Humorous sentences that tease life

1. The so-called net worm wants to click the underline with the mouse even if he sees it in a magazine.

2. To marry a wife should be to marry Xiao Shao, to make friends should be Ling Huchong, and to be a man should be Qiao Feng, and to come out and go back to Wei Xiaobao.

If being rich is a mistake, I'd rather make it again.

The strength of a man is the RMB in your pocket.

When I love you, I am what you say. What do you say you are when I don't love you?

6. The crowd searched for her for thousands of Baidu and set foot on the road. Suddenly looking back and looking around, there are countless uncles and aunts. Occasionally, beautiful women patronize, or married women, and most of the rest are basically ugly.

7. An old lady has been squatting in a jar for a long time. Give her more time to breathe fresh air.

8. Sing to me when you are happy and let you go.

9. You are still laughing at me when I urinate frequently.

10. Some things, some people, some scenery, once looked at each other, even for a moment, are eternal.

1 1. You can escape the monk, but you can't escape the abbot.

12. Now the raw rice has been cooked into porridge.

13. Spitting is used to count money, not to make sense.

14. Bet me that it's not what you want, it's what I have.

15. You talk to them until midnight every day. How can they have time to create human beings?

16. Take a breath inside and fart outside.

17. Try not to make any noise if possible.

18. A diaper that can resist flood water is the real diaper!

19. You are dressed dangerously, but you look safe.

20. Do you believe in Christianity or cock crow?

2 1. You go your sunny way and I'll go my underground way.

22. Get up earlier than a chicken, sleep later than a cat, and earn less hair than a bald man.

Pretending to be mature is the act of dressing up in the old room.

24. It suddenly occurred to me that since I got glasses, I dare not go out.

I am so lonely that even my desire is broken.

Give me a pair of chopsticks. I can eat the whole earth.

27. Don't bother me, don't bother me again, I'll be out of the pit soon.

28. Don't look back, I only love your back.

29. I smoke because it hurts my lungs, and I am not sad.

30. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.

3 1. When there is a legend in the Jianghu, I'm sorry for the audience.

I won't tell you if you kill me. You haven't done a honey trap yet!

33. Marble insoles are shameless.

34. If you fool around, you will get bored sooner or later.

35. I'll hit you if I hit you. Do we have to choose a date?

36. Play a little mahjong and have a spicy meal. Find a small object, life is like this.

37. In this era when everything is rising in price, I am suddenly delighted to find that the air is not rising in price, but there are more and more materials.

38. So far, three apples have changed the world: one seduced Eve, one awakened Newton, and one was held by Jobs.

39. Now Beijing only breathes and farts without waiting in line.

40. Even if you are already taken, I will replace another flower with another.

4 1. Goose, goose, cut the curve with a knife, pluck the hair and add water, light the pot and cover it!

42. Why doesn't the country study bulletproof vests with your face?

43. Are you a dung ball rolled out of the dung beetles floor by Wang Cai, a rookie dog raised by Huashan mentally retarded master?

44. You are not a policeman in my mind, so you have no right to interfere in my direction.

45. Your smile is brighter than shit in the sun.

46. Those who always say that others are pretending to be forced, you are not even pretending to be forced.

I don't hate you because I don't want to remember you.

48. Confucius said: Journey to the West means the Monkey King chanting incantations, and Tang Priest went crazy.

49. Others laugh at me for being too slutty, and I laugh at others for not being open.

50. It's raining. Don't forget to take an umbrella. If you get wet, gonorrhea will be in trouble!

5 1. I have lived for more than 20 years and have never done anything for my country and people. Every time I think about it, my heart aches.

52. Think about the salary, forget it, and don't want to live.

53. The so-called simplicity, those with wings are angels, and those without wings are idiots.

54. Mixing is better than cooking, and soaring is better than second place.

Life is like anxiety. There is no accurate lyrics, but it is thrilling.

56. Get up earlier than a chicken, go to bed later than a cat, and earn less hair than a bald man.

57. Play a little mahjong and have a spicy meal. Find a small object, life is like this.

58. When there are legends in the rivers and lakes, if it is not full of storms, I am sorry for the audience.

59. Everything has a price, and the price of happiness is pain.

60. I am small-minded, but I don't lack it. I have a good temper, but I don't lack it!

6 1. You'd better let me kneel on the washboard. Kneeling on the electric heater is really unbearable!

62. Women like two kinds of flowers best in life: one is to spend money, and the other is to spend as much as possible!

63. Two love birds, a pair of poor butterflies.

64. I won't bend over when money falls from the sky, because even pies don't fall from the sky, let alone money.

65. Everyone has a dark side. If you say you are simple, I can only say that you are not human!

66. Sometimes, everything is false except that the lies are true!

67. Yuanyang played with water and all his mother drowned; Fly with me, you fucking fell dead!

68. Wise people speak by experience, but smarter people don't speak by experience.

69. A dream is not a dream if it is too easy to realize, but without a dream, the reality is dark.

70. Sometimes it is called scheming, and sometimes it is called scheming.

7 1. Lost because you are always comparing with others.

72. If you come out of the mud, you won't be dyed, and then if you go back to the mud, you won't be dyed either.

73. TV, a square box that laughs at lonely people.

Even if happiness only reveals a thread, she has the ability to pull it out and knit it into a sweater.

75. It is foolish to treat beauty as capital, but it is wise to treat beauty as energy.

76. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes it.

77. When you go out, there are no birds in hundreds of mountains and no footprints in thousands of roads.

78. I feel bad today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I quit.

79. No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

80. Of course, fat people can be confident, but if you can't lose weight, you have to lose weight.

8 1. Thanks to being a fat man, he can pinch his stomach when he is sad.

82. People who say I don't need to lose weight are all bad people.

83. I won't go to a men's clothing store to find a dress that suits me.

84. I was going to thin into a lightning bolt this year to light up your eyes, but I didn't want to become a nut wall and block your sight.

85. When traveling romantically, you won't smooth the back belt of your boyfriend's bicycle.

86. Go shopping with your boyfriend in summer, and he won't always want to walk in the shade behind you.

87. People who come face to face turn around because of appreciation rather than curiosity.

88. How much cosmetics can you save by losing a small face?

89. It's easy to get into the bus and subway.

90. You know, it's a shame to tell the salesgirl if there are any extra-large clothes. But the clothes here are too fat, but you can safely say.

9 1. Even the king of Tonga ordered the whole country to lose weight.

92. Genetics tells us calmly that cross-species love is doomed to have no good result.

93. Old Moon! Can you not marry me with the inferior red rope from the cottage? From time to time.

94. He Wenxuan once said to Li Qingyuan: The reason why you are not gay is because you haven't met a man who makes your heart beat.

Bah! My ears tingle. Is that what you want to tell me?

96. I can't lengthen the length of life, but I can expand the width of life. You only look thin when I am fat, lest I look ugly when I am thin.

97. The only two things I can do in my study career are watching the results of academic shows and watching couples show their love.

98. Our country is rich in population and resources. But why can't so many men get married? Is it because of the shackles of feudal thought that the proportion and number of men and women have been disrupted, or because of the retrogression of society, polygamy has begun again?

99. I really want to be an animal when I am impulsive, even if it is just a hardworking animal. Listen to your master's orders and don't feel helpless. Or simply take grafting and have a thorough sex-change operation. Run to the crowd to make up for mistakes and let compatriots have another way out.

100. Singles Day is here. Birds fall in love, ants live together, flies get pregnant, mosquitoes miscarry, butterflies divorce, caterpillars remarry and frogs have children. What are you waiting for?

Humorous sentences that make fun of friends

1, bus congestion is a comprehensive sport including Sanda, yoga, judo and balance beam.

Don't challenge my password with your Trojan horse. classic quotations

The doctor told me to do photosynthesis and not to stay up late.

4, little girl, give uncle a smile, don't laugh, uncle will give you a smile.

You haven't been doing well recently, and you haven't contacted me much. You have to apologize to me and invite me to dinner, otherwise I will see you on the telephone number wall, with a marriage hotline written in front and a condition added at the back. It's up to you.

6, people can't extricate themselves, except teeth and love.

I really want to make money into my hobby.

8, the explanation is cover-up, cover-up is equal to not being excellent, not being excellent is better than going home to rest!

9. In Egypt, a man can have four wives, which is very tiring. China is better.

10, fish farming is very troublesome. I have to change the water once a week, which I often forget. Then I have to change the fish once a week.

1 1, I asked for leave and met my teacher. My eyes are getting smaller, my hair is getting less, and people are getting older.

12, endure or be cruel.

13, you don't know what dependence is until you lose your belt.

14, the so-called natural awakening is actually awakened by urine.

15. If you feel cold, please call me! Please talk about feelings, work and life, introduce me, invite me to dinner, and hang up when you borrow money from me.

16, outside the Qingshan Building outside the mountain, you and San Xiao are going to jump off the building, and I'll shout come on downstairs.

17, the tortoise and the snake only have one ticket to go to the movies. The tortoise wrapped the snake around his neck. When he entered the park, the ticket inspector said, stop the car. The tortoise and snake panicked, the ticket inspector sarcastically said, look at your tortoise, still wearing a tie!

18, I am trying to write a poem. Only two people in the world know it. Now I am laughing and a fool is reading it.

19. If you wake up in the heat at night, don't forget to cover your roommate with a quilt.

20. I don't like to talk when I eat chocolate, lest a mouth make people think I'm eating shit.

2 1, in late autumn, leaves dance with the wind; The cold wind makes people feel slightly sad. It really hurts me to see you shivering in the wind. I walked beside you and shyly took off my coat for you: take it to wash and do something to keep warm.

22. The master is away. Where have you been? Just, just don't tell you! If you really want to find it, please press and hold the computer power button for two seconds and then leave a message.

No matter how happy a bachelor is, he will get married sooner or later. Happiness is not permanent!

24. If God wants to destroy a person, he will go crazy, but I have been crazy for so long. Why didn't God destroy me?

25. Love you forever; Pet you and never get tired of it; I love you every minute; Protect you, ups and downs; I can't eat a day without you, because I can't eat without you!

26. A true warrior dares to face his face without makeup.

27. Now you scold me because you don't know me yet. When you get to know me later, you will definitely hit me.

28, don't look at me thin, I am full of muscles; Although I am black, my face is glowing.

29. I am a mute, and I usually speak in disguise.

30. Pigs have pig thoughts, and people have thoughts. If a pig has a mind, it is not a pig, but a pig.

3 1, if you are sad, just squat down and hug yourself.

32. I have been determined to be a wise man since I was a child, but I have only succeeded in half, and I am still in the second half.

33. What do you like about me? Can't I change it?

34. The plot is beautiful after all.

I can only describe your beauty as a vegetable. Face is melon seeds. The waist is willow leaves. Eyebrows are willow leaves. Eyes are longan. The mouth is cherry. Hands are lotus roots.

36. Low-key doesn't mean no accent.

37. When I passed you, I felt my heart beat faster, as if something on my body had been hooked by you. I didn't react until you were about to leave, so I shouted: thief, don't run!

38. Although he came to An, he was gentle and neat, and he could not see the elegance of Qin figurines at all.

39. The country is beautiful, the country is beautiful, the fish sinks, the geese fall, the flowers are harvested, the flowers are beautiful, and the color and art are all good. Don't be ashamed to admit it, I know that my image in your mind must be like this!

40. Throw away what you can't keep as far as possible. You might bump into something and bounce back.

4 1, you have to eat a little properly to lose weight.

42. What makes us unhappy are trivial things. We can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly.

43, the wife is valuable, and the child is more expensive; If you are lovers, you can throw them both.

44. I am proud of my flat chest. I save cloth for the country.

45. Your teeth are like the stars in the sky, brightly colored and far apart.

46. The weather is as hot as a joke and the days are like nonsense.

47. When time and patience are luxuries, we can only get to know each other through horoscopes.

48. I'm happy and carefree. I'm really infatuated with you. I'm worried about you. I've always been very sad and obsessed. I dare not change my mind. Don't be suspicious. I'm worried about writing it, and I'm afraid you're careless.

49. When I met God that day, he said that he would grant me a wish. I said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to handle. I took out your photo, hoping that he would make you more beautiful. God took your picture and said, take the globe and I'll look at it again.

50. Living wastes air, dying wastes land and dying wastes RMB.

5 1, I am too imperfect to bear your perfect love.

52. Some people are good-looking, some are ugly, and some are in between. It's ugly.

53. The most successful thing in a woman's life is to choose the right man.

9 1. If the quilt is the grave of youth, I would rather die in it.

92. You are too short! Let me borrow your telescope to see more clearly. Am I not handsome?

93. Don't always watch AV, and don't look at what is behind the letters A and V on the keyboard.

94. Try not to make any noise if you can. Try not to leave anyone alive!

95. Don't ask me questions. Baidu knows more than I do. Ask him if you have any questions.

96. I want the whole world to know that I keep a low profile.

97. Parents fool their children to call education, children fool their parents to call deception, and fool each other to call the generation gap.

98. Wear cheap goods and Wenzhou shoes, and the total amount of the whole body does not exceed 200 yuan. Only the bag in hand can be regarded as a high-grade leather bag, because its English name is Gaojipibao.

99. Really forced, dare to face your face without thickness.

100, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

10 1. When the fat mother applied for the membership card, she said, I am now 29 years old and a few months old. The staff looked at it and said doubtfully, how many months has it been? Fat mother struggled for a long time and said that it has been 66 months.

102, on the lonely road, only shadows accompany me.

103, since you stopped chatting with me, my internet speed has been much faster.

104, Meimei Meimei I love you, like a mouse loves rice, you are my bread when I am hungry, you are my fruit knife when I commit suicide, you are my heart, you are my liver, and you are three quarters of my life!

105, I am relieved to know that you are not doing well.

106, the wolf must be very rich, and the property price is so high. His home is very big.

107, your phone bill balance is insufficient, please recharge it according to the prompt: burn a hundred-dollar bill to ashes, open the back cover of the mobile phone, pour in the ashes and cover it again. Thank you for your cooperation!

108, I am online, you are offline, I am invisible, you are online, I am alive, why don't you die?

109, a face of false prosperity.

1 10, with a grain of salt, it is the sea that loses his temper.

1 1 1, baby, I love you just like a mouse loves rice. You are a phoenix flying in the sky. I am a jackal chasing on the ground. I won't hit you or scold you. I torture you with my feelings.

1 12, a plum in the mountains, who do you love? I want to get along with you, and no one can stop me. I turn yellow as soon as I go to bed. I'm crazy. I will do it when it is yellow. I'm so cool.

1 13, you have the right to remain silent, but we will silence you soon.

1 14, don't look back, I only love your back.

1 15, the autumn wind whirled in the sky on September 9, and you shook your head and looked up at the sky in the cool of September 9. It's raining hard. I stood behind you and snickered. What are you still looking at? Give me your blessing quickly. Idiot!

1 16, if it does not harm people, it will contribute to society.

1 17, I am kind, but the reality has always been forced into prostitution.

1 18, the flowers on the other side are beautiful, just because they bloom on the other side.

1 19. When I became a swan, you were still an egg.

120, if my life is a movie, you are a pop-up advertisement.

12 1. When I was a child, I liked hide and seek. When all my friends are hiding. I will go home.

122, if you want to be loved by others, you must first make yourself worthy of love, not for a day or a week, but forever.

54. I have been suffering from insomnia recently. I wake up every 16 hours.

55, commitment, who can bear such a heavy, hypocritical.

56. All relationships that do not aim at marriage are obscene hooligans, and all relationships that aim at marriage are upper-class hooligans.

57. Legend has it that you are cruel. You are lying opposite the theater, occupying four seats. When someone calls you up, you just mumble and don't move. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Which way? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

58. The boy I once loved had the most handsome back in the world.

59. Many people in school dress so dangerously. Fortunately, they are safe!

60, memories in the traces of years, precipitated a good-looking look. Be careful not to spray humorous sentences that tease friends.

6 1, one day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

62. The students are going to Japan, and everyone is seeing them off. A buddy said: See you later, I guess I can only download it!

63. The second row of letters on the keyboard means: I cried after falling in love with each other, and vice versa: it is love to attack and defend.

64. Lie down where you fell.

65. Geographical representative: Don't say that I am your classmate after graduation! I can't lose this man. And! The area of China is square kilometers, not square meters!

66. If you eat it, you will never spit it out again, so think about love before you eat it.

67. Life is only three days, and people who live in yesterday are confused; Those who live in tomorrow wait; People who live in the present are the most practical.

68. How many words do you know about eating shit? Do you find yourself eating shit?

I envy you knowing me at such a young age.

70. Don't argue with people who have no quality, because it's like wrestling with pigs. It is not honorable to win, but even more shameful to lose.

7 1, clear water means no fish; Being cheap is invincible!

72, according to statistics, more than 99. 9% people who look like pig heads use thumb buttons to read text messages! Hey, hey, don't change hands, it's too late, pig!

Classic sentences of humor and ridicule

Classic sentences of humor and ridicule

1. You see, there are always so many things that make you sad in the world: lack of rain or shine, joys and sorrows, impotence and premature ejaculation.

No one has died since ancient times, and you don't need paper to shit!

Those who sow with tears will surely reap with a smile.

4. Go with the flow if you can't be strong, and be stable if you can't be strong.

Most people only do three things in their lives: deceive themselves, deceive others and be bullied!

6. If you take care of the seeds in your hand, it is the most thorough abandonment of the seeds ―― the same is true for children.

7. If you look like a steamed stuffed bun, don't blame the dog for following.

8. My life is always different from their calculations. I don't know whether they are wrong or I am wrong.

9. Give yourself an English name, called Pressure Mountain.

10. I like black! Black is more attractive, and the most important thing is that it has super hiding ability and is not afraid of dirt!

1 1. Only women and English are sad, and only wives and jobs are hard to find.

12. Mom said that the food is very expensive recently and the money is very cheap.

13. Learn more, be less proud, take advantage of opportunities and get rid of laziness.

14. Speaking of neutral wind: When a man and a woman walk side by side, can Ann tell whether I am a man or a woman?

15. Compared with conquering ourselves, all the victories are insignificant.

16. Snails can't walk fast because of the heavy load.

17. Married people do not necessarily fall in love after marriage; Those who are married in free love are not necessarily free after marriage.

18. "Queqiao" is an illegal animal protection law and an illegal temporary building, but people have existed for thousands of years. This is the most illegal building!

19. When your opponent praises you, you should consider what you did wrong.

20. If you don't like me, I will sing with you.

2 1. Stop dreaming and study hard!

22. The beauty of life stems from your love for life; The innocence of friendship comes from your sincere treatment of friends.

23. The premise of a person's luck is actually that he has the ability to change himself.

24. When the sauce of instant noodles changes from liquid to solid, otaku will know that summer is gone. ...

25. God didn't give me much responsibility, but it still made me heartache and tired.

26. Wonderful message for men to work overtime on weekends: Woman, you slowly clean up the house at home, and I will go out to sweep the world for you.

27. Failure is not terrible, the key is to see if this failure is a successful mother.

28. You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a temper. You should live bravely to set off the beauty of the world.

29. Cherish every encounter, remember every happiness, care about every separation, enjoy every romance, bless every love, and wish the world a lover.

30. You acupuncture in one second, and I will solve it all my life.

3 1. I will dream when I take a nap at this moment; Study now, and you will realize your dream.

People often lament the lack of beauty in life, because they lack a pair of eyes to find beauty.

33. People are iron and fans are steel.

Leave it to me, you don't have to worry. There is nothing wrong.

35. The core of grassroots dinner is rice, the core of elite dinner is bureau, and the core of celebrity dinner is celebrity.

36. It is a mirror, always reflecting light ... It is gold, and it will always be used up!

37. Only those who have experienced severe cold know the warmth of the sun; Only those who have experienced the hardships of life can understand the value of life.

38. Handsome is useless! Finally, I was eaten by a chess piece!

39. I haven't seen the World Cup. I don't know. wolves have more meat than meat. I don't know Zidane, I don't know that I have a bad temper; I have never seen Yao Ming, and I don't know that he is too young; I don't know O 'Neill, and I don't know that I am a bird.

40. What is good luck? That is, I spent two dollars on the lottery and won five million. On the way to receive the prize, I bowed my head and picked up two more dollars.

4 1. lovelorn, you can look for it in spring; If you lose your will, you must sharpen it in winter.

42. What a person shows off shows what he lacks in his heart.

When you feel that the whole world has abandoned you, please believe that she just turned her back and brewed a better hug.

44. Not every effort will be rewarded, but every effort must be paid.

45. Excuse me! I'm already dead! But thank you for coming to see me! See you at eight tonight!

46. If you hate me, I don't mind at all. I don't live to please you.

47. The more proud people are, the more they hide, and the more miserable people are, the more they make a mountain out of a molehill.

48. The ideal of life is the ideal life.

49. Don't be a character when you are happy; Don't answer other people's books angrily.

50. If there is no health insurance and life insurance, don't try to be brave after dark.