Give me 10 homophonic jokes ~ thank you for your questions.

1, homophonic joke: At a village meeting, because of homophonic, the village head said, "Rabbit, shrimp, don't burn melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk. Let's have a meeting now. The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits, shrimps and dogs ate today's meal. Everyone is chinemys reevesii." Comrades and villagers, we have enough food today. Let's all use big bowls. The newly appointed county magistrate here is from Shandong province. Because he had to pay the bill, he said to his master, "buy me two bamboo poles." As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and ran to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You know better! " The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears. Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" " The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " ""Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first. A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. When he decided to be a chicken, he immediately changed his mind and said, "Who will you give it to if you don't give it to Zhang San?" Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!" The landlord replied: "That sentence just now was' nonsense (chicken talk)', and now this sentence is' play it by ear (chicken talk)'." 4. A commodity salesman has a business trip to Guangzhou. When he arrived in Beijing, he wanted to go by plane. He was afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, so he sent a telegram to the manager: "There was an opportunity. Did you seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can." When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's reply and the manager was dumbfounded. On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more formal. During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is shy." Then raise your glass to toast everyone, raise your head and drink it off, and then say, "I'm from Yangon." 6. The headmaster is angry. At the school affairs meeting at the end of the term, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management. He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong; Don't be an official! "7. In the middle school class, the teacher of the course of socialist economic theory (hereinafter referred to as social economics) is angrily reading out the exam results: everyone failed in this social economics exam. Obviously, you didn't spend your energy on social economics. In fact, social economics is a very simple course. If you work hard, you will get the result. Look at the following results: Yang Wei failed in social economics. During the self-defense counterattack against Vietnam, one day the Vietnamese side sent female soldiers to attack our position, and the scouts ran up panting: "Report to the company commander, Vietnamese female soldiers are advancing upwards!" Glancing at the company commander again, he waved calmly and gave the order: "All right, comrades, attack. "After some fierce fighting, the investigators reported again:" Report to the company commander that most of the Vietnamese female soldiers were annihilated and the rest fled in fear. Are you clear? If you don't understand, read it out loud in Mandarin. The first story is homophonic in two places, and the second story is homophonic everywhere. Did you get a look at him? 8. You are dying. A lady crossing the street lost her key. A kind gentleman picked it up for her and said to her, "You dropped your key." The wife flew into a rage when she heard someone say that she was "dying". She slapped her husband and turned away ... 9. Eat ... An old farmer carried watermelons, no, a young man helped him up. The old farmer was so grateful that he immediately cut a watermelon and said to the young man, "You eat shit (big braid) and I eat urine (pigtails)!" "10, the fact is that there is a man and a woman eating. Girls keep asking boys if you love me. The boy looked at the girl and went on eating dinner. The girl was very angry and asked, Do you love me? The boy finally said: I love girls. Ask, how do you prove it? Suddenly, the boy took out thirty dollars from his pocket and asked the girl, do you have ten dollars? The girl gave the boy ten dollars, and the boy put forty dollars on the table for a while ... The girl was very angry and asked the boy: Do you want to prove that you love me? The boy said: I have been proved! Forty is just around the corner!