Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Once upon a time, there was a mountain with a landscape (I fell in love with the fairy fox in my previous life).

Once upon a time, there was a mountain with a landscape (I fell in love with the fairy fox in my previous life).

At the top of the misty mountain, there is a dilapidated Taoist temple, in which there is only an old Taoist and a young Taoist.

On this day, the seven-year-old little Taoist pulled the old Taoist's robe and said piteously, "Master, master, can you tell my apprentice a story?"

"The story? Let's think about the teacher ... "The old Taoist stroked his sparse baby beard and said to himself: This Taoist temple is sparsely populated all the year round. I was worried to death when I saw that the incense was not answered. What's the story?

Since the God of War put down the dragon 500 years ago, there is no monster in the world who can make waves. Occasionally, some little devils are out of fashion, so they pack up conveniently and get less and less pay. If this situation continues, it will be disappointing to see them unemployed.

"Uh-huh!" The old Taoist cleared his throat. "Then tell me about five hundred years ago ..."

"Master, change. The story of the god of war has been recognized. " The little Taoist interrupted impatiently.

Well, it seems that we can only make up one now. The old Taoist priest got entangled in it and began to make it up. "Once upon a time, there was a mountain, and there was a seat in it …" When the old monk began to speak, he was interrupted by the young monk. "There is a temple in the mountains. There are two monks, one old and one young." Yes, master, I have heard all about it. "The young monk muttered.

"We don't tell the story of monks. Today we tell the story of a big devil. " The disturbed old Taoist priest is a little embarrassed. According to his original idea, this is indeed the case, and he has to change his statement. There is a palace in the mountain, and there is a big devil there. The Great Devil has all kinds of treasures and can enjoy all kinds of delicious food. I don't remember anything else, except the best beggar chicken mentioned by Master, which left an indelible mark on the mind of the little Taoist.

At the age of eighteen, master finally allowed him to go down the mountain, euphemistically called calendar training, before he could achieve great things. When they parted, both of them were reluctant to go. The little Taoist shed tears and got the old Taoist's robe wet. Finally, the old Taoist took out a sword and carefully handed it to the little Taoist. "This sword must not leave the body, and it can save lives at a critical time." The old Taoist priest has a dignified face.

"But, master, you never taught me how to use a sword."

"Well, it doesn't matter. This sword is wonderful, you will know later. "

In fact, the old Taoist priest is talking nonsense again, and he doesn't know what the magic use of that sword is. It's just that when I found the little Taoist, I threw a sword next to him and thought it should have something to do with him. Now it's returned to its original owner.

As soon as the little Taoist priest left, the old Taoist priest closed the Taoist temple, changed his clothes, rang a bell and went down from the other side. After a long time, I was really impressed. In fact, it is one hundred miles in Fiona Fang. I've collected everything I can eat and dig. Seeing that the innocent mountain has become a hopeless mountain, the old Taoist priest can't afford to keep the little Taoist priest, so he has to leave here and go his own way.

As the old Taoist priest walked, he became melancholy again. He remembered his horoscope last night and estimated that the Taoist priest would face a catastrophe in his life. Whether it can be solved depends on his fate. "Apprentice, I hope you are lucky."

Let's talk about the first time that the little Taoist priest went down the mountain, he wanted to show his skill by using the magic-reducing technique taught by Master, but he was disappointed to find that there was not even a ghost in peace and prosperity now. In desperation, I had to open a private business office, specializing in finding people and things, charging a meager salary and barely living.

Today, the Wangs lost a pet dog, picked it up, followed it to Aunt Zhao's house in the neighboring village, and saw the male dog in heat riding on Aunt Zhao's bitch and playing hooligans. Tomorrow, the courtesan's concubine disappeared. I pinched a treasure-finder and found the master's bedroom all the way. Also, I helped Mrs. Li Sheng find those smelly and worn boots where Li Sheng hid her private money. ...

"God, can you open your eyes and let me show my talents, earn more money and try beggar chicken!" Another afternoon, the young monk drooled and complained to the signboard beggar chicken in Zui Xiang Building.

This time, the ancient innocence opened her eyes. "Can Taoist priests catch ghosts?" Two policemen dragged the little Taoist priest and ran all the way into the county magistrate's house.

Wang Ba, the precious son of the county magistrate, went hunting in the suburbs. When he came back, he was out of her wits, shaking into a sieve, still chanting "monster, monster, don't kill me ..."

The little Taoist practiced Daoism a little according to Master's instruction, and Wang Ba's godless eyes began to lose focus and gradually calmed down. He bowed to the county grandfather and said, "This is a fox demon. Take this intoxicating water sooner or later so that your son can recover!" "

Hearing this, Wang Ba rolled over and got out of bed, pulling the young Taoist priest with a patched cassock and pleading, "Taoist, help! This demon claims to be a precious mother, which can harm people's lives. Please ask the Taoist priest to subdue the demon. "

"For the safety of the people, please take a long shot. If you can subdue this demon, my official will be grateful. " On the surface, the county grandfather is respectful and obedient. He looks like an honest official who cares about the country and the people, but he hates it at heart. If he catches this demon, he will cramp and skin, and dare to make my son suffer. Hum!

The little Taoist priest doesn't know the evil intentions of the county grandfather. He only said that he could not only kill people, but also get paid, and he readily agreed. This is really a good thing that the ancestral graves are smoking. His heart is beating with joy, begging for the chicken, I will come, la la la. ...

That night, the little Taoist priest lived in the dilapidated Chenghuang Temple with his equipment and a certain victory.

You see this night, thunder and lightning, stormy weather, the wind outside the temple roared like a beast. In the dilapidated temple, only the faint candlelight is about to go out. Seeing this posture, the little Taoist priest could not help secretly complaining. He was so embarrassed that his cowhide blew his head off. He made such a big noise that he had to be decorated by a thousand-year-old demon Can this subdue him?

You can't stay here for long, it's important to save your life. The little Taoist priest was shaking and twisting in the corner, and he was almost at the gate. Crashed with a clash, the door suddenly burst open, and the little Taoist subconsciously blocked his eyes with his hand. A wet, hairy thing hit itself. The young monk stumbled and sat down on the ground.

"It's over, it's over, my life is over."

I haven't seen the monster for a long time. The little Taoist secretly opened his eyes. There is no such thing as a thousand-year-old demon in my arms. He is just a little white fox, trembling in his arms.

"Taoist save me." Little fox talks a lot, has beautiful eyes, and is cute and lovable.

"How to save?" The little Taoist is very curious.

"The sky is going to split me, please protect me."

"Hey, did you bring this thunder and lightning?"

"Well, I'm in Du Jie. If I can't escape this robbery, I will be scared out of my wits. "

Oh, my God, did he hear me right? A demon asked for help, Du Jie? Speak out and don't be laughed at by your peers. If I can't save it, I really can't bear it; Save it. Maybe you'll die.

Looking at the fox's eyeful expectation, the little Taoist can't help but feel that he has nowhere to display his skills along the way and has been left out and looked down upon. I finally met a demon, dared to entrust my life, and gave birth to a little appreciation for each other in my heart. Let nature take its course and focus only on this trust. Even if I give my life, I will fully protect it.

Another flash of lightning and a loud noise overhead. The little Taoist held the little fox tightly, holding a sword in his hand. Before I could recite the mantra, I just felt that the ruined temple was split in half with a flash of white light. A man and a fox are just standing on the ruins. A burning smell seems to be coming from overhead. The heavy rain stopped, the thunder passed and he didn't die. It's just that his hair is all hairy, his eyebrows are all burnt, and his whole face is black charcoal, emitting smoke.

The little Taoist took out his mirror and looked at it. He was so sad that he burst into tears He thinks he is at least a handsome man. He is ashamed. He is not a ghost. Fortunately, there is no discomfort except fever. It's just that the sword in my hand is slightly hot. "This sword can really save lives? It seems that what Master said is true. " The little Taoist priest secretly marveled.

The fox who survived the robbery was grateful, but temporarily lost his magic and needed to go back to the cave to practice.

"Thank you for saving his life. If necessary in the future, my mother will go through fire and water. " Fox learned to be a man and bowed down to Ying Ying, a little Taoist.

"Zhen niang, you are zhen niang, Wang Ba, the son of the county too ye, do you know? Why did you hurt someone that day? " The little Taoist was disappointed, which was far from the evil spirits he wanted to get rid of quickly.

"Jane niang since the practice, no harm. On that day, the wind was clear and the moon was white, and I was an adult. Later, Wang Ba came back from hunting and happened to pass by. When he saw the emergence of the slave family, he had an active idea, and he became strong for the slave family in advance. I just punished him a little, scared him, and didn't hurt his life. Why did the wicked complain first? "

"Is this true?"

"Jane niang swear to the apocalypse, if there is false, let the lightning to split. Only the county magistrate and others are not good people, please be careful. "

Confirmed his eyes, the little Taoist believed the little fox's words. Although he didn't subdue the demon, he made a big deal and gave an account to the county grandfather.

Just, such a plot, how to answer. The little Taoist thought for a long time, and this plan came into being in his heart.

When I arrived at the county government, the county grandfather almost didn't recognize it. This is the little Taoist priest of that day, with a dark body and only a shiny white tooth. However, I saw him painting and spitting, from three strokes in the morning to the branches on the moon, how to fight the monster, how to cast a spell to return it to its original shape and drive it out of the territory of Qingyun County. It was described as a storyteller, which made the main officials see it with their own eyes. Finally, the county grandfather had to believe that the fox demon had left, and the matter was over. He gave a few pieces of silver casually and sent the little Taoist away.

The little Taoist here got the money, and went to the Zui Xiang Building at the first time, and ordered the most delicious beggar chicken. That smell is really intoxicating and I can't extricate myself. "Wine and meat wear intestines, happy as a fairy. Such food should be shared with friends. " The little Taoist was disappointed. Where to find friends now, he thought that foxes were admiring each other.

By the way, the little fox was injured and just ate chicken to make up for it. Determined, he packed three chickens and walked to the suburbs with a pot of wine.

As soon as the young monk left, Wang Ba asked his father to send someone to follow him all the way. He didn't believe the story that the little Taoist priest beat away the monster. Maybe they colluded with each other. I heard that the white fox's skin is priceless, and it's just a fox fur coat for Tianxiangge. Isn't it beautiful? If what the Taoist priest said is true, the fox was seriously injured, and it is time to do it.

At the mouth of the cave, the leader below flew back to report to the county grandfather. To be on the safe side, the county grandfather took a large group of people and villagers and surrounded the cave in a mighty way.

The little Taoist priest and the fox were having fun when they suddenly heard many people talking. As soon as he came out of the hole with the fox in his arms, he was surrounded by a large crowd. Headed by County Grandfather and Wang Ba.

Before the Taoist priest could react, County Grandfather and Wang Ba began to denounce Fox's "Article 80" crime in turn. They lost the bet, from Zhao family to Qian family, from Sun family's daughter-in-law to Li family's dead sow, whether it was a natural disaster or a great disaster, it was all caused by the fox demon. Listening to the articulate list of the county grandfather, the ignorant villagers suddenly realized that the bad luck was brought by this damn fox demon.

The evil of human nature is like an abyss. The depression and pain that once had nowhere to vent, through the body of the fox demon, broke through the dam like a flood, spewing out and unstoppable. The villagers who were originally afraid, after witnessing the weakness of the fox demon, were angry from the heart and evil to the edge of being brave. "Kill the fox demon, keep safe, kill the fox demon, keep safe." I don't know who started it, but the villagers raised their torches and fists with indignation. They had to cramp and skin-scrape to settle their grievances.

Little Taoist priests have the power to subdue demons, but they have no time to deal with people. I don't know why, but a voice in my heart firmly told him to protect the integrity of the fox even if he died.

"The fox is not a demon that hurts people. You can't do this to it. "

The little Taoist held the little fox tightly, so as not to let anyone hurt it and let his fists rain on him. In a trance, he felt that he was not holding a little fox in his arms, but a gentle and beloved woman.

Fox's eyes are dripping with tears like pearls. He struggled desperately to get rid of this hug. "You idiot, let me go. If you go on like this, you will die. " Seeing that he wouldn't let go, the young monk turned and begged the villagers, "Please let him go, and if you want to kill him, come and beat me ..."

County too ye aside sneer at a way. "Fight, fight to the death, don't let the fox demon do anything!" "Who told me, this boy caught him in bed, let him open the county grandfather, and the big cuckold husband on his head became a joke in people's spare time. It is also a pleasure to avenge the old hatred together.

Remembering being fooled by the fox that day, Wang Ba even picked up a stick and hit it with a heavy stick. The forehead of the little Taoist priest was completely struck by thunder, and blood burst out instantly. "I'm sorry, Jane, I broke my word again." The little Taoist slowly closed his eyes, and he was infinitely reluctant and pitied.

Just like being struck by lightning, scenes flashed through the fox's mind.

Five hundred years ago, her name was Bai Zhen, and she was the fox king who dominated the party. She is dignified and uncomfortable. He is the god of ink feather, the god of war in the celestial world, and a castle peak sword, which makes him superb. The Emperor of Heaven ordered him to make her immortal.

A fairy can't be a demon. She blamed the intervention of heaven. On a whim, don't seduce the god of war, just watch your jokes in the celestial world.

Unexpectedly, getting along with him day and night, she was moved by the true feelings. Since then, the husband and wife have returned to their hometowns, only admiring Yuanyang and not admiring immortals. That's not bad. Fairy and demon fall in love, and heaven has no face. The Emperor of Heaven sent his troops to capture him several times. Why did the God of War not live up to its name? They were all scared and at a loss. Later, there was a demon dragon in the East China Sea, which caused untold sufferings. The gods were defeated and the god of war had to leave.

On the occasion of parting, Mo Yu repeatedly told Bai Zhen not to cross the boundaries set by himself, and when he returned home in triumph, he would certainly get the promise of the Emperor of Heaven. Unexpectedly, she was betrayed by a traitor and took out of the boundary to heaven. God locked her in the demon tower and beat her with 998 1 day, just to beat the shit out of her and make Mo Yu miss her.

Just before the last thunder, Mo Yu arrived. Thanks to the elixir given by the medicine god, Mo Yu melted into her body with spiritual power and saved her last soul. Ink feather eyes with blood, green mans sword flashing cold light, coldly pointing to the high above the people, "if she died, I will let the world buried for it! ! ! "Then, the god of war let out a piercing scream.

This roar only shook the pavilion for nine days, and the four seas trembled three times.

Heaven emperor didn't expect him to be so affectionate, and he knew that he could bear it. He had to acquiesce in his ten thousand-year practice to collect her soul, settle her spirit, * * * escape into reincarnation and give birth to ten generations.

Come on, maybe after the tenth, the god of war will forget this feeling, and it is impossible to return to his position at the end of the world. The Emperor of Heaven said to himself.

For the first time, he was the emperor of the world. When the golden wind and the jade dew met, the emperor only had beauty in his eyes, and Jiangshan lost its color. Unexpectedly, she was given a white silk by the queen mother and died on the beam. He didn't have time to protect her. Second, he is a good soldier and invincible. She is his beloved wife and sings with her husband. When he was guarding Liancheng and ran out of ammunition, she committed suicide to feed the soldiers, and he had no time to stop her. The third generation, he is a gifted scholar and she is a beauty. They got married without speculation. Originally, the couple loved each other deeply, but they were abandoned by my mother for many years and finally died of depression. He can't fight. ...

From generation to generation, they are always destined to be together, and they can't be together. He never had time to protect her.

Until the tenth generation, the little fox was reincarnated into a fox. When the Taoist priest was seven years old, the injured fox went to Innocent Mountain. By chance, he ate the fruit that the little Taoist gave him. Listen to the little Taoist saying it's a fairy fruit, and the old Taoist saying it only takes a hundred years to see it. Eating it can boost your skill. Although there was only one, the kind little Taoist did not hesitate to feed it into the fox's mouth. It was sour, but the fox's heart was My Sweetie. Later, Fox cultivated her human form in advance, but she didn't know the little Taoist priest, and he didn't have time to witness her beauty. ...

Suddenly, the little Taoist priest on the ground disappeared, but the sword that fell to the ground gave off blue light. Suddenly, it flew slowly and fell into the hands of a man who used to be a little Taoist priest. No, it should be called the god of Mo Yu now. At this time, he changed his old laziness, stroking the hilt, drawing his sword out of its sheath, and his momentum was like a rainbow, making people afraid to look straight.

I saw his sword swept away, and the heads and heads of County Grandfather and Wang Ba were separated. They were so scared that they lost their torches and cried for mercy that they could not afford to bow down.

"If you dare to make me suffer, death is not enough." The thin lips of the god of war are faint and expressionless.

The fairy in the sky and clouds is too white to be ashamed, and this god of war is too bitter. It seems that this trip is a difficult task.

"Jane, I'm going to be late." He put his finger on the fox's head and the fox slowly turned into a girl.

Beautiful eyes flow, a clever smile, a "xianggong", clamoring for the cold-faced god of war, instantly turned into soft fingers. Taibai can't help hiding his face, and an old face is crying. "It's fucking touching. After so many generations, there is still no way. " The boy next to him sobbed and whispered, "Master, get to the point."

"Hmm ... Hum ..." Taibai cleared his throat and wiped his nose, interrupting the following two people. I saw him solemnly handing over and saying, "Welcome back the God of War. The immortals have been waiting in heaven for a long time. Please ask the God of War ... "Before Taibai finished, he saw an impatiently waving his sleeve below. "Jane's soul is complete. Tell the man above that there is only one little Taoist priest and no god of war. Leave me alone. "

Say that finish, the god of war held his little wife and left with his royal sword. Leaving only Taibai and Warawako dumbfounded in the clouds.

Taibai thought twice, but didn't dare to repeat the original words. He only said that in the reincarnation of the God of War, the world was broken and crazy, and he couldn't afford such a heavy responsibility.

The Emperor of Heaven didn't know that when he saw that the world was at peace and there was no war for the time being, he thought he was really indefensible. Taibai not only explained this, but also rounded God's face and let him go.

A few years later, a little doll carved from jade powder pestered a handsome young man to tell a story. The young man hugged a charming woman, picked up the little doll and began his story.

"Once upon a time, there was a mountain with scenery in it ..."