How to tell jokes to junior high school students?

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

It is said that a lady bought a female parrot on a whim. I didn't expect to take it home. The first thing it said was, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

When the lady heard this, she thought: No, outsiders thought I was teaching this, which didn't ruin my image as a lady. So she tried her best to give the parrot something elegant, but the mother parrot was very determined and would only say, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

..... What should I do? When the lady lost her mind, she heard that the priest had a parrot (male). The parrot not only didn't swear, but also was a devout believer, praying most of the time every day. So the lady went to the priest for help. After understanding her purpose, the priest looked a little embarrassed and said, "Well, it's difficult. In fact, the parrot didn't deliberately teach it anything. The reason why I am so pious may be because I have been edified here for a long time. "

Seeing that the lady was very depressed, the priest said, "Tell you what, you bring me that parrot and I'll put them together." . I hope your parrot will be affected after a period of time. That's all I can do. It's up to God ... "

Hearing this, the lady can only do this. Isn't there a saying: Is it near Zhu Zhechi? Just try it. So she took the parrot to see the priest. The priest put two parrots together as promised. At first, the female parrot was a little stiff. Seeing the male parrot in the corner of the cage and praying silently, I really can't bear to bother. But she still can't help herself. Finally, the clear voice said, "Do you want to sleep with me?"

Hearing this, the male parrot stopped praying, turned to look at the female parrot, and suddenly burst into tears: "Thank God, my wish of praying for so many years has finally come true ..."

7. Girls should not say that.

A man said to a woman, "I invite you to dinner."

The woman said, "Some other time."

8.saving bucket

A widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "Do you fucking think I'm a money bucket?"

9. Internship

A large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milked the cows. After the demonstration, they were taught to try for themselves. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow.

10, a handsome guy wants to buy condoms.

A handsome guy wants to buy condoms, but he doesn't know the size. The waitress had no choice but to check it and said to her colleagues around her: a box of 5 inches, oh, no, 7 inches ... Oh, my God, go and get the toilet paper. . . . . . . .

1 1, ran into an ex-girlfriend flirting with a new lover.

Shadow Pig has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

12, gone.

Roll call after class. If you don't come, 50 points will be deducted from the final grade! When I saw a brother, I jumped over inexplicably, and he shouted, "Teacher, you are beside the point!" " "

The old teacher over sixty lowered his head and said, "No ~"

13. One summer, a young man in slippers got on a bus. He sat down and crossed his legs. Opposite him sat a girl in a miniskirt (without underwear), and the bus left! ! Suddenly! A brake! Boys' feet are inserted into girls' BB, hey! That's what happened! After two days, the girl felt that her BB was very uncomfortable and went to the hospital. When the doctor examined her, she was surprised and said, "Wow, your BB has beriberi, which is very strange."

Just then, the door was pushed open and another doctor broke in and said, "What's so strange about this? There was a young man with syphilis on his feet just now! ! "。

14, before the masquerade, the wife suddenly felt unwell and asked her husband to go to the party alone. Later, the wife felt better, put on a fashion that her husband had never seen before, and drove to the dance. Just entering the door, the wife saw her husband flirting with other women, so she was jealous and decided to test her husband. She walked up to her husband and threw herself at him with a charming voice. Finally, he was lured to the back garden to have fun. In the middle of the night, when everyone was about to take off their underwear, their wife quietly left. And her husband didn't come back until three in the morning.

"How was the dance?" The wife asked. "It's not funny at all." The husband replied. "What the hell did you do there?"

The wife asked repeatedly. "To tell you the truth," said the husband, "when I got there, I saw some friends without their wives, so we played cards in the study." "Have you been playing cards all night?" The wife screamed. "Yes, but I lent my clothes and mask to another old friend. That guy boasted to me at the end of the dance that it was the best night of his life!

15, wedding night, the bride has undressed and gone to bed.

The groom also took off his coat, shirt and tie, but when he got the shoes, he was in trouble.

Because the shoelaces won't untie, the more you tie them, the more you tie them. The bride was anxious and said, "What a fool! There is a knife there, just cut it with a knife! " "

The bride's mother eavesdropped in the next room to see if everything was satisfactory. Hearing the bride say this, she shouted, "No, you can't use a knife." She said through the wall, "Tell him to wipe some saliva."