What are some great jokes that make people laugh?

1. A beautiful girl occupied the ATM for a long time and issued a receipt from time to time. I was waiting impatiently in line at the back. I stretched my head and took a look and found that her screen actually showed: "Insufficient balance". I saw that this girl was still pressing the withdrawal button, collecting the typed receipts one by one. About 5 minutes passed, and I saw this beautiful girl rushing to the public toilet with a pile of bank receipts. . .

2. At the thank-you banquet, a classmate said to the teacher: "Good teacher, I must give you a toast! You are so kind to me. Every time you finish a question, you are the first to ask me if I understand. "The teacher said: "Actually, I think if you understand, everyone will understand..."

3. I was drying my hair just after taking a shower, and my phone rang! Let my mother pick it up for me first. . . I saw my mother pick up the phone, look at the screen, and shout "Dad!" with a silvery laugh. . . Then he was stunned for 3 seconds and quickly threw the phone to me! I was also confused at the time. . . He picked up the phone and said, "Hello? Grandpa!" . . Then. . . I heard my dad's lonely voice on the other end of the phone: "Who are you?"

4. Cats are very delicate. In the afternoon at a friend's house, her cat lay sleeping behind my butt. I drank too much beer. I accidentally farted on the cat's head. As a result, the cat stood up with a squeal, fluttered its hands in front of its eyes a few times, fell backwards, passed out, and stood up straight. It scared dad to death. . . My friend quickly carried him to the pet hospital. Later, my friend called and said that he was diagnosed with alcoholism and asked me to visit and apologize to the cat.

5. A friend lent me 500 yuan and didn’t pay it back for a long time, and I was too embarrassed to ask for it. So every time we went to KTV to sing, I would order "Your Backpack", and at the last line I would sing to him affectionately: "Why don't you return something you borrowed?" He applauded me without knowing it: " He sang so well." I'm speechless...

6. In junior high school, I sat in the last row of Chinese language class and played poker with a classmate, which was boring. I took a handful of three old kings and said, run five laps. He said, follow, plus ten turns. I glanced at him, are you sure? He said, sure, plus breakfast tomorrow morning. I said, open. You show your cards first. He shot a JQK straight. I show three old kings and you lose. He stood up suddenly, pointed at me and said, "Teacher, he plays poker in class."

7. A grandma who has been smoking for most of her life said: "Granddaughter, never marry someone who has quit smoking." I was very puzzled and asked her why. She said: "Men who have quit smoking are cruel! Think about it, even if you quit smoking, you still can't do anything!" After hearing this, the grandfather said to his grandson: "You must not be successful in losing weight when looking for a partner. A woman! A woman can even control her mouth, what else can she not be cruel about?"~

8. A man on the bus was waiting for an opportunity to steal a female passenger's necklace. The moment the bus stopped, With lightning speed, he grabbed her necklace and rushed to the back door to escape, but the back door did not open... because the driver stopped not because he had arrived at the stop, but because the light was red!

9. One day I went hunting for treasures in an antique store. The shop owner has a keen eye and sees that I am a stickler. So, after a long conversation that made me faint, he boldly said: "Look no matter what you look at, they are all genuine!" I slowly turned to a pile of bronzes and suddenly saw a bronze bust of Chairman Mao, which was old-fashioned but very imposing. foot. Holding it in the palm of my hand and playing with it, I discovered that under the bronze statue there was written: "Imperial System in the Year of Qianlong."

10. Received a call from a scammer: "Mr. "Hello, I'm not the Mr. xxx you're looking for." "We have a lot of summonses. Please tell me your name. I'll check if the staff made a mistake." "My surname is Mr. Cao." . "My name is Cao Nima" Dududu...

11. If a fat girl starts to gain weight and keeps buying clothes that are loose, cover the flesh, look slimming, and cover the buttocks and thighs, Then half a year later, she will still be a fat person; but if she bought short, tight, and one size smaller clothes from the beginning, then if you look at it, in half a year she will become...a very conspicuous fat person in the crowd. .

12. The students at the same table always get distracted during class. One day during class, he secretly played with his mobile phone again, and was discovered by the head teacher who was patrolling outside the classroom. The class teacher took out his mobile phone and sent him a message: Why don't you pay attention to the class? The deskmate replied in confusion: Who are you? The head teacher sent him another text message: Look out the window.

The classmate glanced out the window and replied: Thank you for reminding me, we will talk later, our class teacher is staring out the window! ! !

13. If I can’t get married, my brother comforts me like this: I believe that a tasteful and down-to-earth female diaosi like you, who listens to music and divine comedies, only watches idol dramas, will one day be able to marry. A tall, mighty, pure man wearing a thick gold necklace drives a motorcycle with a heavy bass and plays in the most dazzling ethnic style to marry you. . .

14. My buddy bought a 2-yuan ring and ran to the West Lake to act like he was rich and handsome. He pinched the diamond ring with his left hand and pretended to be hysterical on the phone with his right hand: "Are you really not going to marry me?" Do you really not want to be with me? Then break up! Never be together again! Then he made an extremely cool move - threw his cell phone into the lake. ”

15. Yesterday afternoon in the library, a boy’s cell phone rang. In order not to disturb everyone, he rushed out at a speed of 80 miles. However, the ringing of the cell phone did not stop, and the guy quickly I ran back and said, I forgot to bring my phone...

16. I was eating in the restaurant, and suddenly I saw the smell of perfume on the other side. The diaosi couldn't stand it anymore, and she lost her appetite for food. Then she thought about it and finally took off her shoes... NND! Now everyone can't eat anymore...

17. One day, I was sitting next to a strange aunt on the bus. When her cell phone rang, she answered the phone and said cheerfully: "Ah, I'm not free this morning!" I have to accompany Huihui to the hospital for an abortion! "The crowded car became quiet for an instant... I glanced at the aunt beside me, and when I turned back, I found that everyone in the car was staring at me. But I am really not Huihui.

18 , the company was recruiting, but unexpectedly, it recruited a top-notch beauty. The company's most popular girl always liked to flirt with women. One day, in front of the beautiful girl, the second-girl girl said "uh-huh" loudly. The beautiful girl was very kind! She said understandingly: Do you have a cold? The sexy girl nodded excitedly: "Then you can stay as far away from me as you want...!" Colleagues laughed collectively. .

19. The couple were shopping and while walking, they discussed the issue of sexual harassment. The husband suddenly reached out and quickly touched his wife's breasts, and then asked: "Is this considered sexual harassment?" The wife was furious and said to her husband: "Please! You are outside now!" The husband looked confused and asked his wife: "How far should you reach?" Does it count inside? ”

20. I’m really helpless~ Dad didn’t come home until after twelve o’clock in the evening, but I clearly remembered that he went out to walk the dog in the afternoon! Don't answer the phone! Mom is also very angry! So he armed himself and went out to find his father. When I finally found it in the mahjong parlor, I was looking at the dog with my face full of mistakes. I was squatting in my father’s arms and looking at the cards attentively...

21. At noon, there were thousands of troops and thousands of arrows in the cafeteria for lunch. Fa rushed towards the cafeteria like this. One day, the two brothers finally rushed to the front. Suddenly A tripped on a staircase in the cafeteria and his lunch box fell to the side. B immediately turned to look at A with concern. A looked up and said: "Leave me alone! Run." ! ! Remember to give me some paper after lunch.”

22. When I came to this company for an interview just after graduating from college, the boss said to me seriously: Although the salary is not much, you can do it. Gaining rapid growth here is the most important thing for young people. Now, two years later, my boss did not lie to me. I already look like a 40-year-old man.

23. That day when Xiao Wang was squeezing into the bus, a short and fat woman beside him swayed and stepped on his foot. The woman turned around and asked, "Did it hurt you to step on you?" Seeing her feeling so guilty, Xiao Wang felt hot in his heart, so he shook his head in embarrassment and said, "It doesn't hurt too much." As soon as he finished speaking, the woman immediately said excitedly: " Haha, so my weight loss is finally effective! These days, I have stepped on many people's feet, but you are the only one who said it didn't hurt very much.

24. During the afternoon break, a petite beauty was in the class. Wiping the blackboard. Because she was not tall, there was a large area that could not be wiped even when standing on tiptoes. The way she tried so hard aroused my protective desire! Without saying anything, I walked up and said to her kindly: " Let me help you. She looked very touched and said, "Thank you." "Then I put my arms around her waist and lifted her up.

25. Nowadays, many people refer to "zi" as "paper". A female classmate often acted cute like this, so one day, The woman was reading in the library after catching a cold and ran out of paper towels. She texted her roommate and said, "Bring two packs of paper when you come over."

"After a while, my roommate came over, holding two buns in his hand...

26. One night in the self-study class in college, I wanted to make a fool of my classmate. I stuck a piece of paper behind him , there was a pig drawn on the paper. There was a very fat girl at the table behind him. When the fat girl saw it, she laughed loudly and loudly. The monitor asked her why she was laughing and pointed at the monitor. "There is a pig behind you..."

27. Yesterday, I went to the university opposite the company to watch the relay competition of the student sports meeting. I saw a boy running forward with all his strength. When the baton was about to be handed over, I was in the front row. A teacher yelled: "Hold on! Secure connection! Stay connected! "Then the two boys paused, looked at each other and considered for half a second, and then hugged each other and kissed...

28. Last night, the dormitory boys had just fallen asleep when the phone rang suddenly. , the guy closest to the phone reluctantly got up to answer the phone, and several others said it was from the dormitory, so they picked up whoever had the phone and threw him out of the dormitory. Amidst the sound of criticism, the phone was picked up, and a shy voice came from the other end of the phone. The boy's voice: "Please call Wang Tingting. The buddy who answered the phone sneered and said quietly: "She's asleep!" "Then hang up the phone and pull out the line~~~

29. At noon, a female colleague in the company went out to eat and left her mobile phone at work. Then her husband kept calling, and a buddy next to him finished his meal and took a nap. The ringing was very annoying. After the phone rang for the Nth time, my brother picked up the phone angrily and yelled: "We are sleeping, and you are always on the phone. Are you annoying?" "Then she hung up. The phone stopped ringing. An hour later, her husband appeared at the door of the company uncomfortably...

30. One day, in the middle of the physical education class, she went to the bathroom to solve a personal problem. The result In a hurry, I accidentally entered the men's room and saw a boy peeing in the urinal. I was blinded at the moment. After a second, I was about to retreat quietly, but I was discovered and fainted. I saw the boy shouting "Rogue, indecent". Then I covered my chest with both hands. Later, I said something that I found incredible: "Classmate, you covered your chest in the wrong place..."