Is it love or harm for a mother to sleep with her son until she is 23?

I heard a word from a friend a few years ago, but I still feel incredible when I think about it. Not only listening to fresh anecdotes, but also a question worthy of reflection. It really happened to my friend's relatives. I really can't believe that a mother can sleep in the same bed with her son 19 years, while her husband is driven to another room as a widow 19 years. It happened in a small city in the south. Both parents are national cadres in the financial system. From the birth of her son, the mother slept with her son for 19 years until his son was admitted to the university. After graduating from high school, my son did not do well in the college entrance examination and was admitted to a university in Zhengzhou. When it was time to report for school, he refused to study alone, so the mother had to leave her job and let her son report. When I arrived at school, my son refused to live in the dormitory, so my mother rented a house near the school and stayed with him for a few days. I didn't leave Zhengzhou for home until I really couldn't delay my work, but I was not at ease. When the mother left, she deliberately left more than 200 thousand for her child, fearing that he would not eat well and wear warm clothes in the field. That large amount of pocket money is my parents' half-life savings. Mother bought furniture, household appliances and all daily necessities in the rented house, and also hired hourly workers to wash clothes, cook and clean the house every day. But even so, she is still not at ease that her son is alone in the field. Every weekend after going to school for two months, she rushed to Zhengzhou from the south to visit her son, stayed with him for two days, and then went home in tears. She feels that her son is used to the life with her, and a person will definitely suffer in school. She hopes her son can get used to living alone and take care of himself, but she dare not let go until the child learns. My son's college life only lasted more than three months, and the semester is not over yet. He refused to go to school anyway. He spent 8000 yuan to hire a car and went back to the south overnight-he abandoned the rented house and the house full of things. He doesn't even know how to take the train, let alone rent a car to run 1000 miles without 8000 yuan. The mother tried to persuade her son to go back to school, but he refused to go back anyway. Mother couldn't beat him, so she had to agree to take a break from school for a while and go back to school when she got used to it. This time, the child's father refused. He has always obeyed his wife's wishes, and even his wife has tolerated not sleeping with him for 19 years in order to take care of the children. This time, he could no longer obey her, because he realized that the child's performance this time was not just a minor problem in life, but his adaptability and viability were surprisingly poor. The couple had a heated argument about whether their children should go back to school. When a friend visited relatives in the New Year, his mother cried into tears: "I have everything he needs, and his savings for half a life are left for him to study, but why does he just refuse to study hard?" What can I do after I don't study? But how can I bear to let the children suffer there alone? "The child's father also lamented that he manages a huge financial institution, but he can't manage his wife and children. The child seems to be more reasonable: "If I have been allowed to sleep by myself since I was a child, how can I have today?" "The family quarreled and quarreled, and finally my father chose to compromise. The final result made people sigh a lot-my father lost his temper in a rage, told the grievances of the grass widow for 19 years, and was so angry that he was admitted to the hospital. In order to take care of the children, my mother had to quit her leadership position and go to Zhengzhou to go to college. Another four years, until the child graduated from college last year, the couple ended their separation. Although the child finished college under the care of his mother day and night, his grades were average and he couldn't find a suitable job. Finally, he had to rely on his father's relationship to work in a small local savings office. So far, he hasn't talked about his girlfriend-he's afraid to fall in love because he can't sleep well without his mother. My friend told this story only as a joke, but something full of jokes really exists around us. When a friend described it, the nearby audience all said that they had heard or seen such a thing, but it was not so exaggerated. I have also heard friends complain that since having children, the couple's original life has been completely out of order, and the couple have no choice but to separate. I believe that mother slept with her children until she graduated from college. She must love her children very much. Her son grew from a baby to a big boy. Mother may have done everything for him, but what she didn't do well was to let her children learn to be independent and self-reliant. The mother's behavior is full of love, but it is definitely a kind of harm to the child and may affect her life. Parents in China are happy to sleep with their children and regard it as a necessity, which is why so many children sleep with their parents when they are in primary school or even middle school. The practice abroad is just the opposite. Children need the care of their parents at any time in the first year or two. Children over two years old must sleep by themselves. This is not only an idea and habit, but also a kind of cultivation for children. I once went to an American friend's house. In the evening, our children chat and talk about things together. After they sent the children to the bedroom, they went downstairs and continued to talk to me. I asked them, what if the child falls out of bed or wakes up and cries? They say the baby's crib has a guardrail and is very safe. As for the problem of children crying when they wake up, they think it is not a problem at all. After crying for the first time, no one cares, so naturally I won't cry again. They said that they had been like this since childhood, and they were a little strange to their parents when they were young. But in retrospect, they also learned to be independent at that time, so they will still raise their children in the same way today. Another time I went to a friend's house, they put the children in a small room to play alone. Children run around barefoot and draw everywhere with watercolor pens, regardless of the couple. I asked them what to do if their children caught a cold, fell down, or painted the walls in a mess. The answer of friends and couples is that only when you catch a cold will you have resistance. If you fall, you won't fall next time. If painted, they can repaint the walls. What they are afraid of is not that children fall or scribble, but that children will not fall and don't like painting. Of course, foreigners' educational concepts are different from those of China people, but some unique phenomena in China's education still need attention and gradual correction. For example, the loving mother mentioned earlier sacrificed herself and her husband 19 years, took care of her children day and night, and finally cultivated a child who was destroyed by herself with love, which is really worth reflecting on.