Super funny double act lines

Super funny double act lines

Double acts are very interesting. An actor in the front performs the action, and a person hidden in the back speaks or sings, cooperating with each other, as if the actor in front is acting by himself The same as singing to oneself. Below are some super funny double act lines that I compiled, welcome to read.

Super funny double act lines 1

Double act props: one chair, two wireless microphones, old lady's coat, old lady's hat, handkerchief, performance words, etc.

A: It’s Chinese New Year, and the leader arranged for me to perform a show, which really stumped me. Don't ask, it's Mr. Yang. You sing and sing, you like to go off-key. Let's dance, the movements don't match. You can do a skit, but it's not funny. I thought about it for a long time before I came up with a program to perform a double act for the big brother... (B comes on stage)

B: Hey, hey, hey! What is a double act? Do you know what a double act is? ?

A: How much do you know? Then you can tell everyone what a double act is.

B: Double act, it’s like “two yolk eggs”.

A: You are a fool! (laughing) What a mess, do you know what a double act is?

B: Just kidding, it’s actually simple. Generally speaking, the double act means that one person speaks from behind and the other acts in front. What is to be performed cannot be said and what is said cannot be acted, so that "one person talks and learns".

A: Well, from what you said, I know quite a lot about this double act. How about we give you a try first?

B: Just give it a try. Try it? You say it from behind and I act from the front.

A: Okay, let’s take clapping as a sign, and we’ll start as soon as you clap your hands.

B: (Sit on a chair, clap your hands)

A: Old lady, I am sixty-three years old, and my weight is over three hundred and three hundred. If you want to ask me why I am so heavy, It's not that the Communist Party's policy is good, let me drink more to eat! Let's not talk about the past, just talk about today's lunch dish, it is really good, there are flying in the sky, running on the ground, and there are explosions It was stir-frying, steaming and grilling. After a while, my eyes were dazzled. I ignored him and started eating. I took a bite of meat, and I drank a mouthful of soup. I took a bite of meat, and I drank a mouthful. Soup, I eat meat, I drink soup, I eat meat, I drink soup, I eat, I drink, I eat, I drink, I eat...

B: Are you treating me like a pig? Come out Come on! (Pull out A)

A: Isn’t this a small experiment first! See how you do? Can you get applause from the audience?

B: Friend Come on, applause, applause. (Hands pointing upward)

A: The applause rang out, which made my heart surge. (laughing) Let me cheer you up! Now we will perform a serious performance for you.

B: This sounds like a sentence. I have prepared one here. You can familiarize yourself with the words while I put on makeup. (Get off the stage to put on makeup)

A: (Reading words) There are many happy events during the Spring Festival, um, it’s really well written... This double act is a very old cultural and artistic performance. It is more difficult than cross talk, sketches, singing, dancing and other performances. This double act requires both movements and mouth movements to be in place...

B: (Go up, shaking all over)

A: Hey, hey, hey! Auntie, you are in the wrong place. This is the scene of our party. Are you one of us? Hotel guest? What items are you here to purchase?

B: My eldest daughter (looks up and down), well, she is so handsome.

A: Aunt, I am a man.

B: It’s a young man. Did I go to the wrong place? I want to ask you something. I want to ask, which floor is the gym in your hotel? I want to go to the gym! ( Doing aerobics: body movements, leaning towards the armor, falling down)

Oh my god, the acting is terrible, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing... (covering face with handkerchief)

A: Okay, okay.

Come on, let's get started.

B: OK. I sit on the chair, you hide behind the chair, I slap my hands, and we start. (Everyone is in his place)

A: There are many happy events during the Spring Festival

B: Hey, hey, I haven’t slapped you yet, why are you in a hurry? Come again.

A: Then hurry up, why are you wasting your time!

B: (Applause)

A: There are many happy events during the Spring Festival, and people all over the country are celebrating the festival. , isn’t this nonsense!

B: (forced to stop) You have so much to do, continue. (Applause)

A: There are many happy events during the Spring Festival, and people all over the country celebrate the festival. Old lady, I am going to have a big bloodletting today and come to the hotel to have a table. Hey, I heard that the braised mutton in this hotel is good. Girl, let’s have a dish of braised mutton first!

The braised mutton is served on the table, it’s steaming hot and it’s amazing. The tangy aroma enters your nostrils, the cooking here is really good. Smell it first... (the sound of sniffing is continuous)

B: If you want to starve me to death, eat it quickly.

A: When it comes to eating, let’s eat. Oops, it’s so hot!…It’s so delicious. Take another bite... Oops, take another bite, Oops, take another bite, Oops, take another bite...

B: (I can’t stand the heat) Stop, stop... I think you are If you don't starve me to death or burn me to death, you won't settle it with me, right?

A: Come again, I'll pay attention next time.

B: (Applause)

A: This person wants to eat mutton as soon as he gets older. He used to eat it three times a day, but it was boring! It’s better now, and he has red meat. Braised mutton, I can eat five of them in one serving. Braised mutton in red, mutton flavor, one serving a day, delicious, not dizzy. This braised mutton tastes good and is affordable! Especially after eating the braised mutton, my waist is no longer sore, my back is no longer painful, and my legs are no longer cramped. I can go up to the 16th floor in one breath without panting!

B: Not out of breath? Why don’t you take a walk and try?

A: Wrong, wrong, wrong pronunciation, it’s effortless.

B: That’s pretty much it. (Applause)

A: Although my old lady is very old, she keeps socializing all day long. No, her endocrine disorder is beginning to occur. The pimples on my face are also growing out. But since I went to the hotel and spent a lot of money, hey, it’s really worthy of my face. In the past, I have always been worried about dandruff, but since I ate braised mutton, the dandruff has gone away and my hair is even better!

As a woman, eating braised mutton is very good!

After eating the braised mutton, he liked it, and so did I (shy)...

B: Stop, stop, ah, this stewed mutton is really not easy to eat, go on Clean it up, clean up my privacy...

Come out for me.

A and B: (A pulls B to bow and step off the stage together) Super funny double act line 2

Tang, Li: Today we will perform a show for everyone.

Tang: Then what show should we perform for everyone?

Li: Let’s perform a double act for everyone!

Tang: Double act? ... How much does this double reed cost per catty?

Li: It doesn’t matter the “catty” of the double reed!

Tang: On the “bowl”?

Li: It doesn’t matter the “catty” either. "Bowl"!

Tang: What is it about?

Li: Double act is about "Duan"!

Tang: Oh! Talk about Duan, then give it to me Come to the middle section, not the head and tail.

Li: Are you here to buy fish?

Tang: Isn’t this what you said about "Duan"?

Li: This is what I said Double reed is an ancient form of folk art. It is performed by two people. One person performs in front and the other person speaks in the back. The two people cooperate with each other tacitly, just like one person.

Tang: Oh! So that’s what happened, I understand.

So who of us will act in the front and who will talk in the back?

Li: Of course, you will act in the front and I will talk in the back.

Tang: Then why?

Li: All the high-level people are performing in the front. Besides, look at how handsome this guy is? Look to the left. Looks like Andy Lau, looks like Chow Yun-fat when looking from the right, looks like Huang Hong when looking from the front, and looks like Guo Da when looking from the back.

Tang: Is this human? Okay, okay, stop praising me, let’s start!

Li: Let’s start!!

Tang: Let’s go!

Tang: (walks behind Li Mingjian) Hello, teachers and classmates, I am a new student, I am twelve years old this year. In the school, I have the lowest qualifications and the lowest education. The weakest and the youngest. The people in the audience are all my elders. This is my eldest brother, this is my eldest sister, this is my third aunt, this is my fourth uncle, this is my second mother, this is me. Second uncle, this is my grandma, this is my grandpa...

Li: Come out, come out!

Tang: What's wrong?

Li: You're full The school is looking for grandpa!

Tang: Doesn’t this show how humble you are as a freshman!

Li: Is there anyone so humble? No matter how humble you are, you will become my dad, okay? No?

Tang: Yes! Let’s talk about your day at school

Li: OK, let’s start!

Tang: Okay! Listen! Get up when the bell rings, put on your clothes and tie your shoes. The most important thing is to exercise. I go to the playground for a run first. Run, run, I run and walk, I run in steps, I run backwards, (pause) After running, I go back to the room, finish the housework and clean up, I wash my face first and then brush my teeth, first I bring a big toothbrush , I squeezed out the toothpaste (puff... click dong) and brushed... Puff!

At the end: (shoot) Come out, you!

Li: What's wrong with me!

Tang: You have exposed everything to me.

Li: Nonsense! Who asked you to exert so much effort?

Tang: I’m not like you. I’ve been tossing this for a long time and I’m hungry. Shouldn’t we start dinner?

Li: Okay! As soon as the dinner bell rang, all the students in the school came to the canteen. The food was good. There was a big pot of braised pork ribs. I don’t like big fish or meat. I’ll start with a big cabbage. , Chinese cabbage is very nutritious. I ate this one and gnawed that one. I ate this one and gnawed that one. I ate this one and gnawed that one. I ate this one and gnawed that one. I ate this one and gnawed that one. I ate this one and gnawed that one. After eating this, I gnawed at that. After I ate this, I gnawed at that. After I ate this, I gnawed at that. After I ate this, I gnawed at that. I ate this one and gnawed on that one...

Tang: Come out! I said you are immoral or not. I won't eat big fish and meat. I gnaw cabbage. I am Rabbit, are you doing well? On the 90th anniversary of the founding of the Party, can you make it a little more lively?

Li: OK! It’s time for the Party’s founding, it’s time for the Party’s founding, it’s time for the Party’s founding, it’s so lively. The military parade was so spectacular, the mass parade was even more joyful, and the party founding party was so wonderful that it made my heart itch. Teacher Du, you are so attentive. You bought firecrackers and shared them with everyone. There are so many different types of firecrackers. Let me do "Brother Ang" first, ba... ba, bang... 咚! Ah! It's so fun, so fun! I'll have another one, ba... Bah, bang... bang. Tang: You want to blow me up to death to make me happy!!!!!!!

Li: I didn’t know this firecracker was damp.

Tang: Our school has a very rich amateur cultural life. Shall we perform for the students?

Li: OK! After dinner, go back to the dormitory and have fun with cultural activities and play gongs. I can do trumpet playing and karaoke. I can sing anything on stage happily. Hebei Gangzi and Tang Opera, my best is dancing thunderbolt. (I am so happy today) We, the No. 8 Middle School, are so happy today. We are on stage at the party to add to the fun. Whether we are teachers or students, we are all our brothers.

He said from behind that I was performing in the front. The silly boy in front was almost tired. He was very happy to come here to perform the show. I will dance this dance at least until eight o'clock in the evening... I am booming... Oh oh oh oh!

Li: (Pull Tang out) Stop it!

Finally, I wish everyone:

Tang: Everything goes smoothly, two dragons playing with pearls

Li: Three Yangs bring good health to all seasons

Tang: Five sons are admitted, six and six are successful

Li: Seven stars shine high and all directions are favorable

Tang: Nine turns of success, perfect

Li, Tang: Thank you everyone!!

Stand still (line salute) Super funny double act line 3

Opening remarks : First of all, as soon as I take the stage, I would like to send my most sincere blessings to all the audience friends, teachers, and classmates. I wish you all smooth sailing in the new year, double happiness, Sanyang, and all seasons. Peace, five blessings, six and six fortunes, seven stars shining brightly, wealth coming from all directions, ninety-nine being of the same mind, it is perfect, Pepsi-Cola, everything goes well, everything goes as you wish. Dear audience friends who are doing this, feel free to give or not applause.

The next thing we bring to you is our latest creation of an original double act. The name of the original double act is "I want to "jump off the building"". Do you like my program? If you like it! Please encourage me, encourage me!

When I perform the oboe later, I will be the one talking from behind and my partner will be performing in the front. Alas! From a distance, it looks like one person. Yes, this requires two people to cooperate very well. Ah? You asked me where my partner is, hi! He is putting on makeup backstage now. Everyone, isn’t there a saying in China? It’s called a person to accompany the clothes and a saddle to the horse. If you don’t have people, you won’t be beautiful. Once this person arrives, After scolding, you are looking at my partner who looks like the Seven Fairies, oh! Here he is, everyone, take a look! Wow! Why does he look like a monkey! It’s better not to scold me! Okay! Gossip. Say less! Next, please enjoy the original double act "I want to "jump off the building"" that we brought to you!

A: "Short-minded" I am going to jump off the building and let go of my hatred. Hey! Attention all units, don’t come any closer. If you take one more step forward, I will jump off the building!

B: Don’t do stupid things. What do you have? Is it hard to think about it? Do I have to choose someone to jump off the building?

A: Bullshit, what does it mean to be hard to think about? I just chose to jump off the building because I was thinking too hard. If I couldn’t think about it, I would lie down on the train!

B: Then we might as well jump off the building!

A: What did you say? You must not play tricks. If you take one step closer, I will jump off the building immediately. Before I jump off the building, I want to eat two fried dough sticks, and preferably a bowl of soy milk.

B: You are going to eat the "Last Supper"!

A: Nonsense, I call this the "Last Breakfast"!

B: What? What about "The Last Breakfast"?

A: What you eat before you die at night is called the "Last Supper", then what you eat before you die in the morning is naturally called the "Last Breakfast" "Are you done? After I've had enough wine and food, I'm going to start jumping down.

I stood on the roof of the building, looking at the crowds of people watching in the dark below. I remembered that I have a severe fear of heights. I was so scared that I turned pale and trembled all over. I could not walk or talk about the road. I suddenly remembered that I was at home. There is an 8-year-old mother and a son who is over 60 years old. Who will take care of them if I die? I am hovering on the edge of death at this time. Should I jump or not? Please answer!

B: You are trying to seduce our appetite! If you want to die, die quickly. As soon as you jump down, I can get off work!

A: You ask me to jump, but I won’t jump; You didn't ask me to jump, but I insisted on jumping. I jumped, and I jumped when I told you to jump! If you take one step closer, I will really jump down! Let me jump a rope first! Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump, kitten, kitten, meow!

(Exit the front desk) A: Come out! Are you going to let me jump? Where are you strangling this stupid boy?

B: OK, OK! Jump right away!

A: My mood suddenly calmed down because I thought of the five heroes of Langya Mountain. They dared to jump even from the cliff of ten thousand feet. There's nothing I wouldn't dare to jump from just a few floors above. I took a deep breath and jumped...

B: Yeah! You are serious! You are really jumping!

At this time, I am like a string that is leaving the string. The arrow penetrated straight into the ground without making any sound. It was so successful, so perfect! The onlookers were dumbfounded! Hey! I'm fine! Who pushed me down just now! I'm still alive, it's a miracle! At this time, from A weak voice came from under my body, "Help! Who pulled me to jump off the building with him? I'm like a meat mat! I didn't want to jump off the building! If you don't jump off the building, what are you doing bending down?" I just saw that my shoelaces were loose, so I bent down to tie them!

B: Come out, you!

A: That’s it!

Here: Thank you everyone! Super funny double act line 4

Sironic double act line: Two-faced man

Character: Host (female)

Double act Actors A and B

Host: Today, we are honored to invite Mr. xx and Mr. xx, double act artists from the xx District IRS. Now let us invite them with warm applause!

(A comes on the stage, clasping fists at the audience, B makes a sound in the background)

B: Dear leaders, distinguished guests, and audience friends, hello everyone! Here, on behalf of both of us, I wish everyone here good health and smooth work, and I wish all the best for the national taxation career!

Host: Huh? Why are you here? Where is your partner xx?

B: Isn’t he right here? (A finger points to the ground, pointing to himself)

Host (looks around): No?

B: Hasn’t he been talking to you?

Host: Talk to me? No?

(B comes on the stage, walking and talking)

B: Haven’t I been talking to you?

Host: Oh, it’s you who is always talking to everyone!

A: Hey, this so-called double act means that one person performs it in front,

B: One person speaks from behind,

A: It needs to be performed well. Perfect,

B: Just like one person.

A: We have been working together for such a long time, and I am the one who provides the image in the front stage.

B (runs behind A): I provide the voice in the background.

Host: Oh, what program did you bring to everyone today?

B: What we bring to you is the latest double act - "Two-Face". Dear audience friends here, feel free to give me applause or not.

Host: Huh? We need applause before it even starts. Come on, give them some encouragement! (Applause)

Okay! Next, please enjoy the double act "Two-Face"! (Exit the host)

Who am I? No need to introduce me anymore, don’t you guys call me Minister Liu? Which department, isn’t it because there is no trouble-seeking department? I feel ashamed to say that I haven’t found anything worth mentioning all year long. This year I plan to show off my performance. If you want to flatter your superiors, then give them RMB as gifts; if you want to make your superiors happy, I will only give you U.S. dollars, U.S. dollars! One thousand, two thousand, three or four thousand, five thousand, six thousand, seven or eight thousand, nine thousand, ten thousand, eleven thousand, twelve thousand...

A: Hey, you are still finished It’s not over yet, there are still ten thousand left? Is there such a saying?

B: Don’t you like counting money? Then I'll give you the majority.

A: That’s not how you count it! Don't bullshit, keep going.

Ask me where I got so much money. It’s all from people who respect me, ah! When asked if I was afraid of taking so much money, Master Kong said it well: How can I keep my shoes from getting wet when I often walk by the river? If my shoes get wet, I might as well wash my feet. If I have already washed my feet, I might as well take a bath. kindness? not good! There's movement! Put the money in the safe first. (Make a gesture of opening the safe, and then feel very proud) This is my savings for many years, including gold bars, silver bars, copper bars, and - fried dough sticks...

I am a human being. I have principles, and a powerful dragon cannot overpower a local snake like me; I go to any hilltop to sing a certain song, and the people who beg me tremble all over when they see me. When I see the leader, he nods and bends his back, and becomes To become prime minister "Liu Luoguo", this is really Cui Yongyuan's show - tell the truth! Let me tell you, I was very humble when I called our leader. When I mentioned this, I really had a phone call to make. What excuse could I use? Then let me just say hello to our leader’s wife!

Hey! Hey hey! General Manager Wu? Mr. Wu, can you tell who I am? I can’t hear it! oops! Ouch! oops! oops!

A: No! What kind of bird is calling?

Mr. Wu! Then you are really a noble person who forgets things! I am "Luo Guo", Xiao Liu from the troubleshooting department. General Manager, I have nothing else to do with my phone call today. I just want to ask if the old lady is okay. ah? OK! oh! kindness! Uh-huh! Yeah, yeah, yeah...

A: Come out! Good guy! Are you sounding an air raid siren here? Start over!

B: Okay! Start over!

Mr. Wu! What I have nothing to do today is to give you some advice! I hope you will pay attention to your body. For the sake of our socialist cause, you must take good care of your body and don't take it for granted. Whenever I see your haggard face, I feel sorrow on my face and pain in my heart. You always have high standards, strict requirements, conscientiousness and no "hang" in your work.

A: Stop, stop, wait a minute, come out for me, are you still not "hanging up" at all? That's called meticulousness. There is no cultural purpose (attainment) at all.

B: Thank you! I accept it with an open mind. I will definitely read more and study hard, and I will ensure that I will never show my uncultured "break-up" next time!

General Manager, I will definitely remember your "Heng Heng" teachings. You are always so approachable when speaking. What do you always do when you give people a "kiss"? You said it wrong, it's not a kiss, it's a thing, a thing, a thing, a thing, a way to treat others, Mr. Wu, you are so annoying, oh! It's humor! humor! Mr. Wu, do you think I have a share in the ranking of top performers at the end of this year? I don’t mean anything else! I listen to Mr. Wu’s words the most, and I am most considerate of Mr. Wu’s difficulties. If Mr. Wu asks me to have something, I will do it; if Mr. Wu doesn’t let me not, I still want to do it. ah! oops! Thank you Mr. Wu! Mr. Wu, please pay attention to your health. Comrade Lenin said it well! Without rest, there is no entertainment, and without entertainment, there is no work. Mr. Wu! Are you tired? Think about the winning trading dance. Are you tired? Think about the "Seven Little Pairs" of mahjong. Thank you Mr. Wu for your concern. Goodbye. Mr. Wu hangs up the phone first! Ahhhh! Bah, what kind of leader is not interesting at all.

After receiving my money, he turned around and turned against me. He lent me the 5 yuan last time to spend in a nightclub and he still hasn’t paid it back! I want to see his performance. If he rates me as advanced, forget it. What if he doesn’t rate me as advanced? I'll let you have a taste of my power, I'll blow you to pieces, I'll beat you to pieces. ;