Ancient and modern humorous jokes

An 8-year-old woman walked into a physiotherapy clinic and said to the doctor; Doctor, I have difficulty falling asleep recently, and I can't sleep until 12 o'clock at night! The doctor recommended a course of pedicure for her to dredge meridians and improve microcirculation, so as to ensure that the old lady can eat well and sleep well. The old lady was overjoyed, thinking that she could still make people eat well-magic. The old lady asked the doctor how much is a course of treatment? The doctor said; Ten thousand. Water the flowers and roots, and the cure must start with the feet. The old lady did a course of pedicure and it didn't work. What should the doctor do? The doctor recommended hand therapy for her. The old lady asked how much is a course of treatment? The doctor said 1 thousand, fingers connected to heart, hand therapy is definitely the right way. The old lady did a course of hand therapy, but it still didn't work. What should the doctor do? The doctor recommended a head treatment for her. The old lady asked how much is a course of treatment? The doctor said 1 thousand, everything is difficult at the beginning. It seems that your illness is all on your head. If you solve the problem at the beginning, you will be fine. The old lady had another course of scalp treatment, and she couldn't sleep after 12 o'clock in the night, which turned into insomnia all night. The old lady was anxious and asked the doctor what to do. The doctor said; Once again, it's the same as before, but you have to take it again. The old lady said lovingly; If I spend 3 thousand to do it again, another person in my family will have difficulty sleeping! Who did the doctor ask? The old lady said; My eighty-year-old wife!

The violent conversation on the bus

I heard it wrong

A foreigner took a 5-yuan ticket and waved it in front of the conductor: Have you seen it? Have you seen it? .....

The ticket seller was stupid, so he simply took out a 1-dollar Show: Have you seen it?

I finally realized that the man wanted to go to "Jianguomen!"

car chase

I caught the bus in the morning, and when I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "At this moment, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me," Don't chase Bajie. "

Pull ring

A very fat woman got on the bus and couldn't find a seat, so she had to pull the pull ring on the bus. Unexpectedly, the driver braked suddenly, and the fat woman pulled the pull ring and jumped in front of the driver. The driver looked at her and the pull ring in her hand and said angrily, "There are three sets, so send the driver an autographed photo!"

Classic slip of the tongue on campus

4. When I went to physical education class in junior high school, I was sick that day. After I asked everyone to line up, I originally wanted to give the leave note to the PE teacher, but I didn't realize it. After saying "I take a leave"

, everyone laughed wildly, and some people said "bribery" and "corruption". . .

5. The director of the Political and Educational Affairs Office of senior high school criticized some boys who like to watch XXXXX at a school report meeting: "They are not proud, but ashamed" and laughed a lot.

6. On the playground, the teacher said: the male students stood on my left, the female students stood on my right, and the others stood still ... As a result, he didn't move.

13. One teacher stayed up all night. Don't wipe the blackboard! "

2. I once watched Dou Wen Tao talk about his embarrassing incident when he was just the host, but I never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What impressed me most was that he said that when he was hosting a party, he calmly went up and said affectionately, "Friends, have you seen the Yellow River?" Do you know that it is our mother river ~ ~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said," Let's listen to Song of the Yangtze River "

21. When I went to have a physical examination in my class in high school, my classmate took my blood pressure by one millimeter and found that it was actually a male classmate in junior high school. It seemed that I was practicing there, and the sleeves of that mm could never be pulled up. When I was in a hurry, I said to that boy, Why don't I put my pants on? The boy's face turned red and said, Oh, no need. That mm probably died of cold

23. I met a girl I've been longing for for for a long time coming out of the bathhouse, trying to make friends, and held back for a long time and said, "Are there many men in the shower?"

25. When I visited the factory and saw an assembly line, I blurted out, "What goods are produced by this abortion line?"

26. On the way, I mistook one person for another and slapped him hard. The person turned around and tried to eat me. When I was nervous, I said, "It doesn't matter, I mistook my name ...

3. When I opened my mouth, I asked," Dad, where are you? " The parents on the other side of the phone are all stunned. Answer: "I am at work!

1. Recently, the company organized a singing competition, and the manager suggested that everyone join in and have a chorus, which can fully reflect the cohesion of all employees. The song was chosen as "We are all a family". On Wednesday afternoon, the game went on as scheduled. When the employees walked on the stage with neat steps, the manager stepped forward: "We present a little chorus for everyone, and the name of the song is" We are all human "..."

2. In class, the teacher asked the students to judge right and wrong on the spot.

teacher: "Xiao Lin, please judge."

Xiao Lin: "I think the answer should be' wrong'."

teacher: "why?"

Xiao Lin: "Because Xiaoyan said' correct' earlier, but you didn't ask her to sit down."

3. On a dark night, a woman in white with long hair was sitting in the last seat of the last bus.

The bus was moving forward, and the driver glanced at the rearview mirror and suddenly found that the woman was gone. He braked quickly, opened his eyes and looked closely. The woman appeared again, and the driver's heart beat faster with fear.

After a while, he took another look in the rearview mirror, and found that the woman was gone again. He quickly braked, but found that the woman was covered with blood! The driver turned pale with fear and his legs went weak, but he heard the woman say, "Brother, I have a grudge against you. You will brake as soon as I tie my shoelaces."

4. A medical college director took a group of students to a hospital for clinical practice. Before coming to a certain ward, the director said, "Go in later, let's have a look, diagnose the patient's condition, think about what his illness is, nod if you know it, and shake your head if you don't know it."

A Sheng went in and looked at it for a while. He bit his pen and thought about it, then shook his head helplessly. In B, he looked and shook his head helplessly. Then C went in, sighed, shook his head and came out. When Ding Sheng walked in, he saw that the patient rushed out of bed, grabbed him with tears on his face and said, "Doctor, please help me, I don't want to die!"