What should I do if I have social phobia, fear of finding a job, fear of not working long, and have no confidence in myself?

Social phobia is also very common now, which is a neurosis. First of all, you don't have to be too nervous. You can treat it well. Some people really overcome it by themselves. This connection depends on your severity. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

1. You should take time to think calmly. You are afraid of finding a job. You are afraid to go out. You are afraid of other people's jokes or your own mistakes. You should know your real fears.

2. If it has been a long time, more than a month, and now it has a great impact on your work and life, then you really need to see a psychiatrist and go to the hospital alive.

3. There is a desensitization therapy in psychotherapy. You can start trying to get to know a stranger by yourself, then practice more and get over it slowly. There are related self-regulation methods in Burns' new mood therapy, which can be seen.

The deep reason of social fear is the unsafe attachment relationship established in the early years.

(1) Everyone comes to this society with a natural anxiety of persecution in his early life. If the mother does not integrate and transform the baby's anxiety well after the baby is born, the anxiety of persecution will not develop better. As adults, we will find that adults who have difficulties in interpersonal relationships lack security and distrust others, so they will avoid interpersonal relationships.

(2) Adults with social phobia can start with self-awareness. Before you meet someone, analyze why you are afraid to meet this person and melt your inner fear at the cognitive level.

(3) If it is difficult, it is recommended to continue to find a consultant. A new interpersonal relationship model has been obtained in the stable consultation and interview relationship, and a stable, stable and safe psychological space has been obtained in the company of consultants, so that this problem can be gradually changed.

(4) Psychological growth is not achieved overnight. The earlier the trauma, the longer the treatment time. Of course, it is important to build confidence.

You can try behavioral therapy and try to avoid objects and scenes that make you feel scared without affecting your daily social function. Try to socialize online first. You don't have to face to face to socialize online, which can reduce a certain sense of stress. Start exercising in simple social places, downstairs in the community, waiters in restaurants, etc. Set a goal for yourself and talk to two strangers every day. If you succeed, you can give yourself a little reward. If it fails, you can continue the next day.

You can use drugs to assist treatment and find a professional psychologist for treatment.

A large part of social phobia comes from the pressure given by the body itself. I keep exercising every day, often go out for a walk, see the beautiful scenery and chat with one or two playmates. I believe it will get better soon.

Come on! ! !

What is social phobia?

Social phobia, also called social anxiety.

It is characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-awareness in daily social situations.

They have a persistent, strong and long-term fear of other people's judgments, and at the same time feel embarrassed and humiliated by their own actions.

This fear is so obvious that it interferes with their daily work, study and other lives.

Although many people can realize that their fear of people may be extreme or unreasonable, they can't overcome it. Therefore, I often feel inferior or depressed.

So, how to alleviate or overcome social fear?

People with social anxiety are generally reluctant to share their information and self-exposure with others, and the premise of establishing intimate relationships between people is mutual self-exposure.

As you expose yourself more and more, two people will get closer and closer.

This is especially true in intimate relationships.

Therefore, it is often difficult for people with social anxiety to start intimate relationships.

For people with social anxiety, the hardest thing is to catch them off guard.

This is why practicing sharing is an important step.

Practicing self-disclosure means telling your date your own story, someone important to you, sharing your thoughts about recent events, or letting your communication partners know that they look good.

Self-disclosure is to let the other person know what you think, how you feel and what is important to you.

Before attending a social occasion, we can try to know the theme of the occasion or the composition of the participants in advance.

We can prepare some topics to talk about in advance according to the theme or the background of the participants, such as anecdotes in related fields, recent hot spots and so on.

Think about your social purpose. If you plan to communicate with some people in depth, then you need to know the relevant content thoroughly.

If you just want to chat, prepare some general information.

Once you understand and clarify the negative thoughts that cause your anxiety and fear, you must begin to analyze and challenge them.

Ask yourself to test whether this idea is true.

Use logic and evidence to refute these automatically generated negative thoughts.

For example, if you are afraid of screaming in line because everyone will notice that you are nervous, try to imagine, "Wait a minute, I was invited to the party because these people are my friends and they want to be with me.

Replace the negative thoughts automatically generated by the brain with positive thoughts.

When they arise, challenge the idea with the opposite thinking, as mentioned above, and then give yourself a positive hint, "For example, if I am interesting, others will want to be friends with me."

You can even post positive messages at home or on the mirror you carry with you, so that you can get positive hints at any time.

Pay less attention to yourself, pay more attention to the people and environment around you, and pay attention to what others are saying instead of paying too much attention to yourself.

Many anxieties and fears come from caring about other people's comments. Others may not always agree with or respond to you. This is not an evaluation of yourself or your ability.

When people get along with each other, they all seek common ground while reserving differences. Being different is just a part of life, but it doesn't mean everything.

In fact, people who are afraid of socializing usually become a complete chatterbox in front of acquaintances, so they are often regarded as men's shows by friends.

There is a concept here called social distance.

Refers to the distance between two people in social networks, not the physical distance between two people in reality. For example, even if you and your lover live apart, the social distance is still very close.

You have a black roommate in your apartment. Even if we meet every day, the social distance is still far away.

In close social interaction, you know each other's personality characteristics and personality characteristics. Such people have many intersections with your inner world, so you will not be affected by social fears.

On the contrary, contact with people who are far away from social life will make you feel socially fearful.

Controlling social distance helps to reduce the negative effects of social fear.

The truth of all the so-called mental diseases such as depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, mania and bipolar disorder.

Psychological problems are a very serious social phenomenon at present, especially among children, which makes people feel sad. How many people are in despair, how many families are on the verge of collapse, and most people are still in the dark and don't know the truth and the way out. That's terrible!

What I want to tell you is that all the so-called psychological problems, no matter what type, no matter how serious, no matter how complicated the symptoms are, actually do not exist at all. Why are these so-called mental diseases so difficult to cure? Because we have been solving a non-existent problem, how to solve it? The result will only cause more and more serious problems. Obviously, all negative emotions are normal emotions that everyone has, just like breathing. If you have to solve it, you can only solve your life, which is why many people finally choose to go to a dead end. Most people will let go of negative emotions quickly, but we can't. We must solve it, even if the larger foe breaks through, the result will be more and more serious. As we all know, there is no need to solve the problem unless it is solved. No matter how hard life is, there is nothing to let go of. When you leave this world, you can't take anything away.

Life is a drama, so why be so serious and bother yourself.

In fact, there are many people worse off than you in reality. Most people don't take it seriously or answer it. We not only pick it up, but also don't want to put it down. As long as you put it down, there will be no pain. If we can't let go, there's nothing anyone can do. But there is a way to suffer. If you wait enough, you will naturally let go, and your words are not rough.

I want to tell you that it is a very wrong choice to choose to end your life. Ending life is not the end of pain, but just the beginning of another endless pain. Life will never end, and every life has its meaning.

Anyway, what is the essence and truth of these so-called psychological problems? Knowing this, all the so-called psychological problems will be solved. Because it doesn't actually exist, of course, there is nothing to solve.

Some people say, how can it not exist? The problems we face in reality are as real as the pain we bear in our hearts. We just can't sleep, our symptoms and diseases are real, I just can't see any hope of life, and so on. These pains obviously exist. Isn't it self-deception to say that it doesn't exist?

Yes, everything is so real to you. What I want to say is that these so-called real situations are only results, not causes, but also superficial phenomena, not essence. They are not static. To solve these so-called psychological problems, we must start from the root causes. Whether through psychological counseling or drug therapy, everyone is using phenomena to solve phenomena and problems to solve problems. Instead of solving the problem, it will continue to worsen.

All psychological problems, no matter what kind of negative emotions, will be manifested as uncontrollable thoughts, constant thinking, unable to eat, unable to sleep, physical and mental fatigue. They just want to understand that the more they think about it, the more uncontrollable the vicious circle will be until it collapses. This is because in this process, our energy will gradually run out and we will lose the ability to control our own thinking more and more. In the end, even our own lives will be given up, which is an illusion of low energy state. In that energy state, even a sesame seed will become a mountain and crush itself.

In this case, only ascending energy can change. This energy is not only eating and resting, but more importantly, it is to stop the erosion of negative energy (negative thinking) and constantly improve positive energy. To break the vicious circle, stop thinking (you will never think about it, and you will never think about the result) and turn to positive thinking to save energy. With positive energy, you can control your own thinking and everything in your life. With positive energy, the problem that bothered you in the past has changed from watermelon to sesame.

So how do you stop thinking? We just can't help thinking! In fact, we can't control our thoughts because negative energy (all negative emotions) is so powerful that we are controlled by negative energy. Because people with different negative energy express different negative emotions, physical symptoms are even more strange, and there are all kinds of so-called psychological problems, which are actually the same in essence.

As long as the essence is grasped, all the so-called psychological problems naturally do not exist and do not need to be solved at all, because there is nothing to solve. No matter what your situation is, no matter how serious it is, no matter how real and difficult the real problem is, no matter how serious your health is, even if you are terminally ill, there is only one root cause and one solution. Find the root cause, all the problems in life are soap bubbles.

What is the root cause? The fundamental reason lies in the wrong three views and the wrong pursuit of value. At present, it can be said that 99% people in the world are pursuing the wrong things. Pursue material things, all kinds of desires, pornography, unfilial, do not cherish life, only know to take but do not know the meaning of life is to give rather than take, and have pressure (have to pursue a specific goal or requirement). Because of these wrong views, every thought, every word and every action in our hearts are directed at desires and needs. There must be a desire behind every negative emotion. There are also many parents who impose these misconceptions on their children, blaming others for hurting their children and blaming themselves. All our desires and negative emotions are negative energy, which will be constantly entangled and amplified. In the end, positive energy will be less and less, and even we will be proud of negative energy and ashamed of positive energy. Isn't this a common phenomenon in modern society? Why do most people live in pain? This is the general source. Everyone's performance is different, some are physically ill, some are mentally ill, some encounter setbacks or disasters, and so on.

When we get the so-called mental illness, we begin to blame others, think that we are unlucky and think that heaven is unfair. In fact, God is the fairest. Every mistake you make, you have to bear it yourself. And everyone is choosing to avoid responsibility, but how can they escape? Some people want to talk to a psychological counselor, but actually talking is releasing negative energy, which will not only solve the problem, but also attract more negative energy. Some people hope to solve it through drugs. It's obviously a matter of heart. How to solve the drug? Isn't that ridiculous? Others want someone to help them. How does the other person in your heart make it work? How can others understand your whimsy under negative emotions?

You live in a dream and only wake up. Who can interpret dreams? Wake up. What's the problem?

To solve this problem, you must first understand where you are wrong and that no one is punishing you. It's all your own fault. The universe is the fairest. If you are still happy when you are wrong, it is really unreasonable. In fact, it's nobody's fault outside, it's all your own fault. Don't complain, just reflect on yourself. The theory of family origin simply doesn't exist. Are harmful. You decide your own destiny, so don't give yourself any reasons or excuses. Don't think that it is caused by all practical problems such as family environment, others bullying you, interpersonal tension, lack of money, stress, physical illness and so on. Wrong, these problems are also phenomena, the result of three wrong views, and the result of the same root as your psychological problems are all appearances and have the same root of mistakes. Even if these problems are solved, your psychological problems still exist and there will be bigger problems to remind you.

Every pain reminds you that you are wrong and makes you turn around quickly. Once you look back, pain loses its value of existence. The sea of misery is boundless, and turning back is the shore. As long as you don't look back, the pain will follow you. Behind every pain, there is a persistence and a desire. Only let go of persistence and desire. The past is the past, and everything is of my own making. No one has hurt you, and no one can hurt you. Accept what you are facing. This is the result of what you have done in the past and cannot be changed. What we can do now is to recognize our mistakes and correct them. From now on, keep positive thoughts, words and behaviors, stop spreading and releasing negative energy, including at home and on the Internet, starting from the side, starting from small things, starting from housework, helping others, dedicating yourself, letting go of selfishness, desire, material desire, honoring parents, cherishing all life and fearing nature. These are the true meaning of life, returning to humanity. Where can there be psychological problems? Where are the life problems to be solved? Where does it hurt? What's unfair?

Also, parents with children's problems, please let their children go, let them go, don't care too much, give them a correct outlook on life education, give them freedom, and don't give them too much pressure. Internet generation, less contact with video games, pornographic websites and other addictive things, stop killing children with drugs! ! !

Finally, I can tell you that I used to be a so-called serious mental patient for more than twenty years, no matter how desperate and helpless I was. Now, I have been born again. I hope to share my experience gained with blood and tears with you, and I hope to help more people who are still trapped in the bottomless abyss of pain come out. I hope to save more families and children on the verge of collapse.

Thinking that you have so-called psychological problems and trying to solve them are the real reasons and the beginning of all the pain. With the process of solving, the pain is getting bigger and bigger. This is the fundamental difference between normal people and so-called mental patients. All real problems in life are the same, and not solving them is the best solution. Do nothing. Do nothing. Most people have done it backwards, so it's miserable.

Many people say they can't let go. Nothing can't be let go. People have to put it down when they die. No one can take it away. If you don't put it down, you will continue to suffer on your back. There is no choice, and no one can help you put it down. The only way to let go is to accept, accept what others and yourself have experienced, and accept everything that may happen!

Friends with feelings, I hope everyone will forward more. Helping others is helping yourself.

First, social fear will become an obstacle to communication with others.

I think people who often feel lonely are divided into three levels.

Primitive introversion

People's personality itself is divided into introversion and extroversion. In fact, they are all willing to communicate with others, but extroverts tend to be familiar with themselves. Introverts are often shy and embarrassed when they meet for the first time. After getting acquainted, you can also join the topic center. They are just slow in socializing.

Intermediate inferiority complex

Inferiority is more serious than introversion. No child is born with inferiority, family reasons or some bad experiences in the early days left a shadow in his heart, leading to inferiority. Most people with low self-esteem are ingratiating. When socializing, they always define themselves as inferior They are always afraid that others will be unhappy, and it is difficult for them to refuse other people's demands. Slowly, they also became good people in the eyes of others.

In fact, people with low self-esteem are eager to integrate into the collective and be cared for, but they always feel that such people are not worth it, and they can only integrate into the collective by compromising their personal interests and meeting the needs of others.

Advanced social phobia

People who don't talk about inferiority can really integrate into the collective. Speaking of social fear, inferiority is really nothing to mention. Social phobia is social phobia, and the whole society is unavoidable for them, just like a lonely sailboat floating on the sea. For the people on board, they can't get out of the boat, full of danger and shivering.

This is a terrible idea, but such an idea cannot be ignored. Because of fear, they dare not communicate with others, resist physical contact and refuse to appear in public. Social fear is often accompanied by a strong physical reaction. Once out of the door, I feel unconsciously stiff when I am exposed to the eyes of the whole world. Classroom, meetings and other occasions need to speak, subconsciously swallow saliva, incoherent, unclear logic ... Only solitude can make them relax, and then they will feel lonely and vicious circle.

Second, I want to socialize, but I can't socialize. What should I do?

1, divert attention

When you reach a certain limit, you don't need to be tough enough to socialize. Too much is counterproductive. At this time, it is ok to relax, do something you like, read books, listen to music and do sports. Don't make socializing a burden.

Step 2 adjust your mentality

Taking the first step is not that terrible. If you don't communicate with others, why should others come to you on their own initiative? Just as you dare not take the initiative to speak, others will be embarrassed. Learn to start a conversation, listen and express your views properly, and you will feel comfortable chatting with others.

3. Broaden your knowledge.

4, a correct understanding of social relations

Except for relatives, no one is who's who, so there is no need to completely put yourself in an inferior position and you can come and go at will. Meeting is fate, fate comes, you are a passer-by, and the other party is not a god. Always remember that a person who is comfortable in social life is never a good person. What is wrong with learning to refuse?

Be thick-skinned, listen carefully to flattery and choose to listen to hurtful words. Help others get twice the result with half the effort, and others reasonably refuse to reduce the burden. (This is not to ask people for help in everything, nor is it that others have to be tough in refusing everything. They should have a bottom line and grasp a degree. ).

Finally, I hope everyone can slowly overcome their own shortcomings, face the society bravely and achieve their expected goals.

Social phobia is an insurmountable psychological obstacle. The therapies used include but are not limited to cognitive therapy, relaxation therapy, systematic desensitization and psychoanalysis. But obviously you need to take targeted measures according to your actual situation. It is difficult to help you solve such a problem through the internet. For example, if I reply to a 5000-word article here, you will definitely be at a loss, so I suggest you find a professional psychological counselor for psychological consultation.

Start with a small thing, accumulate experience and build confidence. When we encounter many things, we will understand that fear is only our inner inferiority. Life is either strong or weak. If we don't want to be weak, we can only force ourselves to be strong.

If life forces you, you should find ways to adapt and overcome yourself. If there is nothing wrong with your life, and not going to work will not affect your quality of life, then there is no need to force yourself to adapt, because the process is also painful and the result is not necessarily good. You can also do some jobs with fewer people, and now you can find a part-time job online.

Social phobia is a kind of anxiety disorder, which can be mediated and treated.