Classic joke

14, think of a number in your head, add 52.8, multiply it by 5, subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number in your head. The answer is romantic!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

15, one day in math class, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? , I said I don't know. The teacher asked me to ask. I asked my mother who was cooking to let me out. I asked my father, who watched the ball again and shouted' cool'. I asked my sister, and she sang until the baby. I asked my brother and he said on the phone; I'll wait for you outside. The next day, the teacher asked 1+ 1=? I said; Fuck off, the teacher slapped me, I yelled, the teacher called me a loser, and I called me mean. The teacher said; Get out. I said; I'll wait for you outside. Our math teacher suffered from hypertension again on the spot and fainted. .....

16, one day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. The hostess asked Zorro, "What should I do when my husband comes back?" Zorro said, "It's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below. " If you hear three knocks at the door, my husband will come back. Zorro said: I see. After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. If it's too late, it will be soon. Zorro jumped out of bed and suddenly jumped out of the window. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door. I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, "Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor."

12, Americans, British, China and Japanese discuss their military affairs together.

The Japanese said, "We advocate Bushido and are not afraid of sacrifice. I dare to hold the apple on my head and let you test your marksmanship. " So he put an apple on his head.

The American turned and walked back 20 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

I'm hunter.

The Japanese put another apple on his head.

The Englishman turned and walked back 50 steps, then walked back with a gun, and the apple was smashed. He proudly said:

I'm Bond.

The Japanese put a small apple on their heads.

China people turned and took three steps back, then turned and shot, and their heads were blown off. He proudly said:

I'm sorry .........................

● When I was a child, I listened to "I bowed my head to the ravine" and always thought it was "my head in the ravine". ● "Once in a thousand years, wait once-"Some people listened to it: "A thousand years of female ghosts, female ghosts-"● The ending song of the super variety show: "Goodbye, goodbye, meet in front of the color screen ... The title said:" Ah, the performance has started! " After listening to it for a long time, I always thought what he said was "Ah, wild boar shit! "Ji Gong sang:" Where there is injustice, there is no me. "That's right. Where there is injustice on the ground, there will of course be a "nest"! ● I didn't understand the phrase "always keep your eyes open" in Descendants of the Dragon at first, but I always heard that it was "forever two years away". I've been wondering why it has to be two years later. How many good sisters do you have? There is a saying, "Why does every girl marry a tear?". How should I listen? It is "why every girl should marry a human"! My high school classmate told me that when he was a child, he listened to "The Red Sun on the Border" as "The Red Sun in Transformers"! At that time, he didn't know what the "border region" was, but he remembered it clearly. Every evening, he can see the red sunset in the west of the village. The most terrible thing is that there is a transformer high in the west of their village. At night, he happened to see a red sun on the transformer. So my classmates have been puzzled: why do songwriters know that the transformer in their village is in the west? ● In Andy Lau's China People, "How many dreams have been hidden in five thousand years" sounds like "How many dreams have been hidden in Jacklyn Wu". Strange, maybe they have a saying …● "The most romantic thing I can think of is to grow old with you" and "The most romantic thing I can think of is to sell computers with you … "● Accidentally sang" Geji, Geji, Geji, Aunt Wash the spittoon ... "● "Learn from Lei Feng and set a good example ... Stand firm, and the beans will be. Because beans are patriotic. That's how I always understood it. ● "... Our motherland is a garden, and the flowers in the garden are really bright. The warm sunshine shines on us, and everyone laughs ... "When I was a child, I heard the last two sentences:' The sunshine in Henan shines on us, and Americans laugh', which was suppressed for many years ... ● When I was a child, I heard someone sing:" We sat on the high ashes. "Listening to my mother's past stories ..." I feel terrible. I didn't know the lyrics until high school: "... beside the grain pile ..." ● Listening to Jordan chan's new album "Hug", the style has changed and it is very affectionate. After listening to all the way, I suddenly heard Jordan chan sing "Little Beast" frequently. Be more careful, yes, the whole sentence seems to be "Let the world call the little beast". Is there a problem? Only after reading the lyrics did I know: "I can make the whole world laugh!" " Alas! ● There is a song that I still think is: "A Group of March 8th Dances". I don't know which one it is-Forget the samba. Have you heard Jacky Cheung's "The ending is not the result I want"-"... I'm not the one waiting at the window ..." My friends and I have heard it many times. ● "Make me sad or get drunk ..." in the theme song of Richie Jen's The Condor Heroes always hears "Yang Guo is sad or Yang Guo is drunk ..." Hey! Why do you always have a problem with the hero? ! ! Do you remember the Hometown Cloud written by ChristianRandPhillips-"... Come, come, come ... (Come back, come back)"? At first glance, I was really shocked. ● A classmate from the countryside is listening to May's Sisters ... You are my sister and you are my baby! "After listening for two days, I finally spoke:" How does this woman sing? Why my sister's and my uncle's? ? "When I was in junior high school, a classmate listened to A Zhe's Love Like Tide and asked me doubtfully," Why did he sing' Promise me you won't line up in the middle of the night'? "● When I first listened to Tong Ange's Ye Lian Girl, I heard" ... wild donkey, mysterious wild donkey ... "I pondered it for quite a while! When it comes to unclear articulation, Jay Chou is the first. He hummed a song: "Little bitch, little bitch, little bitch, little bitch ..." I sang along as soon as I heard it, and I was scolded by my girlfriend before I realized that my brother was singing "Jay Chou, Jay Chou, Jay Chou ..." Some people called themselves little bitches? ● Another one, which has nothing to do with lyrics, is an advertisement. Have you seen Sofitel Cecilia Cheung slimming advertisement? Cecilia Cheung walked out gracefully with her hands around her waist, and two beautiful women beside her watched with envy. Beauty Zhang said, "Why not use Sofitel Hotel?" I heard, "Why not hold it in your hand? "I thought Beauty Zhang thought his waist was too thin, afraid of breaking it, so he told everyone to hold it with their hands and be careful not to break it! It took me a long time to communicate with my friends before I knew the truth. Everyone laughed! @ Jay Chou's "The Last Battle" has "I will accompany you", and all I hear is "I sneeze" and then think of "I have a runny nose"

1 1 1. In an ancient mountain village, an ancient village was discovered. Because they have been isolated from the outside world for generations, just like people in Taoyuan, the outside world has a strong interest in them. So a beautiful female reporter went to this backward mountain village to interview the locals.

The object of her interview is an old man in his fifties. After learning about their isolated life from generation to generation, the female reporter was greatly surprised and then curious, so she planned to describe the joys and sorrows of their isolated life.

"Excuse me, what's your happiest thing these years?" The curious female reporter asked.

"One winter, the third sheep next door was lost." The old man said.

"What is there to be happy about losing a sheep?" Female reporters are more curious.

"After the sheep was lost, dozens of us went up the mountain with torches, searched for three days and three nights, and finally found it in a corner of the back mountain," said the old man, squinting.

"It was very late when I found it, and there was a tent in front of our house to rest in the snow. It is windy outside. We are bored. So everyone took turns to fuck the sheep. Cool! "

The female reporter obviously felt a little embarrassed, and she wanted to avoid this topic. So she interrupted the old man and asked if there were any other happy things.

"One winter, the new daughter-in-law of the old horse family in front lost her way in the mountains." The old man said.

"Did you find it?" The female reporter asked.

"We found dozens of people for three days and three nights, and finally found it in the back corner. So we pressed the tent to rest. It's windy at night in winter. We are all bored. So we take turns to fuck Ma Lao's new wife, not to mention how cool it is. " The old man said, knocking on his pipe.

The female reporter felt even more embarrassed. She decided to steer clear of this topic. So she asked, is there anything to be sad about these decades of isolated life?

The old man's face suddenly changed, his hands began to tremble, and he could hardly catch his cigarette. Two turbid tears rolled out of deep-set eyes. His lips trembled several times, and his body seemed to be shaking. After a long silence, he said:

. . . .

I lost it one winter. . . . . . .

8. When the Minister of Family Planning visited the countryside, he met an old farmer and asked, "Hometown, do you know why close relatives can't get married?" The old farmer rubbed his hands and said lightly: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe, relatives, it's too familiar to start.

9. Imperial edict: Bring goods to heaven, and the emperor summoned: Because you don't love me, you are not allowed to shit for three days, and you are not allowed to bring paper to your death! Respect this. Take the paper.

"What happened after I found it?" The female reporter asked curiously.

Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest one day. He said: I am Liu Hongtao, and the foreign guest said: I am Fang Qi!