What does the Oedipus complex mean (Oedipus complex - Oedipus complex)

In Freud's classic psychoanalytic theory, the argument of "Oedipus complex" is often cited by scholars.

The word "Oedipus" originates from ancient Greek mythology and is used as a psychological metaphor for the "Oedipus complex". In a popular sense, "Oedipus complex" refers to a psychological tendency of people, which is a feeling of liking to be with the mother in early childhood. The Oedipus complex mostly arises from admiration and admiration for the mother. It is a very normal phenomenon. Both boys and girls will have the Oedipus complex.

So why does the Oedipus complex affect people's psychological development? Let’s first review the Greek mythology story “Oedipus”.

Oedipus’s father, Laius, was a king in ancient Greece. He was terrified because he was cursed that he would be killed by his own son. So he ordered the shepherds to put wires through his feet and throw them into the wilderness. The shepherd felt pity and gave the baby to another king to raise. Because the baby's feet were swollen, he named him "Oedipus". When Oedipus grew up, he knew that he was cursed. Feeling deeply saddened, he wandered around. During a dispute with someone on the road, Oedipus used his heroic power to kill the other person, but little did he know that the person who was killed was his father. Oedipus continued to wander to the city of Thebes, killed the monster "Sphinx" and eventually became the king of Thebes. According to ancient customs, he married the former king's wife and gave birth to children. Finally, Oedipus realized that he was the prince he once was. He killed his father and married his mother. After being so miserable that she blinded herself, she left the city of Thebes and exiled herself to beg for the rest of her life to atone for her sins.

The Oedipus complex, which Freud took from the tragedy "Oedipus Rex", appeared as a written official text in 1910, but the actual application of this concept still needs to be In earlier psychoanalytic practices. During Freud's self-analytic exploration at the end of the 19th century, he realized the complex relationship between his parents and himself - that is, the conflict between his love for his mother and his jealousy of his father. In 1897, he wrote to his early friend Felix In the letter, he said, "One can understand the attraction of King Oedipus."

Psychology master Freud

Freud himself has a typical Oedipus complex. His mother loved him extremely, and his relationship with his mother was very important to Freud. It seems happy. Mother called little Floyd "Golden Sigmund" (Sigmund's nickname) and had high hopes for him. And little Freud's heart was filled with admiration for his mother. At the same time, Freud was full of dissatisfaction with his father and hated his father's cowardice. He believed that his father was not brave enough, lacked masculinity, and was too cowardly.

On the one hand, Freud worshiped his mother, but on the other hand, he hated his father. So when the psychological balance is tilted towards the mother, the child will like everything related to the mother, and even the desire to "possess" the mother will arise in his heart. This is also an instinctive reaction. For example, in life we ??often hear some children innocently telling their mothers: When I grow up, I want to marry my mother. The adults will laugh as if they were hearing a joke, and maybe say how cute the child is! There is actually an Oedipus complex hidden in this joke.

Freud and classical psychoanalysts, in summarizing their experience in psychoanalytic clinical psychotherapy, believe that children develop in the early stages of three to five years old - relatively later than the second stage of oral and anal desire. Sexual budding stage - during this process, the love-hate conflict with parents will form the most basic interpersonal relationship. This basic interpersonal relationship will affect various interpersonal relationships after growing up to varying degrees. This basic relationship has a triangular structure, that is, father, mother, and child. The interaction of this triangle creates various balances and conflicts. These balances and conflicts include specific emotions such as gratitude, jealousy, and guilt. Relatively balanced development is conducive to the child's development and future interpersonal relationships, while the imbalance of this triangular structure will lay the foundation for the child's personality development defects and future interpersonal relationships.

A friend told me a very interesting experience. His son was two and a half years old. One day, the couple were at home and had nothing to do to entertain the child. So the father climbed onto the bed and hugged his mother. The child was stunned for a while, then crawled over and slapped his father in the face twice. My friend said that he was dumbfounded at that time. Such a small child has no strength. So big, his eyes were full of anger, and later he didn't dare to do intimate gestures in front of the child. This is a typical Oedipus complex. A child wants to be alone and has the idea of ????having a mother. This idea is very normal when it is born. It is an individual's instinct, but when this idea continues, it may change.

When a child wants to "possess" his mother in his heart, he will feel guilty about his father and will shrink back and escape from his powerful father. As a result, these comprehensive factors are hidden in the subconscious mind and have an impact on the child's later growth. The result may be that the boy's masculinity is destroyed and "castration anxiety" occurs. The external appearance may be feminine and seriously lead to gender ambiguity. , sexual orientation and other psychological issues. The "Oedipal period" is a critical period of gender identity.

In the natural psychological development process of children, boys should be allowed to know that their father is powerful. It is a fact that he is weak, and then he learns from his father in order to realize his gender identity as a man, his own identity, and then correctly understand the "triangular relationship" in the family. During this period, the father's role plays a positive role in the boy's growth. So how to help children successfully pass the "Oedipus period"?

Boys should become friends with their fathers

Father’s concession and closeness.

At the beginning, the father must give in appropriately and cannot "compete" with the child for the mother, causing inner conflict in the child. Later, spend more time with and play with your children to enhance the relationship between father and son.

Let the child feel - "win"

Do not laugh at or sarcastize the child

When the child fails to "compete" with his father or "attacks" his father, Don't give him negative feedback or evaluation, making him feel that I am not as strong as my father, and that my behavior is not accepted by my parents, which will lead to self-attack.

Sleep in separate beds, and parents should never intentionally be intimate with their children in front of them.

Separating beds too late is detrimental to the physical and mental development of children. Mothers should also not kiss, touch or hug their children excessively like they would a baby to increase their child's attachment.

Let children understand their roles and the relationship between their parents.

Parents should tell their children that both mom and dad love you, but mom is dad’s wife and dad is mom’s husband. We should accompany each other and live together. You are our child, and we will give you more love together.

A happy family is when the children see their father and mother happy.

Do not treat children too harshly.

Allow children to experience mistakes. The process of experience is inevitable for their growth.

Therefore, only if parents understand their children's Oedipus complex and provide appropriate responses and help for their children's behavior can they promote their children's psychological development in a positive and healthy direction.

In short, we should let our children know from an early age that they deserve all success and joy. In the family, the mother must be a good enough mother; the father must be a responsible and principled father. Breaking through the limitations of the Oedipus complex, there is no such thing as the Oedipus period! A happy family is what children see - happy father and mother