Tell a joke that can make me laugh, 50 points. I have seen many jokes, many of which are classic. Now I basically don't laugh at jokes, which is more troublesome.

During the Songkran Festival, everyone splashed water on each other to bless them. Suddenly a man scolded: Shit, who spilled water on me? Others advised that throwing you is a blessing.

Don't do that, the curse said. Who threw boiling water at me?

Waiting for the bus

I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I chased it and shouted, "Master, wait!" "

Me, master, wait for me! ......"

This is a passenger sticking his head out of the window and saying to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

3. What a shame

Outside the delivery room of the hospital, a group of men are waiting to be new fathers. A nurse hurried out of the delivery room and said to one of them

"Congratulations, your wife is born!"

Another man threw his cigarette butt on the ground, jumped up and shouted, "How dare you! I got there before him. Why hasn't it been my turn yet? "

give/have an acupuncture treatment

A Jia went to the hospital for a health check-up, and the nurse took a needle to draw blood for him. A Jia looked at the shiny needle and couldn't help asking, "Will it hurt?" I'm afraid of pain! The nurse said, "Don't worry, I have been a nurse for more than 20 years." ... "Someone said," Great, I'm relieved! "Then the nurse put the needle down and only heard a scream like killing a pig. The nurse slowly connected:" It doesn't hurt. "

Outoutwit oneself

In the bar, George is drinking beer alone. He suddenly felt that he was going to the bathroom. He was afraid that someone would steal his beer after he left, so he wrote a note on the table: "I spit in the cup." When he came back, he found another sentence added to the paper: "I threw up, too." . . .

6.it's too loud

Zhuge Liang is a master of eight stunts, one of which is ventriloquism. It is said that Zhuge Liang discussed with Liu Bei in his account this day. Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, but he was afraid of being heard by Liu Bei. I'm really sorry. He had a brainwave and said, "Master, how about I call you a woodpecker to adjust the atmosphere?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the woodpecker and barked twice, then took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked, "What's the matter, master? Do I learn like it? " Liu Bei said, "Learn it again. You farted too loudly just now. I didn't see it. "

7.

There is an ugly girl who has never been married and hopes to be trafficked. One day, her dream finally came true and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper thought she was ugly and sent her back to her original place. The woman insisted on not getting off the bus. The kidnapper gnashed his teeth and said, go! No car!

8. In Spring Festival travel rush, the train was so crowded that a gentleman stuck his ass out of the window when he stopped. The inspector at the bottom of the car found it and shouted: the fat man with the cigar pulled his head back.

9. I saw a penny on the side of the road, and I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. I *, his niang of, who spit so round?

10. In a military performance, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and there stood a farmer in Tanaka, his clothes were torn and his face was dark. He said with tears in his eyes, stealing a cabbage is worth shelling?

1 1. Remember the military training under the tree that year? The coach said to the students, "Count off in the first row!" You looked at the coach in surprise, and the coach said loudly, "Count off!" " "So, reluctantly, you turned and hugged the tree!

12. The weather is hot and cold, so it's hard to calm down this season. I always miss you in the distance. I would like to keep a homing pigeon and let it fly to your place every day, even if all I can do is a simple action: pull a shit on your head!

13.

One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man! The female driver was also furious: I don't think you can fucking pay for it!

14. A village woman went to town for the first time and wanted to go to the toilet. She didn't meet for a long time, so she asked the policeman, Comrade, there is a public toilet in front. Where is the mother toilet?

15. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" "The patient smiled and said," baby. "

16. An old friend lost his car. When he put the new car downstairs, he locked three locks and put a piece of paper: let you steal it! The next day, the car was not lost, and two locks and a piece of paper were added, which read: Let you ride!

17. The teacher asked the physical education committee to make sure that all the girls in the class were here, so he said to him, "Go and clean up all the girls in the class." The Sports Commission was a little goat and asked, "Which one?" Teacher @ # ... ￥%

Super funny posts of teachers and students on campus-absent-minded and late for class

1, everyone knows that wearing headphones will make a lot of noise, but they just don't know it. Once in an English class, the teacher asked everyone to study by themselves after class. One of my classmates wears headphones to listen to music (of course this is not allowed). In order not to let the teacher see it, he asked the students next to him to watch it and said loudly, "The teacher is coming to call me!" " ! As a result, the teacher heard the voice and asked him, what is it?

2. When I was a monitor in junior high school, I was once in geography class, and the teacher dragged me out of the classroom. I am so absorbed in reading a novel that I don't care if I am in class. A classmate next to him complained to himself, "Class is over." I thought the class was over, so I shouted "Stand up" and became quiet. I feel all eyes are on me. The teacher smiled and said, "You want to rebel (it is reasonable for her to drag the class).

3. One of my high school classmates was late for school at noon. The class teacher showed him his watch at the door and said nothing, which means: What time is it? My classmate looked at his watch and said, this watch is not mine.

In English class, the classroom is very quiet. Suddenly, my two male classmates, A: Easy, very painful. B: Nothing. It's not plugged in yet. Hehe, the whole class is in uproar. ...

Do you know what they are doing? B is buttoning her nails with earwax!

There is a math teacher (female) in junior high school who is very violent. My deskmate (male) asked her a difficult question after class. She thought for a moment and said something we will never forget: "I'm sorry, good things have come these days, but I can't do it ..."

6. In English class, the high heels of the beautiful woman next to me accidentally scraped the ground. Suddenly, a shrill voice pierced the sky. The English teacher stopped and looked at us in confusion. The beauty next to her didn't respond, pretending to be reserved. I was the only one who laughed, so our English teacher asked, "Were you screaming just now?"

7. A junior high school Chinese teacher drooled while giving a lecture and gave a lecture one day. Speaking of excitement, the students in the front row said they saw a rainbow. A history teacher in high school gave an impassioned lecture and a hidden weapon flew out of his mouth. When he looked carefully, his false teeth ...

8. In primary school, two boys chased each other and were caught by the headmaster. They tied the two men in tandem with a rope and let them run n times around the playground.

9. In the sixth grade of elementary school, a boy had ink in his mouth, and then he sprayed B boy all over. Boys B went to the class teacher to complain, and the class teacher said to boys A, Do you still drink ink and eat shit? The boy turned and left. The class teacher looked a little scared and sent another boy to see what he was doing.

10. In high school, there was a handsome boy who taught chemistry. Even in class, he likes to dump his elegant long bangs. Finally, one day, my head shook-"Bang", and the teacher squatted down on the spot, covering his forehead and standing for five minutes with tears in his eyes. Since then, I have never seen him shake his hair in class.

1 1. The high school teacher talks about analytic geometry: Suppose I have a P, now, I put this P here. ...

12 another time, the school prepared a broadcast gymnastics program for one or two hundred people for the opening test of the sports meeting. Every morning and afternoon, students practice very hard. One day, the principal got angry and began to give lectures (the principal's greatest specialty is growling). Suddenly, a white thing fell out of his mouth, and the headmaster immediately picked it up and stuffed it into his pocket. Then he was silent. The students laughed again.

13, a sexy class teacher in junior high school, an old man in his fifties, was bored in self-study one day. He went to the desk of a girl in my class and greeted her kindly: "* * *, what is your mother doing at home?"

14, junior high school physics teacher, Mandarin is super-nonstandard. It took us about 1 month to basically understand his speaking routines. One day, he walked into the classroom very angrily, threw his exercise book on the table and said, Half of the students didn't make ducks yesterday. Listen carefully, there are no ducks today. Please invite all your parents to meet me! Alas ..... we are all speechless, we are all ducks ~ ~ ~