A funny sketch about the earthquake

1. After a Wenchuan earthquake survivor was rescued by a foreign rescue team, the reporter interviewed him and asked him how he felt. Survivors think along while, said:

"The earthquake of the dog day is so fierce! After I was dug up, I saw that I was a foreigner. I thought I was shocked abroad! "

The PLA soldiers rescued a little girl who had been buried for several days from the ruins. The little girl said that she wanted to drink water. The soldier immediately gently fed her a bottle of water. After two sips, the little girl immediately touched her trouser pocket as if thinking of something, took out two dollars and handed it to uncle of the People's Liberation Army, saying, uncle, I bought this bottle of water.

A boy was rescued from the ruins.

Boy: I want to drink coke.

PLA: OK, Coke! !

Boy: Please freeze it.

PLA: OK, don't move! !

4. The old woman walked up to the volunteers and lingered for a long time, looking embarrassed.

Volunteer: Can I help you, old lady?

Old woman: no, no, it's too much trouble!

Volunteer: That's all right. Say something casually.

Old woman: Oh, I'm sorry …

……

Just twisted for a long time.

Old woman: I want to drink some water.

A man was buried for more than 50 hours, but he was still awake after being rescued. When the reporter went to interview, he saw the reporter holding a notebook and forgot to ask the reporter, can your notebook access the Internet? The reporter answered yes, and he said: Then help me see if the market has gone up.

6. The recent life of Chengdu people:

Go upstairs in fear, and your legs will go weak as soon as you enter the door. Eat at night and yawn during the day. If the aftershocks don't come, we'll wait until they come.

Earthquakes can't kill, shake, frighten, frighten, sleepy, exhausted, and run. Finally, it is urgent that the earthquake does not come.

People in the disaster area have no room to live, waiting for food and drink in the aftershocks;

Chengdu people have no room to live, and they are waiting for aftershocks while eating and drinking.

More terrible than the earthquake is the aftershock.

What is more terrible than aftershocks is to predict aftershocks.

What is more terrible than predicting aftershocks is that they have been predicted, but they have not been shocked.

Part one: I ran early and late, and I ran in the dark all day.

Bottom line: I can't run away. I seem to be risking my life.

Horizontal batch: sleep in peace

The first part: small earthquakes don't have to run, the second part: big earthquakes don't run, and horizontal criticism: don't run.

It happened at my good friend's mother's house. Her whole family lives on the first floor, and many people who live in tall buildings will hide in her house. When the earthquake happened that day, I heard that her aunt on the fifth floor rushed to her friend's mother's house. When her friend's grandmother opened the door for her, everyone went crazy. It turned out that this woman rushed out of the house naked and soon came to her house. At that time, there were three men in my friend's house, among whom 1 was in adolescence. Behind the woman is her husband, worthy of the audience, wearing shorts! What is your greatest feeling after experiencing the hardships of life and death? "The reporter asked him.

Tan Bin said slowly-"Peace is good!"

On May 12, someone was riding a bike in Tianfu Square when he suddenly saw Chairman Mao waving to him. He was frightened and later learned that it was an earthquake.

Four mother-in-law are playing mahjong. Suddenly I found the table shaking. Without saying anything, the mothers-in-law went separately to find some cardboard and put it under the table. Then sit down and continue to play! = =! Probably the most powerful old woman in Chongqing. Really can be said to be a gambling idiot.

When the earthquake happened, I happened to be drinking with some friends in the bar on the street. Just finished a drink and ready to open the wine. I felt a little dizzy and thought I was drunk after only a few drinks. At this moment, I suddenly heard a noise in the street outside, and all my friends rushed out. My first reaction was that there was a fight outside, so I rushed out into the street and stood firm before I realized it was an earthquake. There are many people in that street. Then I realized that I still had an unopened beer in my hand. ...

A doctor is preparing to give an injection to a middle-aged male patient lying in bed. Suddenly, an earthquake happened. The doctor said, alas, how old people are, and they are afraid of injections, and their hands are shaking!

12 that day, I was in the sales department and found the computer shaking. "For Lao zi, the roller is coming again. Go and tell him to drive slowly. " ... "ignore it! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! "At first glance, many people know about the earthquake.

I heard that there was an earthquake in a class of Sichuan University on 12, and the students began to run outside. The old professor shouted: don't panic, sit down, I'll call the roll, order one to go out and sweat one ~ ~ ~

I was on the phone and calmly told my friend at the other end of the phone: "Earthquake", and my friend calmly told me: "Then hang up!"

Hiding under the building for shock absorption, I heard an old woman scold her wife: "Alzheimer's disease, why are you still pumping air conditioning after the earthquake?" Guaxi, everyone has run away. You want me to get you a refrigerator? "On the day of the earthquake, his wife got up and ran away. While pumping the air conditioner, he called his wife: Look, pumping the refrigerator, it's going to fall down. . .

An African black baby traveled to Chengdu and stayed in a hotel. At this time, the earthquake caused the hotel to catch fire, and Heiwa rushed to the empty ground as quickly as possible. At this time, the fireman said in surprise, "I have never seen him run so fast after being burned."

Today, I heard from my colleagues that the Japanese foreign teachers in a university are very tough. The earthquake in Japan rarely made him get into the habit. At the beginning of the12 earthquake, he calmly told the students to hide under the table. After Hal finished shaking, the students climbed out from under the table and he continued his lecture. Then the whole school teachers and students gathered in the playground, and the school leaders made it clear: turn! People in the Japanese class are whispering? Send someone to find it quickly. When they found the person in charge of the classroom, their class was still learning Japanese. . .

12 On that day, a telecom employee ran down from his home on the 27th floor. He couldn't run in the middle and stopped. The family ran after him. The man said he couldn't run any more (maybe he was fat), and his wife said run, otherwise our baby would be an orphan. As a result, telecom employees also had the motivation to go to the ground floor in one go.

On the day of 12, I was on the 19 floor. At that time, people were so scared that they could not stand still. I panicked, too. Later, I thought about it and sighed: "Hey, the tide is gone!" Sit on the bench and think about what wishes are not satisfied!

A friend's mother is playing mahjong. The earthquake came, and she steadily pushed the card and said, I'm sorry, the earthquake came, so I stopped playing, and then I ran away. . .

A friend (female) is on the phone in the corridor. There are railings in front. Suddenly, she saw the railing shaking. Then I looked around, and not far away, a man was also talking on the phone at the railing. My friend Hei complained angrily to his friend on the phone: That man has no sense of public morality. Been shaking the railing! !

Jokes in Wenchuan earthquake

After the earthquake, I heard my mother say: My grandmother is eighty-six, physically and mentally ok, but she is a little deaf. 5 12 happened to be playing mahjong in the mahjong hall in the downstairs community that day. As a result, the earthquake broke everyone. My grandmother was the only one sitting at that time. Later, my mother looked for her and saw her sitting alone at that point. Mom, are you sitting there alone? My grandmother said: those people rushed out to see the fight and haven't come back yet ~

Daughter: I can see through you ~ Everyone's daughters and grandchildren don't care about the earthquake ~ Open the door and run, you are old and run faster than anyone else ~ Mom: I just want to open the door first to make you run easier ~

On the day of the earthquake, I called a friend of mine and asked if you had run in the earthquake just now. He said he didn't have time until he went to the toilet to take a shit. I said you didn't run, and he said that Baba had just come out and the clip had been clamped! Lao tze laugh miserably old!

12 earthquake, a friend of mine was in the car. He saw many black people running, so he said an old saying, is it because aliens invaded the earth? The next one followed the old saying: don't be afraid not to come on a hot day!

I'm just about to pay the phone bill. Just walked to the door of Tianfu Square mobile business hall, I saw a group of people rushing out. I think I was robbed.

A colleague's friend is squatting, and the earthquake is coming. Her friend thought, what a surprise! I'm squatting at my feet ~ ~

An old engineer in our unit ran from 13 building to 1 1 building when the earthquake came, and suddenly said, "Shit, the computer is still on!" So I went back to 13 floor and turned off the computer before I ran down! Later, this story was praised and admired by the boss of the company!

Suppose my friend's father's house is on the sixth floor. He happened to be by the window on the day of the earthquake. During the earthquake, the water tower opposite his house was dumped, just like a hula hoop. He enjoyed it for a while and shouted, "Come on, old woman, come and see, this water tower is round …" At this time, my aunt had lost her legs.

5. 12 The car I bought when I was testing my friends during the earthquake began to shake as soon as I turned on the air conditioner. The friend said, my god, the quality of this car is too poor. Turn on the air conditioner, the whole car is moving, and then I go to the factory to return it. Just after that, I saw a large group of people running out and shouting-earthquake! ! !