voice came out: "...If the skin color is red and the hair on the face is fine and soft, then it means you are very healthy..."

Hearing this, I couldn't help but touch it. He looked at his face in the mirror and smiled again, looking healthy and cute.

At this time, the announcer said again: "Okay, audience friends, this time our "Pig Raising Knowledge Lecture" will be here. Here we go..."

When we were in high school, some teachers treated students very badly. A group of students had been oppressed for a long time, so they decided to punish the teachers. On this day, the teacher was giving a lecture in class. A boy sitting in the back row had a look of pain on his face, covering his stomach with his hands and groaning softly. The teacher ignored him and continued to lecture. Halfway through, the teacher just turned around and faced the blackboard to write notes, and the boy suddenly said "concave..." Wow……! ! ! "(vomiting sound) A boy at the same table poured a bottle of eight-treasure porridge on the boy's desk very quickly. When the teacher turned around, he saw that the table was covered with yellow and white things. At this time, another person One boy took out a small spoon and scooped up the things on the desk one by one. While chewing, he said, "Hey, this guy ate peanuts for lunch." "The teacher saw this: "Wow... concave..." and then stopped.

One day the animals smelled a very bad smell in front of Guan Gong Temple.

The snake said: " I am too young to fart such a smelly thing, so it must be a cow."

The cow said: "I am a grass-eater and I will not fart such a smelly thing."

The pig said. : "People who fart will definitely blush."

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out, knocked the pig away and said, "How many times have I told you that I am born blushing."

Once upon a time...

There was a person who looked like a sweet potato and fell down while walking.

There is a man who looks like an airplane and flies as he walks.

There was a man who looked like chocolate and was eaten while walking.

There is a person who looks like a light bulb, and it lights up as he walks.

There was a man who looked like a telephone, and he was beaten while walking.

There was a person who looked like a phone number, and he was pressed while walking.

There was a man who looked like a cigarette and was smoked while walking.

There was a guy who looked like a cucumber and was photographed while walking.

There was a man who looked like a kite and was blown away by the wind as he walked.

There was a man who looked like a marshmallow. As he was walking, he suddenly felt that his legs were so weak.

There was a person who looked like a bicycle. One day she was riding away while standing on the road.

There was a person who looked like a mobile phone, and it was stolen while walking.

There was a man who looked like an onion and cried as he walked.

There was a man named Xiao Cai. One day he was taken away while standing on the road.

Another person named Xiao Cai was left out overnight and became rotten~~.

There was a person named Xiaohua who was picked off while walking.

There was a man named Coke, and he was drunk while walking.

There was a man named Xiaocai who was taken away while walking.

There was a man named Chen Shui. As he was walking, someone suddenly said to him: "Do you owe Bian~?"

There was a man named Yu. One day he was hungry. He ate himself.

An egg went to a teahouse to drink tea, but it turned into a tea egg.

An egg ran to swim in the Songhua River and turned into a Songhua egg.

An egg that wanted to be a Songhua River went swimming in the Songhua River and accidentally detonated the Sinopec Jilin Branch. As a result, it was contaminated by benzene and turned into a stupid (benzene) egg.

There was an egg that ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu Dan.

There was an egg that was homeless and turned into a wild egg.

An egg accidentally dropped on the road and fell to the ground, turning into a guided bomb.

An egg ran into someone’s yard and turned into an atomic (yard) bomb.

An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen (blue) bomb.

One of the eggs got sick and turned into a villain.

An egg went swimming in the river and turned into a nuclear (river) bomb.

An egg ran into the flowers and turned into a flower.

There is an egg riding a horse and holding a knife. It turns out that he is Dao Ma Dan.

One of the eggs was very ugly and turned into a dinosaur egg.

An egg talked to a fool and turned into a fool.

An egg went to a hot spring in Japan and turned into a cannonball.

An egg is put into a pouch and becomes a poached egg.

An egg turned into a bomb when it was set for suicide bombing.

An egg swam in the Dead Sea and turned into a salty egg superman!

An egg rolled and rolled, and it turned into an egg.

Put an egg in the bowl and pound it hard, but it turns out to be a trick.

When an egg fell into the toilet, it turned into a rotten egg.

An egg was grabbed by a blind man and turned into a blind egg.

If there is an egg wearing leather clothes, it becomes a preserved egg.

One of the eggs grew bigger and turned into a duck egg

One of the eggs was accidentally left in the henhouse by the chicken and turned into a Christmas (leftover egg) .

There was an egg that was accidentally transformed from an ellipse into a circle by a chicken, and it turned into a New Year's Day (egg).

There was a basket of eggs that felt crowded, so they jumped out of the basket one after another, and turned into Satan.

There is an egg ranked second, a two-egg.

There was a turtle egg who claimed to be a golden egg, and a doctor's egg who claimed to be a silver egg. Later, when they participated in a CCTV program, they were both smashed by Li Yong.

A goose laid an egg, which is called a goose egg.

An egg accidentally ran into the bank's vault and turned into a safe egg (quail egg).

There was an egg playing a double role with a duck egg, and it turned into a double yolk egg.

The last egg in the world has become people’s precious egg~~~~~~~~~.

An egg accidentally ran onto the test paper and turned into a zero egg.

An egg farted and turned into a gas bomb!

An egg came into close contact with an iron pot and turned into a scrambled egg...

An egg was beaten flat and turned into a pole.

There was an egg who invested all his capital in the stock market and became a pauper.

There is an egg that keeps drinking high Lego, and it turns into a chicken cake (high)!

There is an egg that quarrels with tomatoes, that is: tomatoes quarrel with eggs. Later, they got into a fight and the egg lost because: the egg was too noodles (dandan noodles).

There was an egg that fell on the ground while walking, so it became Fudan University.

What exactly are eggs? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? This is an eternal topic, so people often say: Eggs are...

There was a joke on an egg that made me forget the time, and then I stayed up all night.

An egg was carried on the back of a turtle and became a bastard.

Hold the pomegranate in your left hand and the egg in your right hand. Knock each other to get a grenade (egg).

There was a girl named Sugarcoat who put eggs into water and turned them into sugar-coated cannonballs.

A date with an egg is called Jordan.

There is an egg with the shape of an airport. Her name is Pingdan (Egg).

In the dark night, the eggs also turned dim (eggs).

Having an egg in its mouth is called Handan.

A chicken laid an egg, called an egg. This egg is not happy with the rice. After a few words of noisy rice, it becomes egg fried (noisy) rice.

Another chicken laid quail eggs and turned into premature eggs...

An egg climbed up the Eiffel Tower and turned into a cake (high).

There is an egg who tells cold jokes every day and becomes a cold egg.

Finally, eggs that love water are called water eggs, haha...

There is a stag that runs faster and faster, and turns into a highway (a stag)...

Now this joke is outdated ~ there are many new answers ~

There was a stag, running faster and faster, and the result...

1. Change It became the Kaohsiung Highway~~

2. It became the "Magnetic Levitation Expressway" or "Female (Magnetic) Deer"~~

3. This male deer ran It was getting faster and faster, and it started to fly ~ and then it became a (flying) female deer→→female deer!

There were three old ladies chatting,

One said: "I have been My memory is bad. That day when I opened the refrigerator door, I couldn’t remember whether I wanted to put something in or take something out...";

Another said: "I have a worse memory. That day I couldn’t remember when I was on the stairs. Should I go downstairs or go upstairs...";

The third old lady knocked on the table with her hand and said: "Fortunately, I don't have the same problem as you, alas...

Eh? Why is someone knocking on the door?" She stood up and walked towards the door, saying as she walked: "Why didn't you knock?"

Question: Why can butterflies still fly with broken wings?

Answer: Because it is very strong.

Question: Why can dragonflies still fly with broken wings?

Answer: Because the butterfly told it to be strong.

The fat girl asked the racecourse manager: "Strange, when did a camel come to your racecourse, and it was bimodal?"

The manager: "It's not a camel, it's a camel." The first time you rode a horse..."

Lao Wang was invited to Lao Li's home as a guest...

At Lao Li's house, every time he saw Lao Li, he called his wife "dear".

When Lao Wang saw this, he was very moved and said to Lao Li: "It's really not easy for you! We have been married for almost 10 years, and you still call your wife so sweetly..."

"Actually," Lao Li whispered, "I forgot her name for a long time..."

The father told his daughter about how she often went hungry when she was a child. After listening, the daughter had tears in her eyes. He asked with great sympathy: "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you had no food?"

A little boy asked his mother after school one day: "Mom, I Where did it come from? ”

My mother felt that this question was difficult to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children and talk about the process of reproduction in a serious manner, using cats and dogs as examples.

After hearing this, my son was confused and said: "How could this happen? My deskmate said he was from Shanxi!"

Xiaojie was about to take the joint entrance examination. , he was under heavy pressure and read books without sleep every day. As he is poor in English subjects, he must work harder to study English. One day, Xiaojie's grandfather had a car accident. The hospital called Xiaojie's home. Since Xiaojie was the only one at home, he informed his parents and rushed to the hospital immediately. Later, Xiaojie's parents arrived.

When her mother saw Xiaojie, she hurriedly asked him, "What did the doctor say?" Xiaojie nervously replied: "Doctor...!!"

The politics teacher once gave a lecture. When I asked, I said: "Let me give you an example." Then I felt something was wrong and said again: "Let me give you an example."

Mom: Pierre, do you want to eat a cookie? Pierre didn't respond, and his mother asked again: Pierre, do you want to eat a cookie? Pierre said: I want to eat, mother. Mom said: Why do I have to ask you twice? Pierre: Because I want to eat two pieces.

Xiao Ming’s grandfather passed away.

Because there was a public memorial ceremony, he froze the body with ice and invited it out later.

It happened to be very hot at that time, and

there were thawing water droplets appearing on the body.

Xiao Ming was very nervous when he saw it. Called:

"Grandma, grandma... Grandpa is sweating..."

Grandma replied:

"Shh... Grandpa died for the first time, I’m so nervous!”

Tang Monk and four others took a plane to travel. The plane crashed during the trip, but they only had three parachutes.

So, Tang Seng said, everyone should answer the questions, and those who can’t answer will jump down.

Tang Monk: Wukong, how many suns are there in the sky?

Wukong: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one.

Tang Monk: Sha Monk, how many moons are there in the sky?

Sha Seng: One.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Bajie on the side was so happy for such a simple question.

Tang Monk: Bajie, how many stars are there in the sky?

． ． ． ．

Bajie jumped down.

Not long after, the four of them took a plane to travel again. It crashed again on the way and still only had three parachutes.

They continued to answer questions.

Tang Monk: Wukong, when was the People’s Republic of China established?

Wukong: 1949.

Tang Monk: OK. Give you a handful.

Tang Seng: Sha Seng, how many people died in the liberation war?

Sha Seng: 2.5 million people.

Tang Seng: Okay, I’ll give you one too.

Tang Monk: Bajie, what are the names of those 2.5 million people?

... Bajie had no choice but to jump down again.

The third time, the four of them took a plane to travel again, and there was another accident on the way.

At this time, Bajie said: Master, you don’t need to ask, I will dance by myself.

Then he jumped.

Tang Monk put his hands together: Amitabha, there are four parachutes this time!

Teacher: Honestly, do you smoke?

Boy A: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

Boy A: Naturally stretched out two fingers to take it...

Teacher: Don't want to suck? ! Call parents...

[Scenario 2]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy B: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Don’t smoke? Well, let's eat some root fries.

Boy B: Because he heard about a’s situation, he carefully took the fries with his palm.

Teacher: Why don’t you dip it in ketchup?

Boy B: I accidentally dipped too much, so I immediately flicked it with my fingers...

Teacher: You are very skilled in flicking the ash. Call parents...

[Scene 3]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy c: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: If you don’t want to smoke, okay, let’s eat some French fries.

Boy C: Because of the previous two examples, he finished eating the French fries very carefully and sweating.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

Boy C: After taking the fries, he easily put it on his ear...

Teacher: Don’t want to suck it? Call parents...

[Scene 4]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy d: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

Boy d: I finished the French fries with fear.

Teacher: Why don’t you take the roots back to your classmates?

Boy d: Carefully put the chips into his jacket pocket.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

Boy D hurriedly took out the chips from his pocket and threw them on the ground, stamping them hard with his feet...

Teacher: Don’t smoke them? ! Call parents...

[Scene 5]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy e: No.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat French fries.

Boy e: I just took the fries, and the teacher said: Don’t you want me to eat them?

Boy e: hurriedly handed over the fries with both hands, and then took out the lighter...

Teacher: Don’t smoke? ! Call parents...

[Scene 6]

Teacher: Do you smoke?

Boy F: Don’t smoke.

Teacher: Very good, let’s eat some French fries.

Boy F: I finished eating with fear.

The teacher suddenly shouted: The principal is here!

Boy F: His palms were sweaty, but he still lowered his head calmly and said: Hello, principal!

Teacher: The principal will smell your mouth.

Boy F took out French fries: No, it’s still here, the fire hasn’t started yet...

[Scene 7]

Teacher: You Do you smoke or not?

Boy g: Promise to God, I will never smoke.

Teacher: You really don’t smoke? OK, let's eat some root fries.

The boy g naturally took the fries and ate them all.

Teacher: What a good boy. What brand of French fries do you usually like?

Boy G (getting carried away): Greater China...

[Scene 8]

Teacher: Let’s eat French fries.

Boy n: Thank you, no.