I really want to hear some jokes! ?

1. After watching the black 100 meter run, an old lady said with tears, she was scared to death! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot, but they fired without aiming. The children ran in fear, and the rope couldn't stop them! Once there was a girl who wanted to go to the grave with me-"If you don't pay me back, I will die with you!" " Once there was a girl who met me in my next life-"I want to pursue my next life!" " "There was once a girl who was willing to die for me-"I'd rather die with you! ""3. In the supermarket, you reach under the bar code scanner curiously, and the screen shows: trotters, 8 yuan. You think the machine is broken, put your face in the past, and the screen shows: pig head, 5 yuan! I'm kidding. I was born twice. The first time, a doctor dragged me out of the uterus and suddenly fainted. A nurse closed her eyes and groped for me and stuffed me back ... 4 After the second birth, everyone in the hospital hid in the morgue and cried. The dean slapped his mouth and blamed himself for being as blind as a bat. He shouldn't be greedy for money to take over my business ... Motherly love is great. She didn't abandon me and raised me, but he stuck it on my face. At the age of eleven, when I was in the third grade, the whole class was the most curious and desperately wanted to see what I looked like behind the mask. A classmate named Li Dadan tore off my mask when I peed. Since then, Li Dadan has suffered from a strange disease, unable to speak, with dull eyes, doing nothing all day, killing people without blinking an eye, and crying as soon as he closes his eyes ... The Education Bureau sent someone because all the students in the school have transferred. The principal can only eat half a bowl of porridge every morning, and the teacher's salary has not been paid for two months ... After the people from the Education Bureau saw me, the director immediately resigned and went to the sea, which triggered a chain reaction ... I was walking in the street, and people on the roadside were vomiting wildly. A group of pigs rushed in front of me from behind, scrambling to put red flowers on me, issue trophies and certificates to me. Next door, Pockmarked Liu's daughter-in-law wants to brag to him that his pockmarked face is disgusting and she has to leave! ! ! It happened that I went to their window. As soon as Pockmarked Liu's wife saw me, she stopped talking and took out money to the insurance company to insure Pockmarked Liu's hemp. A pockmarked Liu's hemp is 10 thousand ... and shocked the United nations (? Why do you want to say it again? ), Annan is also at his wit's end and asked me to have plastic surgery, but it was useless. All plastic surgeons cried when they saw me. Nearly half of the doctors went to a mental hospital with the same symptoms. They only said one thing: Ugliness … the ugliest thing … Arafat sent a special plane to pick me up and let me stand at the gate of the presidential palace to resist the encirclement of the Israeli army. I stood there for a minute, and then the Israeli army retreated. The whole country in Palestine was jubilant, but when Arafat wanted to introduce me as a national hero, the Palestinian people couldn't find me with lanterns ... A writer came to me with tears: When I grew up, my biggest dream was to get a Nobel Prize in Literature, but now the master is too powerful ... I have unique skills. As long as I can write a book in front of you, I will definitely win the prize! ! I don't believe it. He stayed with me for a week and wrote a five-million-word novel, Seven Days in Hell. As a result, he even won the Nobel Prize in Medicine ... The Nobel Headquarters announced that if the whole world can find words to describe my face, it will win the literary prize. As a result, all writers switched to buying pork, and Nobel Prize in Literature disappeared ... The National Football Association specially recruited me to join the team, hoping to really rush out of Asia. China won the first team in the World Cup. Every game is 12:0. A player has a ball. After the game, I will have a picnic on the lawn. I was alone in front of the goal BBQ, and the opposing players, including the goalkeeper, threw up on the ground. The referee even pulled out a red card. Of course, our players have also been trained by the devil of hell. They look at my photos first, then at my dinner photos, and then play football ... The World Cup will stay in China forever, and foreign media commented that I am the incarnation of the devil. At the beginning of the world lying contest, players of all races boasted for the first time. I stepped onto the stage and won the championship in just three words, and I kept the title forever. I said, I'm not ugly ... I cried at night and whispered to the moon, me, okay? A white object landed gently on the moon. I picked it up and saw that it was a small white rabbit trampled to death by the claws of Jiuyin Bone. I shouted to the sky: God, am I the ugliest? Suddenly, it rained heavily in the sky and fell on me. I touched it, and it was all vomit ... I left this world and came to this ancient castle. I asked the mirror: mirror, mirror, who is the ugliest in this world? The mirror is in tears and broken ... God forbid, why did you give birth to me? I held a grudge and finally got depressed. Who knows, the terrible prince gave me a pardon and let me return to the world … so I wandered around the world, having nothing to do, I played online and wanted to chat, so I applied for a QQ number. Who knows ... System prompt: Because you look a little slim? Please forgive me, my literary level is not high, and I can only explain this. ) our company will never provide you with the number ... k) nwo&; [5] Three mice tasted the wines of the United States, Japan and China, respectively. The United States dropped three steps and Japan dropped two. The one who drank China Erguotou raised his kitchen knife and shouted, "Where's the fucking cat?"